Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Checking in :)

Still unemployed, slightly annoyed. But I'm going to be an aunt, so my open schedule is helping the fam. Unchanged weight, adopted another stray cat, learning to cook, and forgetting my grammar. My bathroom sink refuses to drain yet again so I got a cheap yet big bowl and I wash my face and hands in that. At least I can use the tap, and still pretend I'm living in the Regency Era or something. Makeup collection still insane, but I have a system, incomplete but workable, and I do my face and hair every day.  It's fun, gets me in a mood to get stuff done, and uses my stash. The lovely ladies at the long hair forums figured out an ancient hairstyle worn by the Elling Woman, and I am practicing it. When I get it right, it's very comfy and stays put for about 3 days. Too bad I usually get it wrong and have to take it down from the pain.
Not much doing, really. I'm poor, quiet, and happy.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Well, well, well

My Lent plans went well enough until I watched bro's house and pets for almost a week. Free food yum! And sims 4, daily. I still prefer sims 3, mostly for the open world. But I'll admit sims 4 is pretty. There is a lot of detail to the visuals, it's a very pretty game. I just find it boring, and frustrating.  If I want a sim to stay in my dungeon I can't leave the lot or his needs will equalize and his location might change. And when I'm not running experiments I have to keep all my sims on the same lot unless I'm ok with giving up control. That's why I'm confused by people saying sims 4 has no rabbit holes.  Any sim off the active lot is functionally in a rabbit hole. There's no real control of the sim, just a short list of rabbit hole style options.
Anyway, back on track, I stuffed face at bro's, but am doing much better at home. To be fair, most of my good behavior comes from wondering  "can I afford to replace what I eat?" Oh, yay for being poor. I have got to get some income. Just 900 a month would cover my responsibilities, since mom doesn't charge me rent. She's so awesome, but can't handle all the bills alone. So guess I'll spend my days catching up on cleaning, maybe sell a few items, and guess I'm back to studying grammar in hopes of getting a proofreader job. Judging by that last sentence, I've got a lot of studying to do.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Hi 2018

Well, I'm fired. I dropped the Saturday shift at the very start of January and kept the 5 weekday shifts, then was fired a mere 3 weeks later. Still don't know why. Former boss just said I'd "been given many chances " to fix...... what? The only thing he complained about was the cluttered state of the house, the the lardasses' caseworkers both said I wasn't supposed to clean for them. Oh well, I wanted to quit anyway. Just not so soon. It's like one of those automated toilets flushing too soon. I'll decide when I'm done!
So, now what? I've got enough money for this month's bills, and my savings account has enough for next month's bills, but I really don't want to hit savings acct.
I'm thinking of selling some of the hand me downs I get from richer family.  Much of it doesn't fit. Why not get something out of it? And I need to downsize anyway. There are some things I'm ok with getting rid of, some things I want to keep, and some things I just want to use up.
Selling stuff would bring in some small income and downsizing would clear space for that sims 3 computer that is still in pieces 2 years later. Jobs take up too much energy from me, probably because I've yet to find a job I like. And I hate driving in winter. I've been enjoying the time off, staying in when it snows, and cleaning up after 7 months of exhaustion. I have a huge backup of recycling since the lardasses had no recycling collection at their apartment. I've also collected far too much junk food. My makeup collection is still insane.
And I really enjoy being with my cat. My oldest is 17 now, maybe 18 since she was an adopted stray and we're not sure when she was born. She sometimes let's me carry her up and down the stairs. She's a cuddly kitty and loves having me around more. So I'm actually quite happy, if you ignore the income problem.
And I need to try out for medicaid again. And call the student loan people. Sigh.
The rest of this post is ed talk, so fell free to skip if you need to.
I want to do a fast for Lent. It would be a keto fast, not a water fast,  because you know I want to protect what little muscle I have.  But a type of fast. The hard part will be not getting caught. Not because anyone could do anything, but because I don't want anyone to worry. I want to do 500 cals a day for the 40 days. Now Lent does not include Sundays as fast days. Sunday is deliberately excluded. So Lent is actually longer than 40 days. So I can eat whatever I want on Sunday, but I think for my own comfort, I'll aim for low carb fare.
Ash Wednesday is next week, so I have some prep time to hunt down some dinner options if I have to be seen eating.
I'm excited!  My brain works so much better during a fast. I'm more creative and I get so much more done.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Her blog is gone :'(

Ana Regzig's blog is gone. It must have happened in the past 3 days. I could only save 8 posts from my cache, all from 2007, since I tend to read from the beginning. Wow, I'm really sad. I hope at least she did it herself and thus we can know she's alive.

