Waaaaaa............. this sucks. So damn tired I actually got a hesdache and took a motrin.
And I'm crashing off yet another sugar binge. Forgot how addicting the Whatchamacallit bars are mmmmmmmmmm.
On the good noms side... I really love squash soup! I liked the discontinued acorn squash & mango soup, and I really like the butternut squash soup. Mom says I liked squash as a baby too. I was always happy to eat more, to where I turned my diapers orange haha. And been lovving the chocolate almondmilk.... alongside actual chocolate *sigh*
My poor body is very annoyed at me. My knees and ankles hurt. I've been walking to work, sometimes get a ride home from a very sweet coworker who was hired around same time I was. She's such a doll, always willing to help anyone who needs it.
Anyway...
This has to stop. I weigh too much and this sugar addiction is making me sick. I also need to stop buying shit. Yea my totals have been getting smaller... only $3 spent today (technically yesterday) but it was all chocolate. And my left ankle is threatening to cramp up.
I have about 2 maybe 3 months' worth of birth control pills. They're kinda old but I'm gay so preventing pregnancy wouldn't be a worry even if I was sexually active. What I'm hoping is the bc pills will encourage my body to not shrink the boobs, to burn off the belly instead. I'm barely a b cup as it is. I don't want to get even smaller!
Think I can lose 40lbs in 3 months?
Mom would definitely notice... especially if she brings home pizza. Eeks.
I found a case & a half of spring vegetable cup a soups I forgot I had. At 45cals and 8g carbs per serving... I could stuff the cupboard with them and just focus on eating those until gone. Think she'd notice? So long as I'm eating something.... ??
Could try the ketosis again... i'd still have to dodge pizza and various leftovers but I coould eat other stuff.
I bought one of the game hens from walmart. How do I cook the thing? I thought I could microwave it cuz it's so small..... but the only directions on it are for oven. Ovens tend to dry meat out. Can't I boil it or something? Or cover it in a big waterfilled pot in the oven? I dunno.... sigh.
40lbs in 3 months... I suck at math.... what is that, like 3lbs a week or something? It should be doable. I just gotta get some self control, damnit!
Why can't I sleeeep?
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
want to buy self-control
Ugh... let's not talk about how the piggy mcbingey is still going on. How I have once again bought crap at work. Work launched its customer loyalty card and I wanted candy so I got the candy that also put points on my card. For 3 days in a row. Ugh. Plus more clearance stuff. The only thing even slightly healthy is this protein & vitamin powder called Alive superfood powder. It also claims to have probiotics and greens yadda yadda. I tried it mixed w my vanilla aria since Alive says vanilla flavor too. Didn't like. Not sure if the Alive or the Aria is the bad taste so today at work it'll be just Alive in my bottle. If I can get myself to like it I'll snap up whatever cans are left. Cuz if the label isn't lying, it's decent nutrition. Got a few bells & whistles I don't need but eh.
Work also has a setup for customers to do stuff like walking and add points to their cards. Manager said we workers can do that too so I signed up. We'll see. When I walk to campus it's about 2 miles one way... plus walking home & around campus I bet I could hit 5 or even 6 miles on those days. Just gotta get off my ass. The points from walking add up very very slowly but they're free so what can anyone expect? Here's hoping it helps motivate me.... especially since only buying certain items get points, rather than something like 1 point per dollar spent(which is how Sephora and Kroger both seem to work).
So buy certain items... or walk the fat off. The logical choice is certainly clear. Can I be logical please?
Moving on....
I still have lots of healthy noms which I've been eating right alongside the bad noms! Bad Honor! I should be having my protein shake, a bowl of soup, some milk and/or tomato juice (assuming the juice hasn't spoiled yet) and my chocolate almondmilk as dessert. Also chobani yogurt and nommy bolthouse farms smoothies and colby cheese squares. That is a lot of food! So why can't I limit myself to that?
Well I dug out both my pedometers for motivation. The freebie work gave me measures every step, even the stops and starts that happen at work, while my omron pedometer might miss those steps cuz they're not continuous. But.... the omron let's me program my weight in so the calorie estimate will probably be more accurate for the steps it does count.
