wow it's been awhile. have a Sailor Moon rant :)

saw a comment on my Jesus might have healed a gay couple vid that was sooo obviously written by a guy who has never felt the kind of fear females often fear... add being gay in a not-gay-friendly place to that and... yea.
i don't want people who know me in person to know that account is mine. and yes the voice would be enough. epecially when combined with how hard i find it to lie now. i used to be so good at lying. what happened? it's like once i could really cut daddie dearest out of my life i lost the ability to lie. ugh.

Moving on... MAY I RANT ABOUT SAILOR MOON CRYSTAL PLEASE? SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BOTH CRYSTAL AND MANGA.

because i am SOO PISSED at it now. episode 10 specifically, tho i saw it coming as soon as i saw they let jadite survive beyond where the manga killed him off. I mean i was never really thrilled, for many of the same reasons as that keyofnik tumblr i follow. the Senshi have no personality, it's somehow turned into the Mamoru Show, and he's bland too.

AND HOW THE HELL DO YOU HAVE MINAKO FUCKING AINO AND REI FUCKING HINO GIVE UP AND ALLOW THE ENEMY TO JUST KILL THEM?!?!? TO HAVE MINAKO AND REI JUST STAND THERE AND LET THEMSELVES AND THEIR FRIENDS AND EACH OTHER AND THEIR PRINCESS BE SHOT?!??

Fuck this reboot! you do NOT have your theme song going on about how girls don't need a prince and then have ALL THE SENSHI GIVE UP BECAUSE OF SOME JUST-REMEMBERED PAST ROMANCE WITH A GUY!!!

does Crystal!usagi even give a damn about her Senshi?

and no.. i wasn't a huge fan of the manga. i could see hints of character but again it was mostly the mamo-and-usagi show and i was much more interested in the interactions of all the girls with each other. boy-meets-girl romances are a dime for 5 dozen, i swear.

REI HINO DOES NOT LOVE JADITE DAMMIT! yea.. crystal went there... Senshi are neatly paired off with the damn shitennou. So not only do the princess moon and prince earth fall in love but so do each of their personal guardians. and so neatly paired up too.... one Senshi for each shitennou BECAUSE APPARENTLY NOW EVERY GIRL NEEDS A GUY IN HER LIFE WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS NOT MY SAILOR MOON!

and i really didn't like how the manga treated my babies, my Haruka and Michiru. Haruka kissed usagi but not her girlfriend?? what the hell? and poor Michiru didn't even get much of a personality. and what really pissed me off is how Haruka and Michiru ended up being just a foil for the usagi-and-mamoru show in that Michiru flirts with mamo, usagi sees, feels threatened. and Haruka kisses usagi and mamo feels threatened and THEN MAMORU AND USAGI DEAL WITH IT AS PART OF THEIR STORYLINE BUT I GUESS HARUKA AND MICHIRU HAD TO HAVE THEIR MOMENT OFFSCREEN.

AND AFTER USAGI DECIDES SHE'S STAYING WITH HER MAMO-CHAN THEN HARUKA STOPS WEARING BOY CLOTHES AFTER MUGEN HER SCHOOL UNIFORM IS THE GIRLS UNIFORM WHAT THE HELL!! It's like the tomboy half of her drops off the face of the earth. I am not ok with this. Haruka wears pants and skirts both damn it! Stop putting her in skirts all the time!

altho to be fair, the manga is a damn sight better than this crystal reboot. you could see hints of personality.

i do NOT want crystal to get ahold of my babies. i am already on edge.

did Jesus affirm a gay couple?

That's the title of my latest youtube video and I'm on my phone and don't have a link... let's see if I can get one....http://www.youtube.com/#/watch?v=A7ftJoxhnBw
I thinkthatwill work. All I did was replace the m with www in the address so it would not be a mobile link anymore. The switch worked before. Anyway please pass that video around. I do run ads now but I also want that info out there. Yes I want to make a few extra pennies buti also want to helpthe gay community and I can answer most of the bible arguments used against gay people. Why shouldn't I get paid a bit for this work? That retail job pays crap and they treat me bad. Guess what they did? Guess.

They blamed me for not catching a professional thieving *team* who hit the store. It was a duo, black male and black female, and they have been hitting that store for *months* and corporate has done nothing. No new security cameras since these thieves know how. To avoid thecurrent. Ones (no face shots) and no one was watching the current. Security cameras anyway. Because while they stayed close to the blind spot (and knew. Where the blind spot was because dumbass employer had a monitor showing what the. Camera was recording) it wasstill obvious enough what they were doing. They stole and opened a box of garbage bags and were filling the bags. And no one was watching the camera feed!

what is the point of security cameras if only the thieves areseeing the feed? Someone watching the feed could have called the cops from a safe distance. But nooooo instead they expect me. To physically approah thieves who are bigger than me so the thieves can threaten and. Intimidate me *and recognize my face*! So after work they made me watch the recorded feed to show me how wrong I was for not catching the thieves. And all I'm thinking is "why wasn't the supposed security center watching this as it was happening? Why didn't they call?"

so I'm blamed and I might get moved out of the makeup counter and I want to quit sooooo bad.maybe I'll apply at sephora. But every penny helps so please pass my vid on. It's info that can be thrown back at those duck dynasty jerks!

