a useless post

I have now discovered the epicness of the Yummy Secrets blog. Seriously good info over there. And her thoughts on pro-ana are a lot like mine. And she even thinks eating disorders might be genetic.
Am reading from the beginning and already she's made me laugh. I also eat my skittles by color. And have my fave combos. I thought everyone did that?
Also reading about the bracelets. I need to go find the pics where it looked like there was some red on samantha's wrist. She wears so many bracelets tho so it could be nothing, but now I have more colors to look for I'm strangely curious. I also want to find my bright pink peace sign bracelet. It's bright pink and not light pink but it's the best I got. And the peace sign will let me pass it off as a hippie thing.
I have a hard time finding bracelets that fit. I have a small frame. Even overweight (medically overweight) my wrist is like a 6 inch circumference. I am apple shape, carry the weight in my belly. I look pregnant and it pulls at my poor twisted spine. Gotta drop lbs and I'm not exactly doing it "the healthy way". Oh well.

After midnight. Diet starts now. Sunday was cheat day, idea I got from pasternak's 5 Factor Fitness (is it normal to know multiple diet plans by name? I always thought so.)

And then she talks about her ADD and suddenly it was like she was writing about my life. How I crave structure but somehow I can't create structure. How I keep losing track of important shit like due dates. How hard and tiring it is to try to get organized and get shit done.

I don't have all the issues she does but the ADD and EDNOS stuff was spot on. And it's nice to feel less alone. :)
I think I'm in love.
And looks like I need to read Stick Figure at some point. Yummy's review does make it sound like a book I can identify with. Public school was pretty pointless for me too. Maybe that's why I really don't want to finish college. I love it. Perhaps I'm unconciously sabotaging my college grades?
No way I'm borderline or anything like that. I'm not looking for something to define me. I prefer being undefined. I do want respect tho. To not have what I say about myself be dismissed.
Although in perfect honesty, I have sometimes had terrifying moments where I felt that I could actually choose to love someone or not. I just chalk it up to effects of having the abusive daddie dearest.

I am amused that Yummy also noticed Louise from Super Skinny Me.

Perhaps I should apply to have my blog added to her list? Do I really fit? I'd be honored by the inclusion but I'm still not sure if the term pro-ana applies to me, like I said earlier. I am ana-accepting. Is that enough? Because I still bounce between feeling all guilty like i-should-try-to-recover and sometimes I'm all OMFG-get-this-evil-ugly-fat-off-me-NOW so... I dunno.

Wow this post was useless.