Well, it is done.

And to be honest I won't change it back no matter what...because I am terrified an anti-ana will find it because "Hungry for Change" really is like a trademark or something for a program by the Food Inc people.. and I do NOT want an anti-ana to found us while googling looking for the Food inc version.
Seriously.. drop it into Google and see what you get. eeks.

Quite frankly it's probably a miracle that the last one was never found. Eeeeeks.

And for future reference.. for fucks sake peeps i do have my blog set to allow anyone to leave a comment.. even anon comments. and anyone leaving a comment will notice that i have comment moderation on. That's how me and Starving Artist started writing each other privately. She left an email in a comment that I deleted.

So there's really no reason to just make a post that has the indirect effect of creating animosity towards me. If I piss you off that bad it is possible to TRY to resolve it privately before I get hung out to dry by your fans.

But moving on.. because the less I say about that mess the better I'll feel.

For some reason I can't post pics from the computer. It says "server rejected" well fuck.
I do, however, have a Samantha Ronson "mixtape" in my ears right now xD

Anyway... I didn't know I had a fast metabolism? It's not like i have access to one of those nifty machines that you like breathe into and it actually measures what you're burning. Nooo i get my ESTIMATES from bmrcalculator.org :)

i just plug in my weight (161.. eeeks) and my height (5 foot 7.. so i may be taller than you K) and the calculator spits out the stats i posted.

I'm hoping those estimates are right.. they gotta be somewhat right because i did lose weight last time.

Well today was Eat day.. and i did try to eat like a total Piggy McBingey.. how is it that when i WANT to stuff my face it suddenly becomes hard to? And when my plan calls for fasting I end up pigging out? WTF?

I think most of my calories came from the Oreos. Heh but i did get some healthy.. milk and a TV dinner.. wait do those mass-market TV dinners really count as healthy?

Anyway at 10pm it changed over to fasting.. liquid fasting to be precise. I do allow myself caloric drinks in the forms of milk and my protein shakes. Maybe it's cuz i'm gayelle...or maybe cuz of that rape attempt i fought off.. it's kinda a mix of both actually.. but i do want desperately to protect what little muscle i have.

Besides... I need a proper pair of Dyke Arms xD

And yea I prefer the term gayelle... while "lesbian" does apply i just feel like it's kinda butch for me xD

Yanno it's weird... it's like after doing this intermittent fasting thing that i actually did without knowing it at first... but fasting really does have sooo many benefits.. i'm more sensitive to my body's needs.

In a way.. it's like my intellect has snuck into the ana-thinking... cuz while i am not happy with my body at all... i don't hate it.

I feel sorry for it.

My poor little body didn't ask to be deformed. (i have scoliosis, remember?) it didn't ask to be so flawed and in constant pain. And don't get me started on my thoughts about my weight.. actually do get me started, cuz the inner monologue has gotten funny lately.

"i hate being fat! Fat is soo fucking disgusting!"
"Well guess what? your body hates being fat too! So stop your bitching and HELP!"

xD

If you live in what is called a "first-world" country, then you know what it is like to be surrounded by food. Waistlines are growing at an alarming rate, those of us in the USA are seeing obesity at epidemic levels, and obesity is probably at epidemic levels in other "first-world" countries too. It's like we just don't know when to shut our mouths!

and it costs us sooo much money! we spend $$ to buy junk food that we shove in our mouths.. and then spend yet more $$ on diet pills and special weight-loss belts (those gotta be my fave joke)

But our bodies don't like to be fat. They really don't. Being fat stresses everything... the heart and the liver especially.

So anyway I'm going to attempt to fast from 10pm tonight (about4 hours ago now) to 10pm tomorrow. yea, i might break. There's a reason I chose a humble 30 hours for my first monthly fast. It would actually be an achievement. I've yet to last a full 24. But I'm sleeping for part of this.. jeez!

Ok, I'm out.. either to bed (ha ha) or to drool over a certain someone.

Hmm.. who was it at the tea party who lived in California? i wonder if she'd do a lil hunt for me? Nahh.. I'd never ask that.

I'm innocent 0:)