youtube question

if a video starts as unlisted and then is later added to listed... what happens? does it go to the top of the playlist? do subscribers get notified? i've got an unlisted that i threw together in 5 minutes from an as-yet-unused audio and plain typed pages so i'm gonna list it soon and see what happens. cuz i like experimenting.

i kinda know my way around now tho.. did enough stupid vids to figure out the basics. my technology is still old and so i'm stuck at my current (lack of) quality but nothing i can do there.

oook tried to test leaving comments on videos..... i am not sure if my youtube/g+ name will overwrite blogger or not. i guess we find out.. so far i haven't seen a change....ok i left a comment on her "how girls get ready" vid... am now listed as Kitra on youtube. we'll see what else gets affected.

car update.... the repair bill was less than $200 cuz my mechanic kicks ass. he's a small business owner too so i'm supporting local businesses instead of huge chokechain stores.

the main problem is i need to use the more expensive gas now :( and i'm still the family mule. i am being harassed yet again to get more milk. that jailbird ass went thru an entire gallon of milk in 3 days. it's because he puts it in his "coffee" and the quotes are there because he puts the milk in before the coffee and it's really more like coffee-flavored milk because he uses so much.

anyway back to youtube... i am very late finding out that those duck dynasty assholes are all "only as homophobic as Jesus was" so i'm starting today to dig out notes and stuff. it's gonna take time what with the internet on this laptop and all my bookmarks on the non-internet desktop computer at the other end of the building and my books back at my house. i may or may not throw one more cheap vid together explaining my limited technology and my computer and internet situation. because it does take forever to get anything done and people might want to know why.

is the US voting on an internet bill?

Remember I basically have no internet. This not-so-smartphone has very limited web functionality. And Peri had a vlog where she mentioned if something passed in the States it might happen in New Zealand too? And I can't find anything on my phone and my ccomputer is both outside of my house and does not have internet. So if anyone can give me a hint on what's happening, i'd love it.

In my news...I am sick. Those kids I babysit were sick and I caught it. And my check engine light came. On. And I am feeling so stressed and angry. Mom is riding my ass because we're running out of food and I'm the only one with free rein to leave the house and go shopping. While sick and on an engine light.

I fucking hate this shit.

I still have to "babysit" too. I still have to be out on the road at 4am in order to get over to her place by 430 when she leaves. Please note her kids are in junior high. They should be using alarm clocks and getting their own butts out to the bus on time by now.

honestly the dog is the only reason to go over there. And I should be able to dogvisit later in the day. Tho this chick should not be allowed to have a dog. This poor dog has spennt so much of his life caged that he doesn't understand the concept of playing fetch. You throw something and he doesn't even chase it. And she keeps saying "I'm just not a dog person" then why the ehll are you keeping him? Either become a dog person or give that neglected dog away to someone who will care for him properly! I wish I could take him but ofc with jailbird here it's no dogs allowed.

jerk is moving in

Well my computer was moved out today cuz jackass is moving in this week. At least I am not a guardian. So I'll be spending most of my time off at mom's office where my computer is set up. The internet doesn't work there tho so to get online i'd need to take mom's laptop to somewhere with wifi. Grrrr. This shit is so stupid.

I still say mr & mrs snooty should be housing this asshole. Their house is twice the size of mine and they don't do shit. They play golf and ride motorcycles and collect disability. They do not work outside the house nor do they use the internet to try to increase their income. They are the *only* people whose income would not have been affected by housing a jailbird. But of course their leisure was more important. I do not consider them my aunt & uncle anymore.

the only good news is mr snooty being the 2nd babysitter. He's already bitching about this cutting in to his golf game. So my poor Mom is the primary and I kinda hope she gets frustrated cuz duh this isn't supposed to be easy. And I hope mr snooty's selfishness works out in my favor. Cuz I want my own computer back to full power. Mom's laptop has outdated antivirus wtf I don't wanna log in on that!

new vid, as i re-test stuff

new vid...trying to set shit up in hopes of making it easier on myself later... i just talk in it, about indoor tanning stuff i've run into, I kinda chipmunkized myself somehow. I think I know what happened, but given how dangerous it would be for people to find me in person, since I HAVE NO RIGHTS IN THIS STATE i think i should keep chipmunkizing my voice anyway.

It would be easy to undo for those who know how, but i'm hoping most bullies and other youma won't bother (and me and my random Sailor Moon references again)

http://youtu.be/2tfAxlpUTAs

In other news.. I am still f*cked about my computer and shit.. and i'm gonna have to stay elsewhere and just kinda sneak back to see my cat. Here's hoping i'm not told to dump my phone as well. Because that is not gonna happen. My phone is an ancient phone that only has like 126 MEGAbytes of internal storage. 126MB.... that's like 1 tenth of 1 gig.. that is NOT a computer equivalent at all!

I hate this shit. i hate aunt bitch. i hate jailuncle. dear Bro is gonna set my computer up in Mom's office.. but internet there is always iffy... so i'd have to take her laptop to yet another location in order to get online.

anyway let me know if anything on the vid should change. i'll try to get back to it as soon as i can... whenever that is. i tell the truth in it to the best of my knowledge. so i did pick tags that i thought were relevant and would maybe help it show up in searches.

more family "fun"

guess the newest bit of bullshit i have to deal with?

i gotta tell the courts that i am moving out of my own house so jackass jailuncle can live here

what the flying FUCK.

so all together....

