hugs to Dumb Brunette. Thanks, cutie ^_^

@Tempest.. ah you were the one who asked. I could remember someone asked me that but I couldn't remember who and checking Blogger stuff is getting harder. I can't scroll down. I can post but that's it. Sorry I missed you :(
And congrats on your license!!! Rock on little one!
I actually am afraid to line my waterline, so I've never done it. Don't go cheap, though. I like how soft the Wet 'n Wild eyeliners are... but when they get in my eyes they itch like hell. All my drugstore stuff itches when it gets in my eyes. Even a marykay eyeshadow will itch a little. So I'm afraid to line my waterline.

MY GRAPHICS PAD CAME!!!!!
And I love love love it!
I still suck at drawing, big surprise, but using the pad does feel more natural and much less frustrating. It makes cartoon creating feel much more fun. And it FEELS like I draw faster, but when I checked the time I realized I was still taking just as long on my pad as i took when using the mouse.
But it's fun for me so it feels like i go faster. or something ...
The pad plugs into my USB port and the pen uses a single AAA battery. I dunno if it's ok to unplug the pad when I'm done using it. I hope so. I don't want that cord hanging around tempting the cats to bite it.
I do like how I can use the pad and the mouse at the same time.. well have them both plugged in anyway. The computer adapts to whichever method is moving at the moment. So i'll switch from pad to mouse to copy-paste something- then switch back and it's as easy as picking up the pad again. Love it!!!

after just putzing around on it for a few hours (it's now 3:30am and i opened my pad at 9pm) I made a cartoon that is really me venting a bit... and practicing my handwriting with my pad ^_^
Quick background... the store I work at, the whole chain actually, sometimes has these sales where when you buy an item, after you pay a coupon prints out from the register that is worth the same price as the item.
Working is always hell when those sorts of sales go on. Post-sale coupons often print out anyway, but not often for the item's full price. And you get a free-after-coupon sale going on........

And this will continue through multiple transactions. One lady i rang out had 30 separate transaction, each of 2 or 3 items, and these transactions were damn near identical because she was cycling through some 3 items that had free-after-postsale-coupon. She added a few cheap candies when she wanted to use more than one postsale coupon on one item.

What the hell does one family do with soooo many copies of the same 3 or 4 items? This shit happens with toothbrushes (the lady said they were stocking stuffers... I'd be pissed if i got a toothbrush as a Christmas present, especially if I was a kid) With deoderants, with makeup, with breath strips... even with "fat burner" pills that are really just lots of caffeine (seriously.. look at diet pill ingredients with a careful eye... they're just stimulants).. do people even notice that these items have expiration dates??? How can anyone use up sooo many copies before they all go bad?
Another lady bought a pack of condoms that she admitted she wouldn't use.. she just wanted the coupon. Why??? Why on earth???

And then I wonder how much TIME these women (and they're all women thus far) must spend creating these shopping lists, especially the ones who add manufacturer coupons into the mix. They come in expecting to get money and um nooo.... the coupons are not allowed to put the total into the negatives. So those women also end up buying cheap candies just so they can pay 43 cents or so and use allll their coupons on their orders.
And yea, these women really do get lots of stuff for pennies to a couple dollars.

But is it REALLY worth it? is it really worth all the time to organize coupons in their binders, line up their shopping lists, annoy the hell out of us and the people behind them with their multiple transactions, and then carry all those duplicates home?

Maybe they're really selling those duplicates at flea markets or something. ^_^

Dumb Brunette: a few years ago the ELCA as a whole finally voted to accept gay people as equals, but the legislation also had a clause where individual churches didn't have to follow it.
And Mom's "church" is one of those. At first there was a group that tried to convince the rest of the congregation to leave the ELCA entirely, but that fell thru. Instead the "church" voted to never accept gays as equals and they called it a "compromise". Really? Compassionate people don't compromise with bigots. So I don't feel comfy there anymore.
But before that big ELCA vote the rule was gay pastors had to take a vow of celibacy. Any churches who chose to call a gy pastor in a relationship were forbidden from voting at synod gatherings. It's been a hard fight thus far and I'm so tired of fighting. I just want to go to a church where my orientation is a nonissue. Where they just want me happy, whoever I'm with. You know?

