"Breakfast" or rather lunch... since dumbass me slept right thru my alarm again and didn't get up til almost 2pm grrrr...
Anyway had a few cool ranch doritos. So I will be partially blamed for them dissappearing. That's actually a good thing. Then a cup of milk with them (why does the ranch and milk combo make me think of Christmas?)
And the second cup of milk was brought upstairs and I added 2 Aria chocolate scoops.
Aria is a hell of a lot better in milk. Think I might even try one scoop in 8oz milk. I do use 2% after all. I know skim is better but I just hate the taste. Skim tastes plastic-y to me. I'm weird.
I should mention how Aria left a fine powdery film not only on my glass, but also in my mouth I'm used to powdery films from all my powdered drinks... but none of my powders left as visible a film as Aria did.
And just for fun.. I have long wanted those old Pride and Prejudice type hairstyles (fyi the one with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle is far superior to the Kiera Knightly one.)
Anyway so when I read that in those days women only washed their hair about once a week, I tried it.
Ummm... well my hair does stay pinned up very well and with fewer pins. And when *pinned up* it does look kinda nice. But my head itches like hell and my hair smells and is greasy and gross so I think I'll be very grateful that I don't live back then (oh yea, and being gay back then would have been miserable) and I'll just use gel.
I found a hair gel I adore. I'm a white girl with baby fine hair and my fave gel is from the section aimed at black women but don't ever let your skin tone keep you from good hair products. Not all black hair products are oil-based. Most are, but not all.
Long Aid is what I found in the blck section and I love it. It's water based, has aloe vera and panthenol and is completely clear and has a nice clean scent. It moisturizes and washes out easily. I hope work never stops carrying it because I do have a hard time finding it anywhere else.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tea party was epic fun. Dunno why K kept talking about this Ronson person tho :p
Anyway when I logged off the chat room I had a pounding headache and a well-meaning "here eat this" from the fam turned into way too many empty calories.
And I still have the headache. And I don't know why. But it's very annoying. Waiting for the aspirins to kick in.... still.
I drank lots o tea. It was vitamin c tea. Can tea get old? But if it did get old wouldn't it upset my stomach instead of making my head pound?
Oh well. Off to take more aspirins and try to sleep. I'm now wearing a pair of pants that I can fasten for the first time in some 2 years as a reminder to not eat anymore.
Anyway when I logged off the chat room I had a pounding headache and a well-meaning "here eat this" from the fam turned into way too many empty calories.
And I still have the headache. And I don't know why. But it's very annoying. Waiting for the aspirins to kick in.... still.
I drank lots o tea. It was vitamin c tea. Can tea get old? But if it did get old wouldn't it upset my stomach instead of making my head pound?
Oh well. Off to take more aspirins and try to sleep. I'm now wearing a pair of pants that I can fasten for the first time in some 2 years as a reminder to not eat anymore.
Well I can't do chat hour from my phone. Sadness. But 4pm LA time is 7pm my time, I think. Soooo.
Hey K! I left a comment on lick a hobo but here too... my name is honorregzig (original huh?)
I used the 10minute mail.
And now I'm wondering if that was bad idea? Oh well... can emails be changed? I didn't put in my right age either... I misunderstood their format... I'm used to the month coming first! Oh well it's only a few months off.
And as I love talking about Samantha Ronson :p
Apparently she's on Detox #2 from pressedjuicery.com awwww. Twitter.com/samantharonson she calls Detox #2 the jumping off point.
I got 2 hours to tea time.
Thus far today I had a campbells soup at hand. Chicken and mini noodles. 80cals
Hey K! I left a comment on lick a hobo but here too... my name is honorregzig (original huh?)
I used the 10minute mail.
And now I'm wondering if that was bad idea? Oh well... can emails be changed? I didn't put in my right age either... I misunderstood their format... I'm used to the month coming first! Oh well it's only a few months off.
And as I love talking about Samantha Ronson :p
Apparently she's on Detox #2 from pressedjuicery.com awwww. Twitter.com/samantharonson she calls Detox #2 the jumping off point.
I got 2 hours to tea time.
Thus far today I had a campbells soup at hand. Chicken and mini noodles. 80cals
reviews
Well I was right about the Fiber One bars. I think maybe I won't be buying them anymore. Too hard to eat just one. And I had such terrible farts all day. Ugh. I just shouldn't buy stuff at work anymore. Not much really healthy food there. It's basically a convenience store (like a gas station without the gas) that wants to consider itself a pharmacy/department store. Seriously. When you press a Help button, the computer announcer doesn't say assistance in aisel__. It says "Customer service in the ____ department"
What department? It's all one room! Pretentious much? Most of what I buy there is junk. I get a decent discount on the Pill Glide and my aspirin. They do have my turkey jerky... when it's actally in stock. But my vitamins and protein powders and my Go Greens and my protein bars etc etc are all bought online. Stop taking money to work and I'll save both money and calories.
