Crap. I'd heard about pocky. R loves it. And i'd seen pictures. And while at Kroger tonight I noticed 3 flavors. Strawberry, chocolate, and something called almond crush, which is chocolate pocky with almond bits in the chocolate.
I like them all. So nom. Think I like the strawberry and the almond crush slightly more than the chocolate. But the pocky binge has filled me up too much to get into the reeses chips ahoy. So yay for that.
Also got more botan rice candy. Like the pocky, the entire box is one serving, but the rice candy is 80 cals. Wait the chocolate pocky was a 2 serving box.
The rice candy is like a soft fruit chewy thing. Not quite jelly like. And it's double wrapped... in plastic and then an edible inner wrapper that melts on the tongue. So if I'm not sure, I stick my tongue on it and since plastic won't dissolve it's easy to avoid eating something inedible. And this inner wrapper acts like a shell around the gummi candy. And the little boxes are cute and each box has a big kiddie sticker inside. And I am a Peter Pan wannabe ^_^
I went total sugarholic anyway tonight. I spent all of yesterday and most of today trying to sleep off a sore throat with occasional headache and general fatigue. Wasn't even remotely hungry yesterday and forced myself to eat some yogurt and Bolthouse Farms smoothies, C-Boost & the chocolate protein. Same deal today. I didn't start feeling hungry til around 8pm. Had a super yum chicken noodle soup at the diner, the weekly fam deal. And it really helped. Had a fun little gabfest w Bro's girlfriend (soooo hoping they tie the knot) and then went to Kroger. And WHAM the sugar cravings and hunger! I got some good stuff. A few yogurts and a big C-Boost bottle (I am gonna be healthy again damnit) but I also found a dozen glazed donuts for $1.49 and a giant cupcake/mini cake for 2.49 and then I got the reeses chips ahoy and the Lays cheddar & sour cream chips & the pocky. Ugh. But I also got sushi. Krogers has a sushi bar and even when it's closed there are little single serving prepacked sushi trays. I got a california roll and had a bite already. Is good! So there's my breakfast. And I need to be good again. I'm halfway thru the 1st month of my 4 month sprint & I've done nothing to crow about. In fact I think I've gained. I know dieting while sick isn't good but at least I could dump the junk! Chips and cookies will not help the immune system!
And I'm feeling tired again. Oh well it's past bedtime anyway.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
potential money drain
I know I shouldn't, but I am suck a sucker for orphaned cats. AwesomeBoss says this cat is rescued from abuse & fat coworker says cat is neutered and seems nice. I gave fat coworker my # but no contact grrrr. Fattie is not very bright & neither is her grown kid. Idiot grown kid is keeping this cat outside with sub-20 degrees F temp at night. I can't even find out if this cat has claws... nevermind such important things as worming or feline leukemia exposure or not. Hell I don't even have a gender. Female they think.
This poor cat needs to be rescued from these idiots! But I don't know what to do!
Mom is willing to take the cat in if I handle the vet bills. This doesn't help me make a choice. If the cat & I get along I'll likely adopt it. My current baby will not be pleased tho.
The problem is where am I gonna keep this cat while the standard medicals are done? I know nothing about this cat's health because the current owners are morons! And I don't want to expose my current kitties to anything dangerous.
And omg I'm gonna need money. Vets ain't cheap. Maybe this will get me drawing? It's not like my job pays much. And rumor has it hours will be cut again. One poor coworkker is down to 13 hours a week. So many part-timers. Less than part time. The few full timers get all the hours. If I could get enough hits to make a mere $5 a week from my comic, that's still $20 I would never have had otherwise.
Every penny helps. I got kitties to care for! Time to stop being such a lazy ass!
This poor cat needs to be rescued from these idiots! But I don't know what to do!
Mom is willing to take the cat in if I handle the vet bills. This doesn't help me make a choice. If the cat & I get along I'll likely adopt it. My current baby will not be pleased tho.
The problem is where am I gonna keep this cat while the standard medicals are done? I know nothing about this cat's health because the current owners are morons! And I don't want to expose my current kitties to anything dangerous.
And omg I'm gonna need money. Vets ain't cheap. Maybe this will get me drawing? It's not like my job pays much. And rumor has it hours will be cut again. One poor coworkker is down to 13 hours a week. So many part-timers. Less than part time. The few full timers get all the hours. If I could get enough hits to make a mere $5 a week from my comic, that's still $20 I would never have had otherwise.
Every penny helps. I got kitties to care for! Time to stop being such a lazy ass!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
So Thanksgiving is a week long now....
Yet somehow it's also over before dinner Thurs cuz in some places the damn "Black Friday" sales start at like 8pm thurs night.
So glad I don't work at WalMart.
Presumptions R Us is a store which has delusions of competing with the big stores, but it's just a drugstore with overpriced cheap crap. I think I could also call the place Pretensions R Us but when i hear the word "presumption" i hear Lady Catherine de Berg from the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle Pride & Prejudice in my head, and work's various corporate rules & slogans definitely make me think of Lady Catherine and her snobbery.
So... yea.
Anyway I had chocolate.. I found some on-sale seasonal Lindt truffles and omg so YUM!!! i managed to hide half away for the next womanlies but the other half is opened. At least I'm trying to share it. Let my fave coworkers try some and now at home I got it in the family candy bucket.
But I'm still eating most of it *sigh*
I'm also checking out various Black Friday vids on youtube and crap my fellow Americans are insane. WTF is the deal? Is this like the American version of running with the bulls? Yes I know the sales discounts tend to be big but so is the risk to life and limb!
Work is open Thanksgiving and I'm scheduled to work. Ugh. and the "Black Friday" sales at work start thurs too. Double ugh. Oh well I guess. I may have to drive to work cuz there's talk in my fam of having dinner or just dessert an the aunt's place, and i'd go there from work so i'd have to drive.
i might drive anyway just so I don't have to deal with being a pedestrian in holiday traffic. Yikes.
I stayed up all night again. It was just as dumb as usual. i got on sephora.com and made my little order. While looking thru old orders to make sure i only chose new free samples i noticed the old Charlotte Ronson Masquerade set was still in stock (who knows how long?) and was majorly marked down. So i added one to my Fresh Sugar mini lip balm set. I'm gonna dig out the one i already have and try it again. if I like as much as i think i remember liking.. I'll probably order a few more while they exist. But at least I'll have had 2 no matter what. More would be nice.
