i am weird

My car is in the shop again
*sigh*
Front right tire blew. And I had to drive on it for like 5 blocks until I found a public parking lot that wasn't in front of a bar. Until I felt kinda safe parking there. Granted I was driving at like 10mph with my lights on but still. Mom says the grinding I heard was all just the tire. Maybe so but as old as my car is, better safe than sorry. If something breaks then how do I know I can even get a replacement? And I think I'm due for an oil change anyway.
Stuck at home, bored, but somehow not bored enough to do something constructive. Took all my junk food out of my room and bagged it & buried it in the back of my bathroom cabinets, behind the healthy stuff like V8 fusion Light & Vitaminwater Zero and Slim Jim minis. And protein bars. I'm glad I saw how many I had cuz I couldn't hit the grocery store this week. Mom took me over real quick to pick up some milk & that was it.
Okn...the rest of this is gonna be about numbers. As in calories etc... not the Book of Numbers ( which btw, was an excellent cure for my childhood insomnia. I should pull it out again)
Sooo.... feel free to skip the rest of this post if you think it might trigger you. I don't want to endanger anyone. Read on at your own risk.
seriously.....shoo!
Remember how I said I was going to use up some old pill packs I found while trying to drop some pounds. My thinking was that the hormone would encourage my body to *not* dismantle my boobs while I was burning of fat cells. Because boobs contain a lot of fat cells. And I wante to burn the fat cells in my potbelly, not the fat cells in my bra. I had hoped to be 145lbs when the pills ran out.
Well, thanks to my laziness and procrastination, I now have 8 weeks to pull that off. Oh joy joy joy. How about doing some math to see just how far up sh*t creek I am?
I weighed 190lbs this morning. Ok it was 189.6 but whatever. 190 is easier math. I need to drop 45lbs in 8 wks. Hah! That's 5.62 ish lbs a week...round to 6. 6lbs a week for 8 weeks......ok so 1lb = 3500calories. So dropping 6lbs means dropping 21,000 calories every week. And my bmr is only 1636cals a day. And 21,000 divided by 7 days in that week is 3000 a day. And that's not including food. It's also not including any rest days. Because there is no way I could get to the gym every single day. I work during the gym's hours! And besides, you're supposed to rest! So then I thought...what about 5 days a week? What would the numbers look like if I trie to get all the workout calories burned in 5 days? While eating about 500cals each of those 5 days? I know I can do 500cal days because I have before. In fact a protei powder shake + 2 carbmaster yogurts would have me at 49 grams of protein for only 300cals. But anyway... assume 500cals for 5 days...what would I have to burn? Bmr is currently 1636 so that minus the 500cals eaten is 1136 and that x 5 is 5680 deficit based on bmr alone. And 21000 - 5680 = 15320 that must be exercised off in that 5day stretch. So 3064 each day in that 5day. In theory I could then eat up to my bmr on the rest days since the full 21000 is accounted for in the 5 days. But who the hell can torch 3064 calories in a workout every day for 5 days in a row? Even Ana Regzig was pushing for 2000! And she had troubles! Like I have more willpower? Pffft. Boy am I up sh*t creek. And 5 days would be hard also because of how my work schedule is laid out...closing at night then being back in the morning... i'd probably go home and go to bed instead of the gym.
Is it crazy that I'm curious about trying anyway? Even if I only hit 100cals a day, it's still a hell of a lot better than I'm doing now!
why do I prefer aiming for the impossible? Trying to burn 500cals in a workout doesn't motivate me at all, even tho the fitness world considers it the gold standard. Aiming for over 3000? Now that sounds exciting! I'm weird.