Ah hell, I'll wear both. Just for curiosity.
Off to read Ana Regzig's old posts until I'm ready to sleep.
Work also has a setup for customers to do stuff like walking and add points to their cards. Manager said we workers can do that too so I signed up. We'll see. When I walk to campus it's about 2 miles one way... plus walking home & around campus I bet I could hit 5 or even 6 miles on those days. Just gotta get off my ass. The points from walking add up very very slowly but they're free so what can anyone expect? Here's hoping it helps motivate me.... especially since only buying certain items get points, rather than something like 1 point per dollar spent(which is how Sephora and Kroger both seem to work).
So buy certain items... or walk the fat off. The logical choice is certainly clear. Can I be logical please?
Moving on....
I still have lots of healthy noms which I've been eating right alongside the bad noms! Bad Honor! I should be having my protein shake, a bowl of soup, some milk and/or tomato juice (assuming the juice hasn't spoiled yet) and my chocolate almondmilk as dessert. Also chobani yogurt and nommy bolthouse farms smoothies and colby cheese squares. That is a lot of food! So why can't I limit myself to that?
Well I dug out both my pedometers for motivation. The freebie work gave me measures every step, even the stops and starts that happen at work, while my omron pedometer might miss those steps cuz they're not continuous. But.... the omron let's me program my weight in so the calorie estimate will probably be more accurate for the steps it does count.
Ah hell, I'll wear both. Just for curiosity.
Off to read Ana Regzig's old posts until I'm ready to sleep.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
oh the shame....
I was gonna blog while grocery shopping but my phone kept dicking around and restarting.
Anyway... oh the shame... another week of sitting on my spreading ass and stuffing my face. Two bags of peanut butter m&ms and 2 boxes of Quaker Chewy Dips bars and 3 boxes of these kiddie fruit snack jellie things. Shame shame shame. They should have gone into the womanlies stash with the 3 unopened coconut m&ms bags. Not in my mouth! Shame shame shame.
For all my 2 weeks of Piggy McBingey... I've only gained 2 lbs.... which tells me my metabolism is still in good shape. My body was very pissed at me yesterday. It didn't like th sugar overload at all and rushed it right through me. Really wish my bathroom had a window x_x
One item in particular didn't just rush through me but also makes me nauseous... and I should have blogged this on computer so I could use tags. Anyway....
Mondo Fruit Squeezers in primo punch flavor. They were 50 cents clearanced at work.. they're lil 6pack of disposable plastic squeezy bottles aimed at kits and I was curious.
Big big mistake.
These Mondo things are awful. They taste soooo bad and make my stomach rebel. They're completely fruit-free! Blech! I usually like fruit punch flavors. I love Hawaiian Punch Red. But this Mondo stuff is awful! Very unhealthy too. Water, high fructose corn syrup, coloring and fake sweeteners blech!. Where was my brain when I bought this? Even at 50 cents it's a ripoff. I managed one bottle yesterday, poured half the 2nd down the drain today. Guess I'll have to dump the other bottles down the drain too. Maybe I could dilute them in my wate bottles? Ugh..... I think my body would punish me again.
I have slowly been switching to healthier, albeit pricier foods. The Bolthouse Farms smoothies were a big step. Then I added the organic boxed soup from Imagine. Sooo sad the Acorn Squash & Mango was discontinued! Waaaaa! Will have to find it somewhere else. Meanwhile I'll try the broccoli soup & the butternut squash.
But it's like my switchover.... my body knows what actual nutrition is now, and it's demanding nothing less! Junk food still tastes very good to me... but a few hours later I'm stuck in that closet bathroom. But I was good at Kroger tonight. No junk. My treats are kinda carby, but still healthy. I got the bigger bottles of BF Green Goodness and the BF Chocolate Protein Plus, another C-Boost smoothie, the Silk dark chocolate almondmilk, and I'm trying a bolthouse farms (BF) strawberry parfait breakfast smoothie since they had one there marked half off. Also got 4 singleserve Chobani strawberry greek yogurts. I still have half the big colby cheese brick from last trip. So lots of healthy noms. I'm still disgustingly fat, but healthy noms are helpful even to fatties. Clearly I just need to get off my lazy, fat ass and WORK OUT!!