Eloise: yea I do feel guilty for buying something that seems like it's just for fun. Not food, not clothes, not for a house...sigh... hard programing to ignore. Thanks for encouragement. And yea, I have found some disability rights laws in my area. The "fun" part would be proving my case. So guess I need to start writing stuff in a dated notebook, instead of just on here.

Speaking of...... he did it again tonight. (Dec 26)
I was stuck closing. He was closing manager. Btw I stillm have no voice. In many ways I feel better but my voice is still a froggy gargle mess. Which he seems to think a cop-out judging by his snort. Anyway after a day of doing what he wanted, even him having me pick up the trash he made when he broke down xmas gift sets to sell as individual items...I picked up his trash and put all those items away and hunted down bar codes for items he showed me, all while trying to transfer 6 shelves of sunblock back to their proper location (I ran out of time and have 2 shelves left)....after all that..after I had clocked outt after closing he asked if i'd put 2 shippers away. I had no idea what he was talking about. So he walked me back, tho I was already clocked out, and showed me a dispaly unit that held fragrance testers. It had been back there for a month because we used the testers. So I took the testers into the back room and then he unlocked the door to let me out.
If it were really that important, wouldn't he have thought about it before I clocked out and had my coat on?
What the fuck.
At least the floor cleaner guy was there so I didn't have to mop.

convincing myself that i'm worth it.....

So I only got $30 for Christmas. Yes, that was it. I was raised too poor for presents so I'm actually used to it. Oh well.
What really bothered me was being unable to go to MY church for Christmas Eve service. Went to Mom's instead, the "church" that voted to not accept gay pastors or do unions ever.

And the DigiPro pad I'd been looking at is basically no longer there, cuz unless it's at least Fulfilled By Amazon I'm never sure if i'll actually get what i pay for. I trust Amazon, but when I get a list of "offered by these sellers" I'm never quite sure if I'm gonna be scammed. (Also there's no free shipping guarantee)
So my new choices are a $20 drawing pad that looks kinda like a regular mousepad, and only has 2 reviews, and only one is positive.. or the $40 VT PenPad that has 55 reviews and a 4 starout of 5 average. Both are shipped from Amazon's own warehouses.
That Omron hip pedometer, the black one that measures distance as well as steps is still there and done by Amazon.
I had Christmas Day off, and totally slept through church *facepalm* and am therefore up at 4am again. At least I'm feeling better, but my voice is still gone and the hacking cough is still around. Headache is less common, yay.
Work is still slaughtering me. It's draining. Day after day after day and not enough recoup time. I'm catching up on blogs on the comp (sorry no pics) and I'm loving Peri's most recent posts, since she's in retail too. She's in a deli and I'm in a drugstore, but we're both stuck being treated like trash by customers, so I'm identifying there. Also, I did work in a deli for a year back when R and I first met. And i do remember how much it SUCKED. I will say that being in a drugstore at least doesn't have that smell. The deli I worked at had both meat and cheese and fried "chicken" and constantly stank of fried grease and fat, and outdated head cheese. Blech!!!
Definitely gonna start thinking of customers as NPCs. And possibly some of the bosses and coworkers too. After all working retail is really just being a ground-level drone. Employees are basically given scripts to follow, that's what all that "training" is really about. Working a cash register isn't that damn hard.
So just like in a game, you're in a job filled with NPCs who are all running on their own individual scripts.
And besides.. I've actually been told to see dollar signs when i look at customers, so seeing them as less that human is perfectly job-approved ^_^
it's seeing the employer as an NPC that would probably piss him off. But I think he sees me as an NPC from his view, so what's the difference?