What's weird is i couldn't find that old set except by searching thru my past orders. So here's hoping that keeps a few hidden for me ^_^
However, by some sheer luck i'm not scheduled to work Black Friday! i am soooo hoping it stays that way! i don't wanna go ANYWHERE! You kidding? Don't call me.. I'm hibernating! i will stay in my little room and have my Sims throw lots of house parties! or I'll shop online. Safer that way.
And it is dawn again. *slaps slef* i need to stop doing this!
Unfortunatly reading up on scary black friday things also eventually led (doing the link web thing) to various tips for surviving in the wilderness.
Peri once mentioned water purification tablets. Good idea.
Seems iodine tablets will work too. But I've never seen iodine as tablets. oh well... I'll buy another gallon or 2 of distilled water next time I'm at Kroger's and put them in my cupboard. i am curious about those brown bag ready-to-eat things. I did like the funny pale yellow emergency ration things, after all. And I'd like to think our soldiers get fed well, what with being sent out by rich politicians to get shot at. i consider soldiers to be an even more extreme version of the low-level worker. Just trying to survive. Go after the CEOs/politicians if you don't like what's going on. Don't blame the bottom rung people for doing what they have to in order to eat.
You know?
i sooooo need sleep. Bad Honor!
So glad I don't work at WalMart.
Presumptions R Us is a store which has delusions of competing with the big stores, but it's just a drugstore with overpriced cheap crap. I think I could also call the place Pretensions R Us but when i hear the word "presumption" i hear Lady Catherine de Berg from the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle Pride & Prejudice in my head, and work's various corporate rules & slogans definitely make me think of Lady Catherine and her snobbery.
So... yea.
Anyway I had chocolate.. I found some on-sale seasonal Lindt truffles and omg so YUM!!! i managed to hide half away for the next womanlies but the other half is opened. At least I'm trying to share it. Let my fave coworkers try some and now at home I got it in the family candy bucket.
But I'm still eating most of it *sigh*
I'm also checking out various Black Friday vids on youtube and crap my fellow Americans are insane. WTF is the deal? Is this like the American version of running with the bulls? Yes I know the sales discounts tend to be big but so is the risk to life and limb!
Work is open Thanksgiving and I'm scheduled to work. Ugh. and the "Black Friday" sales at work start thurs too. Double ugh. Oh well I guess. I may have to drive to work cuz there's talk in my fam of having dinner or just dessert an the aunt's place, and i'd go there from work so i'd have to drive.
i might drive anyway just so I don't have to deal with being a pedestrian in holiday traffic. Yikes.
I stayed up all night again. It was just as dumb as usual. i got on sephora.com and made my little order. While looking thru old orders to make sure i only chose new free samples i noticed the old Charlotte Ronson Masquerade set was still in stock (who knows how long?) and was majorly marked down. So i added one to my Fresh Sugar mini lip balm set. I'm gonna dig out the one i already have and try it again. if I like as much as i think i remember liking.. I'll probably order a few more while they exist. But at least I'll have had 2 no matter what. More would be nice.
What's weird is i couldn't find that old set except by searching thru my past orders. So here's hoping that keeps a few hidden for me ^_^
However, by some sheer luck i'm not scheduled to work Black Friday! i am soooo hoping it stays that way! i don't wanna go ANYWHERE! You kidding? Don't call me.. I'm hibernating! i will stay in my little room and have my Sims throw lots of house parties! or I'll shop online. Safer that way.
And it is dawn again. *slaps slef* i need to stop doing this!
Unfortunatly reading up on scary black friday things also eventually led (doing the link web thing) to various tips for surviving in the wilderness.
Peri once mentioned water purification tablets. Good idea.
Seems iodine tablets will work too. But I've never seen iodine as tablets. oh well... I'll buy another gallon or 2 of distilled water next time I'm at Kroger's and put them in my cupboard. i am curious about those brown bag ready-to-eat things. I did like the funny pale yellow emergency ration things, after all. And I'd like to think our soldiers get fed well, what with being sent out by rich politicians to get shot at. i consider soldiers to be an even more extreme version of the low-level worker. Just trying to survive. Go after the CEOs/politicians if you don't like what's going on. Don't blame the bottom rung people for doing what they have to in order to eat.
You know?
i sooooo need sleep. Bad Honor!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
zzzzzz....
So tired. Staying up all last night was so dumb. I'm in my room now. I overslept a bit and went to work without breakfast. But at least I was only 1 minute late. So yay.
Didn't eat anything til after work. Too busy. When I got home I had a green giant thing (yummy) and a slice of bologna and some milk and a Chobani. That should cover my needss. I'm not hungry at all and it was all healthy noms.
Work wasn't so bad. I had lots to do so I didn't ring many people out & that might annoy the higher-ups tho. Some dumb bitch wanted to open a foundation compact & when I said they were sealed for sanitation reasons she went "well how do I find my color?"
Dumb bitch. Couldn't she see the compacts had see-thru lids? Idiot. If she wants to test foundations then go to Sephora. Drugstores are cheaper for a reason. Offering all those free samples gets expensive for the company. Drugstores aare cheap because they have see-thru tops instead. Bah.
I also got tripped up over the damn coffeemaker cord while digging out some toilet paper that was under the "kitchen" sink. Wtf was it doing there? Anyway the coffeepot broke. I'm not hurt, but when the coffeemaker tipped the glass pot broke. The damn cords were caught under the big toilet paper box how does that happen? 1st coffeemaker was easy to move. The 2nd one I was trying to get it out and I slipped onto my butt (was already squatting so not far to go) and damn coffeepot slipped out & broke. It must have hit that hard floor at the right angle cuz I was already low to the ground. That floor is just cheap linoleum on concrete or something. Ouch!
Didn't eat anything til after work. Too busy. When I got home I had a green giant thing (yummy) and a slice of bologna and some milk and a Chobani. That should cover my needss. I'm not hungry at all and it was all healthy noms.
Work wasn't so bad. I had lots to do so I didn't ring many people out & that might annoy the higher-ups tho. Some dumb bitch wanted to open a foundation compact & when I said they were sealed for sanitation reasons she went "well how do I find my color?"