Cal count today is 855 not including the one protein shake. 66g carbs tho. Oops.
My drugstore.com order arrived and I tried almost everything. So the rest of this post is gonna be about food. Food reviews of what I had today.
Lipton makes these lovely things called Cup a Soup. And the Spring Vegetable one is a mere 65 cals a serving, and each packet is one serving, 4 packets to a box, each box is $2. Very convenient. Especially for eating in front of others (they don't need to see the cals) there are noodles and bits of carrot easily visible in the soup. My fave flavor is the Creme of Chicken but Spring vegetable has more protein and fewer calories.
Later was a new item. Power Crunch protein energy bars. I got the Triple Chocolate flavor... and I think it's insanely good. It's very much like a giant chocolate wafer cookie. It's cheaper than atkins, tastes better, but does have just a few more calories. Power Crunch-210 vs atkins-200. I'm not concerned about the diff. These power crunch bars taste good and have 13g protein for 10g carbs and no sugar alcohols to make me gassy. The only thing is gotta wait a bit after eating it cuz the texture is so light that you don't feel full right away. Feelings of saiety hit me about 30mins later. Will probably buy these again.
Next up was the protein shake that I dunno exactly how many calories it had. I tried a new arrival, new to me anyway.
Designer Whey Aria women's protein -vanilla flavor. 2 scoops in 8oz water gives 80cal, 14g protein, and only 3g carbs. I had my 20oz blenderbottle not quite full. 4 scoops was for 16oz so the weakness was expected. Add 2 more...still doesn't taste good. Started adding about a half scoop at a time and tasting again. Decided I just must not like the flavor or something.
The powder is very finely milled and dissolves easily. I'll give it that.
Will probably give to mom, or at least take downstairs. I'm already known for using powdered drink mixes especially at work so it's shrugged off as me being weird.
Actually I think a good tip is to have bodybuilder type foods around, and to sometimes be seen eating them. Bodybuilder products give you good protein for your calorie buck and the mental associations with bodybuilders (few people ever suspect them of anorexia) helps keep suspicion away. Easier to say you have a killer metabolism if peeps think you eat the same stuff bodybuilders do. Or at least that's my experience.
Next ...South Beach Living snack pack delights -dark chocolate covered soynuts... ooooo I loved this! 100cal packs. 7 packs in a box... I had 2 over course of day and I will be getting these again.
South Beach Living snack pack delights -energy mix. This is salted nuts, various nuts peanuts cashews almonds.. basically a trail mix without the carby parts. The chocolate is those dark chocolate covered soynuts that I already liked. Had 1. 160cal packs, 5 packs to a box.
Last was a bar called Twisted, all natural energy bar with protein...is what it is called. It's not bad. I didn't taste much peanut or caramel. Maybe that sliver of "nougat" was peanut-ish flavored... but the pretzels were crispy. And the chocolaty coating was sufficiently chocolate-like. I haven't decided if I want to get them again. But they're not bad, especially if you like the sweet-salty combos.
I am hungry right now... it's been 5 hours since the Twisted bar so I'm gonna measure out 8oz of water and try the chocolate Aria. Brb.
2 scoops in 8oz was watery. 3 scoops is better. I stopped at 3 1/2 scoops because of some very mild clumping. It's still a bit watery, with a hint of Ovaltine. (Please tell me I'm not the only person who's tried Ovaltine)
Again the powder is very finely ground and actually mixes best with a spoon in a glass. When shaken in my blenderbottle earlier it actually got foamy, like a milkshake. Haven't decided if I'll get it again. The chocolate flavor I kinda like... maybe I'll play with adding it to milk... or adding a bit to my Body Fortress protein powder.
Aria is normally like $14 for 12oz... yikes! It's on sale right now, almost half off. So I tried it. I won't buy it full price. My Body Fortress powder full price is about $20, sometimes $16... but you get a big 2lb jar for that price. It doesn't dissolve as well as the Aria but the chocolate flavor (what I get) is stronger. If I do like mixing the Aria in then I'll get more soon. I refuse to pay $14 for a mere 12oz can.
