Dear Self....

Please look up the definition of Productivity, because you have not been doing it.

ugh seriously....I've done nothing productive. Work doesn't count because anything I do produce doesn't go to me. It goes to Presumptions'R Us (like my nickname for work? I'm still fine-tuning but yea) and my time off has been wasting playing Sims, playing with my hair, reading the long hair forum and looking at hairtoys. Well I guess going through my hairstash was kinda productive. I have a much better idea of how many hairtoys I have. Most are decorations for a bun, pretty clips and headbands, but I do have some hairsticks, 4. Actually, and. 3 of them are light plastic. I also have 3 different types of hairpins, plus 2 spinpins (love those) I also went thru my hair care produuct stash and hooleeeee shit! The long hair forum has a "use up your stash challenge" thread...I should get an account and join that thread. I did add one hair product when I went grocery shopping yesterday for me and Mom...I got a jar of coconut oil. I got the slightly cheaper stuff since it's for hair, not eating...but yea. Lots of the forum peeps swear by a little coconut oil on the ends.

so there are 2 areas I really need to use up my stash...actually 3 areas.... hair care, bath and body, and diet foods. I have sooo many soap bars & body washes & lotions...and also sooo many processed food bricks ^_^ buffy reference... need to use them uup! Eat a bar instead of junk food! And when bored....play with hair or lotions instead of eating junk ^_^ I've scrubbed my shower & cleaned the tiny bathroom enough to selftan. I found that St Tropez and Charlotte Ronson selftanners both look very natural on me. I prefer the St Tropez mousse as a base, then the Charlotte Ronson cuz it smells so nice and it's a gradual tanner so I don't need gloves. I generally do St Tropez one night & Charlotte Ronson the next. And then I get distracted and the tan fades. Dummy. I should alternate between my 2 selftanners every night for a week & see what color I get.
my weight is holding steady... I haven't reached a new high but I'm still overweight & my Mom is worried about me. She's diabetic & struggles w her weight too, so she doesn't force me to eat ever. But she does bring home leftovers from church functions a lot, because we're poor and it's free food. She often has to ask me for money, not huge amounts. But she'll often be like $100 or $150 short at the end of the month.
I think I'll just take over the grocery shopping. I'm actually pretty good about not buying junk food except those girl scout/nestle crunch bars. Those are soooo good ... they're also limited edition so they won't be around to tempt me forever. When I went grocery shopping yesterday I got kroger's version of Mio (kroger's version is both cheaper and has some B vitamins) and I got zero calorie Propel packets to put in my water bottle. I saw those and remembered Ana Regzig mentioning them long ago. I also got a small Bolthouse Farms berry smoothie...I don't know if it's the same flavor she praised so highly but well....they may have changed the recipe or the name or both by now. I also got tomato juice cuz I loooove cold tomato juice in the summer. Just plaintomato, not V8.
so yea... I should just take over the grocery shopping. We won't run out of milk because I won't let us, I can help financially cuz that 100-150 a month just a little less than Mom spends at the grocery store each month, and I can help myself dietwise by controlling most of the food that is in the house. No more sugary cereals. I haven't eaten them in months yet every so often Mom would bring another one home. And Mom hates grocery shopping... I love it!
and maybe that increased food spending would help me brake my junk spending at Presumptions'R Us? Cuz that's a huge reason why I'm so fat..and a money sink in general. I'm so tired that I've burned all my willpower not punching stupid people so I break and get candy or hair crap or something. Usually candy. Chocolate. And I know if I save my $ I could get something really nice at Sephora but dealing with idiots at work is so draining... ugh! Willpower needs time to build up again!

I've come up with a 3day diet plan to coincide with a 3day work in a row. I usually alternate but with some firings and hirings and some movement across the "depts" (counters really) I'm likely to work 3 days a week, and all in a row. This is kinda nice I think. But willpower will be low. So the idea is to set up my 3day plan so I can just dump my drink mix in and go. To be as little effort as possible.. and when school starts again, even if I don't have class...I'm gonna mark my availability so I keep the 3days in a row. The top senority lady wants to run the makeup counter. She can have it. She wants me there when she's not, and she's full time so i'd get 2 or 3 days most weeks. That's fine. I'll wander the woods, try to write, make myself pretty on my days off. Maybe I'll seek a job at Sephora. Be cool to get an employee discount there!

haven't forgotten my comic. I still work on it. Just still haven random scenes and no storyline. I got notebook doodlings. Think I'll try to follow Peri's advice... just go with it. If the comic sometimes seems disjointed (cuz it is) well maybe that can be part of its charm?

I have got to get on an actual computer. I've been telling myself "no computer internet!" until i had another comic to post. Umm.. yea
The thing is.. I have ideas and even complete scenes in my head... but they're not connected to each other. Writing scenes is easy... writing a storyline to connect them all is hard.
Ofc my phone has some limited internet so i still get some gossipy fix. Dlisted's mobile version loads most easily.

Want some reassurance that there is someone for everyone in this world?
http://www.dlisted.com/2012/07/10/worlds-fattest-living-woman-sexing-pounds
I have seen such people once or twice in person.. and I'm always mixed betweens "good to know that even they are not alone" and "why can't I find someone, if even they can find someone?"
And I'm also partially shuddering at the thought of being that huge. Let's be honest.. I see a person that large and I want to lock my fridge and go for a run. And i hate running.
time to try to sleep.. man my sleep schedule is messed again. I hate swing shift. One girl's leaving to another store.. (probably to move in with her boyfriend) and 2 other names on the schedule got scratched out so I'm betting there were some firings. I'm hoping it will calm down soon. G'night!

Still here. I found a forum for peeps w long hair and it had a thread for long fine/thin hair peeps...and my hair's both thin and fine but I want it long. So there's where I've been. Then today a massive storm hit and I'm without power. Actually at the "church" right now...charging phone and Mom's wanting to leave in about an hour so I gotta stop blogging and hope phone charges fast.