Dumb bitch. Couldn't she see the compacts had see-thru lids? Idiot. If she wants to test foundations then go to Sephora. Drugstores are cheaper for a reason. Offering all those free samples gets expensive for the company. Drugstores aare cheap because they have see-thru tops instead. Bah.
I also got tripped up over the damn coffeemaker cord while digging out some toilet paper that was under the "kitchen" sink. Wtf was it doing there? Anyway the coffeepot broke. I'm not hurt, but when the coffeemaker tipped the glass pot broke. The damn cords were caught under the big toilet paper box how does that happen? 1st coffeemaker was easy to move. The 2nd one I was trying to get it out and I slipped onto my butt (was already squatting so not far to go) and damn coffeepot slipped out & broke. It must have hit that hard floor at the right angle cuz I was already low to the ground. That floor is just cheap linoleum on concrete or something. Ouch!
yup, still fat & lazy
It is 6:30 am and i have stayed up all damn night AGAIN!
This is very bad of me.
Especially since I have done NOTHING productive with any of my time this week.
I have no new finished comic. Sketches and outlines DON'T COUNT!
I haven't even done an outline for my shameless Star Trek fanfic.
i did finish one short story that i started years ago.. tho I guess it's only 99% done since there's still this one annoying paragraph I'm not sure if i want.
Ugh... where did i read this quote.. somewhere.. something like Being a writer is spending all morning putting a punctuation mark into a paragraph and the entire afternoon taking it out.
Hehehehe... yea writing can be very nit-picky business. Cuz you want it PERFECT, you know?
But except for that one annoying paragraph.. I am happy with it. It's a short tale, from 1st person perspective, and it's one lady remembering how she met her wife.
My first original finished piece whoohoo! (ok 99% dfinished but nevermind!)
I am sooo happy about that! Maybe that's why i've been so damn lazy? Some semi-concious sense of "I did something already"?
So i stayed up all night looking at stuff on sephora.com and I am soooo buying myself a Clarisonic once i hit 140 or so. After plugging numbers into BMI calculators seems 145 might be too much? i dunno.I'm still more after a certain look.
And i am small-boobed like her.. i think I could pull this off.. or similar since my eyesight sucks and i do wear glasses.
But my build is similar.
And she's so pretty.. I'd love to look like she does here. Such a glorious mix of feminine and masculine.
Ofc there's a chance my face skin is gonna sag once the fat rolls aren't in there anymore. I'm more worried about facial skin than anywhere else. Below the neck can be hidden.. but what will I do with low-hanger cheeks? Wear a veil? Time to dig out the anti-ager serums methinks.
I am still being good about no chocolate. But still eating everything else.
I successfully was liquids-only while Mom was out, but she got home early so my day was still piggy eating. NORMAL eating would look like restricting if compared to the way i've been stuffing my face lately.
Fortunatly, there just isn't a lot of junk in the house. I'm still having too many tootsie rolls and tootsie pops, but no candy corn today, and i can't take much candy corn anyway before my stomach complains. Mom did bring home some cookies, but very few, like 3 types of 4 or 5 each and she helped eat them. Bad of me but could have been worse. i can eat half a bag of Oreos by myself.
I work later today... sigh... (too bad i don't hate that job enough to DO something about it!)
I found some old One a Day water additives that are basically powdered multivitamins. Seems they don't make them anymore so I'll enjoy these while they last. i admit they taste kinda ick, but drinking my vitamins is soooo nice. i can do drinkable vitamins on an empty stomach with no problem. Sigh.
oh wow.. I see sunrise.
pretty.
6:56.
Oops.
I'm also being lazy in other ways.. I know where my gym card is now but I still haven't dug it out. Cuz i'm too lazy to dig. Still haven't found most my winter gear (found my boots & that's it) and this is my birthday month (sooo not saying my age) so I need to either make a sephora.com order or get my butt to Sephora to pick up my present in person.
Sephora does that, you know. Little minis of a product or two on your birthday. Last year i got a small bottle of Philosophy body wash.. and it smells just like birthday cake! This year I'm hoping hoping they still have some of the Fresh Sugar lip balm sets left. i love those balms almost as much as i love Charlotte Ronson's lip glosses. The balms aren't flavored but they go on very smooth and have spf. The CR glosses don't have spf, but they have a slight minty taste (supposed to be lemon mint but i don't taste the lemon) and are sooooo moisturizing. And feel almost cooling, like water. And i swear my lips drink them up like water. i still haven't tried the red one.. I've still never worn red. Uuhhh.... dunno if i could do red. And i need to bleach my teeth anyway :p
And ofc now that the sun is up I feel sleepy. WTF? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
i have got to get off this damn vampire schedule. it shoots my productivity down the toilet.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
yup. still a pig.
Ugh... I'm still eating way too much. I'm successfully staying away from chocolate thus far but I'm pigging out on *everything* else.
Off the top of my head today.... 2 eggs. Finished the liver sausage. Bologna on pumpernickel bread. 2 bags of popcorn. Too many tootsie rolls. Tootsie roll pops. Corn flakes and milk. Candy corn. Green Goodness. Carrots.
I've certainly done worse. I've also done better. I'm glad to be fighting against the chocolate addiction, but I'm not losing any weight. I was actually up today *cries*.
My humble goal for tomorrow, in addition to no chocolate, is to be liquids only when I'm home alone. Mom is just as busy now as she was before she retired, so she is gone most of the day. Hmm I don't wanna stuff my obese face at night tho either. So I guess my goal is liquids only and just eat with Mom. Hope she's not watching something depressing.
I'm upping my water tho so I'm happy about that. I'm really leaning on the flavored carbonated waters Kroger makes. It's like soda pop without the calories or caffeine. Thus far I like the Strawberry and the Strawberry Kiwi. They're super carbonated so I usually crack on open and let it sit half-unscrewed so it can go just a little bit flat. I'm weird that way.
Kroger also had some $10 scar cream. Much better deal than work. So I got that. My hope is that since I just noticed the marks and I stare at my potbelly in disgust fairly often.....I'm fairly sure these marks are less than 2 months old. And the Kroger scar cream has inion bulb extract which I think I read is useful on scars. Just gotta remember to put the stuff on 4x a day. Here's hoping!