And that's my review. Everything mentioned was bought from drugstore.com if you wanna look anything up. Actually I do wanna mention Agrolabs Green Envy... insanely expensive but sooooo good. Like a cross between a vegetable juice and a puree. I like it. Ofc it's better to use a juicer and your own fresh veggies but where I live the plants are dead for the winter and any "frsh veggies" are being trucked/flown in from several states south. So... yea.
G'nite all. I hope me being a guinea pig has helped someone out there :)
What department? It's all one room! Pretentious much? Most of what I buy there is junk. I get a decent discount on the Pill Glide and my aspirin. They do have my turkey jerky... when it's actally in stock. But my vitamins and protein powders and my Go Greens and my protein bars etc etc are all bought online. Stop taking money to work and I'll save both money and calories.
Cal count today is 855 not including the one protein shake. 66g carbs tho. Oops.
My drugstore.com order arrived and I tried almost everything. So the rest of this post is gonna be about food. Food reviews of what I had today.
Lipton makes these lovely things called Cup a Soup. And the Spring Vegetable one is a mere 65 cals a serving, and each packet is one serving, 4 packets to a box, each box is $2. Very convenient. Especially for eating in front of others (they don't need to see the cals) there are noodles and bits of carrot easily visible in the soup. My fave flavor is the Creme of Chicken but Spring vegetable has more protein and fewer calories.
Later was a new item. Power Crunch protein energy bars. I got the Triple Chocolate flavor... and I think it's insanely good. It's very much like a giant chocolate wafer cookie. It's cheaper than atkins, tastes better, but does have just a few more calories. Power Crunch-210 vs atkins-200. I'm not concerned about the diff. These power crunch bars taste good and have 13g protein for 10g carbs and no sugar alcohols to make me gassy. The only thing is gotta wait a bit after eating it cuz the texture is so light that you don't feel full right away. Feelings of saiety hit me about 30mins later. Will probably buy these again.
Next up was the protein shake that I dunno exactly how many calories it had. I tried a new arrival, new to me anyway.
Designer Whey Aria women's protein -vanilla flavor. 2 scoops in 8oz water gives 80cal, 14g protein, and only 3g carbs. I had my 20oz blenderbottle not quite full. 4 scoops was for 16oz so the weakness was expected. Add 2 more...still doesn't taste good. Started adding about a half scoop at a time and tasting again. Decided I just must not like the flavor or something.
The powder is very finely milled and dissolves easily. I'll give it that.
Will probably give to mom, or at least take downstairs. I'm already known for using powdered drink mixes especially at work so it's shrugged off as me being weird.
Actually I think a good tip is to have bodybuilder type foods around, and to sometimes be seen eating them. Bodybuilder products give you good protein for your calorie buck and the mental associations with bodybuilders (few people ever suspect them of anorexia) helps keep suspicion away. Easier to say you have a killer metabolism if peeps think you eat the same stuff bodybuilders do. Or at least that's my experience.
Next ...South Beach Living snack pack delights -dark chocolate covered soynuts... ooooo I loved this! 100cal packs. 7 packs in a box... I had 2 over course of day and I will be getting these again.
South Beach Living snack pack delights -energy mix. This is salted nuts, various nuts peanuts cashews almonds.. basically a trail mix without the carby parts. The chocolate is those dark chocolate covered soynuts that I already liked. Had 1. 160cal packs, 5 packs to a box.
Last was a bar called Twisted, all natural energy bar with protein...is what it is called. It's not bad. I didn't taste much peanut or caramel. Maybe that sliver of "nougat" was peanut-ish flavored... but the pretzels were crispy. And the chocolaty coating was sufficiently chocolate-like. I haven't decided if I want to get them again. But they're not bad, especially if you like the sweet-salty combos.
I am hungry right now... it's been 5 hours since the Twisted bar so I'm gonna measure out 8oz of water and try the chocolate Aria. Brb.
2 scoops in 8oz was watery. 3 scoops is better. I stopped at 3 1/2 scoops because of some very mild clumping. It's still a bit watery, with a hint of Ovaltine. (Please tell me I'm not the only person who's tried Ovaltine)
Again the powder is very finely ground and actually mixes best with a spoon in a glass. When shaken in my blenderbottle earlier it actually got foamy, like a milkshake. Haven't decided if I'll get it again. The chocolate flavor I kinda like... maybe I'll play with adding it to milk... or adding a bit to my Body Fortress protein powder.
Aria is normally like $14 for 12oz... yikes! It's on sale right now, almost half off. So I tried it. I won't buy it full price. My Body Fortress powder full price is about $20, sometimes $16... but you get a big 2lb jar for that price. It doesn't dissolve as well as the Aria but the chocolate flavor (what I get) is stronger. If I do like mixing the Aria in then I'll get more soon. I refuse to pay $14 for a mere 12oz can.