• losing my computer for God knows how long. It's going to be in mom's office... i have to drive to get there, and make sure i don't get in anyone else's way.
• internet is not assured at this location.
• homophobe in the house for who knows how long
• homophobe's equally homophobic sons are among his legal guardians.. so they need access to the house
• Mom being the primary guardian means she will probably have to turn down paying gigs because she can't find a babysitter for dumbass jailuncle
• I HAVE TO MOVE OUT FOR AN UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT OF TIME

so for obvious reasons i am of the opinion (which may well be objective fact after all this shit) that aunt and uncle snooty are self-righteous asshats who are hereby DEAD TO ME. they refuse to give Mom any financial help. They already refused to host jailuncle even tho these asshats are on disability and do nothing but play golf, watch tv, and do their motorcycle joyrides, so THEIR income would not have been affected. (my disability does not vanish when i WANT to do something! gosh it must be nice to have a disability that only prevents working)

and NOW aunt snooty is all "oh i bear Honor no ill will" what the fuck are you doing? I'M the one who has a right to bear ill will!

think i could borrow Mich's crossbow or some swords? cuz i really want to break aunt snooty's jaw.

another damn bond hearing!! >:(

after all the shit I've put up with I'm still not in the clear!!! lawyer's aiming for another damn bond hearing for ped-uncle next week! I could still lose my computer entirely for God only knows how long!!

Fuck this shit!!! i hate this! Just because I chose to live with my mother instead of living on welfare!!
My total bad! Remind me that taxpayers are totally here to support me. Right!

I just got the news tonight. And ofc immediately my stomach was all uproar and acidy so dinner was not possible. And I still have to go to the store. Fuck! And after all the work I did to get internet up in my room.

after aunt snooty's total not-an-apology-at-all and her being all condescending because me and R couldn't be that close since i'm not fucking him. just because she slept her way to the top... well as far as she could get anyway.

I don't know what to do. I'm so angry I'm shaking. I'm trying to focus on how to salvage anything should the worst happen. One thing is sure... I cannot be a legal guardian!!!

Think about this shit they're trying to get me to do..... give up my computer, not just internet but my entire computer. AND STAY HOME TO BABYSIT JAILUNCLE BECAUSE HE CANNOT BE LEFT UNSUPERVISED.

So I'm not even free to leave whenever i want to go to where my computer is. That is what they want me to do.
How the fuck am I being the selfish one?!?!? They are asking me to give up my whole life!

Did i mention he has 3 kids of his own and they aren't being very helpful??!?

this new lawyer is aiming for hearing is next week and ofc i work the weekend, so i basically have tomorrow to prepare for the worst. I have larger microSD cards for my phone, and since any updates to my youtube or webcomic (yea i was gonna pick that up again) will be sporadic, I finally got off my ass and got a twitter. I used the same email this blog is attached to, which means the verification email connected me to Mich's twitter, heh. I forgot she had one. Bad Honor. Oh she followed me back... autofollow? oh my twitter @KitraKatarae, same pen name as my poor neglected comic. And it might get more neglected now.
I figure I can use the twitter to announce whenever there's an update. I could maybe do the same if i upload anything to youtube? I do not want a damn google+ thing. I do not need my real name or real ANYTHING being put out into the general internet full of strangers.

I've been getting emails about a tumblr that I apparently have. i never signed up for one but i did have something like a livejournal back in the day. was there a changeover there?

ok i'm in.. totally forgot the password ofc... but i'm in now, reset password.. changing url... ok tumblr is now also kitrakatarae.
and wow i guess i did sign up for a tumblr.. i remember making that one lone post... 4 years ago? wow. it all looks very different now...ok liked 2 posts and no idea how people say things, make those note things but.. can't hang around.. i got stuff to do.  i know Mich and Peri are on tumblr somewhere. i'll get ya my next runthru. Thus far I got the autofollow Staff tumblr, and ofc Samantha Ronson from way back.. and keyofnik cuz her tumblr was my link to the mainpage so she was already there.

what really sucks is i can't use my phone for any of this. i am stuck. need a computer. stupid uncle! ASSHOLE AUNT!!!

is it weird that i want to disconnect from the internet before i plug in things like flash drives and external hard drives and MY PHONE? Because i am oddly paranoid about getting an internet problem on my phone. Or some auto-update crap. I dunno.

so i can upload to youtube without the damn G+? i hope so.
ok i have bills to go pay :(

hey remember when Peri asked me about violins?

yea eons ago she sent me this tumblr link http://glueandpieces.tumblr.com/post/66395732598/is-it-just-me-or-are-the-violins-sounding-weird-i

and i'm only just NOW actually listening to it, as tumblr gave me issues for the longest time. Experiments on keyofnik (which loads so easy for me) finally taught me which scripts i needed to allow and which scripts would absolutely crash my browser. So i finally got to hear it! the youtube link she sent was broken so i had to search for madoka opening, but i think i found it, it sounds similar enough to the violin piece that yea, i think it's what they aimed for. what i found is called Madoka Magica Opening-Connect. Anyway to the violins! come watch me type as i think!

