I hate being sick!

My throat is so sore I'm on a liquids diet and my nose so plugged I'm a mouth breather and I'm glad my lungs aren't tight but this damn spot in my throat keeps making me cough anyway. I'm living on Bolthouse Farms smoothies and milk and cough drops and nyquil and I constantly have to pee.... AND DAMN UNIVERSITY SENT ME A LETTER IN SNAIL MAIL THAT I DON'T QUALIFY TO GRADUATE AND OF COURSE THEY USE SNAIL MAIL BECAUSE CAN'T HAVE ME HAVING TIME TO FIX DHIT NO SIR YOU ASSHOLES THIS IS WHY I DROPPED OUT LAST TIME.

so yea that's my world right now. I am constantly tired so since I'm home for the day and passed my midterm I'm gonna skip homework and nap... again. But wow I am behind on homework.

also....

Watching my mom figure out her new phone is just so precious. Just showing her how there were more apps than just on her homepage. How to swipe to the next section. Her squeal was so cute. And ofc bitchaunt is still a bitch but Bro has discovered the harassment and is solidly there for Mom, constantly telling her what she is doing is removing barriers to my success(barriers which were started or made worse by bitchaunt). So she is starting to stand up to bitchaunt for the first time in her life. Maybe someday she'll finally tell bitchaunt to start helping with jailbird's bills.

whheeeeee!!!!!

I guess at some point Mom started feeling majorly guilty about the past year because she got me a laptop and new phone. Granted the laptop is the cheaper type and came with windows 8 ugh but the free upgrade to 10 seems to have worked. Now if only it had come with Word >:(

Mom got a smartphone too. It was a package deal for both phones thru my university so is in my name but her payment info.

I am back in school! Which is a huge part why Mom got so generous. And my old car died... and she got me a newer one. And I still have earmarked a chunk of financial aid to get a strong desktop so I can finally play Sims 3.

and I have an internship this semester, focusing on what pastors do. So while I am kinda back, I'm also busier than usual but while try to pop in more now that I can.

I still have the old baby smartphone that helped me this past year. It is truly falling apart and was replaced just in time but I'm all sentimental about it and once I type everything off (it's so old the transfer didn't take) I'm gonna wrap it up and keep it in the underwear drawer or something. Also on this new phone the text I type is suddenly huge compared to the editor box.

uugghh

Well the good news is my fin aid check finally came. Tho ofc it arrived before the long weekend of banks being closed. Sigh.

and in other news... car is going. The engine computer is dying, the old rotor brakes are failing, and I am now scared to drive my car. And the repairs would be more like retrofit replacements. In short,I can't afford to fix it anymore :(
it is now cheaper to get a new car. I am sad about it. I admit I must replace my car but I don't have to be happy about it!

I was also stuck at a "family gathering" at bitchaunt's. Not happy. Once again it was mostly her husband's friends and jailbird's kids. It was my idea to bring my youngest sister along, and it was hard to convince her to come. The dear girl honestly thought she would not be welcome because her mother was "the other woman" I see daddie dearest filled her head with nonsense.
guess what else daddie dearest did?
he took money out of his youngest daughter's social security to pay his own bills..... and then he told her about it and said he had to because her mother wasn't giving him enough money. He is using babysis as a weapon against stepmom.... just as he often used me and Bro against my Mom. Well weel stepmom did everything in her cconsiderable power to break up Mom's marriage and stepmom won. My Mom was financially ruined. So I don't feel sorry for stepmom at all. But I really feel sorry for babysis being manipulated and caught in the middle. It's not her fault her parents are assholes.

