Attack of the womanlies... this whole week has been wasted. I got through work on caffeine and sugar and slept through my days off. I stuffed my face with junk. My selftan is completely gone. I didn't even wash my hair. I think I should wash my hair at least once a week. Because during this week the dead skin cells started clumping together and looked like dandruff. Didn't have that last week. And that has me sad, because I kinda like the scent my hair has developed. It's this warm, kinda earthy and herby smell like I imagine Xena's hair would have had. Like how my skin smells when I get caught in the rain and my body kicks the furnace up a few notches and the water has started to evaporate. Me like! Too bad I can't get this scent without getting lazybones dandruff too! Oh well....Mom says my hair stinks. So I guess normal people wouldn't like it. Eh.
Seems like that senority lady had a talking to. Her sales are down where the last cos lady's was, and the shave reset and another reset were done when I came back. She also started giving away all those "in store demos" that don't get used. How the hell does a drugstore demo anything other than maybe foundation? We don't have the supplies! I got sunscreens and some hair stuff. Specifically a 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner and a hair gel. How is a drugstore supposed to demo shampoo? Send the customer into the bathroom sink? This isn't Sephora where we have tiny bottles we can fill with a 1 use sample! So yea I added to my hair stash but it was free so how could I say no?
Not much going on. I've wasted another week of my life. I do feel better having had all that rest, but still I can't get that time back. Still having trouble with the 3rd comic...it's Trixie once again. I can't draw so none of my characters look realistic, so how to make Trixie look even less realistic? I even pulled up a few pics of Courntey Stodden for reference. Dunno if I spelled her name right but she's just another fameho known for plastic surgery.
Overhearing Mom talking politics to someone on the phone. If romney gets elected us poor people are so screwed.
And you know what? Even if I was a millionaire I could never vote for romney cuz he's so antu-gay and anti-woman. His policies would set civil rights for women and gays back several decades. He's just bad for people. And don't people matter more than money?

I'm depressed now. Moving on...
tried some chobani greek yogurt. The vanilla is too bitter for me, but the strawberry I could eat again. Also tried some organic milk. It tasted very weird..bleh. turns out the processing used to make it shelf stable is to blame. Yup, the organic milk I tried was outside the coolers. These little drinkboxes I thought would be better than buying a huge gallon jug since i'd never had organic milk before. I get why they do it though. There aren't as many organic dairyfarms as there are the other kind so the milk has to travel farther and this shelf stble form is good for 6 months. Maybe the flavored milk will taste better. I know I don't like the plain.
I should really go try to do something productive on my last day off.

It's like 330am cuz dumbass me played sims until my brain calmed down enough to feel sleepy should have just come straight here and blogged til sleepy.
not sure how well I should say I'm doing. I've gone sadly over the cal counts for this 3day diet too. The idea was always to edge down to where it was a 3day liquid fast but I guess I need food to repair damage done by being on my feet for so long?
the only thing I've done right is almost no junk food... but that's only because there isn't any in the house. Mom brings home church food or a pizza or milkshake and that's been it as far as junk. I've over my cal plan, but I'm still on the planned foods. Partial yay?
been trying lots of single serve greek yogurts. Umm... how can I say this nicely? Greek yogurt is an aquired taste. Which I have not yet aquired :/ bleh..... I like one of them this far, and it was a dannon oikos fruit on the botttom one. In peach. Kinda yummy for.... 160cals I think it was? Don't remember... I also got more smoothies, including that bolthouse farms berry boost that was quite yummy. So trying a few different bolthouse farms flavors and a few from a brand called Naked.... yup that's their name. I also have my fiber one brownies. And my cup-a-soups. And tomato juice instead of orange juice. And ofc I'm busting through my food bar stash. So... yea... over tehe cal limits but still on the planned foods. Partial victory. Should try to sleep..one more workday before days off..... is it weird that I have such a hard time sleeping when I have to go to work the next day?

*droool..* WANT!!!

I need to stop reading the forums.longhaircommunity.com place and go do something productive!!! Soooo many interesting posts and threads to read! Even though I'm a super fine hair and many of those toys won't work for me (I can only use the lightest plastic hairsticks... and even then they could fall out easy...) but I took like 3 pages of microprinted notes after reading the ENTIRE fine/thin hair thread ( http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=17115 ).. peeps there like these things called Ficcares. Seems Ficcares come in sizes that really do work for most all hair types out there... including mine?
Downside... Ficcares are PRICEY!!!