Ok on my computer..(repeat: on my system)... the version on Peri's tumblr sounds...pretty normal. sometimes it seems like the violins might be slightly out of sync to the rest, but that could also be a style choice. It could be deliberate. Sometimes i lose the violins briefly in the piano (are there only 2 violins? sounds kinda like it) but yea some violins do have that kinda almost-a-bit-nasally-or-something sound. Stringed instruments all have their own timbre, tone color, much like human voices. that's probably why it's easy to switch a voice out for a violin, or vice versa. it also means that instrument auditions aren't just looking at the skill of the player, they have to consider the tone color of the instrument as well. I've got a violin (technically Mom's but hah like she plays it) that sounds very nasally to me. I also think my viola sounds very nasal. (sidenote: listening to the old test vid of mine on my channel.. wow that is soft. even with the keychain cam wow that is soft)

i also think that having the piano, which has a very different timbre, play many of the same notes at the same times as the violins just really makes the violins sound more nasally than they are. that combined with the violins being kinda soft, even to getting lost in the piano... yeah...

It's hard to pull a song that's part electric and make it all acoustic, and voiceless on top of that. Electric instruments are so different. The total feel of the song tends to change. Which is probably why my main issue with this violin piece is actually the bass ^_^ because the bass line sounds electric to me. WTF if you're gonna go acoustic then dammit go acoustic!

Another thought... the Madoka opening i found, even with the voices, also has violins. Very clear/sweet-timbre violins, so it can be a shock to the ear to go from those violins to the ones used in the cover. And the madoka opening violins both have solos and play WITH the voices,doubling the voices, so maybe that's why the piano doubles the violins in the cover. Like they switched out the voices for violins for those parts, and then used the piano for everything else. And ofc the violins also had solos originally so ofc the cover would have that too. Wow that's hard... to make a piano/violin only version of a song that already has both instruments in it. Wow.. you'd only be taking stuff away really. Wooooowwwwww.

I would still dump that bass, but otherwise I think they did good.

opening recording i used: youtube.com/watch?v=mRwOkJETOfk

another classical version of Connect I found: youtube.com/watch?v=Xh0Ul8JSU2A -this uses a full orchestra, and this sounds a bit Legend of Zelda to me but since i love Zelda that didn't bother me a bit ^_^

i do wonder how long those links will work. I sometimes wonder why the official holders of the copyrights don't just do their own official channels or something. Youtube is so useful for finding music. Yea yea i know thieves but really, not having official channels doesn't stop the thieves. And official channels would also make new music by the same composers easier to find. Because many peeps, me too, like to listen/view before we buy. Wouldn't that mean more customers? or am i just one of those rare types who understands that musicians need to eat too? I mean I even see people posting the Sailor Moon reboot (Crystal) on youtube!! WTF?? it's already free online! I guess there are region restrictions in some places. I saw people talking about it on Jetwolf's tumblr. But they also came up with workarounds and shared links to LEGAL sites that were showing Crystal. Because the companies need those numbers.

cautiously a little optimistic

hello from an actual computer!! complete with internet!

ok the ancient computer that was all mine even if a used hand-me-down (old old... i mean 18GB total hard drive space)was combined with the slightly newer one (and by that I mean a 2003 computer with just under 100GB hard drive tho it had been partitioned into 60/40 by an earlier user) and this newer one is now in my room. It was huge and f*cking heavy to move up the stairs by myself. Moving crap took the better part of 3 days. i am using the old now-gone computer's monitor and keyboard and mouse, so that helped. I did take the newer one's speakers, since they actually work. I have music in my room again yay!!! Of my sleep schedule is still fecked to bits but eh.

although i think the most annoying part, not painful physically but damn annoying, was getting internet up here. i finally found a really REALLY long Ethernet cable. Winding it up the stairs and across the ceiling with lots of tape holding it up... yea that was fun. Fortunately my door doesn't fit the frame well so there's a space big enough for the cable even when the door is closed.

I broke down at work 2 weeks ago when NiceManager noticed i wasn't my usual self and i told all about pr0n-uncle and aunt snooty and all that fun and how the whole carpool home she's berated me and called me a waste of life etc. So NiceManager gave me an unofficial vacation as soon as she could. I didn't want her to have to rewrite the schedule she already made. But yea, i have this whole week off yay.

And thus far I've wasted all of it. Watched lots of Sailor Moon (it's on hulu, which apparently also streams at neonalley.com which is where i can watch both the old 90s anime and the new Crystal reboot), reread Jet Wolf's liveblog of Sailor Moon S (my fave overall season, tho i do adore the Doom Tree arc of R) and I ordered Sims 3 and Ambitions and Supernatural.. even tho i know damn well I need a new computer before I can play them. This one doesn't have enough free space or RAM.