ok... getting the courage to log into amazon... i deserve the $40 tablet... I have the money.... and it's the tablet that I feel is a more solid bet...and yes it is ok to get the pedometer too..... why am i so hesitant? Assuming both products work as advertised, i'll get much enjoyment out of a one-time purchase..the pedometer i could even wear to work, to encourage my calorie-burn and maybe make work feel less like a total waste of my time. At least i'll know how many calories i burned! And the tablet?
tell you a secret.. I sometimes daydream about launching my own webcomic, like on its own site and everything. Wouldn't a graphics pad, even a simple one, help make that dream just a little more possible?
And even without actually launching a webcomic, i'd still get much enjoyment out of these items... far more than I get out of my many impulsive chocolate purchases...I don't think this hard about them.
Maybe because the dollar amounts are larger?
But that's not true either.. i found some old receipts.. and I can spend $40 on chocolate in 2 months. So clearly I'm holding myself back over something else. Let's just buy the pad and forget buying more chocolate for 2 months... or even 1? Cuz i've got a cupboard full of chocolate right now... I was too sick to eat much of it. I'd estimate about 5lbs of chocolate is up there, possibly more. Several xmas-theme single wrapped chocolates, and like 5 boxes of the andes mint cookies, and i think 4 12oz boxes of russel stovers.
i don't need to buy any more chocolate!!!! Buy the damn pad! Trade pad for chocolate! Chocolate makes me fat and fat makes me unhappy! The pad will not make me fat! And pad might help a dream come true!!! Why the fuck am i not hitting the damn button!!!

DID IT!!! Holy shit I was staring at the screen and sweating for like 15 minutes... why was that so hard? I used up those gift cards i mentioned... so my total for the pad and the pedometer was $31.... only one dollar more than i was given for Christmas. And wouldn't my Grandpa want his only granddaughter to buy herself something nice with his money? Instead of chocolate?

Why is it so hard for me to give myself the things I REALLY want?

hugs to everyone! Merry Christmas!
My pad is projected to be here on the 29th and here's hoping it works well!

Hugs to tracy and Dumb Brunette (why do you call yourself that?)

I am siiiiiiick. So sick I actually called off work. Boss said I was 3rd person to call off but I couldn't help it. Everytime I stand I get dizzy. My voice is nearly gone and my throat is throbbing. When my bro heard me talk he asked if I was trying to be a bass. Heh.
So bro let me off the hook for his housecleaning project, told me to go sleep. And ofc he had to mention that a cleaner house would help me not be sick.
I think I caught this from working in a damn drugstore, ok?

Anyway...my thinkgeek package arrived! Gonna play with my keychain camera once I can be upright (blogging on phone from bed) and I got into the spacefood sampler. The cinnamon apple slices came from backpackerspantry.com and were soooooo much better than the ones I got at walmart. The slices were thicker and lightly crispy and not overly sweet. Loved them. The strawberries are from astronautfoods.com as is the ice cream sandwich. I've had astronautfoods.com's ice cream before so I know their ice cream sandwich will also be good. Ok am eating the strawberries...mmmmmm... these are *whole strawberries* that were freeze-dried. Not slices. I can even see the seeds. I still prefer fresh strawberries since I do like the juice but oh well. These strawberries are miles above the ones I found at walmart, walmart ones were slices. Walmart ones were also much cheaper. I bet if I looked these strawberries up on astronautfoods.com i'd have to pay much more than 97 cents for them.

I need to go back to sleep now. Laterzzzz.....

and again today...

same tall-boss was at work for a bit today.. and at some point when i was stuck on front register with a SMALL line forming (i was only one on reg and the person i was ringing was using a card) and i leaned over for a second while her card was processing to check something else and he went "what's the hold-up?" and i said "card is processing" and he hung around up front for a bit longer, putzing around with something.
Not sure of exact time.. it was before 5pm because of who I was relieving so she could go to her lunch. i THINK it was around 3.

And here's something i didn't consider before.
I recently started doing my work makeup much better. The great youtube vids a number of you cool blogger friends here sent me have been helpful.
I'm not sure if this is connected. It's just something I'm wondering.. I look much more professional now. I look a lot better in general, because of my improved technique. Though I have always gelled my hair to keep it from getting caught in shelving and stuff, somehow the gel hairstyle with the new makeup combines in a way that makes my face look like I stepped out of a magazine.