Anyway... oh the shame... another week of sitting on my spreading ass and stuffing my face. Two bags of peanut butter m&ms and 2 boxes of Quaker Chewy Dips bars and 3 boxes of these kiddie fruit snack jellie things. Shame shame shame. They should have gone into the womanlies stash with the 3 unopened coconut m&ms bags. Not in my mouth! Shame shame shame.
For all my 2 weeks of Piggy McBingey... I've only gained 2 lbs.... which tells me my metabolism is still in good shape. My body was very pissed at me yesterday. It didn't like th sugar overload at all and rushed it right through me. Really wish my bathroom had a window x_x
One item in particular didn't just rush through me but also makes me nauseous... and I should have blogged this on computer so I could use tags. Anyway....
Mondo Fruit Squeezers in primo punch flavor. They were 50 cents clearanced at work.. they're lil 6pack of disposable plastic squeezy bottles aimed at kits and I was curious.
Big big mistake.
These Mondo things are awful. They taste soooo bad and make my stomach rebel. They're completely fruit-free! Blech! I usually like fruit punch flavors. I love Hawaiian Punch Red. But this Mondo stuff is awful! Very unhealthy too. Water, high fructose corn syrup, coloring and fake sweeteners blech!. Where was my brain when I bought this? Even at 50 cents it's a ripoff. I managed one bottle yesterday, poured half the 2nd down the drain today. Guess I'll have to dump the other bottles down the drain too. Maybe I could dilute them in my wate bottles? Ugh..... I think my body would punish me again.
I have slowly been switching to healthier, albeit pricier foods. The Bolthouse Farms smoothies were a big step. Then I added the organic boxed soup from Imagine. Sooo sad the Acorn Squash & Mango was discontinued! Waaaaa! Will have to find it somewhere else. Meanwhile I'll try the broccoli soup & the butternut squash.
But it's like my switchover.... my body knows what actual nutrition is now, and it's demanding nothing less! Junk food still tastes very good to me... but a few hours later I'm stuck in that closet bathroom. But I was good at Kroger tonight. No junk. My treats are kinda carby, but still healthy. I got the bigger bottles of BF Green Goodness and the BF Chocolate Protein Plus, another C-Boost smoothie, the Silk dark chocolate almondmilk, and I'm trying a bolthouse farms (BF) strawberry parfait breakfast smoothie since they had one there marked half off. Also got 4 singleserve Chobani strawberry greek yogurts. I still have half the big colby cheese brick from last trip. So lots of healthy noms. I'm still disgustingly fat, but healthy noms are helpful even to fatties. Clearly I just need to get off my lazy, fat ass and WORK OUT!!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Can I just vent for a second? I love Mom dearly but..... Mom brought home pizza *again* pizza twice in only 3 nights? No wonder we're both fat! I am pizza-ed out!
Gah... all I want is a week of clean eating! I want to try my soup! I want my smoothies! And water water water! Where the hell is my gym membership card?
At least I still haven't opened the chocolate. I had a jolly rancher cherry stick when the sweet tooth got too hard to ignore. Small victories.
*pinches potbelly and sighs*
Gah... all I want is a week of clean eating! I want to try my soup! I want my smoothies! And water water water! Where the hell is my gym membership card?
At least I still haven't opened the chocolate. I had a jolly rancher cherry stick when the sweet tooth got too hard to ignore. Small victories.
*pinches potbelly and sighs*
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Well crap... there's still yummy Rotary foods! Seems Mom's taking the fruit salad, which is good cuz there's way too many pineapples & marshmallows for my liking. She also claimed the rhubarb pie, cool. But the apple pie is all me and there's still a small tub of sour cream. I already ate the leftover shredded cheese.
Ok how to make this work....