But with Sims 4 coming out I wanted to grab 3 while I could. yea yea i'm behind, I don't care. i never had any Sims2 expansions at all. I've got the basic game and my poor computer was having issues with just that. So I've just been playing original Sims all this time. Buuut Jet Wolf has a Simshi page and now i want one. But Sims 2 also taught me that aging is no fun when only one household goes at a time. Bro showed how Sims 3 the whole neighborhood runs at once. I'll probably turn aging off anyway but just playing on his game it was soooo nice to visit neighbors! That was cool!!! So cool! Usagi could drop in on Rei anytime as you know she would!! So... someday. Maybe someday soon. Bro has already said he's use his NewEgg acct to get the parts and put it together himself, so that would chop my price in half. i just gotta pay for it. We also talked about me recording myself playing stuff for youtube and such. Because right now my recording options are either that old keychain camera that i got eons ago when i thought i might need to record that mean manager being evil to me... or even older mics that do plug into this computer but sound very tinny no matter what i do. And i know it's the mics, because Audacity can also record what i hear thru the speakers and that sounds fabulous. Soo... here's hoping that old keychain camera still works, eh? Cuz i did find out Audacity can put two wavs into a single mp3 so yay there. it would be hard as hell to line the parts up correctly cuz it's all by ear and eye, but it is possible.

Cuz dumbass me had wanted to have a song ready for Samantha Ronson's birthday.... which was August 7. oops.

In my defense I did have all that drama going on and i was missing a computer entirely for a few days while Bro transferred stuff. And mixing parts together is actually very hard with my current technology.

Aunt Snooty came over unexpectedly a few days ago and supposedly apologized but her non-apology was sooo couched in her justifications for how she acted and why she still says i'm selfish.

Let's be clear...:uncle has 3 kids of his own and dammit it is their job to save his ass! why are they doing nothing?! i am not required to give up my everything for him!

and you know why he can't live at her place? Because she and her husband (who is even worse) do not want to babysit the grandkid at the grandkid's own house. nope grandma's swingset is more special than any human. grandkid has to use grandma's swingset. or something.

Anyway... so I have not even thought about getting a new computer because I don't want to buy a new computer and get it up here only to have to lose it for God knows how long. So... no new computer for me until i am 100% sure I won't lose it over prisoner-uncle coming here. I'll just hang on to the Sims 3 games i guess.

Meanwhile prisoner-uncle has decided to stop eating and yes aunt snooty mentioned that SEVERAL times in her "apology". It was my Mom who finally told me that prisoner-uncle was doing it so his kids wouldn't have the shame of a father in prison. Apparently they haven't been visiting him or something. i also find it interesting that either he's given up on his case (guilty conscience?) or he's doing this as some sort of tactic? What's the thinking here? I don't thinks courts like attempts at emotional manipulation. He's been in there for about 5 months. Not even a year. And for being accused of a very very VERY serious crime, 6 months doesn't sound that long. Is it long? is this unusual for such a case? i have no way of knowing. i also don't know how real it is, since I always only ever get hearsay.

Oh one last thing.. aunt snooty was going on and on about how the internet is just shutting yourself away and i tried to point out how my best friend R and i had met online and he came up here. And the FIRST WORDS out of aunt snooty's mouth were "yea and he's living with that other girl"

WHAT THE FUCK??!? so a relationship is not valid unless it's sexual or something? Fuck you, bitch!

And then she told me i'm really just bisexual and i'm just afraid of sex or something. fuck that bitch!

but anyway... here i am on aug 9 and it's frickin early cuz my sleep patterns are fecked... but i still have computer and internet. I'm hoping it stays that way. and quick note about the ex-stepdad visiting in the last entry, he didn't leave until after 10pm. so yea... he was here from a lil before 3pm to past 10. at least he stayed away from me this time.

another note.. as i read thru my most recent entries... I feel i need to confess i now own Sailor Venus because clearly i have no willpower and I'm even thinking of signing up for the Amazon credit card just so i can get that one-time-use gift card they give you when you're approved.

Please note how i am blatantly ASSUMING I'll be approved. yea.

am i not a person to my family?

Mom wants my computer in my room. I'm still scaredd of losing all computer access if the kidpr0n maker gets allowed to live at my house. Mom claims it's not likely cuz aunt snooty was apparently disqualified after the judge saw her treating me badly. I still ddont get why snooty's house, which is twice the size of mine, isn't even being offerred. It's like aunt snooty has decided thaat she must never be inconvenienced. Everyone else must take the burdens while she just makes herself look good. If computers are so unnecessary then why won't she give hers up?
Anyway, so last night I started moving the computer up. It was heavy & difficult to move that thing up stairs. And dusty to dig out the wires. My nose itches so damn much I nearly wet myself from all the sneezing. Even the rroof of my mouth itches. But the computeer tower is up and fortunately I could use the monitor. And keyboard and mouse from the old 18gb computer wwhich no longerexists. So now I just have to move up the monster sound system. 4 speakers and a subwoofer. Ugh. If pr0nuncle does move in someone else is moving this stuff to mom's office.
Oh and guess what else? Mom has invited ex-stepdad over for dinner. Yea the same guy who would yell about how I was good for nothing except sex..I have nightmares about this guy where I'm naked in a bed next to him and I ccant move. And now Bro tells me he remembers walking in on stepdad & me in stepdad's bed and Bro was mad about it when it happened. And back during thansgiving & mas know what stepdad said. To me? "I'm going to hug you and there's nothing you ccan do about it" what sort of person makes a "joke" like that ?!? What if my swiss cheese memory. Is a coping mechanism?
I swear ever since this pr0nuncle shit started I've been getting treated less and less as a human with feelings.
And he just arrived. And was banging on the door no less with Mom doing her sickeningly-sweet "come in" like 8 fucking times while he was still banging away. Wish I had a lock on my door. Closest I have is one of those chaain slider things that a now ex-girlfriend installed but since my door hinges are outside my room the chain slider it really just a warning that someone is coming in.

he wasnt denied but....