And that's my review. Everything mentioned was bought from drugstore.com if you wanna look anything up. Actually I do wanna mention Agrolabs Green Envy... insanely expensive but sooooo good. Like a cross between a vegetable juice and a puree. I like it. Ofc it's better to use a juicer and your own fresh veggies but where I live the plants are dead for the winter and any "frsh veggies" are being trucked/flown in from several states south. So... yea.
G'nite all. I hope me being a guinea pig has helped someone out there :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I am soooooo gonna regret this tomorrow.
Been having monster chocolate cravings. But I've been good about getting rid of the candy to other fam members.
So the only chocolate is those yummy oats and chocolate Fiber One bars.
I had 4 before I managed to slam the brakes.
who needs saltwater flush with a binge like that? I am so gonna feel like hell later.
Ugh actually the fiber must be expanding cuz now I feel uncomfortably full.
And this was after snacking on frosted mini-wheats like they were cookies.
I am gonna regret this.....
Tho it did keep me from dropping more money shopping online. Wtf with the shopaholism lately? Sign of bordeom? I have been housebound but kitty is doing well so hoping I can at least take a walk tomorrow. I mean my first order hasn't even arrived yet and I'm already looking to spend more? Bad Honor!
Anyway... so... accountability. I keep hearing how accountability is the key to success. This blog community rocks. I'm sooo happy to know I'm not alone. I don't feel like quite so much a freak. Don't feel as isolated. I haven't used this blog to be accountable tho, and it's my fault I slacked off there. You guys and gals all rock! So am gonna try to get my weight out even tho I'm still ashamed. Accountability! Telling someone else about weight loss efforts and goals was proven somewhere to make weight loss happen. Doesn't make that first step less scary tho.
A few days before I started this blog I was 173. I would sit reading Ana Regzig while stuffing my face, wishing I had her willpower. I had found her blog while looking up the models who died from anorexia complications and she named Ana Carolina Reston on her site. (Tho I prefer skinnyness myself, I don't like how models basically have anorexia forced on them in order to keep their jobs. Ana Regzig often talked about feeling the pain of losing a job to a skinnier girl, so yea I think fashion and entertainment do shove girls into eating disorders... moving on)
So started at 173. And last week i'd gotten down to 156... but I'm climbing again. And it's my own damn fault. I have not been counting calories or carbs. I have rarely exercised. And I have hidden my lack of progress even from myself. Combine that with a screwed up sleeping pattern and yea... I'm unhappy. My vacation is passing by and I'm sitting on my fat ass and making it fatter.
This stops now.
I gotta try to sleep.
And try to figure out how to get my stats on the side.
And see if I can run K's tea party website on my phone. Cuz dunno where I might be when teatime comes.
Been having monster chocolate cravings. But I've been good about getting rid of the candy to other fam members.
So the only chocolate is those yummy oats and chocolate Fiber One bars.
I had 4 before I managed to slam the brakes.
who needs saltwater flush with a binge like that? I am so gonna feel like hell later.
Ugh actually the fiber must be expanding cuz now I feel uncomfortably full.
And this was after snacking on frosted mini-wheats like they were cookies.
I am gonna regret this.....
Tho it did keep me from dropping more money shopping online. Wtf with the shopaholism lately? Sign of bordeom? I have been housebound but kitty is doing well so hoping I can at least take a walk tomorrow. I mean my first order hasn't even arrived yet and I'm already looking to spend more? Bad Honor!
Anyway... so... accountability. I keep hearing how accountability is the key to success. This blog community rocks. I'm sooo happy to know I'm not alone. I don't feel like quite so much a freak. Don't feel as isolated. I haven't used this blog to be accountable tho, and it's my fault I slacked off there. You guys and gals all rock! So am gonna try to get my weight out even tho I'm still ashamed. Accountability! Telling someone else about weight loss efforts and goals was proven somewhere to make weight loss happen. Doesn't make that first step less scary tho.
A few days before I started this blog I was 173. I would sit reading Ana Regzig while stuffing my face, wishing I had her willpower. I had found her blog while looking up the models who died from anorexia complications and she named Ana Carolina Reston on her site. (Tho I prefer skinnyness myself, I don't like how models basically have anorexia forced on them in order to keep their jobs. Ana Regzig often talked about feeling the pain of losing a job to a skinnier girl, so yea I think fashion and entertainment do shove girls into eating disorders... moving on)
So started at 173. And last week i'd gotten down to 156... but I'm climbing again. And it's my own damn fault. I have not been counting calories or carbs. I have rarely exercised. And I have hidden my lack of progress even from myself. Combine that with a screwed up sleeping pattern and yea... I'm unhappy. My vacation is passing by and I'm sitting on my fat ass and making it fatter.