Thursday, October 26, 2017

My 34 days (trigger warning: weight, calorie counting, etc)

Did a full 34 day countdown. Even though I never figured out Regzig's plan, just counting the 34 days was a good coping strategy for the swing shifts. I am now off the swing shifts, as of this week, just in time for a round 2 of 34 days.
I only lost 1 lb during the first round, and even that was hard won. But swing shift is always hard on me. I am aiming for 16 lbs for the second round, just like Ana did. But since I'm starting from the extremely obese 214 lbs, I'm sure I'll have an easier time than skinny Ana Regzig did. Today is day 2, and for some odd reason I woke up at 8am. Ugh. I'm still in bed. My breakfast was a whole bag of super yummy jack links breakfast sausage, at 560 cals, 31.5g protein, 3.5g carbs for the bag. High calories, but the protein is worth it. Smells like Mom is up, and whatever she cooked doesn't even smell good. It smells smokey and my eyes are burning. I haven't decided on my daily calorie limits, just that I need 75g protein daily. I intend to do calorie cycling, since I need flexibility. Mom will randomly bring home leftovers from various church functions.
I've got a new battery in my lifetrak watch, which counts cals for me, and can also take my heart rate and be a pedometer. I've got plenty of protein powder, two 33 Oz bottles to serve as hand weights, and the old chin up bar I got years ago is up on the door frame.  Let's do this.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Warning: relapse imminent

I can feel it coming. I've been fighting it for a few weeks, since about the second week of this working six days a week thing. I feel frustrated and sometimes it even turns to anger. Can't get angry at the people I take care of, can I?  So I turn it inward, which is so not helpful.
I got my ass back on those protein shakes by week 3, got some yummy Gummi style vitamins, and some of those vitamin C chewables, so damage from sudden random calorie cutting was minimal as possible.  It's all I can do. I feel so stuck and frustrated and this has been my coping mechanism since I was so very young. I do not have a normal brain.
And back when I was living like that, I was much more productive, more creative, and even happier.  My brain worked better. I thought things through, made decisions, and moved forward. And now I've gone backwards. I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I stopped playing music, I stopped growing in all the important ways. All that grew was my waistline.
And for what? This job pays peanuts. I went through old bank statements and I'm making the same amount I made in retail. To be fair, even with the frustration, this is still a better job than retail ever was. I'm just so tired of having so little time to even do my own laundry, or wash my own dishes. I'm on swing shift right now. Some nights I get off at 11 pm, some days I start at 9 am, and it's so tiring. I spend most of my time catching up on sleep, or cleaning the homes of people who either don't care if they get pee all over their floors, or are incapable of peeing on their own anyway. And it's not like these people are mean, it's just that biohazard is everywhere and damn it this is why institutions exist, to control biohazard contaminants. If you can't even sleep unsupervised, then you belong in a hospital setting, or at least a nursing home. How am I legally allowed to do this?
And I'm technically not full time. I'm averaging 33 hours, some weeks are higher than others, but that swing shift makes it feel so much harder. I'm going to try to do just 1 hour a day on something personal. Perhaps 1 day I'll do laundry, another day I'll organize just 1 drawer. If I could dump the Saturday shift, that would really help. Saturday shift is the most painful, the most punishing. I can't move at all on Sunday, my only day off. So nothing gets done and Monday it's off to the swinging races again. But my paychecks show I make barely over $1050 each month, so could I afford dropping about $250 from that total?

But I think mostly I really am angry at myself. This job forces me to realize just how much free time I wasted back before I had this job. I allowed daddie dearest to suck up my time, and without paying me too. The one good thing about this job is I now have a spoiled-rich-family-approved excuse to not wait on his lazy ass.

Thursday, September 7, 2017


I cannot shake this cough. What's worse is the lardass I work for on weekends probably gave it to me. He's had a hard cough for 3 weeks solid. It almost sounds like whooping cough, listening to him. And ofc I still don't have health care. Obamacare sent me to medicaid, and medicaid refused me saying I was late providing proof I qualify. What sucks is they used snail mail to tell me I needed to send them stuff, and the letter arrived after the stuff was due. I sent it anyway, but got the rejection letter saying I hadn't sent it. Now what?
That lardass should be quarantined until we know he's not contagious. Him "staying home" is not enough, because all of us who handle his pee and shit and hold the tissues while he blows his nose are still exposed. We only get gloves, no hazmat suits, not even masks. This guy can't even pull his own dick out to take a piss by himself. And saying "it's not his fault" does not make him less of a potential health hazard. If anything, it makes him more of a hazard.  I am sent around to several different patients, as is everyone else in the field. It's a very incestuous little world, long term disabled care, and lack of proper quarantine procedures, because quarantine might hurt someone's feelings, means illnesses constantly spread and also recirculate, reinfecting over and over. When the hell did it become ok to sacrifice someone's physical health for the sake of someone else's feelings?
I have got to find a less risky job.