Dec is quickly coming, and as it gets closer I get more nervous...
Ana Regzig would fast for religious purposes sometimes, and for weight loss sometimes. She even had a quote by John Calvin over how he refused to ordain those who didn't fast on Weds (for Judas' betraying Jesus) and Fri (Crucifixion) that John said those who cannot rule over their own bellies had no business ruling over the church of God.
Fasting was never required by my religious upbringing, but it was allowed. There was even that 30hr Famine program I mentioned before, a church-approved short-term group fast for the youth, under adult supervision of course.
And with the big name biblical figures doing fasts before big one-on-one time with God, it's just always seemed normal to me. Ofc no one was ever expected to match the bible heros and I bet any pastor would try to talk you out of a fast that went on longer than a day or two.
I mentioned before how hurt I was when that "church" voted to never accept me as I am. I thought to use this fast to ask for healing, and for help for the others I know who have been rejected and hurt by "churches" CLAIMING to love them. And maybe ask for help for all gay kids whether I know them or not.
But I'm afraid. Suddenly I'm wondering....what if the bigots are right?
Ofc Logic is saying I'm being ridiculous. Even with Paul's sexism there's still that Galatians quote about neither male nor female in Christ, and I do interpret that to mean God doesn't care about being male or female. There's the interesting wording used about the centurion's servant that Jesus healed, and the interesting wording about some of David and Jonathan's relationship.
And there's also some scary shit if the bible is taken literally. Lot was considered righteous even tho he offered his virgin daughters to be gang-raped? What the flying fuck!!
I'm just scared. Maybe God doesn't care what kind of body we have but God does seem to care what we do with those bodies. All those rules about being faithful in marriage etc.
But I *can* be faithful.. i'd just be faithful to another woman instead of to a man.
Just.... does it really matter?
I've tried to date guys. Me and R tried hard to make a go of it. I'm just not built that way.
And now I'm just feeling scared... wondering... if the bigots are right.
I don't want them to be right :(
I don't think the bigots are right. I don't think any kind of hateful beliefs can be right, if God is all about love. I try to always remember the time that the Bible was written in--people back then wrote in metaphorical terms, and the writers themselves no doubt threw their own personal views in there from time to time. So I figure it's open to a little interpretation as far as the smaller details.
ReplyDeletePlus God made us all, right? It wouldn't have made anyone gay if being gay was wrong.
<3
Thank you so much for you comment, hun. It really brightened my day!
ReplyDeleteAh, my dad is a Pastor of his own church so I know exactly all about what you're saying. We fast too, and it really messes with my mind sometimes. They fast so they can closer to God and I fast to lose weight. It's hard not to get those two mixed up as a Pastor's daughter with a hidden ED.
I just want to say that that's bullshit about your church kicking you out or whatever. Despite what the Bible says on that matter, the main thing is love. I think the Bible is very clear that love is the answer to everything. You deserve a church family and congregation to love you. We have someone at our church who is gay, and nobody judges him or makes him feel uncomfortable. We help him fight his demons when he asks, and then we love. I really hope you can find a church that is right for you.
Following you!
The bigots are NOT right! If you lie to yourself about who you are and try to please someone else by mutilating your spirit, you are no longer the you that God brought into this world to love.
ReplyDeleteNearly all major religions frown upon lying, right? So don't lie to yourself. I bet a lot of those bigots are trying to force you into a mold that chafes at them as well. Be true to yourself, it will make your strong.
There is no god! The good that comes from any organised religion never outweighs the bad. NEVER.
ReplyDeleteDo you know that until the introduction of Christianity, women in BC societies, particularly celtic, often had the same liberties as men.
They could own the only key to the house, they were often the only warriors, women were resepcted.
Then the bible came along and for the past 2,000 years we've done nothing but try to prove ourselves.
And now you're actually questioning that you might be an abomination? YOU'RE AMAZING. Because you're not letting your life and your heart to be ruled by something that doesn't exist!
P.S
ReplyDeleteLol, Karma can take a look at the "Church" that booted you AND at Dolly. She's going into politics, that may be punishment enough!