rest in peace, dear Pichou

I feel awful.
About half an hour ago Mom & Bro showed up & I found out they were taking her to be put down.
I feel like I betrayed my dog. Her last moments will be spent in the vet's office. She never liked going there. I hate that she's spending her last breath in a place she hates.
I'm also feeling like I betrayed her cuz what if her problem could have been reversed if found in time? What if it started with a bad tooth like one of my cats had? So dog couldn't eat her hard food. So she stopped eating. An I didn't notice her weight loss. So she got weak. And she's already had back leg issues and the weakness made that worse. A lot worse.
She was eating soft foods. Very tiny amounts, but still. And she seemed to move easier when I slipped a baby aspirin in her soft food. She was breathing hard tho, and seems like there felt like a slowly hardening constipation issue, or something was making her lower abs swell up weird, but I still feel like I betrayed her both by letting her go to her death and by not noticing the instant her problems started.

Perhpas I should be glad for my obesity, and for the binging of the past few days. Because it's going to be hard as hell to eat anything for a while. I don't know how long.
I miss that dog. I miss how she softly growled when the cats rubbed up against her & how the cats thought she was purring. I miss her barking at the door when I knoced over something heavy because she was too dumb to realize the sound wasn't from the door. I miss her coming to great me when I came home, and her sad "must you go" look every time I left. I miss her.


eta: Bro and Mom came back. Vets always do brief checkups before putting an animal down. Listen to the heart & lungs etc. Congestive heart failure and fluid in her lungs. So no, it wasn't reversible. But the good news is she was taken to a place she'd never been to before. And all the vets were female, (she has always been more comfy around women) and the building was new so it didn't have that stench of sterilized death. So she didn't freak out. She was calm. I still feel very sad and depressed, and i still miss her like hell. I'll still be crying myself to sleep for a few weeks. But at least I know that it wasn't my fault. That it wasn't reversible. And ofc aspirin is a blood thinner in dogs as well as humans, so yea it made her a bit more comfy. Still hurts. Still sad. Still no appetite now. Meeting the fam to all drown our sorrows in milkshakes tonight. And i promise to keep my chobanis and protein shakes around. I'm just not interested in anything right now, not food, not anything.