Been reading Regzig again. It's kinda become a normal thing because my phone doesn't crash right away on her blog. I'm trying to trace what her great 34 day fast plan was. Her plan doesn't have nearly enough protein for my liking but I'm still curious. And I'm still inspired by her willpower and her faith.
Somewhere I read a comment by a blogger who still sometimes posts...how she'd once done a 34day fast. I wish I could remember who posted that...where did I read that comment? Cuz I wonder if it was Regzig's big group fast.
My bad memory drives me crazy.
Off the top of my head today.... 2 eggs. Finished the liver sausage. Bologna on pumpernickel bread. 2 bags of popcorn. Too many tootsie rolls. Tootsie roll pops. Corn flakes and milk. Candy corn. Green Goodness. Carrots.
I've certainly done worse. I've also done better. I'm glad to be fighting against the chocolate addiction, but I'm not losing any weight. I was actually up today *cries*.
My humble goal for tomorrow, in addition to no chocolate, is to be liquids only when I'm home alone. Mom is just as busy now as she was before she retired, so she is gone most of the day. Hmm I don't wanna stuff my obese face at night tho either. So I guess my goal is liquids only and just eat with Mom. Hope she's not watching something depressing.
I'm upping my water tho so I'm happy about that. I'm really leaning on the flavored carbonated waters Kroger makes. It's like soda pop without the calories or caffeine. Thus far I like the Strawberry and the Strawberry Kiwi. They're super carbonated so I usually crack on open and let it sit half-unscrewed so it can go just a little bit flat. I'm weird that way.
Kroger also had some $10 scar cream. Much better deal than work. So I got that. My hope is that since I just noticed the marks and I stare at my potbelly in disgust fairly often.....I'm fairly sure these marks are less than 2 months old. And the Kroger scar cream has inion bulb extract which I think I read is useful on scars. Just gotta remember to put the stuff on 4x a day. Here's hoping!
Been reading Regzig again. It's kinda become a normal thing because my phone doesn't crash right away on her blog. I'm trying to trace what her great 34 day fast plan was. Her plan doesn't have nearly enough protein for my liking but I'm still curious. And I'm still inspired by her willpower and her faith.
Somewhere I read a comment by a blogger who still sometimes posts...how she'd once done a 34day fast. I wish I could remember who posted that...where did I read that comment? Cuz I wonder if it was Regzig's big group fast.
My bad memory drives me crazy.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
the race is on
Haven't had any chocolate since mon night, when work stress got to me again & I binged. Sigh.
My BMI is 29.7 only .3 away from obese!! :( I tried to take some starting weight pics but the lighting is terrible and my mirror isn't quite big enough. I guess I could borrow walmart's fitting rooms but I don't want to drive way out there just for that. If I go see R at his work then I will already be out near walmart fri night. I doubt I'll lose much in 3 days.
I am slowly restricting. After months of overeating I gotta go slow. This week's rule is simply No Chocolate. I am addicted to chocolate. I must be. Because I can't have just one piece to "quell the cravings". The more I eat the more I crave more more more. So I can't have any at all. Yesterday I had a massive salad that used up the rest of the iceburg lettuce and tomatoes and shredded chicken. It filled me up for nearly 7 hours. I also had a few Tootsie rolls. Not technically chocolate but they shut the craving up. Also a Chobani.
Today I massively overslept. Time to hook up the Sonic Bomb alarm again. I'll just have to plug my heated mattress pad across the room. The cord should be long enough. My room is small. Gonna suck not being able to adjust the heat while still in bed though. But I need the Sonic Bomb's bedshaker unit under my mattress. Cuz audio alarms have to be deafening and I want to keep my hearing ^_^
Thus far today I've had 2 eggs, baby carrots, oscar mayer liver sausage (Mom called it gooseliver when I was little and the nickname stuck) and some Green Goodness.. need to finish that Green Goodness up. Maybe I shouldn't buy it in the biggest jug? I just need to have some everyday. But even everyday...what about my other Bolthouse Farms yummies? Ok maybe get the big Green Goodness jug only every other week or even every 3rd week. Or something like that. Cuz I also want my C-Boost and Chocolate Protein Plus & I'm gonna try a new flavor...Vanilla Chai. Empty C-Boost bottles also make great water bottles ^_^ yum.
I finally have liter bottles! Kroger sells carbonated flavored water and they're 1 liter bottles! Whoohooo! Becuae I want to reserve my blenderbottles for protein shakes. So I can use my 0cal water flavorings with these liter bottles instead of blenderbottles. Cuz the flavors are too strong for less than 20oz.
And I think I mentioned these before because I'm putting 2 refilled liter bottles in my Panic Stash.
Obama getting reelected does have me feeling a bit more hopeful but if I'm still awake at like 3am then I start freaking out again. Somethinng about the dark & quiet that puts scary thoughts in my head. I guess because by 3am it's been dark for awhile and the stone age part of the brain is going "why can't I sleep now" and starts inventing crazy scarey scenarios and there's nothing to distract me. I need to be asleep by 2am at least. And get up early enough to have more than 3 hours of daylight. Ugh it's only 5:30 and the sun has nearly set. It feels like 9pm and it's not even 6.
Ok I need to do something productive. Tonight is diner night w the fam so not eating again til then. No snacking! Need to wash some dishes and hunt down my gym stuff & my winter waterproof overpants. And my pretty winter coat and my thick bedspread/blanket. And where the hell are all my gloves?
It's stuff like this that I hate myself over. I have no organization whatsoever and it's so frustrating. I keep trying & failing. Trying&failing. Losing weight is easier for me than being organized is. Ugh.
And finding some weird pink marks on the potbelly's underside is just more piled on. Thy look like a belt pushed into my skin for days or like the lines made back when I had those potential skin cancers taken out. But I've had no surgeries and haven't worn a belt in a month. The marks used to be a bit more purpleish and are now more pink. Stretch marks? Great. Cue Epic Freakout.
Sidenote: I think my digestive system isn't used to eggs. I feel vaguely weird. Like last day period light cramping but I shouldn't be having those. Or too much liver. That could do it too.
I am so just babbling now. I go away now.
My BMI is 29.7 only .3 away from obese!! :( I tried to take some starting weight pics but the lighting is terrible and my mirror isn't quite big enough. I guess I could borrow walmart's fitting rooms but I don't want to drive way out there just for that. If I go see R at his work then I will already be out near walmart fri night. I doubt I'll lose much in 3 days.