I guess the keto thing will have to wait a bit. But all is not lost. I have a box soup, acorn squash & mango, that I've been wanting to try. The soup box actually suggests to add sour cream to it. And the soup is organic and only 70cals a cup. And I can also finish up my carby food bars. And that yummy C-boost smoothie that I opened a day or so ago. Focus on keeping the noms as healthy as possible. Ok apple pie not so yay but I'm not about to throw it out. But I will ignore the 3 bags of coconut m&ms that I bought for the womanlies & never opened. They can wait until next month. Small victories.
I also need to get back to the gym. My membership fees are still being taken so my card should work. Weightlifting is my friend. Besides...I have a goal now. One of the meaner stalkers found Samantha's booking sheet for that insanely low DUI. (Side note..how come she had to pay some $2000 for a .08 but blohan only had to pay $300 for 2 DUIs within a month of each other? I swear blohan is blackmailing someone. Anyway...)
According to her booking sheet Samantha is 5'7 and 102lbs.
Wow... and yikes.
Well, I did post about my suspicions about her before. And she does have quite the thigh gap. I suck at math... what's the BMI on stats like that? Can't be healthy... poor girl.
Poor girl. I'm gonna aim to lift 112lbs. Because I'm hoping she'll at least get up to there. 120 would be better. Poor girl. I don't want her to die... :(
I think we all here get how the disordered mind works. There was talk about a weight-loss competition going on between blohan & Samantha..... I don't think such a competition was entirely voluntary though.... disordered minds will often freak out over being "the heavier one" in a relationship. Erin also looked like she got skinnier when with Samantha... and I'm not blaming anyone. We know how our minds work. I'm only ok with being the heavier one if I'm with a girl that I can tell is a smaller build. I'm ok with outweighing Samantha. Makes it easier to carry her to my den on iniquity ^_^. But i'd completely flip out if I outweighed a female wrestler or athlete or someone like Khloe Kardashian (the only kartrashian I can tolerate) and I am a little unnerved when I meet a boy that weighs less... even if he does have a small build. I was damn skinny back when I still dated boys.
Ugh....
But I've talked myself into being ok with outweighing some girls. That has to be worth something.
Ok... I work today... and tomorrow... and the day after that and there's a C-boost smoothie calling my name.
Ok how to make this work....
I guess the keto thing will have to wait a bit. But all is not lost. I have a box soup, acorn squash & mango, that I've been wanting to try. The soup box actually suggests to add sour cream to it. And the soup is organic and only 70cals a cup. And I can also finish up my carby food bars. And that yummy C-boost smoothie that I opened a day or so ago. Focus on keeping the noms as healthy as possible. Ok apple pie not so yay but I'm not about to throw it out. But I will ignore the 3 bags of coconut m&ms that I bought for the womanlies & never opened. They can wait until next month. Small victories.
I also need to get back to the gym. My membership fees are still being taken so my card should work. Weightlifting is my friend. Besides...I have a goal now. One of the meaner stalkers found Samantha's booking sheet for that insanely low DUI. (Side note..how come she had to pay some $2000 for a .08 but blohan only had to pay $300 for 2 DUIs within a month of each other? I swear blohan is blackmailing someone. Anyway...)
According to her booking sheet Samantha is 5'7 and 102lbs.
Wow... and yikes.
Well, I did post about my suspicions about her before. And she does have quite the thigh gap. I suck at math... what's the BMI on stats like that? Can't be healthy... poor girl.
Poor girl. I'm gonna aim to lift 112lbs. Because I'm hoping she'll at least get up to there. 120 would be better. Poor girl. I don't want her to die... :(
I think we all here get how the disordered mind works. There was talk about a weight-loss competition going on between blohan & Samantha..... I don't think such a competition was entirely voluntary though.... disordered minds will often freak out over being "the heavier one" in a relationship. Erin also looked like she got skinnier when with Samantha... and I'm not blaming anyone. We know how our minds work. I'm only ok with being the heavier one if I'm with a girl that I can tell is a smaller build. I'm ok with outweighing Samantha. Makes it easier to carry her to my den on iniquity ^_^. But i'd completely flip out if I outweighed a female wrestler or athlete or someone like Khloe Kardashian (the only kartrashian I can tolerate) and I am a little unnerved when I meet a boy that weighs less... even if he does have a small build. I was damn skinny back when I still dated boys.