The third possibility, which i just found out tonight, is supposedly some bigwigs were in town and might have visited the store i work at, or something. So assuming the bigwigs have left town again, MAYBE things will calm down. I'm staying alert either way. Supposedly the bigwigs left town today, and he was still watching me while he was there (another manager closed)
so I'm basically at Yellow Alert ^_^
Observing. Observing carefully as I can.

And yes, i was naughty, and a spy-camera is now on its way to me. i ended up going for the keychain camera, at $30, down from 79.99 and oh fuck.. sometime today it went down further, to $25.
Sigh. My luck sucks.
i also got the space food sampler, which has astronaut ice cream sandwich, strawberries, apple slices, and some "food sticks" a chocolate one and a peanut butter one, and two drink mix powder sticks. And a magnet.
I've tried the strawberries and the dried apple slices by another brand and they were good enough. But I've wanted to try the sampler for months. I've had the astronaut ice cream by this brand and it was FABULOUS! So I have high hopes for the sampler. But ofc the "other brand" i found at walmart is cheaper. And it isn't bad.. it's actually quite good. I just think the Astronaut Foods brand Thinkgeek carries is probably better. We'll see.

In other news, a student coworker was basically forced to miss her final exam when her asshole professor changed the exam time to a time when she was scheduled to work. the large coworker initially said she might cover student's shift, but flaked out at the last possible minute. If it were me, i might well have called in sick because I do draw the line at missing class for work's sake, but in any case her prof is still an ass and i definitely feel no need to ever cover a shift again for the large one.

Also.. I am still a fatass. Womanlies in full swing, eww eww eww, and so is Piggy McBingey. At least the calorie cramming has given me great energy. Did a full day's work on only 5 hours of sleep. Ugh.. my stomach isn't happy about it though.
Also I'm still staying up too late.

Still want pedometer.. as soon as those giftcards arrive i'm getting a pedometer and a graphic pad, probably the DigiPro. Anyway i found another pedometer, also by Omron, that is only like 70 cents more and measures miles as well as steps, and some reviews say it can tell between fast walking and slow walking.
The first one I found:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000MNAXRA/

The new find that I'm tempted by:
http://www.amazon.com/Omron-HJ-151-Pedometer-Aerobic-Activity/dp/B000MN94A2/

Thoughts? I wouldn't wear it for aerobics, but if it does measure distance, that'd be nice.
And it's 5am again.. bad Honor!!

bad blogger, unhappy womanlies, and maybe job discrimination?

FUCK!!!
Once again Blogger is messing up when I'm on my phone.. I can't scroll down. I can post blogs of my own but I can't get to my reading list! Fuuuck!
Anyway now that I'm on computer (should have made a cartoon to practice with) I'm reading some blogs quick and am reminded of the skinny girl diet (SGD) oh yea.. veggies are freebies on that one. i remember reading that diet get demonized on some anti-free speech site somewhere that was badmouthing bloggers. The anti site didn't know the SGD had a free pass on veggies.
Really I think americans would solve a lot of health care issues if more americans followed that diet's idea of "eat more veggies!"
Why do the ana-sufferers get vilified while the obese are the ones swelling up (pun fully intended) the healthcare costs in this country? How many healthcare issues are tied to the growing (again pun intended) obesity rate?
Body-fascist morons.

And the womanlies have started.... GRRRR again? Already? I seriously need to keep a calendar. Well here's my ref to it for this month ugh.

moving on.. I want a graphics pad! I remembered that old swagbucks account and turned a lot of my points into $5 amazon giftcards but turns out there's a limit of only 5 of one kind of "reward" per month... and I wanted a pedometer too so i could get the free shipping.  The good Omron pedometers. So looks like I'm still stuck waiting until Christmas. Good news is thus far that DigiPro pad has been coming back in stock often enough to let me relax. Altho.... I do have the $25 already cuz of the extra work hours, and the giftcards would cover the pedometer. i dunno.. I'm wondering about getting the pad vs getting a small camera for that work thing I'm having trouble with....
Meanwhile I'm back hitting the swagb because they have a nintendo DSi on the redeem list. WANT.