and computer died

Several days ago. I just got it back. Something about "load needed dlls for kernel" so seems at least is not hardware but I have no backup software to get the missing bits from. So I am annoyed. Mom is being very sweet bringing her laptop home for me but she wishes she didn't have to. Sis-in-law has offered her old laptop which is not as old as my old desktop but she got a laptop from her work and she can't go back to her old one anyway. Bro has to do a bit of work but school starts next week so I hope this goes fast. Am verry annoyed at school tho. They are demanding additional paperwork to get financial aid whiich would be understandable *but* uni waited until 2 weeks before class to tell me so now I'm scrambling. And ofc auntbitch is trying to be all nice. She did nothing to help at any time, she did not evven take that annoying 4am babysitting gig. And she & her dick husband were the only ones whose income would not have been affected, because they both live on the taxpayer dime. Ofc she did they "I babysit my granddaughter" but ofc she did not tell how the child lived in her same neighborhood. And I think that she should have housed him since her sacrifices would have been smallest. Her income would not have shrunk, she just didn't want to go to her son's house twice a week. I think she should buy my computer.

finally gone

But ny sheer luck. Jailbird's sentencing had been delayed and he would have been here at least another 2 weeks. At least! But somehow he got a surprise compliance visit for the first time in..... ever? And he was caught outside on his laptop. So they took him in. I am so happy. I was seriously losing it, even drifting back to certain behaviors that ofc no one noticed because most of the food was reserved for him. It's so nice to not have to ask permission to eat! He's only been gone 2 days (today being the 2nd day) and house feels like home again. I gotta seriously scrub my floor tho.... my bathroom is a wreck. I stopped cleaning when he started getting online up there in hopes he'd go somewhere else. It mostly worked.. problem is I don't like it up there either.

Am trying to go back to school. I had to fill out a new type of form tho and had no guidance on how to do it. I have to beg for fin aid aagain. Gov says I got it but school says I don't deserve it. Even tho I've been repaying loan since 2008. Form said missing documentation means automatic denial but I don't know what docs would be needed. I didn't experience anything in their list. And if a uni refuses fed loans does that mean they'd refuse all loans? I dropped the double major in phil and rel studies, so now I'm just rel studies. And my gpa is .007 below what I need. Sigh.

anyway... hi :)

i'm afraid to hope...

just got a text that jailbird signed a plea bargain? i sure hope so! not like my Mom, sweetheart that she is, has much understanding of these things. She's all heart and very little brain.

but if it is true... he won't get sentenced until the end of july? wtf is this?!!?!? sure he signed it? is this normal??

HE IS GUILTY DAMN IT ALL!!!!

ok look... i've been cleaning out this ancient computer to try to make it work better, find shit he put here and try to get rid of it... and hidden deep in the VLC folder was a movie file from 2010... and it is 58 minutes of a naked 9yr old going through various poses to some music. she's clearly being talked to, but of course the audio was stripped befor the music was added. (am i supposed to be relieved that it's "just" a series of poses? that it could be worse? SHE IS A KID!!!)

guess who was on this computer regularly back in 2010?
yuuuuupppp... he's the one who put the VLC program on here too, although I do like VLC.

and what's more, the child movie file does NOT play on VLC.... yet there it is in the folder. the file actually plays on standard Windows Media Player. and the filename is, and i quote, shit. it is shit.mov and it doesn't play on my VLC.

i ALSO found out that he had set up a Remote Desktop thingy, so when he lived w us in 2010 and had his own computer he was still accessing mine (and technically mine was the family computer back then)

thus far cleanup hasn't crashed anything.... although computer is not going much faster. apparently one of my RAM sticks has just never worked. i'm supposed to have 1GB RAM and for some reason only 512MB is functional. Bro found that out when he opened the case "oh hey there's a second stick of RAM in here wtf?"

so i guess i'm just venting that the BEST case scenario has me stuck in this no-computer-at-home position until august.

meanwhile i continue to try to find a way to take an actual video. the antivirus kept blocking a new pazera freebie, and i've used other pazera products and have had only good things and can't figure how to tell the antivirus that this site is ok. so i had to use my phone to get the program. *sigh* and me without my usb adaptors so yeaaa...