Ugh....
But I've talked myself into being ok with outweighing some girls. That has to be worth something.
Ok... I work today... and tomorrow... and the day after that and there's a C-boost smoothie calling my name.
Friday, September 14, 2012
gee wonder why i feel fat?
Ugh... I stayed up all night again. Oops.
Last night Mom brought home pizza. She ate half & I ate half. What a way to end a week long binge. Ugh.
Final tally: 2 bags of Keebler Coconut Dreams (similar to girl scout samoas..yum) 1 bag of Keebler soft batch choc chip cookies, 2 singleserve packs of peanut butter M&Ms, 1 Snickers bar, 2 PB&J chocolate bars (they taste better than they sound) plus lots of milk with all these monstrocities. And cereal. And a baked potato with shredded beef Mom brought home with sour cream. So much yum. Such indulgence.
I can't begin to count the calories. Enormous. Like my ass. And I am not built to have a ginormous ass. Large ass on me = even larger waist. The potbelly plops and jiggles allll the way around. I don't have a waist right now. Gee, wonder why my back hurts? Duh.
Still eating too much but finally switched over to healthier fare. Tried the 2 lil almondmilk boxes... I really like the dark chocolate one. The vanilla was ok too. I def prefer the chocolate. Also got into the Bolthouse Farms C-Boost smoothie I wanted to try. Is nom! I'm starting to expect every Bolthouse Farms smoothie to taste good. Even my least fav, the Berry Boost, is nom. Maybe I'll try their Vanilla Chia. I'm in love w their Chocolate Protein Plus.
I must manage to keep distracted today. I need to start the transition back into ketosis today. And stay there as long as possible. There are 2 church sources that give us food. One is a lady who seems incapable of cooking batches smaller than army size. She tends to give us leftovers, which are sometimes stale so her stuff is easy to ignore. The Rotary leftovers tho.... those are always fresh and usually very good, usually something I like. The baked potatoes w beef were from them. So yum.
So my plan is to get back into ketosis and stay there until Mom brings home food I can't ignore. If I'm lucky it could be as long as a week. Maybe longer, as Rotary doesn't always have leftovers. Mom sometimes throws out food from the lady cuz it tastes that stale so I won't arouse suspicion by not eating that stuff.
Ugh.. starting to feel hungry already wtf. Think I'll let Sims play and try to take a nap. Sleep is good for killing hunger pangs for me. Dunno why.
Last night Mom brought home pizza. She ate half & I ate half. What a way to end a week long binge. Ugh.
Final tally: 2 bags of Keebler Coconut Dreams (similar to girl scout samoas..yum) 1 bag of Keebler soft batch choc chip cookies, 2 singleserve packs of peanut butter M&Ms, 1 Snickers bar, 2 PB&J chocolate bars (they taste better than they sound) plus lots of milk with all these monstrocities. And cereal. And a baked potato with shredded beef Mom brought home with sour cream. So much yum. Such indulgence.
I can't begin to count the calories. Enormous. Like my ass. And I am not built to have a ginormous ass. Large ass on me = even larger waist. The potbelly plops and jiggles allll the way around. I don't have a waist right now. Gee, wonder why my back hurts? Duh.
Still eating too much but finally switched over to healthier fare. Tried the 2 lil almondmilk boxes... I really like the dark chocolate one. The vanilla was ok too. I def prefer the chocolate. Also got into the Bolthouse Farms C-Boost smoothie I wanted to try. Is nom! I'm starting to expect every Bolthouse Farms smoothie to taste good. Even my least fav, the Berry Boost, is nom. Maybe I'll try their Vanilla Chia. I'm in love w their Chocolate Protein Plus.
I must manage to keep distracted today. I need to start the transition back into ketosis today. And stay there as long as possible. There are 2 church sources that give us food. One is a lady who seems incapable of cooking batches smaller than army size. She tends to give us leftovers, which are sometimes stale so her stuff is easy to ignore. The Rotary leftovers tho.... those are always fresh and usually very good, usually something I like. The baked potatoes w beef were from them. So yum.
