How to create Diet Fail:
1. Don't plan ahead.
Don't do smart things like mixing your kickass protein shake the night before so it's all ready when you wake up hungry. Just skip that and stuff your face with whatever carby sugar stuff happens to be around.

2. Don't stop after you start pigging out. Just keep going.
Even if you already feel full. Fatties don't get that full feeling so quickly, because they've ignored it for so long.

3. Eat when you're really just bored.
Especially on stale chocolate. You don't want to throw that easter chocolate away when there's starving kids in africa.

Repeat steps 1-3 until you have to weigh yourself at those truck-weighing stations.

As you may have guessed, yesterday at today (meaning Monday as I still haven't gone to bed, so is Mon to me) were total disasters. I ate sugar shit. Sooo hard to resist. My childhood fave Count Chocula is back for Halloween! Yes the halloween stuff is arriving at stores already, most of it is just in the back.

I did not go to school today either. And I feel apathetic about it. Just as I feel apathetic over the bingey days. I'm aware that this isn't good, but I'm apathetic about that too.
One of those times when you have to pull yourself out by sheer willpower but you don't really care enough to do the work.
Uh.
Earlier I was thinking about ways I could find a scanner. I like doing my mspaint pics but simply drawing would be faster. But I have no scanner. I'd still be doing cartoons as I can't draw worth shit, but I could do them faster.
I also vaguely remember peeps mentioning these tablet things where you draw directly into the computer.eh...I'm poor so finding a public scanner somewhere would be cheaper in the short term.
Suggestions? All I want is to create jpg cartoons. Mspaint starts as bmp but does have a convert to jpg option even if it does make the colors go wonky sometimes. I currently have an old comp, the internet-connected one runs windows xp and has microsoft office.

This next bit of thought could probably get me committed to a mental institution so shhhhhh.
Anyone heard of Crazerasers? I picked up several a few days ago and opened them tonight. They are cute and I enjoy playing with them. I got fake makeup amd perfumes and money and a sewing set, and a chinese food set. I can pretend the perfumes work. To where I almost feel the ghost of a spray on my neck. And when I mimed eating with the tiny rice bowl, I even felt less food craving. I don't know if miming would help actual hunger pangs but can't hurt to try.
I read Peter Pan as a kid and I still remember the scenes of the make-believe dinners
And how Peter really seemed full on those elaborate dinners of air. They were so detailed when they described the imaginary food.
I always did love those toy foods. Especially those floppy toy fried eggs. So cute.
They always belonged to other people. And now I don't think they're made anymore. Last time I saw toy toast it was permantly attached inside the toy toaster.
I don't really want the big toy kitchen or the toy appliances. Just the toy food. Maybe some toy pans and plates or forks etc. But little things that I can shove all into a drawer before normal people come over and think I'm insane.
Maybe I'll just mock up some simple stuff from cardboard and paper.
I miss playing. Just now realized that. I miss playing with toys. Even more than I miss video games. The tactile experience of feeling the toy in my hand, even making the silly noises and voices. I still have my barbies and Rainbow Brite dolls. The first sewing project I ever did was to make a sleeping bag (pillow attached) for a doll that Mom later gave away without my permission!
Maybe a part of me feels like my childhood was stolen.
She often gave away my stuff without my permission. Including all my My Little Pony stuff. I had one pony who came with a stable and an orange cat, and the stable held her and all her sstuff, a saddle and bridle and reins and a basket the cat could ride in and a strap so she could wear the basket, and the stable folded closed and looked like a real stable. She had pink hair and hearts on her rump. I had a knockoff pony with rainbow hair that kept falling out anytime I tried to brush it, so I stopped.
Mom also gave away this reusable sticker playset thing, a My Little Pony sticker playset... and under the sticker board I had hidden my life's savings. It was about $200 give or take a 20. That's where I put my birthday money and babysitting money etc etc, cuz already I worried about how my change kept dissappearing. Well Mom gave away that playset without getting my money out. And I still feel hurt about it, and hoping that it at least went to a poor child and not some swindler. Or an employee of whatever secondhand store got it.
She did feel guilty for awhile and stopped giving my stuff away, but I still don't like it when she comes in my room.
I still get sad and feel violated when I think about it.

Wow this turned into a novel. My hands are cramping.
So yea, I miss playing with toys and I think I should.
Peter Pan Forever!