So I only got $30 for Christmas. Yes, that was it. I was raised too poor for presents so I'm actually used to it. Oh well.
What really bothered me was being unable to go to MY church for Christmas Eve service. Went to Mom's instead, the "church" that voted to not accept gay pastors or do unions ever.
And the DigiPro pad I'd been looking at is basically no longer there, cuz unless it's at least Fulfilled By Amazon I'm never sure if i'll actually get what i pay for. I trust Amazon, but when I get a list of "offered by these sellers" I'm never quite sure if I'm gonna be scammed. (Also there's no free shipping guarantee)
So my new choices are a $20 drawing pad that looks kinda like a regular mousepad, and only has 2 reviews, and only one is positive.. or the $40 VT PenPad that has 55 reviews and a 4 starout of 5 average. Both are shipped from Amazon's own warehouses.
That Omron hip pedometer, the black one that measures distance as well as steps is still there and done by Amazon.
I had Christmas Day off, and totally slept through church *facepalm* and am therefore up at 4am again. At least I'm feeling better, but my voice is still gone and the hacking cough is still around. Headache is less common, yay.
Work is still slaughtering me. It's draining. Day after day after day and not enough recoup time. I'm catching up on blogs on the comp (sorry no pics) and I'm loving Peri's most recent posts, since she's in retail too. She's in a deli and I'm in a drugstore, but we're both stuck being treated like trash by customers, so I'm identifying there. Also, I did work in a deli for a year back when R and I first met. And i do remember how much it SUCKED. I will say that being in a drugstore at least doesn't have that smell. The deli I worked at had both meat and cheese and fried "chicken" and constantly stank of fried grease and fat, and outdated head cheese. Blech!!!
Definitely gonna start thinking of customers as NPCs. And possibly some of the bosses and coworkers too. After all working retail is really just being a ground-level drone. Employees are basically given scripts to follow, that's what all that "training" is really about. Working a cash register isn't that damn hard.
So just like in a game, you're in a job filled with NPCs who are all running on their own individual scripts.
And besides.. I've actually been told to see dollar signs when i look at customers, so seeing them as less that human is perfectly job-approved ^_^
it's seeing the employer as an NPC that would probably piss him off. But I think he sees me as an NPC from his view, so what's the difference?
ok... getting the courage to log into amazon... i deserve the $40 tablet... I have the money.... and it's the tablet that I feel is a more solid bet...and yes it is ok to get the pedometer too..... why am i so hesitant? Assuming both products work as advertised, i'll get much enjoyment out of a one-time purchase..the pedometer i could even wear to work, to encourage my calorie-burn and maybe make work feel less like a total waste of my time. At least i'll know how many calories i burned! And the tablet?
tell you a secret.. I sometimes daydream about launching my own webcomic, like on its own site and everything. Wouldn't a graphics pad, even a simple one, help make that dream just a little more possible?
And even without actually launching a webcomic, i'd still get much enjoyment out of these items... far more than I get out of my many impulsive chocolate purchases...I don't think this hard about them.
Maybe because the dollar amounts are larger?
But that's not true either.. i found some old receipts.. and I can spend $40 on chocolate in 2 months. So clearly I'm holding myself back over something else. Let's just buy the pad and forget buying more chocolate for 2 months... or even 1? Cuz i've got a cupboard full of chocolate right now... I was too sick to eat much of it. I'd estimate about 5lbs of chocolate is up there, possibly more. Several xmas-theme single wrapped chocolates, and like 5 boxes of the andes mint cookies, and i think 4 12oz boxes of russel stovers.
i don't need to buy any more chocolate!!!! Buy the damn pad! Trade pad for chocolate! Chocolate makes me fat and fat makes me unhappy! The pad will not make me fat! And pad might help a dream come true!!! Why the fuck am i not hitting the damn button!!!
DID IT!!! Holy shit I was staring at the screen and sweating for like 15 minutes... why was that so hard? I used up those gift cards i mentioned... so my total for the pad and the pedometer was $31.... only one dollar more than i was given for Christmas. And wouldn't my Grandpa want his only granddaughter to buy herself something nice with his money? Instead of chocolate?
Why is it so hard for me to give myself the things I REALLY want?
hugs to everyone! Merry Christmas!
My pad is projected to be here on the 29th and here's hoping it works well!
I think it is really really great that you spent some money on yourself in such a positive way :)
ReplyDeleteI think if you've grown up without money, even for the basics, then it is understandable to have that guilt when spending money on something, or at least on something that doesn't feed or clothe you. Esspecially if you don't think you are worth it due to abuse and stuff.
BUT YOU ARE. So well done and I hope you enjoy both things.
I meant to say awhile ago about your boss and the disability stuff? Well I don't know what state you live in but there should be some form of disability discrimination act where they have to make reasonable adaptations. Like letting you sit, take more regular short breaks, not lifting and shifting as much. And it shouldn't affect how he treats you, then if you felt you had to leave because of how he treated you (and you had a diary of things he had done to make you feel uncomfortable/ in pain) then you could take him to some sort of tribuneral. But that is UK employment law so you'd need to find it out for your state. xxx
Hey I think I remember you mentioning that your mom's church is a Lutheran Church. I was wondering, are they ELCA? And was it just that particular church or the Lutheran Church as a whole that voted for anti-gay policies? I'm just curious because I was raised in the ELCA. I've since given up Christianity altogether, but it bums me out that a church that I always thought was pretty open-minded could vote yes on such hurtful policies.
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