So my plan is to get back into ketosis and stay there until Mom brings home food I can't ignore. If I'm lucky it could be as long as a week. Maybe longer, as Rotary doesn't always have leftovers. Mom sometimes throws out food from the lady cuz it tastes that stale so I won't arouse suspicion by not eating that stuff.
Ugh.. starting to feel hungry already wtf. Think I'll let Sims play and try to take a nap. Sleep is good for killing hunger pangs for me. Dunno why.
Monday, September 10, 2012
want Motrin, chocolate & Sims now!
Ugh! I hate womanlies!
Back on Friday I freaked out after feeling how I had to make room for my potbelly while bending over to tie my shoes. So I did a type of keto-fast thing... only high protein & as low carb as possible. I slept most of Saturday and when I did eat it was stuff like my fave Colby cheese (like 5g protein for every 1g carbs) and dumped a bunch of Aria into my milk (got like 4 Aria cans left & they all marked this month expiration...oops!) And something else I don't remember.
That night I already had the headachy and hot feeling of transition. I've just done this so many times my body is like "oh... we're doing this again" and starts switching to etones.
I was predictably running hot all day yesterday. Rare fleeting hunger moments that were easy to ignore. Came home from work and had 2 squares of my colby cheese, and had my special k protein water during work.
It's kinda hard to sleep in ketosis tho.... you're tired, but the whole evolutionary purpose of the ketosis state is to give energy to find food. So it's a. Type of tired restlessness. It's weird. For me, anyway.
I told myself i'd do this until the womanlies started.
Guess what started this morning? Sigh.
I had one of my advantedge bars (a typical low-carber's bar) for breakfast cuz I neeeeed painkillers. Can't take motrin on an empty stomach....I can't anyway.
Brought my painkillers, my special k water and a 5 hour energy to work w me and here I am...blogging on break.
I don't really feel hungry per se... just uteruspunches and chocolate cravings as usual. The motrin helps...I can walk and can even ignore the punches most of the time.
But I definitely just want to veg out...each choccolate and play Sims (I had to delete a house & family but my game works again) and... I dunno..... I want to be even lazier than normal.
To answer an earlier question.... comments I receive and need to approve... the approval thing doesn't always load on my phone.
Back on Friday I freaked out after feeling how I had to make room for my potbelly while bending over to tie my shoes. So I did a type of keto-fast thing... only high protein & as low carb as possible. I slept most of Saturday and when I did eat it was stuff like my fave Colby cheese (like 5g protein for every 1g carbs) and dumped a bunch of Aria into my milk (got like 4 Aria cans left & they all marked this month expiration...oops!) And something else I don't remember.
That night I already had the headachy and hot feeling of transition. I've just done this so many times my body is like "oh... we're doing this again" and starts switching to etones.
I was predictably running hot all day yesterday. Rare fleeting hunger moments that were easy to ignore. Came home from work and had 2 squares of my colby cheese, and had my special k protein water during work.
It's kinda hard to sleep in ketosis tho.... you're tired, but the whole evolutionary purpose of the ketosis state is to give energy to find food. So it's a. Type of tired restlessness. It's weird. For me, anyway.
I told myself i'd do this until the womanlies started.
Guess what started this morning? Sigh.
I had one of my advantedge bars (a typical low-carber's bar) for breakfast cuz I neeeeed painkillers. Can't take motrin on an empty stomach....I can't anyway.
Brought my painkillers, my special k water and a 5 hour energy to work w me and here I am...blogging on break.
I don't really feel hungry per se... just uteruspunches and chocolate cravings as usual. The motrin helps...I can walk and can even ignore the punches most of the time.
But I definitely just want to veg out...each choccolate and play Sims (I had to delete a house & family but my game works again) and... I dunno..... I want to be even lazier than normal.
To answer an earlier question.... comments I receive and need to approve... the approval thing doesn't always load on my phone.
Friday, September 7, 2012
FUCK YOU, REALPLAYER!!
Damn it! Ok so after my Sims game glitched up for the thousandth time I decided to do something else...to play with a recording I made on my phone.
Guess what?
The phone vids will only play in that fucking "realplayer" which is a fake btw... it refuses to be real enough to cooperate with other files or programs.