not much else doing..... i'm determined to not get a job until he is moved out. i can't even go back to school very easily because so much is online. it's really pissing me off and i do not want the added stress of a job. my main stress relief is computer games!!!
but i've done the math and my savings will only carry me through to May...which for some reason is exciting as well as scary as hell? like a challenger approaches! see if i can somehow pull this off.

another huge annoyance is how much trouble i'm having trying to get out of a gym membership that i haven't used in over a year anyway. the credit card info was changed on them and they called the credit card company up instead of me, and got the new number and are charging me again!

can credit cards even do that??? can they give my acct info out without my permission?? i mean i talked to the card people and told them don't give my new number to the gym!! and they did!! and they said that there was no way for them to cancel a previously made arrangement!! wtf!?!? so now i gotta do two things... 1 GET EVIDENCE of my trying to cancel (i was sure i cancelled but mayyybe i didn't? well this time i gotta be sure and be able to prove it. because this gym has a history of "losing" cancellation requests and they have reports of refusing to let people cancel unless they prove they moved out of town) and 2 also yell at that credit card because really wtf.

i had forgotten how annoying Presumptions R Us is!!

WTF why is their Contact Us page so messed up?? Why do I HAVE to "choose a store" when I have my receipt number??!?!? Especially since the damn script is BROKEN!!! The Contact us page for ANYTHING regarding the rewards points thing is basically down, because it won't submit unless a store is chosen, and the script to finish selecting a store is broken.

And I am VERY pissed because I went through all the bother to put one of those damn digital coupons on my loyalty card and it didn't work last night. the FAQs say points offers (it was a digital points offer type thing) can be used WITH the coupons and discounts, and those damn monthly savings books are part of the weekly ad's sale price soooo logically i can get the sale price (which by their own insistence includes the damn monthly) AND the points offer. But it didn't work. I used the paper monthly "coupon" (read: sale price cuz they are assholes) and the points'pon didn't register.

And there is f*ckall I can do about it. Because i am not spending half an hour on hold with an aging battery.

in other news... church custodian is friends with the business that jailbird was stealing his wifi from.. and they didn't like a pedo stealing their badwidth so whatever they did seems to have worked. he's not spending hours up in my bathroom. I'm to keep an eye out though. Ofc i didn't tell Mom or jailbird that i mentioned this to people. We're all keeping our efforts kinda hush hush. Custodian also made me a copy of the key that gives access to the ethernet cables themselves so i can unplug the entire office if i think i need to, and then plug it back in later.

i am still taking my power cord with me. i am also still trying to find a way to use my phone to take any sort of video. apparently the record can be the no-sound variety which yay less space... but doesn't work in the one editor my old computer has. so now i'm trying to find a 3gp to avi converter. google says Pazera makes one.. and Pazera is what i use to rip the audio off 3gp now.. so i have a 3gp to mp3 but the pazera i have doesn't convert video types? or do i use a web-based converter? so i don't download any new programs? i dunno... i've been up since 3am and i am damn tired to the point i was crying with frustration at presumptions r us' website. i was hoping to take a vid of the f*ckedupness and post that but nooooo...

and maybe hairdo vids, because quite a few LHCers will do silent hairdo vids where they do their hair with their backs to the camera and there's no sound. They don't show their faces.

altho to be fair what i SHOULD be doing is writing up that lil report on Book of Ruth so I can record my voiceover, rip the sound, and line up the slideshow. but my brain is all "uuuhhhhh" and i'm on 200mgs of caffeine right now because hi getting up at 3am! and only had 2hrs of sleep last night to boot! cuz it's Lent so i'm up late Weds night and getting up early thurs morning... uuuhh and i know 200mgs isn't much but given that i normally have NONE at all it's a change.

and for some reason the ring and pinky fingers of my left hand are all weird. like tight somehow, like something in there is pinched and i can't get it out. i still have feeling, and i am typing with both hands. everything moves. but it's like something got wrenched and it is not comfy. a similar pain is on my right arm, like inside the elbow, tho the left fingers are definitely worse. what the hell did i do to myself last night? because i was fine yesterday.