This stops now.
I gotta try to sleep.
And try to figure out how to get my stats on the side.
And see if I can run K's tea party website on my phone. Cuz dunno where I might be when teatime comes.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Hahahaha! So I have Samantha's twitter bookmarked on my phone and guess what she tweeted earlier tonight? She sent out the website www.pressedjuicery.com saying for those in LA who want to be healthy without having to hold their noses. Go look! Twitter.com/samantharonson
And the site sells juice fasts.. or as they're euphamistically known... juice cleanses. They're labelled as cleanses and detoxes but cmon we all know that's just a bunch of politically correct nonsense for juice fast. You think Samantha does juice fasts? Awwww, like I really needed another reason to adore her. So cuuuuute! And also a bit reassuring. Like maybe she has to work a bit to keep her current figure just like the rest of us have to work on our figures. :)
But whatever Samantha is doing does look good on her. She still seems to be looking much better lately.
Ofc I don't live in LA. And even if I did I doubt I could afford pressedjuicery.com but still... it made me smile.
Speaking of juices... or rather fruit purees... I found something very nice before vacation started... a lil something called Buddy Fruits. Lil 3oz sippable fruit purees. They were in the candy aisle at work but I googled them and they're intended for toddlers. Toddlers eat good! Wow yummy yummy! The apple + multifruit is my fave of the 2 I tried. Other was apple + strawberry.
Anyway.. so this is why I keep hearing about baby food diets. Good food with no whacked additives and little preparation. So ofc I hit up drugstore dot com... no buddy fruits there but I'm looking at some other organic stuff. Just gotta be careful to not get it spotted. Good thing sealed baby food doesn't need refrigeration.
I can get my buddy fruits on buddyfruits.com but what the hell is paypal?
And I'm quickly seeing why anas prefer to live alone, even tho it's depressing to come home to a cold and empty place. At least there's no one to question strange food choices and eating habits. I didn't notice before how often I get asked if I've eaten. And I suck at lying. I am a legal adult so not much anyone can do that way... I'm just conflict avoidance.
And the site sells juice fasts.. or as they're euphamistically known... juice cleanses. They're labelled as cleanses and detoxes but cmon we all know that's just a bunch of politically correct nonsense for juice fast. You think Samantha does juice fasts? Awwww, like I really needed another reason to adore her. So cuuuuute! And also a bit reassuring. Like maybe she has to work a bit to keep her current figure just like the rest of us have to work on our figures. :)
But whatever Samantha is doing does look good on her. She still seems to be looking much better lately.
Ofc I don't live in LA. And even if I did I doubt I could afford pressedjuicery.com but still... it made me smile.
Speaking of juices... or rather fruit purees... I found something very nice before vacation started... a lil something called Buddy Fruits. Lil 3oz sippable fruit purees. They were in the candy aisle at work but I googled them and they're intended for toddlers. Toddlers eat good! Wow yummy yummy! The apple + multifruit is my fave of the 2 I tried. Other was apple + strawberry.
Anyway.. so this is why I keep hearing about baby food diets. Good food with no whacked additives and little preparation. So ofc I hit up drugstore dot com... no buddy fruits there but I'm looking at some other organic stuff. Just gotta be careful to not get it spotted. Good thing sealed baby food doesn't need refrigeration.
I can get my buddy fruits on buddyfruits.com but what the hell is paypal?
And I'm quickly seeing why anas prefer to live alone, even tho it's depressing to come home to a cold and empty place. At least there's no one to question strange food choices and eating habits. I didn't notice before how often I get asked if I've eaten. And I suck at lying. I am a legal adult so not much anyone can do that way... I'm just conflict avoidance.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
thoughts on music
Alone at home catsitting. One of our dear lil cats had to have some teeth pulled soo i get to spend my vacation housebound cuz he needs to be fed soft foods and his antibiotics. And he also needs to be watched cuz the meds make him act like a little furry drunk. Currently napping in his cat carrier. When the door's open it's like a cave and most my cats like it. Makes it easier to get them in it for the vet's i'll say.
Moving on... once again I'm writing a post in response to a post of K's cuz well.. i don't think leaving an essay-length comment would be very polite. :)
I've got a bunch of youtube windows open and Lights songs are in all of them. I figured that'll keep me from getting too depressing while I write this.