I think I bitched about this horrid program before...... when my computer crashed and a bunch of files had to be transferred and "realplayer" refused to play the transferred files.
I also can't port phone vids into Windows Movie Maker.
Which means I am now without a way to record myself playing viola.
Which means no way to record adaptations of Samantha's songs... or the Rohan theme.. or anything.
I'm really pissed off at this. What cruel asshole decided my phone would use "realplayer" format? Why not something easier like an Adobe video? Fucktards like being difficult.
So... I'm open to suggestions. If all else fails I can run to my brother... but he'd want to know what I need to record and i'd like to keep the fangirling a secret from the normal members of my family ^_^
Guess what?
The phone vids will only play in that fucking "realplayer" which is a fake btw... it refuses to be real enough to cooperate with other files or programs.
I think I bitched about this horrid program before...... when my computer crashed and a bunch of files had to be transferred and "realplayer" refused to play the transferred files.
I also can't port phone vids into Windows Movie Maker.
Which means I am now without a way to record myself playing viola.
Which means no way to record adaptations of Samantha's songs... or the Rohan theme.. or anything.
I'm really pissed off at this. What cruel asshole decided my phone would use "realplayer" format? Why not something easier like an Adobe video? Fucktards like being difficult.
So... I'm open to suggestions. If all else fails I can run to my brother... but he'd want to know what I need to record and i'd like to keep the fangirling a secret from the normal members of my family ^_^
Saturday, September 1, 2012
THIS BITCH!!
Quick sidenote: is anyone else having issues w their "needs moderation" comments not loading? Or is it just my phone being difficult?
Anyway.... to my main point... THIS SELFISH, SOCIOPATHIC BITCH!!
http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/30/showbiz/taylor-trailer-trashed/index.html?c=showbiz
BOYCOTT LIFETIME!! At least until they cough up the cash for the damage their "star" inflicted on this trailer. This trailer was a piece of movie and pop culture history. And it was *not* owned by Lifetime and they were fucking negligent in caring for it. There's no way crackberry snortcake will ever have to pay anything... we've all seen how she gets away with everything. She must have some serious blackmail on someone in power to keep getting away. But maybe Lifetime could be made to pay? I mean if you're a producer, and you need to rent some props, how easy is renting going to be if you have a history of not taking care of someone else's property? Who would rent to someone with a history of trashing rented property?
Not much else going on. Wasted days again. Just don't do anything... I oversleep right thru my alarms and then stay up all night and nothing gets done at night. Why am I so lazy? I can't afford this laziness. There's a crack across my windshield. It started as a deep gouge low on the passenger side.... too low and too far over for me to see it. Combine that with how little I drive.... and I had a crack grow across 3/4 of my windshield. I'll probably have to replace it at this point. Damn, I wish I had a garage. Is there some sort of protective windshield covering for when it gets all stormy out?
I'm working on Labor Day ofc, but after that, since delivery day is gonna change, I'm going down hours wise. Cuz i'd planned for classes on the new truck delivery day. Even tho I still can't get my ass down to the counselor's office. Ugh...just thinking about my transcript makes me want to play Sims. Constant reminders of my failures and flakiness. I sooo just want to forget it all. What good would any of those majors do anyway? And I don't need a degree to write...the experiences of taking those classes is enough to draw on...
which brings me to my comic and how little I've done on it...
Dear Unconcious Mind,
Thank you for keeping me from doing something I apparently don't want to do. Would you do me a favor and tell me why I don't want to work on it? Thanks.
Maybe it's just fear of failure again. What if no one likes my writing? What if t say I suck? I'm no good? And I soooo have Back to the Future in my head now. I seem to have a few readers here... and clearly you're all drunk or you wouldn't be here ^_^ .. so... idk. I have ideas and random scenes and I have added to my sketchbook/notebook and even typed a few quick notes into a txtfile on my phone while at work.
Fuck me.... something just clicked.