Still hate my job. And I think the tall-manager is out to get me. Last time I worked w him..he creeped me out in a couple ways. he actually enforced a candy limit on me first. When we have LOTS of it left. he actually waited there for me to check (someone else rang me) and he gave some bullshit excuse about "the computer will actually max it out at twice the printed limit" (and no.. the computer doesn't care. I have actually tested this by ringing items in groups and trying the ad-coupon and it always works)
it's retail... retail is about SELLING. That's why computers don't limit without a LEGAL REQUIREMENT to do so (liquor license, underage customers etc)
So I need to watch if that asshole enforces the limit against anyone other than me, hopefully I'll get a chance to. I also left a message with the Accessibility Office at my school, looking if anyone could give me an idea what my rights are here. I know the Office at school is concerned with acessibility in the classroom, but anyone familiar with disability law shold be able to give me some idea what my rights are here, right?

Because I seriously felt followed and even stalked a bit that night. Everytime I straightened an aisle, he went down it and claimed he'd found something wrong "you didn't even touch this" and shit. Seriously?
And he'd watch me walk.
That was fucking creepy.
I need to get a copy of my scoliosis report. How do I do that? The lump in my back is visible (bigger than the gap between my thighs ever was) but I still don't remember how many degrees my curve was. Or curves, since i actually have two spinal curves, plus a rotation in the lower half. It's not pleasant.
(my half-sister can even see the second curve, she's got perfect eyesight. I'm jealous!)

It's why being on the front register is so painful.... the counter is fucking low.... my wrists barely touch it. So I basically am hunched over everytime i check people out, and then bending and twisting to put their shit in a bag, and the cash drawer is even lower, below the counter. NOT an ergonomic design at all.
And all the counters are that low. At least back at "my" counter i can leave and walk some, and go to the breakroom and stretch (not a good idea to do my stretches on the sales floor)
But he would follow, like deliberatly catch me in the breakroom sitting and bending over or stretching my bad right leg by pulling it over my left, and rubbing that one bone that sticks out on my right foot.
i do not fucking like this guy.
i feel like i'm being set up for something.
Am i being paranoid?
I'm so not used to this shit. I don't like it. And I'm not sure who to go to either. he's second-in-command. and he seems real close buddies with the boss.
Concealed camera? Thinkgeek has some. They're like $50 and up tho... I dunno. My phone takes video ofc but using that function would be soooo obvious.
OH SHIT i should not have checked Thinkgeek... some of their secret cameras are on sale fuuuuck.
Gee I wonder if i need anymore caffeine candies?
Sigh... no I don't. Don't even need more of those cupcake fizzy tabs. Could get me a shirt.... or try Bawls? I hear they make good root beer. Hmm price is same. and i get $10 a $40+ order hmmm...
uh oh... no geek points when getting the sale cameras.. that means they're going away. Which explains the huge price drop.
Ok.. logic...
Would I want this item even if i felt totally fine at work?
Fuck yes! I've wanted a small camera like that for months! Staring at the watch one vs the lighter one.. getting memories of that stupid Get Smart tv series, and Inspector Gadget. Thinking of the old James Bond movies...
But if i get this.. the graphics pad is pushed off a bit.
5am... sigh....

i can haz discipline?

Peri- I do not have Skype... I've heard of it tho.. what is it? Is it free? Is it idiot-friendly? Did i mention i fail at computers and cars both?
Eeeeks! Play my viola on youtube? *cowers*
And yet... I'm going to have to at some point.... one of the things i would like to do is cover some of Samantha Ronson's songs on my viola. how's she gonna hear them if i don't post them on youtube? *cowers again*

Therapy went well enough.... seems my blogger buddies on here aren't the only ones telling me i'm too hard on myself. But.. how do you NOT be hard on yourself when you can trace a lot of your problems to your own mistakes?
Sigh..
I think I'm gonna have to sign up for some sort of spring semester class to continue though... cuz I like staying on campus for soooo many reasons. Therapy... social... I have friends there... and you can only graduate if you're actually enrolled, apparently.
Lots of reasons to pick a simple filler class, probably a Pass/ no Pass 1 or 2 credit deal. Dunno... we'll see after Christmas.. the teachers are pretty much gonna be gone after next week, finals week.
Fuck, i have to study. Exam is on tuesday. And i also work on Tues... fuuuck.
i hate that place.