Take a peek: http://www.ficcare.com/Products.aspx?collId=81

OMG so gorgeous tho... waaaa! Want want want! Save $$ and get one? Means getting lots less junk food.. since i am a serious sugar addict and simple getting healthy isn't enough motivation. Seeing my gross shape in a mirror kinda helps.. but i just ate half the pizza Mom brought home so clearly seeing my grossness doesn't motivate me for more than a few hours. So maybe money could motivate? I want a Ficcare!!!

Meanwhile maybe I'll practice at this: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=98561

Hair taping! i have some lovely green ribbon that I bought years ago when a local fabric store was closing shop. I knew about hair taping when i bought it but haven't figured out quite how to do it. My hair keeps slipping out! But that thread has some youtube links and while my hair is very thin.. maybe I also wasn't using enough ribbon. I'd measure my ribbon by simply doubling the circumference of my head... nowhere near as much as i would have had doing triple the length of my arm as video lady does. vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqbAdvL8kME
Here's another youtube video from another thread that's I've lost track of.. i thought i got it from the thread i mentioned.. oh well.. the girl in this vid has hair that looks more like mine. vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m01wsIn-6zA
We all know how I love an accent! Anyway.... Her hair is still thicker than mine, but closer to my hair than the other nice vid lady.

Also... ZOMG!!! Parandi!!! Paranda? i dunno.. here! http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=91490

I soooo think Peri could pull that off! And we know she has yarn! I think in her most recent video she said something about having some leftover gorgeous fairy shawl yarn that she wasn't sure what to do with? Dunno i need new speakers. Anyway.. her dark hair plus that dreamy sunrise/sunset yarn in a parandi= even more gorgeous Peri than she already is! Idea? Maybe? Also i want a pic of Peri's hair.

Yeesh... yanno stalking Samantha takes up less time than i've spent on these forums! And is cheaper too! I'd love to meet Samantha Ronson... but I also don't see how that's possible. Samantha cannot be bought. But these hairtoys can! AAAAAHHHHH!!! Crap!!
Here's another something pretty.. it requires leaving hair down (ack risking damage and tangles and damage!) but it is soooo pretty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2VL70QDrHc and again with the slight accent heeee. I think that style requires thicker hair than mine tho... she also has a bunch of Lord of the Rings inspired hairstyle videos.. for the elves even! Check out her Arwen braid... from the deleted Arwen at Helm's Deep scene. I remember watching the Special Features with mom where Peter jackson was talking about how he'd realized way too late that putting Arwen in Helm's Deep was just wrong wrong wrong. he was ok with putting the elves there, but putting Arwen there just wasn't working. Ofc Liv Tyler had been in costume and on set and everything before she was written out so there's where the braid came from.. and it is COMPLKICATED! WTF do those elves just spend their days braiding each other's hair or what? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNiQgOonU0s

Hmm... there's talk of Trader Joe's Nourishing Spa shampoo and conditioners as being very good for low prices.. where do i find a Trader Joe's? Moving on..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJj_O7pDgYw i seriously need to crochet! Dunno what i think about front braids that long with a shorter ponytail in back.. but that cap is so cute to me.

Oh look... I managed to stay up[ damn near all night again.. dumbass me!

brief rant, found something interesting..and hair blather

I've got a backdated entry I did in my bedroom when Blogger fell while i was on my phone. I'm still having issues with my phone soo.. here i am on the internet computer when I'm not supposed to be.
It was just a long rant i did when i had a bad headache... about the senority bitch who took over cos and she does nothing but ring people out.. so ofc she's all "look at my sales" and thus far the idiot managers in charge are falling for it. Sadly the smart managers have less power. isn't that how it always works? Anyway she's not facing or cleaning the women's bathroom, or the breakroom, or putting away the truck delivery every week. she sure isn't doing resets. Just sales sales sales. Then she threw me under the bus by saying I just stood there. When i have nothing to do I do stand behind my counter so people know I'm available and where to find me. Otherwise I'm doing resets and those other maintenance chores.

The night i typed that entry in a fury i had a splitting stress headache.. i'd been fighting with a hellacious reset for 2 days in a row. The entire shave/deoderant section is being rebuilt. i had to figure out how to uninstall a lockbox and move it, then reinstall it in its new location, after taking it apart further to adjust the doors. A number of shelve were removed and new basket-shelf fixtures were installed instead.
And i did all this by myself.

