hrrm

Guess what started last Monday?
Fucking womanlies!!!
And it was HEAVY.

I managed to get the "special pants" on.. then crashed all frigging day Monday ..... and Tuesday -_-

Was awake enough to drink some water, have a bit of chocolate or jerky, pee, and then more crashing.

Got up and finally went downstairs and Mom says "Wow, you're alive!"

I had no clue it was 2am on Weds morning.

Feck.

Bled all over the damn place too.

Good thing I had those pants on... went thru the pants, stained my sheets, when i sat on my desk chair for a second to change the music... got on the chair too.

Beyond annoying. Sheets can be bleached but what the fuck am i supposed to do about the off-white cloth covering the chair? (It was white, back when i was in 5th grade... more a gray now.. with a yucky brownish spot where i tried soo hard to blot the mess up.)

And then i still had to go right back to work on Thurs... I worked Thanksgiving... and i worked a full shift Fri (my birthday) and then had a fucking TEN HOUR SHIFT on Sat and then worked again yesterday (Sun) so i've been either working or eating or sleeping.

So i failed yet another class, cuz i fail. And exams are coming fast. Like the 2nd week of Dec.

And my car is fecked. Check Engine light is coming on for ME now... after about half an hour of driving. No idea what's up. I don't have money. Temperature gauge is sometimes going just over the halfway mark but is that really the cause?
At least it doesn't come on right away? So i can still drive to and from work instead of risking my life by walking over the busiest street in my area and where pedestrians apparently do not get Right of Way.

But even if it doesn't come on right away... isn't it bad that it comes on at all?
I'm wondering how high a car's temp gauge should go. Is it getting hot when it goes over the halfway mark? Not saying the temp causes it.. just that's what I'd noticed last time it happened. Since i rarely drive for longer than 10 mins at a time, the Engine Light hasn't come on since Thurs.
But how the hell could an engine overheat in this cold weather? That can't be it.

I don't know but I'm not happy. The glorious Internet says Autozone has a machine that can read the "Error code"  and give me some idea what's wrong. Maybe then I'll decide if I need to take it in ASAP or i can limp along til i get some more money (hah fucking hah)

And ofc since i'm broke I bought myself some birthday presents. JCPenney had the Ronson sweaterdress i want for half off... tho they didn't have the gray one, just the brown. So my second dress (so I could get free shipping) was a pretty sleeveless silver/black deal that was the same size, and also the I <3 Ronson line.
then i hit Sephora and got Charlotte's "Masquerade Set" (2 mini-lipsticks and an eyeshadow palette and a bag) and the Bumble and bumble hair tonic spray.
And since it was my birthday Sephora threw in a 6oz Philosophy body wash for free. Which was why i wanted to order that day. Also getting a lil 1oz Bb thickening hairspray. Getting quite a few freebies actually. ^_^

And i also got the Amazon mp3 version of Samantha's new album for myself. She promised on her twitter that an actual CD would be available soon but I'm impatient. Altho I'll probably get the CD too eventually..  considering how much $$ I've thrown at Charlotte for her stuff... i can throw $20 at Samantha.

I like it. It's a more complicated work than her earlier songs, and she gives a lot of variety and a lot of layering. Her voice is a little more autotuned in some than in others, which annoys me a little because I like her voice, but it does fit in with the songs. Each song is different.

And I know she's gonna be crucified for it too. All the insane lilo-stans are already all "this is about lindsayyyyy!!!!"  And ofc those same stans totally overlook blohan using Samantha for a number of things.
But anyway... Samantha's debut album Red (never fully released) was damn near all about her ex-boyfriend Happy Massee.
And can anyone name me a single artist who writes a love song who was NOT inspired by an actual relationship?

Right then... had to get that out ^_^

Chasing the Reds is the title of the album and of the first song. Samantha describes her style as "kinda poppy rock" and this one does show that. Her voice is very electronic in this song and it seems to be more a club song. It's a fun one.

Tuesdays- the opening actually made me think of the old Sonic games for a second. Her voice is less electronic here, and sometimes i think i hear her voice clearly. And these lyrics, the ones i can hear anyway... this is where someone might wonder... "I'm falling into what i don't exactly know." "I won't let myself believe that I'm not what you need." "I know I drink more than I should. I know I lied but for your own good."  "We both know you don't believe I'm not what you need." "But I'm just who you need"
The bounciness of this song seems to belie the hint of heavy meaning here.
Damn thing is.. if this is about what some people think.... she's probably right. Samantha was the one person willing to stand up to lindsay's spoiled entitled princess act. Samantha was willing to put her foot down, and yea blohan did need that. And we all see how it ended. Some people just don't want help. At least Samantha tried. She tried hard.