Mich sent me a Christmas card!! Thank youuuuuu!!!!!

O.G. over at Wanting is Not Enough is doing the ABC diet. i gotta say i've always been awed by the ones who can do that. Such discipline! Such drive!
But I freak about the lack of protein. I think it was O.G. who called me a "goofy lezzie" (which i loved, btw, and O.G. is a gay male so he's allowed ^_^)
Cuz i wanna keep some muscle tone dammit! i don't have much muscle to lose!
Soo... I'm looking over the basic ABC outline (O.G. has it on his Diets tab) and see if I can jigger it to keep my protein shakes. They're 180 cals each so... yea... umm... it's doubtful. Could start doing half-servings I guess.
Here's my idea so far: my go green mixes are about 16 calories for half packet (a full packet is too strong for me) so 2 half-packets is 32 or 33 (i swear my box says something different than the website.. sigh) and a protein shake is 180...so 212 or 213 basic.. and add a cup a soup-spring veg 45cals so i can "eat dinner" and avoid weird looks...258 minimum. And that's not counting the vitamins i like to add when my cal intake goes below 500 ugh...
still... picking my own stuff is less likely to drive me batty than following an approved-foods list. i hate those things. Don't tell me what to eat!
Also looked over the "master cleanse" umm... no. i do not like lemons that damn much. and good luck finding REAL maple syrup where I live.. and i prefer honey anyway. I did hear of a variation... that old Super Slim Me show the celebrity stylist guy talked about how "a lot of the girls" do a mix of lemon juice, water, cayenne pepper and honey.
still not into lemon but  i do like the idea of putting some honey with my go-greens packets, and adding a pinch of cayenne. I actually have my own little shaker of cayenne up in my room now. Snuck out and got it at walmart before my car started rebelling. haven't tried adding the honey yet. Got some dissolving in a small bottle in the fridge right now.
but i also like to put a bit of cinnamon in the night version, i've tried this before i got cayenne and honey.... water and go-greens and cinnamon help with my sugar cravings and also kinda calm me down a bit.
and cinnamon is good for metabolizing sugar.. i think.

Fuck!!!! 6am!! i gotta go!!!!
ok real quick.. any thoughts about the two graphics pads i seriously can't decide between?
http://www.amazon.com/PenPad-7-7-Inch-Graphic-Tablet-Black/dp/B003OBZRPU/
http://www.amazon.com/DigiPro-WP5540-Graphics-Tablet-Cordless/dp/B000GLQZJI

Blah.. reading cheesy "self-help" stuff that Google leads me too.
My first official therapy appt is tomorrow after class. Still have not contacted teacher.
Fail.
Therapy lady says they're open thru break.... so i have at least december to have some pro pick at my brains. One month sounds like that happy space that's helpful without being real intrusive.

Cuz i need something.... just not sure what. I think I can keep going once I'm started...
I was in therapy 2 times before.. once during the worst of the divorce from daddie dearest and once many years ago when i got molested and seriously felt trapped cuz the asshole basically said he'd call me transphobic if i ever told about him rubbing his peen on me and his hands on my little breasts.(he claimed to be a woman.. that's how he got his victims.. played on our sympathies but his male parts were FULLY erect!!) The therapy itself didn't help all that much (turns out my therapist was also his.. wtf??!?!?) but i did manage to not kill myself, to blame him (and the therapist to an extent) and tell a few friends and turns out I'm not his only victim. So there's that.... I can keep going once someone helps me get started.

And i need help with this self-sabotage. I don't know why I keep holding myself back. I can see I'm being stupid, but something seriously has me shaking when i think about finishing this degree.

And on top of that I also feel like a failure for even being IN this situation mentally. Normal people don't do this shit!

