thoughts on music

Alone at home catsitting. One of our dear lil cats had to have some teeth pulled soo i get to spend my vacation housebound cuz he needs to be fed soft foods and his antibiotics. And he also needs to be watched cuz the meds make him act like a little furry drunk. Currently napping in his cat carrier. When the door's open it's like a cave and most my cats like it. Makes it easier to get them in it for the vet's i'll say.

Moving on... once again I'm writing a post in response to a post of K's cuz well.. i don't think leaving an essay-length comment would be very polite. :)

I've got a bunch of youtube windows open and Lights songs are in all of them. I figured that'll keep me from getting too depressing while I write this.

K asked about songs we like. Fav artists etc. And I'm not sure I can really answer that. One reason is i often have to google song lyrics before i even know what group/singer i'm hearing... so it's possible that I DO like a lot of groups or songs on her list but I don't know their names!

And secondly.. even songs that i don't "like" i still play, it depends on my mood.

Music is my drug. i use songs to manipulate my mood.

Lights makes me bouncy and happy. She's so sweet and young and fresh and Ice is playing right now and even though the lyrics seem to be about a heartbreak, the song's style is bouncy and gonna-fight-back kinda thing. (and the video makes me smile) I hope she does great not only in album sales... i also hope she doesn't get ruined by the evil machine of Hollywood/Fame/Etc (No, I don't lust after her. I've got a mental block about lusting after those more than 5 or 6 years younger than me. And this kid seems young enough to be my child. How old is she?)

I've got some Evanescence (dunno if it's pre-Fallen stuff, is Fallen an album name?), some Kamelot, and being raised by music teachers I do love Chopin. And Bach and Mozart and Beethoven and Handel and all them. (Mozart's Requiem... cry!)

Gotta love Gaga. She's for my Righteous Anger moods. I'm actually trying to storyboard out an music video idea I have to Gaga's Bad Romance, about the pressures on women to be skinny. It really is cruel how we're rewarded for being thin but then there's the "too thin" line and we get punished. Then we gain weight and then we're fat and called lazy and that we just let ourselves go. Society is really fucking sexist.

Ever really look at Gaga's Paparazzi video? How the money has Gaga's pic, she's a product. How he carries her out where the paps can see her.. How when the boy shoves Gaga off that railing *while cameras are rolling on them both* the paps take pics of her after she falls but the boy doesn't get arrested? How the headlines talked about HER being over?And then the flashes of other pretty dead women. And Gaga poisons the boy and she gets arrested? But even as she's arrested the headlines are about how she rocks? And how people love her again? And with the lyrics... There's a lot going on in that video.

And now i got Bad Romance on. I love youtube.. there are so many songs i would never have heard, so many artists I would never have found, without youtube videos.

Notice how Gaga has other women dragging her character out of the tub, pouring stuff in her mouth, yanking that coat off her body and throwing her out to the men. And it made me think about how it's usually other women who make me feel bad about myself. Back when I did still date guys, they didn't give a fuck about where i bought my clothes or if i was in style or not. They just wanted me to be happy when i was around. It's other girls who would laugh at my clothes, my bad haircuts and perms, my out of date coats. I was poor. Guys didn't much care, but the girls laughed at me.
And often here on other blogs i'll read about a mom or a cousin or an aunt, another WOMAN, who made skinniness into a fucking contest with the blog writer.

And if you do manage to stay in that "socially acceptable skinniness" zone... then you will be appreciated and rewarded even if it's anorexic behaviors that keep you in that acceptable zone.
Our society is seriously fucked up.

And I'm actually getting warm and a faster heart rate. Time to calm down and put Lights back on.
Cuz i'm about to get a bit personal and I need the calming influence.

Samantha Ronson... I first knew her as Charlotte's twin. i found Charlotte first, sometime in 2007, while looking up female designers. I wondered if women designers made more wearable clothes since a woman designer would actually wear her creations while guy designers just play dress-up with the models. And well.. I'm aware fashion is subjective and not everyone will like Charlotte's work. I do like her work.
And while looking at some stills of her with her models, i caught a pic of her and Annabelle, with that big happy smile. I knew her sister modelled for her, but what shocked me is when i realized i'd seen that happy smile before.
My brain flashed back to a pic I'd seen years ago of Charlotte and Annabelle, with Annabelle smiling that same big happy grin that is soo contagious. And another girl in the picture wearing a red coat with rainbow trim, a very pretty girl. I could not remember her name, only that Charlotte had a twin.
ABout the same time I'd been seeing a pretty blonde girl with soulful eyes in the background of various lindsay lohan pics on the fashion sites. lindsay tended to be listed under the Leggings Are Not Pants section (especially on Go Fug Yourself heh) And thanks to lindsay's fashion choices i've seen about as much of her as her gyno. And i really didn't need those mental images. Especially the... down below. And who needs to see the stretch marks under her breasts or how high her nips sit on her (which is actually why i wonder if she had implants at some point.. those nips are sooo high!)
But it never occured to me that the pretty blonde hiding in the background was the missing twin whose name i could not remember.
it wasn't until Miz Leggings Lohan appeared on MY Charlotte's runway that I finally made the connection. And i was shocked at the change in Samantha's appearance. So that's when i did my digging. Found her Myspace page, her selfportrait.net page (which I need to find again since all my bookmarks were lost in a virus attack) and a lots of youtubes from her longterm fans (many thanks to them)

And her songs affected me in a way that no other song or songwriter ever has.

songs are my drug, I've said that. They take me to different imaginary places in my head, some happy and fun and some sad and some angry, and i watch various characters of mine run around and act out whatever i'm feeling. Or i imagine myself doing something, conquering a fear of mine or something.
But Samantha's songs...
I saw my own past, i was remembering rather than imagining. Something about her songs helped me process some very painful events in my past. Like she didn't just know how I felt.. but also WHY i felt that way.
Which is silly but that's what i see in my head with her songs. i see my own actions. not my dreams, but my realities. and it helps me deal.

That's why Samantha Ronson means so damn much to me.. and why i can't hear her songs very often.

The Ronsons tried so hard to support that relationship. When Dina and Aliana were going "omg they're just friends!" Mark Ronson (producer, did Amy Winhouse album, has 3 Grammys) was saying "yea lindsay and my sister make a cute couple, don't they?"
Charlotte shared her runway. That's a big fucking deal. She's been working her ass off trying to be taken seriously. She's been designing clothes longer than she's been on Fashion Week because she wasn't recognized for a few years. I'm having trouble figuring out just when she started designing. 2000? 1998? She was so unrecognized that she just passed right under the radar.
And you'd think that since Mick Jones of Foreigner was their stepfather that being under the radar would have been hard. But they managed it.
And Charlotte shared her runway with lindsay. i heard rumors of a handbag collaboration but i haven't seen it. Anyone seen it?

Anyway.. my point is that Samantha's song mean a lot to me, so Samantha herself is important to me.And I really want some sort of assurance that lindsay understands she was being a total bitch to Samantha and that lindsay will NOT ever again throw shit at Samantha, break her windows, send the fucking paps after her, post Samantha's friends's private phone numbers on twitter, accuse Samantha of cheating, accuse Samantha of doing drugs or any of that shit.

Music is my drug. Some drugs can be healing.
I <3 Ronson.