I am slowly restricting. After months of overeating I gotta go slow. This week's rule is simply No Chocolate. I am addicted to chocolate. I must be. Because I can't have just one piece to "quell the cravings". The more I eat the more I crave more more more. So I can't have any at all. Yesterday I had a massive salad that used up the rest of the iceburg lettuce and tomatoes and shredded chicken. It filled me up for nearly 7 hours. I also had a few Tootsie rolls. Not technically chocolate but they shut the craving up. Also a Chobani.
Today I massively overslept. Time to hook up the Sonic Bomb alarm again. I'll just have to plug my heated mattress pad across the room. The cord should be long enough. My room is small. Gonna suck not being able to adjust the heat while still in bed though. But I need the Sonic Bomb's bedshaker unit under my mattress. Cuz audio alarms have to be deafening and I want to keep my hearing ^_^
Thus far today I've had 2 eggs, baby carrots, oscar mayer liver sausage (Mom called it gooseliver when I was little and the nickname stuck) and some Green Goodness.. need to finish that Green Goodness up. Maybe I shouldn't buy it in the biggest jug? I just need to have some everyday. But even everyday...what about my other Bolthouse Farms yummies? Ok maybe get the big Green Goodness jug only every other week or even every 3rd week. Or something like that. Cuz I also want my C-Boost and Chocolate Protein Plus & I'm gonna try a new flavor...Vanilla Chai. Empty C-Boost bottles also make great water bottles ^_^ yum.
I finally have liter bottles! Kroger sells carbonated flavored water and they're 1 liter bottles! Whoohooo! Becuae I want to reserve my blenderbottles for protein shakes. So I can use my 0cal water flavorings with these liter bottles instead of blenderbottles. Cuz the flavors are too strong for less than 20oz.
And I think I mentioned these before because I'm putting 2 refilled liter bottles in my Panic Stash.
Obama getting reelected does have me feeling a bit more hopeful but if I'm still awake at like 3am then I start freaking out again. Somethinng about the dark & quiet that puts scary thoughts in my head. I guess because by 3am it's been dark for awhile and the stone age part of the brain is going "why can't I sleep now" and starts inventing crazy scarey scenarios and there's nothing to distract me. I need to be asleep by 2am at least. And get up early enough to have more than 3 hours of daylight. Ugh it's only 5:30 and the sun has nearly set. It feels like 9pm and it's not even 6.
Ok I need to do something productive. Tonight is diner night w the fam so not eating again til then. No snacking! Need to wash some dishes and hunt down my gym stuff & my winter waterproof overpants. And my pretty winter coat and my thick bedspread/blanket. And where the hell are all my gloves?
It's stuff like this that I hate myself over. I have no organization whatsoever and it's so frustrating. I keep trying & failing. Trying&failing. Losing weight is easier for me than being organized is. Ugh.
And finding some weird pink marks on the potbelly's underside is just more piled on. Thy look like a belt pushed into my skin for days or like the lines made back when I had those potential skin cancers taken out. But I've had no surgeries and haven't worn a belt in a month. The marks used to be a bit more purpleish and are now more pink. Stretch marks? Great. Cue Epic Freakout.
Sidenote: I think my digestive system isn't used to eggs. I feel vaguely weird. Like last day period light cramping but I shouldn't be having those. Or too much liver. That could do it too.
I am so just babbling now. I go away now.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
i should be happy...
And I kinda am. But this new development also just reminds me what an ass daddie dearest is.
My dear Bro has found a girl. And they really get on well. Even I am hoping that they'll marry and give me nieces & nephews to spoil rotten.
But guess what.... daddie dearest asked Bro if Bro would like to give Mom's old ring to his girl as engagement ring. Supposedly daddie dearest "just found" my Mom's ring in all his oodles of (stolen) stuff. Riiiiiight.
But at least now we know he has it. And ofc Bro said he'd love to give Mom's ring to Girlfriend. Mom's thrilled about it. But ofc daddie dearest hasn't given the ring up yet. Bro isn't engaged yet. But given that he's already done some verbal slips like calling her "wife" and mentioning marriage without saying "hypothetically" first.
So here's hoping.... hoping Bro gets the girl *and* the ring.
I think that's all for right now.
My dear Bro has found a girl. And they really get on well. Even I am hoping that they'll marry and give me nieces & nephews to spoil rotten.
But guess what.... daddie dearest asked Bro if Bro would like to give Mom's old ring to his girl as engagement ring. Supposedly daddie dearest "just found" my Mom's ring in all his oodles of (stolen) stuff. Riiiiiight.
But at least now we know he has it. And ofc Bro said he'd love to give Mom's ring to Girlfriend. Mom's thrilled about it. But ofc daddie dearest hasn't given the ring up yet. Bro isn't engaged yet. But given that he's already done some verbal slips like calling her "wife" and mentioning marriage without saying "hypothetically" first.
So here's hoping.... hoping Bro gets the girl *and* the ring.
I think that's all for right now.
Friday, November 9, 2012
there's more?!
There is a full bigass jar of. Stew still unopened behind the half-jar I'm been eating from. And the half-jar was the 2nd jar! So Mom brought home 3 big jars! These things look like they hold 2 gallons each! And there's still 2 chobanis I gotta eat up before they go bad (the others are dated the 27th) and the Green Goodness and a few smaller Bolthouse Farms smoothies and oh crap the eggs.... I've been so busy eating the stew I forgot about everything else I had in the fridge! And in addition to the stew Mom also brought home shredded chicken and oyster crackers and grapes (nearly gone) and. Salad. And also pumpkin spice cupcakes (so nom) and Edwards Singles chocolate brownie a la mode and candy candy candy! I did stuff the freezer with my Green Giant veggie meals tho... turns out that lovely $1 price tag was a sale that ends tomorrow, so I stuffed my freezer with as much as it could hold. After tomorrow they go back to 2.39 each. So back to my cup a soups with egg. The bagged frozen veggies don't have the same variety as the Green Giant steam-in-the-bag things. Oh well.
And I got baby carrotes and bologna and oscar meyer liver sausage and pumpernickel bread to put it on.