K asked about songs we like. Fav artists etc. And I'm not sure I can really answer that. One reason is i often have to google song lyrics before i even know what group/singer i'm hearing... so it's possible that I DO like a lot of groups or songs on her list but I don't know their names!
And secondly.. even songs that i don't "like" i still play, it depends on my mood.
Music is my drug. i use songs to manipulate my mood.
Lights makes me bouncy and happy. She's so sweet and young and fresh and Ice is playing right now and even though the lyrics seem to be about a heartbreak, the song's style is bouncy and gonna-fight-back kinda thing. (and the video makes me smile) I hope she does great not only in album sales... i also hope she doesn't get ruined by the evil machine of Hollywood/Fame/Etc (No, I don't lust after her. I've got a mental block about lusting after those more than 5 or 6 years younger than me. And this kid seems young enough to be my child. How old is she?)
I've got some Evanescence (dunno if it's pre-Fallen stuff, is Fallen an album name?), some Kamelot, and being raised by music teachers I do love Chopin. And Bach and Mozart and Beethoven and Handel and all them. (Mozart's Requiem... cry!)
Gotta love Gaga. She's for my Righteous Anger moods. I'm actually trying to storyboard out an music video idea I have to Gaga's Bad Romance, about the pressures on women to be skinny. It really is cruel how we're rewarded for being thin but then there's the "too thin" line and we get punished. Then we gain weight and then we're fat and called lazy and that we just let ourselves go. Society is really fucking sexist.
Ever really look at Gaga's Paparazzi video? How the money has Gaga's pic, she's a product. How he carries her out where the paps can see her.. How when the boy shoves Gaga off that railing *while cameras are rolling on them both* the paps take pics of her after she falls but the boy doesn't get arrested? How the headlines talked about HER being over?And then the flashes of other pretty dead women. And Gaga poisons the boy and she gets arrested? But even as she's arrested the headlines are about how she rocks? And how people love her again? And with the lyrics... There's a lot going on in that video.
And now i got Bad Romance on. I love youtube.. there are so many songs i would never have heard, so many artists I would never have found, without youtube videos.
Notice how Gaga has other women dragging her character out of the tub, pouring stuff in her mouth, yanking that coat off her body and throwing her out to the men. And it made me think about how it's usually other women who make me feel bad about myself. Back when I did still date guys, they didn't give a fuck about where i bought my clothes or if i was in style or not. They just wanted me to be happy when i was around. It's other girls who would laugh at my clothes, my bad haircuts and perms, my out of date coats. I was poor. Guys didn't much care, but the girls laughed at me.
And often here on other blogs i'll read about a mom or a cousin or an aunt, another WOMAN, who made skinniness into a fucking contest with the blog writer.
And if you do manage to stay in that "socially acceptable skinniness" zone... then you will be appreciated and rewarded even if it's anorexic behaviors that keep you in that acceptable zone.
Our society is seriously fucked up.
And I'm actually getting warm and a faster heart rate. Time to calm down and put Lights back on.
Cuz i'm about to get a bit personal and I need the calming influence.
Samantha Ronson... I first knew her as Charlotte's twin. i found Charlotte first, sometime in 2007, while looking up female designers. I wondered if women designers made more wearable clothes since a woman designer would actually wear her creations while guy designers just play dress-up with the models. And well.. I'm aware fashion is subjective and not everyone will like Charlotte's work. I do like her work.
And while looking at some stills of her with her models, i caught a pic of her and Annabelle, with that big happy smile. I knew her sister modelled for her, but what shocked me is when i realized i'd seen that happy smile before.
My brain flashed back to a pic I'd seen years ago of Charlotte and Annabelle, with Annabelle smiling that same big happy grin that is soo contagious. And another girl in the picture wearing a red coat with rainbow trim, a very pretty girl. I could not remember her name, only that Charlotte had a twin.
ABout the same time I'd been seeing a pretty blonde girl with soulful eyes in the background of various lindsay lohan pics on the fashion sites. lindsay tended to be listed under the Leggings Are Not Pants section (especially on Go Fug Yourself heh) And thanks to lindsay's fashion choices i've seen about as much of her as her gyno. And i really didn't need those mental images. Especially the... down below. And who needs to see the stretch marks under her breasts or how high her nips sit on her (which is actually why i wonder if she had implants at some point.. those nips are sooo high!)