Yanno what.. Mich was right.. pics are helpful.....like a self-expression tool. I think a graphic tablet would be a good present to myself. I'm currently looking at the cheapest 2 on amazon.. and the $25 Digipro (says it's 5" by 4")keeps saying it's almost out of stock.. so i'm also looking at the $32 VT one (says 7" square) cuz i don't have the money yet. Just in case. And the VT is bigger or so it says. Christmas usually sees me getting $50 from my last surviving Grandparent. I'm his only granddaughter... all the other grandkids are boys. So i still get just a little bit spoiled ^_^
I need to slim down just a bit to wear a dress for him. he's an old fart and likes girls to wear dresses.
And hey.. i got that lovely I Heart Ronson dress....I can already get it on, cuz Charlotte's design is forgiving here, but it would look much better if i slimmed down a bit.
(Remember i am medically overweight.... peeps don't harass me about not eating, they say i'm in line for diabetes!)

And it's 3am again... I should figure out what the AIM password was.. fuck me and my bad memory.. at least we could be insomniacs together!

And it's 3am again....

Christmas tiime is hhheeeerrreeee.....

And Mom found me the old Charlie Brown Christmas movie.. packaged with Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and the Great Pumpkin one.

And xmas music (as opposed to Christmas cuz retail has no concent of CHRISTmas) is playing at work, and even tho retail sucks the soul out I'm still happy. Well... happy-ish.
When i'm not at work I'm much happier. Of course.
They're making me work closing shift on Christmas Eve. I'll be lucky to get off at 10:30.
I asked to be released at 9pm that night so i could attend church services. I made that request officially, in the computer, like a week ago.
nice to see that ignored, huh?
Retail is not medically necessary services... the pharmacy is closed. Just the store part is open.
We're not a gas station and we have no medical staff on duty. So why am i scheduled?
Isn't this some violation of my right to practice my religion or something?

I hate that place.

I seriously need another way to make money. I'm dirt poor.. by the tax returns for 2010 i made an average of $1000 a month. Yes i am serious. And in return for that paltry amount i work weekends and vacations and during my chosen religion's Holy Days.
And since I'm angry instead of depressed... guess what I've been doing?

Please meet Piggy McBingey:

 Chocolate and pumpkin rolls and eggnog (mmm) and all sorts of seasonal goodies. Those Andes mint cookes i loooove.

Also.. I can't draw hair in a laying-down position. I look like i got a beard here. Hah!! Why not?

Meh... I'll redo the pic some other time. i like it.. it's on the way to being my official Piggy McBingey avatar ^_^

I also still have the Cartman Beefcake pic this is based on (please tell me you recognized it) so if i want to start all over, i can.

Moving on.... i'm looking at cheap graphic tablets on Amazon. I'm loving the idea of turning an old idea of mine into a comic, since there's no way I could get peeps to act it out, yet more peeps to film it, then edit it to put on youtube. I know i could use the mouse and MSPaint but for some reason i like the idea of a tablet.
Besides... Dan Shive over at egscomics.com uses a tablet to make El Goonish Shive.
Seriously, I adore the characters over there. The comic is looong and often silly but I like silly. And going back to the very start you can see how his drawing has evolved. So i want a tablet.
let's ignore how I'm poor ^_^ maybe I'll make a tablet be my Christmas present to myself.





Still tempted by the idea of a small ad in the corner tho i know it would do no good. I'm just thinking if i had a few extra dollars from another source maybe i wouldn't be so afraid to fight to get my Holy Days off.


Car-wise... I'm still screwed. The Check Engine light still comes on regularly after about half an hour. So i'm afraid to drive farther than the quick zip to work and home. Probably not gonna make it to church tomorrow. That has me sad. Can email the pastor tho, and see if he knows anyone who can tell me if my car is about to implode. I use the same mechanic Mom likes, and he seems trustworthy so far, both on my account and going by Mom. But his shop is waaaaay out in the boonies. And I don't know if my car will make it.
And guess what? I can't find the OBD-II port!! Fuck! Since my car is a '95 it might still be OBD-I and ooooo that is gonna suck.
And yes i have been looking shit up. I feel like I should be able to fix my own car. Cuz a REAL lesbian could.

Let's ignore how i have no auto skills whatsoever.


My official excuse is hey.. i just got my license this past July. So I'm gonna learn now and catch up :p

I do want to learn tho.. for some reason the idea of fixing my own car just really makes me happy. Like.. in a bragging rights kind of way.

i am such a cliche.

and it's 1am so goodnight ^_^