the race is on

Haven't had any chocolate since mon night, when work stress got to me again & I binged. Sigh.
My BMI is 29.7 only .3 away from obese!! :( I tried to take some starting weight pics but the lighting is terrible and my mirror isn't quite big enough. I guess I could borrow walmart's fitting rooms but I don't want to drive way out there just for that. If I go see R at his work then I will already be out near walmart fri night. I doubt I'll lose much in 3 days.
I am slowly restricting. After months of overeating I gotta go slow. This week's rule is simply No Chocolate. I am addicted to chocolate. I must be. Because I can't have just one piece to "quell the cravings". The more I eat the more I crave more more more. So I can't have any at all. Yesterday I had a massive salad that used up the rest of the iceburg lettuce and tomatoes and shredded chicken. It filled me up for nearly 7 hours. I also had a few Tootsie rolls. Not technically chocolate but they shut the craving up. Also a Chobani.
Today I massively overslept. Time to hook up the Sonic Bomb alarm again. I'll just have to plug my heated mattress pad across the room. The cord should be long enough. My room is small. Gonna suck not being able to adjust the heat while still in bed though. But I need the Sonic Bomb's bedshaker unit under my mattress. Cuz audio alarms have to be deafening and I want to keep my hearing ^_^
Thus far today I've had 2 eggs, baby carrots, oscar mayer liver sausage (Mom called it gooseliver when I was little and the nickname stuck) and some Green Goodness.. need to finish that Green Goodness up. Maybe I shouldn't buy it in the biggest jug? I just need to have some everyday. But even everyday...what about my other Bolthouse Farms yummies? Ok maybe get the big Green Goodness jug only every other week or even every 3rd week. Or something like that. Cuz I also want my C-Boost and Chocolate Protein Plus & I'm gonna try a new flavor...Vanilla Chai. Empty C-Boost bottles also make great water bottles ^_^ yum.
I finally have liter bottles! Kroger sells carbonated flavored water and they're 1 liter bottles! Whoohooo! Becuae I want to reserve my blenderbottles for protein shakes. So I can use my 0cal water flavorings with these liter bottles instead of blenderbottles. Cuz the flavors are too strong for less than 20oz.
And I think I mentioned these before because I'm putting 2 refilled liter bottles in my Panic Stash.
Obama getting reelected does have me feeling a bit more hopeful but if I'm still awake at like 3am then I start freaking out again. Somethinng about the dark & quiet that puts scary thoughts in my head. I guess because by 3am it's been dark for awhile and the stone age part of the brain is going "why can't I sleep now" and starts inventing crazy scarey scenarios and there's nothing to distract me. I need to be asleep by 2am at least. And get up early enough to have more than 3 hours of daylight. Ugh it's only 5:30 and the sun has nearly set. It feels like 9pm and it's not even 6.
Ok I need to do something productive. Tonight is diner night w the fam so not eating again til then. No snacking! Need to wash some dishes and hunt down my gym stuff & my winter waterproof overpants. And my pretty winter coat and my thick bedspread/blanket. And where the hell are all my gloves?
It's stuff like this that I hate myself over. I have no organization whatsoever and it's so frustrating. I keep trying & failing. Trying&failing. Losing weight is easier for me than being organized is. Ugh.
And finding some weird pink marks on the potbelly's underside is just more piled on. Thy look like a belt pushed into my skin for days or like the lines made back when I had those potential skin cancers taken out. But I've had no surgeries and haven't worn a belt in a month. The marks used to be a bit more purpleish and are now more pink. Stretch marks? Great. Cue Epic Freakout.
Sidenote: I think my digestive system isn't used to eggs. I feel vaguely weird. Like last day period light cramping but I shouldn't be having those. Or too much liver. That could do it too.
I am so just babbling now. I go away now.