The jjudge's conditions were super extreme and I got a second shock when I was asked to sign somme sort of paper that I didn't understand.
No computers at all! Not just no internet- no COMPUTER of any sort in the house. Not even behind a locked door. That did not make me happy. I left courtroom quickly to go sob in private and then they dragged me back in while still sobbing and handed me a pen and this thick stapled paper thing.
I panicked. Turned into a total sobbing mess. My aunt started in on me right there in the courtroom. The officials who were still there were not amused.
And uncle is not out. Judge was willing but I freaked and was not given time to compose myself and aunt spent the whole ride home (we all carpooled) telling me I'm a waste of life. That I am soooo selfish I can't even see how selfish I am. And that Mom should kick me out.
Can I vent for a second?
Computer, even one without internet, is like the tool of my trade. It is NOT a tool of her retired-and-on-disability life. Furthermore her house is twice the size of mine. She didn't even submit her house for consideration. And why? She didn't want to give up her dog. Nor did she want to babysit her granddaughter at her son's house.. where granddaughter actually lives. And I get the attachment to pets but....
And ofc none of uncle's own kids can take him in. Nooooooo ofc not.
She has been hollering for months about how we much do anything to get uncle out... yet she put her dog above uncle's needs. And yet has the gall to preach at me about selfishness. I. Am putting myself above uncle, yes, but I am a person and not a dog. So obviously the whole family is mad at me. Mom's not kicking me out but every time I turn around I'm reminded that I'm being selfish.
I'll probably still lose my computer for God only knows how long, but at least I won't be held legally responsible for him.

a felon share my house??

Ok "alleged" felon right now but what the fuck ever. How is this even an option did my mom seriously think i'd be ok with giving up internnet and my free time to babysit her dumbass brother? Ok here's the story:
A few years ago uncle was suspected of something and cops seized some of his computer stuff. They did not arrest him, however. So I figured they'd arrest him if it was serious. But when his then-wife. Saw a naked pic of her niece that he took and was told he was suspected of being in some kidporn ring she justifiably freaked. Mom offered to let him stay at her house while the divorce progressed and then-wife moved out of the house. Uncle at least still had his own computer. Tho I hated how he smoked inside the housee, blasted his music to the point where neighbors complained, and he's the bad kind of baptist and is all gays are abominations.
I spent a lot of time on the internet with headphones on. I needed my internet.
So he moved out and lived alone in his place for maybe a year or so? I was just happy to have my house back. To not have to deal with his equally judgmentals sons too.
Few weeks ago the feds actually broke into his house to arrest him. They charged him with something about child pron. I can't get ddetails but given the stories I'm hearing maybe he's charged with helping make it? Taking the pictures? He is hugely into photography and I do remember some tales about him leaving the country once in a while because he got hired. And now I'm wondering what those trips were. I think his stuff was seized when he was returning to USA? I don't remember.

Anyway the point is once again mom wants him to live here. Only this time I would lose all internet for as long as he's here! and he'd have to be supervised, whatever that means. So I would have to stay home all the damn time and babysit him plus I have no internet?! Fuck that! I hate this! Given what he's accused of I hope he gets denied. He'd stay here until his trial and I have no idea when that is. But some officer person is coming here day after tomorrow to check the house out.
Did I mention I am not happy? Cuz I'm not.

DAMNIT HONOR!!

STOP SPENDING MONEY!!!
In other totally unrelated news, Mercury and Mars are now ordered. As are like 4 little keychain games so the girls can have a few toys of their own.(oh and some fake. Food blind box from some company called Re-Ment cuz I couldn't tell what size they were so. I got the cheapest blindbox set I could... and it was $10 at cheapest!)
I intend to pose them and take pics like the squealing fangirl I am.
Damn, I need a life.
And instead of a life, I want money so I can get Venus. Perhaps I should be glad that Jupiter and Saturn are preorder only, and Uranus aand Neptune haven't even shown up. Cuz money? What money? And I still gotta get the new dvds when they come out!

shopping again *slaps self hard!*

WTF with my spending money like I actually have some?!?!?
Moving on...now that i am on the computer again (Bro fixed it! yay!) I looked up that cute mini cake youtube vid i sent to Peri with my "wtf is this" question. Youtube's mobile update doesn't like my old smartphone. Anyway... the person who posted the video outright said it was edible! And then... I found it on Amazon! And guess what else I found on Amazon....

Uranus and Neptune mini plushies!!! They weren't sold by Amazon but they were fulfilled by Amazon. I'm not sure what the difference means but so long as Amazon is the shipper I'm not too worried. And then and then and then... since my plushies were fulfilled by Amazon, they qualified for that Add-on Item thing.. which my mini cake set was. The mini cake set requires the microwve and I read that American microwaves are overpowered in comparison toJapanese microwaves. Combine that with how the directions are in Japanese (eeeeeek) and i figured I needed at least two so the 1st can be the rough draft. And damnit, Honor, the next time you are spending money on Amazon you WILL get at least one Senshi! Yea ok a single Senshi is still far more expensive than anything else I've ordered thus far. STILL!