In short.. i am not happy.
I am trying to turn this unhappiness into motivation to do more creative work... but how well do anger and frustration translate into creativity?

Right now i have a half-finished 3rd comic on my bedroom computer. i wasn't particularly inspired.. I was just following the doodles in my notebook, which were drawn at a happier time.

i also entered a bunch of Allure and Lucky magazine giveaways... for fun? I did the Allure giveaways last year.. I won a cream blush. Heh... in August Allure has a massive giveaway... every weekday in that month. And i won one item.. oh well, better than nothing. To quote an episode of Angel, "Gotta play to win"

To my dear Peri- Yes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a cool TV series. Damn cool, I think. The movie sucked though. Damn studio hijacked Joss Whedon's vision in the movie.. he had more freedom on tv.

Meanwhile.. I've been following the art of benign neglect on my hair ^_^
Haven't washed it in almost a week, but i have faithfully put a bit of coconut oil on the bottom and brushed it slowly with a Conair boar bristle brush. I do love my Conair brush... I actually have 3 of them that i cycle through so I always have a clean one. Sometimes my brush is cleaner than my hair. I also have been spraying my Bumble & bumble Tonic lotion on it. Tonic's 2nd ingredient is tea tree oil.(1st ingredient is water ofc) followed by peppermint oil and various other oils and extracts... so B&b Tonic is basically diluted tea tree oil with a few extras. And a bit of amodimethicone waaay down the ingredients list. My hair actually likes the lighter silicones. The ones that have "cyclo" in their names are the best, amodimethicone comes next.. and straight up dimethicone makes my hair very sad, it's too heavy. And my dear Got2be Oilicious hair oil that smells sooo good has full dimethicone in it.. sob! My hair looked good for like the first 2 days i used it.. then got stringy and dark and almost sticky. Sigh. My skin loves dimethicone though, especially my dry legs. So i guess I'll use it up as a skin oil.

I'm reading through the archives of the hair forum and found this: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/06/fashion/06locks.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2
Please excuse me for being very pissed off at:
"We hate throwing it away but ultimately we have to clear the place out,” said Greg Taylor, the president and owner of Taylormade. “There is a disparity between the hundreds and hundreds of braids and ponytails and the number of hairpieces we’ve produced.”
Mr. Taylor sells the wigs wholesale to Locks of Love for less than $1,000. Since the charity began in December 1997, it has provided about 2,000 wigs to recipients for free or a reduced price. "

This article was published in 2007. So somehow, in ten f^%$ing years.. only about 2,000 wigs were distributed.

Now go a bit further down and notice that Beautiful Lengths, a Pantene program, distributed 2,000 wigs in the space of one year.
Pantene Beautiful Lengths, started in June last year, [...snip...]distributed 2,000 wigs to women with cancer, said Seth Klugherz, the North American Pantene brand manager.

If Locks of Love hasn't SERIOUSLY fixed how fucked up they are... oh I'm going on the warpath. Why are they complaining that they don't give wigs out? Why are they basically throwing the blame with the whole "But many alopecia sufferers seem unaware that they are the group’s main priority; only about 10 apply for a wig each week, Ms. Coffman said."
Ya know what? It's their job to say "hey! We have wigs for you here! Come get one!"
They have major publicity for getting donations but not for giving the finished product out. Hmph. that's on them.
page 2 also points out how longhairs can even get berated and attacked for growing our hair long for our own enjoyment. That is not cool! And the long-hair interviewed was a forum member... here's the archived thread where she talked about being interviewed.. http://archive.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=70043&page=2

Anyway.... my other pisspoint about the forum is whenever a heartbroken long-hair cries about a terrible terrible experience with a haircutter.. the other haircutters on the forum play the persecution card "You can't say we're all like that how dare you" and then blame the victim "perhaps you weren't clear enough about what you wanted" blah blah blah.

Some hairdressers are shitheads. Deal with it. And shorn longhairs have a right to complain.