Too much food in this house. When the stew is gone I just might do a brief fast. My weight is climbing. I can feel it and see it. This is not good. My arches hurt. I think I'm getting heel spurs... or I already have them. Too much weight on this small-boned frame. I hope to begin my weightloss race tues, when the bleeding should be completely over. Good news is I have 4 old bc packs.... bad news is my weight has climbed to where I need to drop 50lbs in that 4 month span. Ugh.
I have a heartwarming story tho.
My fave manager (everyone's fave actually) is as big a sneaker freak as Samantha Ronson. She has a LOT of shoes. And she get's bought sneakers as gifts. Well someone, her mom I think, bought her some sneakers and she doesn't like the color scheme. So she asked me my shoe size and it's same as hers so she gave me the sneakers!!!
This is such a big deal. I haven't had quality shoes in over 12 years. My walking shoes are 14 years old. I bought some cheapie dress shoes a few years ago. Everything else is hand medowns. My work shoes are 3 yrs old and were a charity gift to my Mom, who couldn't wear them. I've been stuffing bubble wrap in my work shoes for months. Cheap shoes!
The shoes sweet manager gave me are not cheap. They're like $70 or something. I'm on cloud 9. If I ever get rich & famous she's sooooooo on my list of peeps to spoil a bit! These shoes are comfy even before they're broken in. They cup my heel spurs & push up my fallen arches. Must protect them!
Back when I was a kid I saw daddie dearest have these rubber bootie things that he put *over* his shoes. I want some of those to walk to work in. To protect these kickass new shoes from mud and etc. Anyone know what I'm talking about? Any idea where these rubber bootie things are? If they're even made?
And I got baby carrotes and bologna and oscar meyer liver sausage and pumpernickel bread to put it on.
Too much food in this house. When the stew is gone I just might do a brief fast. My weight is climbing. I can feel it and see it. This is not good. My arches hurt. I think I'm getting heel spurs... or I already have them. Too much weight on this small-boned frame. I hope to begin my weightloss race tues, when the bleeding should be completely over. Good news is I have 4 old bc packs.... bad news is my weight has climbed to where I need to drop 50lbs in that 4 month span. Ugh.
I have a heartwarming story tho.
My fave manager (everyone's fave actually) is as big a sneaker freak as Samantha Ronson. She has a LOT of shoes. And she get's bought sneakers as gifts. Well someone, her mom I think, bought her some sneakers and she doesn't like the color scheme. So she asked me my shoe size and it's same as hers so she gave me the sneakers!!!
This is such a big deal. I haven't had quality shoes in over 12 years. My walking shoes are 14 years old. I bought some cheapie dress shoes a few years ago. Everything else is hand medowns. My work shoes are 3 yrs old and were a charity gift to my Mom, who couldn't wear them. I've been stuffing bubble wrap in my work shoes for months. Cheap shoes!
The shoes sweet manager gave me are not cheap. They're like $70 or something. I'm on cloud 9. If I ever get rich & famous she's sooooooo on my list of peeps to spoil a bit! These shoes are comfy even before they're broken in. They cup my heel spurs & push up my fallen arches. Must protect them!
Back when I was a kid I saw daddie dearest have these rubber bootie things that he put *over* his shoes. I want some of those to walk to work in. To protect these kickass new shoes from mud and etc. Anyone know what I'm talking about? Any idea where these rubber bootie things are? If they're even made?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
feck.
Early Monday morning, shortly before I had to go work, the womanlies hit. At least it wasn't a heavy month. Still tiring though, so work was even less fun than usual.
And ofc I wanted to sleep all day tues but I was good and voted instead.
Then I went to Kroger and got some junk. And eating junk in addition to the stew. At least the stew is healthy.
Also started building a Panic Stash. Even tho I read the wikipedia list of apocalypse predictions Peri gave me and yea there's been a lot, a science/history channel is running some 2012 special on repeat. And it gathers predictions from different religions including Druidism (seems Merlin was from that) and the Mayan and Bible and even some computer program and a Chinese thing that predicted the World Wars? Anyway I'm freaking out again. So I started a small collection of protein bars and energy bars and beef sticks. I also found 1 liter sized bottled water but it's flavored and carbonated so I'm gonna drink the stuff & refill w plain water and then put the bottles in the Panic Stash. I. Need to find an Army Surplus and get those strange yet tastyrations I had back during Y2K (yea I was a bit. Freaked back then too, go ahead and laugh).
The rations are tasty to me. Like a slightly lemony pound cake that got freeze dried or something. So if the world doesn't end, I'll still enjoy eating the Stash.
Must hunt down new phone battery though. Phone works great if it's plugged in but if I lose power.... yea. I have a solar cellphone charger but between the winter daylight and charging thru a window (no way am I putting it outside) I'll only get a charge every 3 or 4 days.
Ofc it's possible I'm freaking out over nothing. For some reason end of the world predictions are freakier to me at the end of the year. The May 2012 thing didn't frighten me at all. Whatever happens I just hope we can stay in our house. My pets will be safe and I'll have my whole Panic Stash.
Really don't want to work on those days. I have nightmares in general about being forced to work during storms. Work's official policy is they don't even close if the power goes out. They just do everything on paper. Gotta calculate the tax by hand and write down credit card #s etc etc and put it thru the computer after power comes back. Is a Level 3 snow emergency the serious one? Would a drugstore be allowed to be open? What sort of conditions need to exist before they couldn't make me go in? A sheet of ice over my doors? Ugh. I should look that up. Getting Presumptions R Us in trouble could be fun.
I need sleep.
And ofc I wanted to sleep all day tues but I was good and voted instead.
Then I went to Kroger and got some junk. And eating junk in addition to the stew. At least the stew is healthy.
Also started building a Panic Stash. Even tho I read the wikipedia list of apocalypse predictions Peri gave me and yea there's been a lot, a science/history channel is running some 2012 special on repeat. And it gathers predictions from different religions including Druidism (seems Merlin was from that) and the Mayan and Bible and even some computer program and a Chinese thing that predicted the World Wars? Anyway I'm freaking out again. So I started a small collection of protein bars and energy bars and beef sticks. I also found 1 liter sized bottled water but it's flavored and carbonated so I'm gonna drink the stuff & refill w plain water and then put the bottles in the Panic Stash. I. Need to find an Army Surplus and get those strange yet tastyrations I had back during Y2K (yea I was a bit. Freaked back then too, go ahead and laugh).