Here is the mini cake video, and I'm glad it exists not just because this is how i learned about making mini foods, but I'll also be following it since I can't read Japanese!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImJqJZUBeA4
and can I just say i love that poster? there's no interaction but her vids are sooo informative and even soothing to me. So much cuteness!

I don't know what expiration dates i can expect. i'm hoping hoping hoping that they will stay good until I get all of the Inner Senshi later this year. Jupiter isn't even scheduled to be released until August. Venus is later this month. So yea.. start buying more Senshi dammit! Although i guess i could also make one when I get Mars and Mercury. It was just Moon, Mercury, and Mars for several episodes.

or.. i also got mini waffle kit as another Add-On from Amazon. Here's that video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAVFC9UweYg

Looks like that one doesn't even need the microwave.

I don't really expect these things to taste any better than the cheaper gummi candies i sell at work. The point is that they LOOK amazing and adorable while still being edible. Thanks to that youtube poster i've seen mini food kits that require serious prep but are neither edible nor permanent. Yeesh! If I'm going to bother with making something, I want to eat it or keep it!

and yes, that means I've started watching videos about making minifoods using polymer clay. It looks like a steep learning curve, but why the hell not try? Tho after some reading... sounds like maybe at first i could go the air-dry clay route. The air-dry stuff shrinks a bit but for a beginner that could be good. i could start a wee bit larger with my clumsy hands. And there's also how temperamental my oven can get. Air-dry is AIR-DRY, and as small as they would be, they'd probably dry quick. A few days at most. Maybe even just one day.

Of course everyone on the internet has their own percfect clay recipe. Ugh ugh how to choooose?

bad Honor! stop shopping!

So while on Amazon wishlisting all the Sailor Senshi I could find (Saturn is now up for preorder too) I found some way too cute Barbie stuff that i'd wanted as a kid but family could not afford. So chalk one up to the inner child. 3 things for the price of a single Senshi doll is how I justified it to myself. Besides, my girls need a home and stuff... right?
I got 1 official Barbie set (laundry, wtf self?) And two barbie knockoffs that looked damn cute and had generally positive reviews. A kitchen, full kitchen w fridge and sink and stove/oven. And a grocery store. And I know damn well these things will be way too big for my Senshi dolls. And part of me doesn't care. I'll dig out my old barbie doll and play Mama Barbie and Toddler Senshi. Or something.

90s SAILOR MOON RE-RELEASE AHHHH!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWPyM9afQ-w

anyone who's seen Sailor Moon S in the original with English subs (or hell, even the dub didn't hide it well)knows damn well what that hand scene between Haruka and Michiru means.

THEY CHOSE THAT SCENE FOR A REASON!!!

OMG so happy. And i dunno how to get the streaming to work (help?) but it also says the episodes are going out on dvd, blu-ray etc. you KNOW I'm getting it!!!!

THERE GOES ALL MY MONEY!!!

Yes, i know i already got it all off Youtube. i believe in supporting stuff i like! Otherwise how will the idiot companies know what to make more of?

I'm also slowly slowly collecting the Sailor Moon figuarts. Fortunately, Amazon is a designated North American seller so i can get them. I already have Sailor Moon. I'm saving up for the rest. I first learned about them on another fan's tumblr. Here's the post where she shows pics she found of the Outer Senshi (omg want!)
http://keyofnik.tumblr.com/post/85270967491/sailormooncollectibles-sailor-mars-jupiter
and the #sm merchandise tag will take you to the rest. She herself has Mercury, Mars, and Moon. Venus and Jupiter are only up for preorder right now. Saturn is next in line, then I'm guessing my fav ladies, then Pluto, and dunno who after that. Maybe nobody? I mean, I'd have the ones I want. But theoretically they could do Chibs and her Senshi and Tuxedo Mask and various villans or supporting cast. Eh. I'd skip those tho. Just give me my girls.

I wish I had money to get every bit of Sailor moon stuff out there, but i am poor so after much thought I narrowed it to these poseable figuarts and now that I know the dear anime is coming out I'll add that as soon as i can. Even though i would at least love some plushies too. Will the re-release plushies? I want a plushie Uranus and Neptune dammit! please take all my money and give me my show and my dolls now!!!

And this is going at the same time as the new reboot called Crystal. And yay for reboots, even tho I will probably always prefer the original. It's like that with me and Star Trek too. But I will give Crystal a shot. So long as they keep the cuteness and the glorious female friendships alive, then Crystal will be cool by me.

Just ooo I want the original too damnit!

why won't my 'puter work?

Waaaaa! Computer was having issues starting up for days. If it could stay on for 5 mins then it was golden for however long I kept it on. But those first 5 mins we're constant restarting and crashes. So I took it to Bro who did something called a registry cleaner and it found over 500 errors. So it all seemed good again and I brought puter home and hooked it back up.