Still... lots of useful stuff there thus far and it would be nice to talk strategy with other longhairs. I can always block the stylists ^_^

Anyway back to my hair... amazingly my head does not itch at all. i chalk that up to the tea tree oil in the B&b Tonic. My ends are silky (coconut oil) and my hair, usually a rat's nest, has been almost tangle-free. It does look different. What's weird is it doesn't look oily, possibly because the oil is evenly distributed. Nor does it make my hands greasy. it looks like I have some sort of shag spray on it all over. Like i put a shag spray on wet hair then went clubbing all night or something. And I can use hairsticks, so long as they are light. My hair still falls out after a few hours but it used to fall out in a few seconds!
you know you're a long-hair when you have your hairtoys sorted according to how clean your hair can be without falling out of the toy! ^_^
unfortunately, my hair also looks much thinner right now. Being squeaky clean, even though it makes my head itch, also makes my hair look thicker.
I'm going to try an experiment. Mom wants to go shopping tomorrow and she hates how my hair looks, but I think I can get it to look decent if i put it in a high bun rather than at the nape of my neck, like I do for work. My work bun just looks gelled back so i know the high bun will too... only i'll try to add a few braids. My hair is really well behaved right now. But there's one more thing i also wanted to try...Tonight I'll do a water wash, meaning a gentle but thorough scalp massage under running water (basically washing w imaginary shampoo) followed by my usual coconut oil and B&b Tonic. i don't think a water wash will do anything bad and if all else fails, I can just put more coconut oil on. But I want to see what a waterwash will do.

I want to avoid washing as long as possible because the hair-stash-busting project is going to start with the stylers. Like mousse and sprays. I kinda like the effects those stylers give me, but after reading the ingredients i don't want the stylers on my bare hair. I figure some oil will act as a shield. I also have some texture pastes, though i'm not as worried about those. if I ever get around to cutting my Pride & Prejudice style bangs, a bit of texture paste might help the curls hold. The pastes don't have anything much worse than a bit of wax and polyquats, and bangs get trimmed much more often so I'm less worried about damage.

At some point I will have to use actual shampoo again, obviously. To remove the stylers if nothing else. And I think amodimethicone might eventually build up on my hair. Many longhairs on that forum swear by "washing" their hair with conditioner. And i have a lot of conditioners and deep conditioners and detanglers and leave-in conditioning sprays.

Wow.. I seriously have a challenge to bust the hair care stash.

Other quick update.. the day 1 and day 3 of the 3day fast were good, but day 2 was a total disaster. The stress from work + Mom wanting pizza = total badness. it was sad. I'm gonna try again with this next 3day work stretch.

Also.. I'm still not using the selftanners after finding ones that worked for me. Since i don't fit into any of my shorts it feels like a waste to faketan. Wich is bad thinking.. cuz doing the selftan keeps me too busy to eat, reminds me of my size (motivation) and helps me remember that some things about my appearance are in my control. there's nothing i can do about how thin my hair is or my tisted spine.... but i can do some things.. so why don't i?

ETA at 5am... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNmpzG3BAcM and similar videos on rare genetic issues... I am suddenly feeling a surge of gratitude that a moderate case of scoliosis (double curve w rotation in lower) and bad eyesight are my only issues.
I actually have it pretty damn good.
And Mom is totally going to have to drive for shopping cuz I'm gonna be too sleepy to safely operate a motor vehicle.
Good night.. good morning?

Dear Self....

Please look up the definition of Productivity, because you have not been doing it.

ugh seriously....I've done nothing productive. Work doesn't count because anything I do produce doesn't go to me. It goes to Presumptions'R Us (like my nickname for work? I'm still fine-tuning but yea) and my time off has been wasting playing Sims, playing with my hair, reading the long hair forum and looking at hairtoys. Well I guess going through my hairstash was kinda productive. I have a much better idea of how many hairtoys I have. Most are decorations for a bun, pretty clips and headbands, but I do have some hairsticks, 4. Actually, and. 3 of them are light plastic. I also have 3 different types of hairpins, plus 2 spinpins (love those) I also went thru my hair care produuct stash and hooleeeee shit! The long hair forum has a "use up your stash challenge" thread...I should get an account and join that thread. I did add one hair product when I went grocery shopping yesterday for me and Mom...I got a jar of coconut oil. I got the slightly cheaper stuff since it's for hair, not eating...but yea. Lots of the forum peeps swear by a little coconut oil on the ends.