But it never occured to me that the pretty blonde hiding in the background was the missing twin whose name i could not remember.
it wasn't until Miz Leggings Lohan appeared on MY Charlotte's runway that I finally made the connection. And i was shocked at the change in Samantha's appearance. So that's when i did my digging. Found her Myspace page, her selfportrait.net page (which I need to find again since all my bookmarks were lost in a virus attack) and a lots of youtubes from her longterm fans (many thanks to them)
And her songs affected me in a way that no other song or songwriter ever has.
songs are my drug, I've said that. They take me to different imaginary places in my head, some happy and fun and some sad and some angry, and i watch various characters of mine run around and act out whatever i'm feeling. Or i imagine myself doing something, conquering a fear of mine or something.
But Samantha's songs...
I saw my own past, i was remembering rather than imagining. Something about her songs helped me process some very painful events in my past. Like she didn't just know how I felt.. but also WHY i felt that way.
Which is silly but that's what i see in my head with her songs. i see my own actions. not my dreams, but my realities. and it helps me deal.
That's why Samantha Ronson means so damn much to me.. and why i can't hear her songs very often.
The Ronsons tried so hard to support that relationship. When Dina and Aliana were going "omg they're just friends!" Mark Ronson (producer, did Amy Winhouse album, has 3 Grammys) was saying "yea lindsay and my sister make a cute couple, don't they?"
Charlotte shared her runway. That's a big fucking deal. She's been working her ass off trying to be taken seriously. She's been designing clothes longer than she's been on Fashion Week because she wasn't recognized for a few years. I'm having trouble figuring out just when she started designing. 2000? 1998? She was so unrecognized that she just passed right under the radar.
And you'd think that since Mick Jones of Foreigner was their stepfather that being under the radar would have been hard. But they managed it.
And Charlotte shared her runway with lindsay. i heard rumors of a handbag collaboration but i haven't seen it. Anyone seen it?
Anyway.. my point is that Samantha's song mean a lot to me, so Samantha herself is important to me.And I really want some sort of assurance that lindsay understands she was being a total bitch to Samantha and that lindsay will NOT ever again throw shit at Samantha, break her windows, send the fucking paps after her, post Samantha's friends's private phone numbers on twitter, accuse Samantha of cheating, accuse Samantha of doing drugs or any of that shit.
Music is my drug. Some drugs can be healing.
I <3 Ronson.
Moving on... once again I'm writing a post in response to a post of K's cuz well.. i don't think leaving an essay-length comment would be very polite. :)
I've got a bunch of youtube windows open and Lights songs are in all of them. I figured that'll keep me from getting too depressing while I write this.
K asked about songs we like. Fav artists etc. And I'm not sure I can really answer that. One reason is i often have to google song lyrics before i even know what group/singer i'm hearing... so it's possible that I DO like a lot of groups or songs on her list but I don't know their names!
And secondly.. even songs that i don't "like" i still play, it depends on my mood.
Music is my drug. i use songs to manipulate my mood.
Lights makes me bouncy and happy. She's so sweet and young and fresh and Ice is playing right now and even though the lyrics seem to be about a heartbreak, the song's style is bouncy and gonna-fight-back kinda thing. (and the video makes me smile) I hope she does great not only in album sales... i also hope she doesn't get ruined by the evil machine of Hollywood/Fame/Etc (No, I don't lust after her. I've got a mental block about lusting after those more than 5 or 6 years younger than me. And this kid seems young enough to be my child. How old is she?)
I've got some Evanescence (dunno if it's pre-Fallen stuff, is Fallen an album name?), some Kamelot, and being raised by music teachers I do love Chopin. And Bach and Mozart and Beethoven and Handel and all them. (Mozart's Requiem... cry!)
Gotta love Gaga. She's for my Righteous Anger moods. I'm actually trying to storyboard out an music video idea I have to Gaga's Bad Romance, about the pressures on women to be skinny. It really is cruel how we're rewarded for being thin but then there's the "too thin" line and we get punished. Then we gain weight and then we're fat and called lazy and that we just let ourselves go. Society is really fucking sexist.
Ever really look at Gaga's Paparazzi video? How the money has Gaga's pic, she's a product. How he carries her out where the paps can see her.. How when the boy shoves Gaga off that railing *while cameras are rolling on them both* the paps take pics of her after she falls but the boy doesn't get arrested? How the headlines talked about HER being over?And then the flashes of other pretty dead women. And Gaga poisons the boy and she gets arrested? But even as she's arrested the headlines are about how she rocks? And how people love her again? And with the lyrics... There's a lot going on in that video.
And now i got Bad Romance on. I love youtube.. there are so many songs i would never have heard, so many artists I would never have found, without youtube videos.