I'm told people write best when we write from our passions and experiences. But how honest can I safely be? My notebook even has the beginnings of a character with an ed and her background is damn near identical to mine. And I really would like to slip her in there. It kinda feels like by doing that I could sort of exorcise some of the shit daddie dearest & stepdaddie dearest put me through. But if people in person knew I was writing it..... i'd feel pressured to either be less honest or i'd get harassed or something. After my story's out there then hah hah that's that.... but I crumble under pressure and I don't want to be pressured into not telling the stories I need to. It feels like this is my problem.... yes... this feels like the bullseye. I guess I'll just have to hide my comic too, in a sense. No promoting it to peeps I know in person, at least not for a looong time... but I can still promote it online at sites where they don't know my real name, don't kknow me in person. And online promotion is easier for shy peeps anyway.
I can do this! Must say it til I believe it. I can do this!
and there is a ladybug or something that looks like a ladybug flying around my room and driving my cat insane.looks like I might not get sleep tonight either. Damn.... I work later!
Anyway.... to my main point... THIS SELFISH, SOCIOPATHIC BITCH!!
http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/30/showbiz/taylor-trailer-trashed/index.html?c=showbiz
BOYCOTT LIFETIME!! At least until they cough up the cash for the damage their "star" inflicted on this trailer. This trailer was a piece of movie and pop culture history. And it was *not* owned by Lifetime and they were fucking negligent in caring for it. There's no way crackberry snortcake will ever have to pay anything... we've all seen how she gets away with everything. She must have some serious blackmail on someone in power to keep getting away. But maybe Lifetime could be made to pay? I mean if you're a producer, and you need to rent some props, how easy is renting going to be if you have a history of not taking care of someone else's property? Who would rent to someone with a history of trashing rented property?
Not much else going on. Wasted days again. Just don't do anything... I oversleep right thru my alarms and then stay up all night and nothing gets done at night. Why am I so lazy? I can't afford this laziness. There's a crack across my windshield. It started as a deep gouge low on the passenger side.... too low and too far over for me to see it. Combine that with how little I drive.... and I had a crack grow across 3/4 of my windshield. I'll probably have to replace it at this point. Damn, I wish I had a garage. Is there some sort of protective windshield covering for when it gets all stormy out?
I'm working on Labor Day ofc, but after that, since delivery day is gonna change, I'm going down hours wise. Cuz i'd planned for classes on the new truck delivery day. Even tho I still can't get my ass down to the counselor's office. Ugh...just thinking about my transcript makes me want to play Sims. Constant reminders of my failures and flakiness. I sooo just want to forget it all. What good would any of those majors do anyway? And I don't need a degree to write...the experiences of taking those classes is enough to draw on...
which brings me to my comic and how little I've done on it...
Dear Unconcious Mind,
Thank you for keeping me from doing something I apparently don't want to do. Would you do me a favor and tell me why I don't want to work on it? Thanks.
Maybe it's just fear of failure again. What if no one likes my writing? What if t say I suck? I'm no good? And I soooo have Back to the Future in my head now. I seem to have a few readers here... and clearly you're all drunk or you wouldn't be here ^_^ .. so... idk. I have ideas and random scenes and I have added to my sketchbook/notebook and even typed a few quick notes into a txtfile on my phone while at work.
Fuck me.... something just clicked.
I'm told people write best when we write from our passions and experiences. But how honest can I safely be? My notebook even has the beginnings of a character with an ed and her background is damn near identical to mine. And I really would like to slip her in there. It kinda feels like by doing that I could sort of exorcise some of the shit daddie dearest & stepdaddie dearest put me through. But if people in person knew I was writing it..... i'd feel pressured to either be less honest or i'd get harassed or something. After my story's out there then hah hah that's that.... but I crumble under pressure and I don't want to be pressured into not telling the stories I need to. It feels like this is my problem.... yes... this feels like the bullseye. I guess I'll just have to hide my comic too, in a sense. No promoting it to peeps I know in person, at least not for a looong time... but I can still promote it online at sites where they don't know my real name, don't kknow me in person. And online promotion is easier for shy peeps anyway.
I can do this! Must say it til I believe it. I can do this!
and there is a ladybug or something that looks like a ladybug flying around my room and driving my cat insane.looks like I might not get sleep tonight either. Damn.... I work later!
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