The rations are tasty to me. Like a slightly lemony pound cake that got freeze dried or something. So if the world doesn't end, I'll still enjoy eating the Stash.
Must hunt down new phone battery though. Phone works great if it's plugged in but if I lose power.... yea. I have a solar cellphone charger but between the winter daylight and charging thru a window (no way am I putting it outside) I'll only get a charge every 3 or 4 days.
Ofc it's possible I'm freaking out over nothing. For some reason end of the world predictions are freakier to me at the end of the year. The May 2012 thing didn't frighten me at all. Whatever happens I just hope we can stay in our house. My pets will be safe and I'll have my whole Panic Stash.
Really don't want to work on those days. I have nightmares in general about being forced to work during storms. Work's official policy is they don't even close if the power goes out. They just do everything on paper. Gotta calculate the tax by hand and write down credit card #s etc etc and put it thru the computer after power comes back. Is a Level 3 snow emergency the serious one? Would a drugstore be allowed to be open? What sort of conditions need to exist before they couldn't make me go in? A sheet of ice over my doors? Ugh. I should look that up. Getting Presumptions R Us in trouble could be fun.
I need sleep.
Monday, November 5, 2012
what a glitch
Oh dear...got home from work tonight (technically yesterday as it's 2am now) and found that. Mom had brought home 2 big jars of a glorious stew made by the talented cook at her church. This lady is famous locally for her cooking. This stew is corn and beef and carrots and peas and beans crammed into a beef broth. It's thick. It doesn't pour into my bowl, it plops into my bowl. Can't let this nommy stew go to waste. Hope Mom eats her share!
So I'm not sure what to do here. No idea how many calories are in this yummy stew. Maybe do a 2 hour eating window each day until the stew is gone? The Fast-5 people do something similar, only their window is 5 hours long. And fast the remaining 22 hours? And stay out of the damn Halloween candy!! Have a Chobani for dessert. Damn! *slaps self*
I also have about 3/4 a carton of eggs I need to eat up. This week's Kroger visit will be smaller than usual.
The Fast-5 peeps aren't really about weight loss. Though weight loss does sometimes happen. But Fast-5 is more about keeping base insulin levels from going wacky. By fasting for 19 hours at a time the body has a chance to fully digest and then dip into fat stores and let insulin fall to fasting levels. Then 5 consecutive hours are the eating window, and you just eat until satisfied, as often as you want within that window. It's almost exactly what I did last year during the holidays. I'm happy to see that a lot of people like that eating pattern. I find that eating pattern to feel very natural even tho it doesn't usually leadc to weight loss for me.
Ok...gonna try like hell to not eat til after 8pm when I get home from work. But I'll take a little Slim Jim mini stick to work just in case.
And stay out of the candy!!!
So I'm not sure what to do here. No idea how many calories are in this yummy stew. Maybe do a 2 hour eating window each day until the stew is gone? The Fast-5 people do something similar, only their window is 5 hours long. And fast the remaining 22 hours? And stay out of the damn Halloween candy!! Have a Chobani for dessert. Damn! *slaps self*
I also have about 3/4 a carton of eggs I need to eat up. This week's Kroger visit will be smaller than usual.
The Fast-5 peeps aren't really about weight loss. Though weight loss does sometimes happen. But Fast-5 is more about keeping base insulin levels from going wacky. By fasting for 19 hours at a time the body has a chance to fully digest and then dip into fat stores and let insulin fall to fasting levels. Then 5 consecutive hours are the eating window, and you just eat until satisfied, as often as you want within that window. It's almost exactly what I did last year during the holidays. I'm happy to see that a lot of people like that eating pattern. I find that eating pattern to feel very natural even tho it doesn't usually leadc to weight loss for me.
Ok...gonna try like hell to not eat til after 8pm when I get home from work. But I'll take a little Slim Jim mini stick to work just in case.
And stay out of the candy!!!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
bad Honor!
This "restricting til Thanksgiving" would go a lot better if i'd actually restrict.
Ugh.... ALL I have to do is keep my mitts out of the Halloween candy pail!!
Yet I fail.
Breakfast/lunch today was a deviled ham sandwich spread on multigrain french bread that I found shortdated for 99 cents. I ate slowly but until I was quite full. Dinner was one of my Green Giant steamed veggie dishes. It was very yum. And a few. Mini bananas at various points. Had I added some milk and then stopped it would have been ok. But nooooo I got into the candy. Ugh.
Well the sugar crash knocked me out so here I am awake at 4am. I mixed up my protein shake and it's slowly dissolving in the fridge. Hope it's done by 11. I'll just have water thru work, unless I take leftover protein shake, and dinner will be another Green Giant veggie dish. And also milk and mini banana and Chobani and all the Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness I can guzzle. If I'm still hungry. Just stay out of the candy!
Ungh... my stomach is so mad at mee right now.
Also the taste of the mini bananas has changed. I guess as it gets colder they're coming from farther south. It may be time to say byebye to fresh fruitforthe winter.
And these capchas are driving me crazy. Why is the number part so blurry? I give up!
Ugh.... ALL I have to do is keep my mitts out of the Halloween candy pail!!
Yet I fail.
Breakfast/lunch today was a deviled ham sandwich spread on multigrain french bread that I found shortdated for 99 cents. I ate slowly but until I was quite full. Dinner was one of my Green Giant steamed veggie dishes. It was very yum. And a few. Mini bananas at various points. Had I added some milk and then stopped it would have been ok. But nooooo I got into the candy. Ugh.
Well the sugar crash knocked me out so here I am awake at 4am. I mixed up my protein shake and it's slowly dissolving in the fridge. Hope it's done by 11. I'll just have water thru work, unless I take leftover protein shake, and dinner will be another Green Giant veggie dish. And also milk and mini banana and Chobani and all the Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness I can guzzle. If I'm still hungry. Just stay out of the candy!
Ungh... my stomach is so mad at mee right now.
Also the taste of the mini bananas has changed. I guess as it gets colder they're coming from farther south. It may be time to say byebye to fresh fruitforthe winter.
And these capchas are driving me crazy. Why is the number part so blurry? I give up!
Friday, November 2, 2012
needs title...
I've been reading Regzig again.
When I went downstairs today my knees and ankles clicked the whole time.. my joints hurt. My back hurts. My fatness is not just about looks. So there's no need to worry about me losing weight that I don't need to lose ^_^ I very much need to lose it.