Notice how Gaga has other women dragging her character out of the tub, pouring stuff in her mouth, yanking that coat off her body and throwing her out to the men. And it made me think about how it's usually other women who make me feel bad about myself. Back when I did still date guys, they didn't give a fuck about where i bought my clothes or if i was in style or not. They just wanted me to be happy when i was around. It's other girls who would laugh at my clothes, my bad haircuts and perms, my out of date coats. I was poor. Guys didn't much care, but the girls laughed at me.
And often here on other blogs i'll read about a mom or a cousin or an aunt, another WOMAN, who made skinniness into a fucking contest with the blog writer.
And if you do manage to stay in that "socially acceptable skinniness" zone... then you will be appreciated and rewarded even if it's anorexic behaviors that keep you in that acceptable zone.
Our society is seriously fucked up.
And I'm actually getting warm and a faster heart rate. Time to calm down and put Lights back on.
Cuz i'm about to get a bit personal and I need the calming influence.
Samantha Ronson... I first knew her as Charlotte's twin. i found Charlotte first, sometime in 2007, while looking up female designers. I wondered if women designers made more wearable clothes since a woman designer would actually wear her creations while guy designers just play dress-up with the models. And well.. I'm aware fashion is subjective and not everyone will like Charlotte's work. I do like her work.
And while looking at some stills of her with her models, i caught a pic of her and Annabelle, with that big happy smile. I knew her sister modelled for her, but what shocked me is when i realized i'd seen that happy smile before.
My brain flashed back to a pic I'd seen years ago of Charlotte and Annabelle, with Annabelle smiling that same big happy grin that is soo contagious. And another girl in the picture wearing a red coat with rainbow trim, a very pretty girl. I could not remember her name, only that Charlotte had a twin.
ABout the same time I'd been seeing a pretty blonde girl with soulful eyes in the background of various lindsay lohan pics on the fashion sites. lindsay tended to be listed under the Leggings Are Not Pants section (especially on Go Fug Yourself heh) And thanks to lindsay's fashion choices i've seen about as much of her as her gyno. And i really didn't need those mental images. Especially the... down below. And who needs to see the stretch marks under her breasts or how high her nips sit on her (which is actually why i wonder if she had implants at some point.. those nips are sooo high!)
But it never occured to me that the pretty blonde hiding in the background was the missing twin whose name i could not remember.
it wasn't until Miz Leggings Lohan appeared on MY Charlotte's runway that I finally made the connection. And i was shocked at the change in Samantha's appearance. So that's when i did my digging. Found her Myspace page, her selfportrait.net page (which I need to find again since all my bookmarks were lost in a virus attack) and a lots of youtubes from her longterm fans (many thanks to them)
And her songs affected me in a way that no other song or songwriter ever has.
songs are my drug, I've said that. They take me to different imaginary places in my head, some happy and fun and some sad and some angry, and i watch various characters of mine run around and act out whatever i'm feeling. Or i imagine myself doing something, conquering a fear of mine or something.
But Samantha's songs...
I saw my own past, i was remembering rather than imagining. Something about her songs helped me process some very painful events in my past. Like she didn't just know how I felt.. but also WHY i felt that way.
Which is silly but that's what i see in my head with her songs. i see my own actions. not my dreams, but my realities. and it helps me deal.
That's why Samantha Ronson means so damn much to me.. and why i can't hear her songs very often.
The Ronsons tried so hard to support that relationship. When Dina and Aliana were going "omg they're just friends!" Mark Ronson (producer, did Amy Winhouse album, has 3 Grammys) was saying "yea lindsay and my sister make a cute couple, don't they?"
Charlotte shared her runway. That's a big fucking deal. She's been working her ass off trying to be taken seriously. She's been designing clothes longer than she's been on Fashion Week because she wasn't recognized for a few years. I'm having trouble figuring out just when she started designing. 2000? 1998? She was so unrecognized that she just passed right under the radar.
And you'd think that since Mick Jones of Foreigner was their stepfather that being under the radar would have been hard. But they managed it.
And Charlotte shared her runway with lindsay. i heard rumors of a handbag collaboration but i haven't seen it. Anyone seen it?
Anyway.. my point is that Samantha's song mean a lot to me, so Samantha herself is important to me.And I really want some sort of assurance that lindsay understands she was being a total bitch to Samantha and that lindsay will NOT ever again throw shit at Samantha, break her windows, send the fucking paps after her, post Samantha's friends's private phone numbers on twitter, accuse Samantha of cheating, accuse Samantha of doing drugs or any of that shit.
Music is my drug. Some drugs can be healing.
I <3 Ronson.
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