Hugs to my repliers. Thanks Invisible Ninja for how to get accented e on computer. Any idea how to get it when posting on a phone?

Am very disgusted with myself. The only rule I can stick to is the old eat-once-a-day plan I did to cope with the holiday foodfests. I'm failing at restricting. Miserably. All I'm managing is to keep Piggy McBingey tied up in this 2 and 1/2 hour timeslot.
And it's driving me insane. Every morning I totally skip breakfast unless I'm up really really early. If I eat too soon after waking up, I seriously feel sick and in pain the rest of the day. Pain enough to not want to move. Not work. So yea, I tend to skip breakfast. It's like my digestive system takes an extra 2 hours to wake up.

So I tend to go without breakfast simply cuz I like to sleep in for as long as I can. Then I'll take a lil baggie of almonds and a bottle of one of my drink mixes...and that's all I eat while working. I can manage about the same when at home, only I sometimes drink milk (mmm milk) .
But when I get home from work.....binge binge.
And it happens about the same time on days I don't work...a little after 8pm I swear I turn into a hoover.maybe I should eat a bit more during the day? Except I don't really feel hungry when the sun is up. Damn it I hate this! So frustrated.

Let's talk about the girl.
I've known her for about 13 years and in that time I don't remember her coming up to me to initiate a conversation. It's always been me going to her. She was always kind when I went up to her, and when I asked her help she gave it. But she is simply a kind person and would regularly help anyone who asked for it. I'd watch her go up to her friends and even to my brother, but she wouldn't come up to me. So I figured the reason she'd go up to other people but not to me was because she didn't want to come up to talk to me. So I left her alone. And that's how it's been. At most I would only see her once a week, on sundays. And in the years I've known her I've had maybe 2 or 3 "signs" that she might like me. Might. Once when she was doing her undergrad on scholarship (she's just that good) we emailed back and forth a little bit. She was away from home and was homesick, so I guess I was part of home...anyway i'd emailed her about how to do lesson plans (that was my excuse) because one professor had actually assigned that. I could've gone to my mom but hey lookie an excuse to talk to the girl! And that led to talking about her student-teaching and I asked how she could stand in heels for 8 hours and she admitted it was painful and I teased her about just wanting to show off her shapely legs. Sometime shortly after that email address was deleted and I was not on the list of people told what her new email was.
And yet the next 3 or 4 times I saw her onsundays she was in skirt and heels. But it was also normal for her to wear skirt and heels to church. Doing it 3-4 times in a row was a bit strange...
Talk about mixed messages.
Another time she did the toss hair over shoulder and look back at me. With a small smile.
Once I told her she looked like a young Kate Winslet. She blushed. She's so cute when she blushes.
Another time we were both part of a large group performance and waiting in the hall and I was cold and one of the kids suggested I hide in the closet and ofc I joked "hide in the closet, very funny" and the girl snickered like her mind had gone there too. But then again...my orientation was a bit of an "open secret" by that point and ofc the youth are totally on my side.
And that's pretty much it...in all the years I've known her.

Ok...so at the concert fri night sometimes it seemed like she was looking at me. Especially while she was up there singing. Strumming away on her guitar. Damn she's good. She even went out and got her own band started. They all played last year and she's lead guitar and she knocked out Johnny Be Good with complete perfection.
Anyway it seemed like she was looking at me, like our eyes met, cuz you know I was watching her....even tho with those stage lights maybe she didn't know she was looking at me..I mean it felt like she was looking at me but not quite connecting. Esp on lyrics like "I want you back in my arms"
For all I know she was asking me to come back to that "church". She was always way more churchy than me.
Oh well....

Whoops fell asleep before I hit post again. Got woke up at fucking 733am cuz.. well uncle was having issues with his ignition key not wanting to turn...so he was gonna borrow mine....without asking ofc. Then he locked the spare car key in my car. So mom wakes me up asking where my other car key is. It's on my keyring..duh. he loses this one and I'm kicking his fucking dick off. I do NOT like my keys being messed with. Keys let me into the house, for fuck's sake. And opening car doors without the keys can really fuck up the lock. He used my car just yesterday and already locked the key in. This has me nervous and angry. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.