Anywa so I've been reading Regzig again and her great 34 day fast. I wasn't around when she did it so all I have of her plan is what I glean from her blog, but it must have been strict. Not even she could finish it. So there's no way I could. Do you think the ABC diet was inspired by those who saw her plan on her fb group? Anyway...
So there's no way I could do a plan that strict but I am attracted by the idea of having some sort of plan. Been mulling over a sort of "restricting til Thanksgiving" kind of idea. Cuz I'm not gonna deny any of Mom's good cooking. The only time she really cooks is holidays. But I also want to drop a few lbs.
Coming up with ideas isn't easy. I need to be seen eating, get enough nutrition, and have it be easy enough to follow on work days when my willpower is shot. I also need to group my drivving cuz my dear ancient car doesn't like being turned on just for short trips. I walk to & from work all the time now. In fact if it takes less than @ 20mins to walk there then I walk. And sometimes longer. I take over an hour to walk too campus. But I do take bus fare in case it gets dark or I get too tired to walk home.
Anyway so....there's a lot of variables. The weekly confab at that diner too. Oh but while wandering Kroger the other night I found some microwave-steamable veggies in single serve packs (ok more like 1 1/2 servings for whole box) and they were the same price as my usual tvv dinners. So for same price I went much healthier and lower cal! Score! And I also found these adorable baby bananas. They're twice the cost of normal bananas but I don't care. Usually I'm tired of banana taste after just half a banana. So these little finger sized bananas are perfect for me. Many days my breakfast will be a yogurt and a baby banana. So yum and so sub-200 too. Most of thosecalories are from my yummy Chobani yogurts, but they tend to have like 14g of protein so yea.
I just keep rambling. Gotta get back to the gym. Gotta find my blasted membership card! I'm concerned that if I walk to gym I'll be spotted by coworkers and might get caught on how I didn't enroll this term. I intended to at first, but everyone was busy and once the first 2 weeks of class are over the window is gone. I could drive to the gym if I went on the days i'd be driving anyway. Like maybe I could hit the gym for a few hours before the family dinner at that diner.
And I'm just so much more productive when I'm not eating. Dunno why that is. I'm sure fewer sugar crashes have something to do with it. Maybe while restricting I'll finally start writing again. I've got a comic to make, and maybe someday I'll do the various fanfictions in my head and post those on the comic's website too. I've got an old Legend of Zelda one I started as a teen (or younger? Don't remember) and I've got the small idea for an NCIS fanfic and a shameless Star Trek ffanfic that tries to tie together all the series (except the reboot. Planet Vulcan still exists, damnit!)
And mustn't forget adapting Samantha's songs to my viola and posting them on youtube....assuming I figure out a way to record.... the point is still that I'm more productive when I don't eat tho :p
I'm signing up for my own Kroger card. I feel kinda guilty about it. But it's hard to redeem the points without a physical card, and I don't have one! Mom threw away the ones she didn't need so I have no card unless I borrow hers. Altho judging from the # of points on her card, she doesn't redeem them either. Sigh.
When I went downstairs today my knees and ankles clicked the whole time.. my joints hurt. My back hurts. My fatness is not just about looks. So there's no need to worry about me losing weight that I don't need to lose ^_^ I very much need to lose it.
Anywa so I've been reading Regzig again and her great 34 day fast. I wasn't around when she did it so all I have of her plan is what I glean from her blog, but it must have been strict. Not even she could finish it. So there's no way I could. Do you think the ABC diet was inspired by those who saw her plan on her fb group? Anyway...
So there's no way I could do a plan that strict but I am attracted by the idea of having some sort of plan. Been mulling over a sort of "restricting til Thanksgiving" kind of idea. Cuz I'm not gonna deny any of Mom's good cooking. The only time she really cooks is holidays. But I also want to drop a few lbs.
Coming up with ideas isn't easy. I need to be seen eating, get enough nutrition, and have it be easy enough to follow on work days when my willpower is shot. I also need to group my drivving cuz my dear ancient car doesn't like being turned on just for short trips. I walk to & from work all the time now. In fact if it takes less than @ 20mins to walk there then I walk. And sometimes longer. I take over an hour to walk too campus. But I do take bus fare in case it gets dark or I get too tired to walk home.
Anyway so....there's a lot of variables. The weekly confab at that diner too. Oh but while wandering Kroger the other night I found some microwave-steamable veggies in single serve packs (ok more like 1 1/2 servings for whole box) and they were the same price as my usual tvv dinners. So for same price I went much healthier and lower cal! Score! And I also found these adorable baby bananas. They're twice the cost of normal bananas but I don't care. Usually I'm tired of banana taste after just half a banana. So these little finger sized bananas are perfect for me. Many days my breakfast will be a yogurt and a baby banana. So yum and so sub-200 too. Most of thosecalories are from my yummy Chobani yogurts, but they tend to have like 14g of protein so yea.
I just keep rambling. Gotta get back to the gym. Gotta find my blasted membership card! I'm concerned that if I walk to gym I'll be spotted by coworkers and might get caught on how I didn't enroll this term. I intended to at first, but everyone was busy and once the first 2 weeks of class are over the window is gone. I could drive to the gym if I went on the days i'd be driving anyway. Like maybe I could hit the gym for a few hours before the family dinner at that diner.
And I'm just so much more productive when I'm not eating. Dunno why that is. I'm sure fewer sugar crashes have something to do with it. Maybe while restricting I'll finally start writing again. I've got a comic to make, and maybe someday I'll do the various fanfictions in my head and post those on the comic's website too. I've got an old Legend of Zelda one I started as a teen (or younger? Don't remember) and I've got the small idea for an NCIS fanfic and a shameless Star Trek ffanfic that tries to tie together all the series (except the reboot. Planet Vulcan still exists, damnit!)
And mustn't forget adapting Samantha's songs to my viola and posting them on youtube....assuming I figure out a way to record.... the point is still that I'm more productive when I don't eat tho :p
I'm signing up for my own Kroger card. I feel kinda guilty about it. But it's hard to redeem the points without a physical card, and I don't have one! Mom threw away the ones she didn't need so I have no card unless I borrow hers. Altho judging from the # of points on her card, she doesn't redeem them either. Sigh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)