While I successfully avoided that binge yesterday...cannot say the same for today (Friday) the whole fucking day was a bingefest, mostly from nervousness. It actually started at 2am cuz I couldn't fucking get to sleep. Happy to say I now have melatonin again. Cant-sleep binges are not ok. And then the bad behavior just went on all day. Had chocolate. Had those divine Andes creme de menthe cookies (yes they make cookies too...I only see them around Christmas). Had the entire box of Andes cookies actually. And ofc the big group dinner at the "church" before the show. And just now shared a bag of popcorn w mom.
Don't even want to think about the calories. Well well it's over now and I can go back to my happy state. I just wish I wasn't expected to be so damn social. I like being social, just in small doses. I need lots of quiet time, literally. I like to sit in quiet, dark rooms with just my thoughts. I find that rejuvinating.
I will often put a single song on repeat because for somee reason it helps me think. It's calming. Or energizing, depending on song used.

New topic...it's amazing how even tho daddie dearest was always the jerk, the aunts on his side are pretty cool. And it's the aunt on Mom's side of the fam who makes me feel both homicidale and a lilsuicidal. She thinks she's motivating me by talking down to me, softly insulting me. "It is sad that you still don't drive. I know you got scared but that was years ago. Aren't you over it yet?" (No, actually. That 'one' incident was actually *several* near-death experiencess)
"Don't you ever want to live on your own?" (No,actually, I don't)
I don't know where some morons get the idea that mortgages are some magical sign of adulthood. A bill is a bill is a bill. Paying rent or mortgages are no more a sign of maturity than having a credit card. Managing bills and money is the same no matter what bills you have. They all have to be paid on time. Blah blah blah.

And my half-sibs especially the half-sister have both been taught to tell people I'm the (age)-old who lives with her mom and doesn't drive and is still in college.
Cuz I just have to be constantly reminded that I'm a loser. And I especially have to have people I never met be told what a loser I am, by my own family.
Some family.

There was one bright spot to the day. There's a girl at that "church" I've been crushing on for *years*. I've got as big a crush on her as I do Samantha Ronson. Perhaps because they both play guitar? I am such a cliche! (Also..I can't figure out how to put the lil mark over the e in cliche) well she played a few songs on her guitar tonight and she kicked ass as usual.
But she has her shit sooooo together I can't help but think if she really wanted me she'd come after me. She doesn't evven walk up to start a conversation.
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Whoops...fell asleep before I hit Post.