And now the tower turns on but the monitor, keyboard, and mouse do not respond. Nothing. As if they are not connected. I thought maybe something got loose near the CPU board but I can't fire how to remove the green shell that covers that part. I know it can open cuz Bro opened it.
So I'm going bonkers. I've had no internet since Saturday. My phone here can only handle a few sites. I can't even pay credit cards on my phone anymore cuz they "upgraded" their mobile website. Upgrade my ass! It won't load for me anymore! And forget about online shopping! I am going crazy! I can't even check the shipping tracker for last week's amazon order! Ugh! I hate this!
Right now I'm watching Pride & Prejudice while my kitty sleeps in my lap. I love the costumes and hairstyles. But damn I want full internet back.

i'm still here :)

Bad me for wandering off. I haven't done anything while wandering... I just found a tumblr that's all about Sailor Moon. It's called keyofnik and I think I've read everything! Ok that's not true. I've been reading her Simshi (senshi sims) tags and her Rewatch Sailor Moon tags. My first watch was years ago and it was the english dub. Amara & Michelle made me feel depressed. They said they were cousons but something about that didn't feel right and I wasn't able back then to realize that I was loooking at censorship. I think I felt it though. So my viewing was sporadic. I watched the Doom Tree arc of R and loved it (even the english dub was funny, tho the original Japanese is still better) the dub Ini annoyed the hell out of me so the second arc of R didn't hold me much. I did love those 4 villan sisters. I don't remember their dub names anymore. And I already said that S depressed me because of the "destined cousins" and I just never even saw SuperS. So now I have all the Japanese episodes and what am I doing? Reading someone else's watchthru. But she's so funny! And she does screencaps and these great essays that show me stuff that went by too fast for me to catch! My headcanon is not hers, but I still appreciate her viewpoint. She only hips the canon couples, and she can be particularly fierce about Haruka & Michiru, but she admits that if any of the other girls started dating each other, not much would really change. "A kiss away from canon" is what she calls it. The friendships are already so deepand strong. That's what she loves so much. Because how often do you see such deep and truly supportive friendships between women nowadays?

Anyway, so that's what I've been doing. Just wasting time ^_^
Her simshi tag mentioned Sims 4 is coming out? Maybe I could get Sims 3 then? I would at least want the Supernatural expansion. Because Makin Magic was my fav in Sims 1.

shopaholics anonymous anywhere?

So after the freaking blizzard that was never called a blizzard (aka the whole damn month of january) I finally got my car dug out and got to the bank and deposited my Christmas money. And then I went shopping! Actually first I went to cellphone service provider to finally drop off my paystub. The fuckers won't alter the last bill or this current billing cycle to reflect my employer-negotiated discount. Assholes.
But then it was MALL TIME!!
I hit two stores, Icing (which I think was onced called Icing by Claire's?) and Sephora. Most of my spending was at Icing. I got 4 pairs of earrings (one was even lil rose earrings like Sailor Jupiter's) and a crapload of pretty hairtoys. Mostly pretty clips that can decorate my little buns, but also some jeweled hairpins. Lots of flowers. I even found a lovely silk rose on a clip. a rustic brown headwrap and a cute casual ribbon with fake jewels headwrap. And bows on clips. And nearly half the hairtoys were clearanced! And the ones that were not clearance were still buy 1 and the 2nd is half off. And the real cool thing is how they did the bogo pricing... if I got 2 $8 bow and 2 $4 bow, they priced an $8 and a $4 half off, instead of having both $8s be full and just halving the $4s. How awesome is that? Plus!! Many of my clearance items had a second stacking clearance that wasn't marked on the tags. Which in some cases made a huge difference. It was a $3 flat rate for several different items. The hairpins were marked were marked $4.25 so slight drop there, but my pretty sparkley headwrap was marked $8.25 but it was included in the list so it was actually $3!! Score!! Also got this weird thing called hairagami (marked 4.50 but was $3) and some fake hair extensions in bright pink. The clip-in variety. I already had a green one so now I have pink too! Oh! And a sparkley evening handbag that had a full body chain strap hidden inside it. Bro is getting married next year and I already have my fancy purse! I hate carrying things so I'm sooo happy I found such a pretty cross-body bag. It was marked $13 but rang up $9 so score again.
All told I got 22 items for just under $100 and that total included the 7% tax rate. Then ofc I hit Sephora on my way back to my car, because I am an addict and always conveniently park by the Sephora entrance, and hit their clearance racks. Even tho the highest priced item was $7 my bill was still $32 before tax. I am a shopaholic! Has anyone seen Superwoman's signs of a shopaholic video? Goto youtube right now and put "superwoman shopaholic" in the search bar and it will pop up. It is soooo me right now. I spent way too much and instead of being mad at myself for wasting money, I feel flippin fantastic.
Oh and I also finally got a new microSD card for my phone. That wasn't covered by the Christmas money though. But it will be nice to be able to take pictures again. And I. Need to clear out my shower before I can wash my hair tonight. Wanna hear a funny storyy? Ok so Mom just got addicted to Battlestar Galactica. She's been up all night a few times watching it on Netflix. So ofc she's not doing any dishes. she eats and then just plops it in the sink. So lately I use this plastic bin to wash my cups and water bottles in my shower, cuz my sink isn't big enough and it would take way to much time to make the kitchen sink usable. I'm weird that way. If I get in a dish washing mood I want to make the sudsy water right away or I say "forget it". I put my dirty dishes on the counter. I hate clearing and cleaning the sink before I can wash dishes. Especially since the counter beside the sink is half the size of the sink itself. I'd be piling dirty dishes on the stove if I cleared the sink! And many of those dishes would be wet since the tap both drips and still gets used no matter. How full the sink is! Could we compromise and say at least half of the sink should be clear at all times? Egad!