Skyscrapers- this is the one Samantha did with her brother Mark, and as soon as i learned that the very different style made total sense. Mark's style is all over this, but doesn't completely take over. It's a very interesting blend of their two styles. My hunch though is that the lyrics are mostly hers. Mark can blend disparate sounds well, but Samantha seems to be better with words. She's the poet.
This is another fun one, I think. She even raps for just a tiny bit, and it's actually kinda cute. Her voice is softer and more girlie than you'd expect. She's also speaking clearly, doesn't do the exaggerated breath thing that i hate so much.
i remember when she appeared on Mark's radio show way back when they were first floating this song, and she actually said, when she learned he was gonna preview Skyscrapers she said "hope it's not the part where I'm rapping" and he laughed and made no promises. And as he went for a break she quipped about how hearts get broken on his show.

Summer of Sam- I have no idea of the story behind this one.... i do have vague memories of Courtney Love saying a song of hers wasn't about Samantha. Anyway this is a fun one too, and it features some dude named Wale (sorry, i live in a cave and have no clue about this guy) and he does the sort of rap that i hate, that exaggerated breathing and spitting the words, slurring consonants and often dropping letters off all together.
She also goes a bit higher than normal here. Nice to hear a soprano actually using her range. Her voice is layered over itself, sometimes autotuned and sometimes not. So other than the rap, this is a fun one.

Love Song- Samantha got to work with her idol, Slash, (yes, THAT Slash.) for this one. This is the most different song on her album, being a simple solo with soft piano/guitar accompaniment, with a guitar solo at the end. This is a sad one.

Sometimes When You Win, You Lose-  The clublike start here really belies the seriousness of the lyrics. "We don't change, the fights, all the same, we're both to blame" The song as a whole i think is superbly structured.  The strong beat makes it seem like a dance number, and if you ignore the lyrics, it could be a dance beat. There is progression and she loves her vocal harmonies. I even hear what sounds like a small orchestra at times, but it's probably a synthesizer. But the spots where the song suddenly goes a bit minimalist gives a poetry to it, like she's telling a story. maybe it's her pain, and when she first started to find herself and to come back from the brink.
I also like how I can understand her here even though at times she does the weird breathy thing in the middle of a word.
"We hold on to our last chance, pretending we can make it last."
"I just wanted to find some peace with you. You needed the noise as proof and we started this war on the same side and now I feel like I'm a hostage in the room. But I'm just trying to find a way out alive. Breathe in, breathe out. I don't want to fight. There's no prize to choose. Sometimes when you win, you lose."
Working her emotions out. And the ending is soo smooth, seems like it's intended to connect directly to....

Promise- this song makes me SOB. I hope i never know the kind of pain that inspired this. Cuz damn this is a sad one. i think it's the most powerful one on her album. it does make me think of someone in love with an addict. I'm lucky that i've never known that pain, i've only seen it from a distance.  And frankly, when an addict just fucking doesn't care and doesn't want help and doesn't want to change... there is nothing to do but walk away, no matter how much that hurts. It's like the addict becomes a vampire.. everything that person once was is gone but the body is still walking around wanting drugs. A demon wearing your lover's face.
"i saw a picture today when you were someone i knew, someone i thought that I'd know forever."
"i thought i saw you today, heard your voice, but the face, the face melted into a stranger's"
As fast as i smiled did the tears fill my eyes, cuz i know i'll never know you again."

i don't think Promise was ever performed live. I'm not surprised... i cry just hearing it. Imagine actually knowing what inspired it and feeling it at that level?

Until It's Yesterday-  this is a gentle, sad, pretty song that also stands out because she has some kids singing the chorus with her. Reminds me of Toy Soldiers a little bit. it also sounds kinda simple at first. i didn't realize how many layers of sound she had until i started to break it down to adapt for my viola. I'm not good enough. I want to hug her when i hear this one. "i won't sleep, no, i won't dream until it's yesterday"
Promise is the most powerful one, but i actually think this is the prettiest. It's my fave.

Half Awake (Meltdown)- how can anyone be just half awake when this loud guitar-filled auditory concoction is playing? Ok ok.. I'm still focusing on hearing the lyrics, it seems to be her 1984 type song. "Follow a leader we can't see, left, right, left, right." Anyway it's a fast song. Good workout song ^_^

Don't Want You- umm.. wow this totally makes me think of sex. yea.. we're skipping this one. i have enough issues about sexual thoughts, especially concerning the Littlest Ronson ^_^

Captain Jack- I have no clue what the hell this one's about. it's interesting to me just for that reason. her voice is very computerized here. it's an interesting song. It's also kinda sad.
i'll call you Captain Jack
and leave you anonymous
as i found you out tonight, out to forget
the man you almost were."

Perhaps someone less naive than me would like to chime in?

Anyway... I gotta go sleep. Gonna actually show up at that failed class... and then i go right back to work. Fuck retail
And then maybe start playing with youtube videos. Dunno...
It would keep my fat hands out of the candy, I think....