ok this may be the dumb thing... but my ancient computer is SOOOO SLOOOOW that i am following internet directions on how to delete old profiles/user accounts. thus far it's all just simple official Windows paths types stuff... no command prompts or booting in Safe Mode... tho i'm not sure why the file folders for those old accounts are still here.... but i'm hoping to dump the big one... jailbird's account. the account he probably used to get on MY computer without my knowledge. damn thing is he can still hack in, i don't know enough... but i'm hoping between deleting old user profile (assuming it doesn't mess everything up) and taking the power cord will be enough to keep him off.

besides i need the space. getting rid of all his sh*t would get me at least 8GB back.

but ugh... my fear is that the way he installed sh*t deleting his stuff might mess something up. everything i'm doing i'm doing the official way cuz i don't know any other way. and he does. and it sucks. but church custodian knows what's up.. he even saw how i take the power cord... so here's hoping.

and all this shit has got me thinking that my best bet, i guess, would be to have my big computer that i write on etc.. and then have a separate one for internet. like the desktop never gets connected, and it's all laptop kinda thing. i'd have to transfer shit with flash drives but at least the computer with all my writing on it would not be harmed so easy.

ok i'm firing up my phone again to take video of each step just in case it all goes to hell i have something to show Bro to help him figure out how to rescue everything.

oh btw

That sweet dog that was kept caged all the time? I told my half-sis and sent videos and he had a new home two weeks later. Because she's in the rich end of town where all the connections are ;)
I haven't seem the puppy since that day tho. She's a huge dog lover so I'm assuming that her approval means he's in a great house and family.

still here.. and so is he >:(

It's march and the damn jailbird is still here. What's worse... at some point he got his own laptop. I thought it was mom's since she quickly began ignoring the rules and bringing hers home. But nope, he definitely has his own, because sometime in feb he found he could get on a local business' wifi. A shop nearby has an unlocked wifi signal. When the hell did jailbird get his own laptop? And the only spot that wifi is reachable... is in *my* bathroom. He sits on my toilet tank and shoves everything back on my top shelf and puts his laptop there. So the very jerk who is the reason I can't have my computer in my room, is able to get online more often than I can.
and if I tell, I might be homeless. Because I don't know what will trigger the seizure of the house. I do know aunt asshole/auntbitch/mrs snooty would call for mom to kick me out,at the very least. And auntbbitch was in on it too, because even tho she is not a legal guardian, she will come over and pretend to be Mom if the feds call.

I quit Presumptions R Us shortly before Christmas. They had me scheduled 3 to10pm for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The incompetent fatass got promoted again, and was back to her old tricks of claiming credit for my work and blaming me for stuff she got wrong. Add on asshole customers harassing and outright threatening me and I just had enough.
it was me first Christmas Day off in 5 years.
I have not been back to that store since my last day. No idea about W2.
I am living off my savings right now. Dropping out of school did have the side effect of keeping more money. I had hoped to get the youtube up and running. I turned ads on already. But with no computer in house + horrid winter weather complete with level 3 snow emergencies, I haven't done much.
I do need some income tho. Student loan repay is just under $300/month. And there's gas and car upkeep and while Mom tries to give me money her own income took a hit and feeding jailbird means her costs went up too. I am not expected tto give her money. I do not support him that way. Sometimes I'm stuck driving him to/from church (again no legal guardian present) but that's it.
but a girl does needs pads, chocolate, and motrin, ya know? And I did find a bridesmaid dress for $30 but since quitting job I've lost weight without noticing, just cuz I used to buy junk food every workday. And obviously I don't anymore.
so that's my update. When snowed in I basically watch youtube on my phone, since my ancient phone can't handle much else. I've also tried to keep my feet up. All those years in retail + my pale skin means I got veins behind my knees. Maybe I could wear leggings for the wedding.....