so there are 2 areas I really need to use up my stash...actually 3 areas.... hair care, bath and body, and diet foods. I have sooo many soap bars & body washes & lotions...and also sooo many processed food bricks ^_^ buffy reference... need to use them uup! Eat a bar instead of junk food! And when bored....play with hair or lotions instead of eating junk ^_^ I've scrubbed my shower & cleaned the tiny bathroom enough to selftan. I found that St Tropez and Charlotte Ronson selftanners both look very natural on me. I prefer the St Tropez mousse as a base, then the Charlotte Ronson cuz it smells so nice and it's a gradual tanner so I don't need gloves. I generally do St Tropez one night & Charlotte Ronson the next. And then I get distracted and the tan fades. Dummy. I should alternate between my 2 selftanners every night for a week & see what color I get.
my weight is holding steady... I haven't reached a new high but I'm still overweight & my Mom is worried about me. She's diabetic & struggles w her weight too, so she doesn't force me to eat ever. But she does bring home leftovers from church functions a lot, because we're poor and it's free food. She often has to ask me for money, not huge amounts. But she'll often be like $100 or $150 short at the end of the month.
I think I'll just take over the grocery shopping. I'm actually pretty good about not buying junk food except those girl scout/nestle crunch bars. Those are soooo good ... they're also limited edition so they won't be around to tempt me forever. When I went grocery shopping yesterday I got kroger's version of Mio (kroger's version is both cheaper and has some B vitamins) and I got zero calorie Propel packets to put in my water bottle. I saw those and remembered Ana Regzig mentioning them long ago. I also got a small Bolthouse Farms berry smoothie...I don't know if it's the same flavor she praised so highly but well....they may have changed the recipe or the name or both by now. I also got tomato juice cuz I loooove cold tomato juice in the summer. Just plaintomato, not V8.
so yea... I should just take over the grocery shopping. We won't run out of milk because I won't let us, I can help financially cuz that 100-150 a month just a little less than Mom spends at the grocery store each month, and I can help myself dietwise by controlling most of the food that is in the house. No more sugary cereals. I haven't eaten them in months yet every so often Mom would bring another one home. And Mom hates grocery shopping... I love it!
and maybe that increased food spending would help me brake my junk spending at Presumptions'R Us? Cuz that's a huge reason why I'm so fat..and a money sink in general. I'm so tired that I've burned all my willpower not punching stupid people so I break and get candy or hair crap or something. Usually candy. Chocolate. And I know if I save my $ I could get something really nice at Sephora but dealing with idiots at work is so draining... ugh! Willpower needs time to build up again!

I've come up with a 3day diet plan to coincide with a 3day work in a row. I usually alternate but with some firings and hirings and some movement across the "depts" (counters really) I'm likely to work 3 days a week, and all in a row. This is kinda nice I think. But willpower will be low. So the idea is to set up my 3day plan so I can just dump my drink mix in and go. To be as little effort as possible.. and when school starts again, even if I don't have class...I'm gonna mark my availability so I keep the 3days in a row. The top senority lady wants to run the makeup counter. She can have it. She wants me there when she's not, and she's full time so i'd get 2 or 3 days most weeks. That's fine. I'll wander the woods, try to write, make myself pretty on my days off. Maybe I'll seek a job at Sephora. Be cool to get an employee discount there!

haven't forgotten my comic. I still work on it. Just still haven random scenes and no storyline. I got notebook doodlings. Think I'll try to follow Peri's advice... just go with it. If the comic sometimes seems disjointed (cuz it is) well maybe that can be part of its charm?

I have got to get on an actual computer. I've been telling myself "no computer internet!" until i had another comic to post. Umm.. yea
The thing is.. I have ideas and even complete scenes in my head... but they're not connected to each other. Writing scenes is easy... writing a storyline to connect them all is hard.
Ofc my phone has some limited internet so i still get some gossipy fix. Dlisted's mobile version loads most easily.

Want some reassurance that there is someone for everyone in this world?
http://www.dlisted.com/2012/07/10/worlds-fattest-living-woman-sexing-pounds
I have seen such people once or twice in person.. and I'm always mixed betweens "good to know that even they are not alone" and "why can't I find someone, if even they can find someone?"
And I'm also partially shuddering at the thought of being that huge. Let's be honest.. I see a person that large and I want to lock my fridge and go for a run. And i hate running.
time to try to sleep.. man my sleep schedule is messed again. I hate swing shift. One girl's leaving to another store.. (probably to move in with her boyfriend) and 2 other names on the schedule got scratched out so I'm betting there were some firings. I'm hoping it will calm down soon. G'night!

Still here. I found a forum for peeps w long hair and it had a thread for long fine/thin hair peeps...and my hair's both thin and fine but I want it long. So there's where I've been. Then today a massive storm hit and I'm without power. Actually at the "church" right now...charging phone and Mom's wanting to leave in about an hour so I gotta stop blogging and hope phone charges fast.