pics of SQUEEEEEEE THANK YOU THANK YOU MICH!!!

Happy Halloween!!! My fave twins were together and Charlotte was a cat, and I'm not sure what Samantha dressed as but she was in mostly white with bits of purple.. and their older brother Mark wore a skeleton suit. Very funny.
link to the pic Samantha posted: http://www.whosay.com/SamanthaRonson/photos/85903

Anyway i have pics of Mich's goodie bag!!
Maybe posting them will keep my mitts out of the leftover candy!

Also.. I'm looking at Sephora.com again -_-

Anyway.... so when Mom brought the mail in she saw this big envelope with my name on it... "what's this?" she asked.
I knew it had to be Mich's bundle. So I said "ooo her present to me arrived!"
"who is sending you presents?"

I tried to explain the awesomeness of Underwood being published and how the author sent a first-come-first-served gift to those who bought her book, (I am careful to only talk about the Amazon link and reviews and Mich's pen name, it's easy to avoid talking about her blog to non-ana peeps) but one of our animals got Mom distracted. But I did tell the title and a review to that cutie i saw last week. I am trying to spread the Awesome! Spread the Awesome at Amazon! i left a review.. did you? ^_^

Anyway I get my hands on the package and i honestly thought "is this a shirt? Feels kinda like a tightly rolled shirt..."
Heeeee was i wrong!

So i opened it.. and was like... "is this fairy dust?"
Because i knew the Mich's Hoard goodie bag and the Goblin Market goodie bag were coming together and i wondered if something from the Goblin bag had been knocked open in transit.

Well... i was about 1/4 right.. something did crack, but it wasn't fairy dust, it wasn't Goblin-related, and it didn't open up in transit.

It was actually just leaking out a bit through the hinge. So long as i keep it upside down it'll be fine. Or I could get an empty sifter jar from Sephora (there I go justifying my shopaholism)
Heehee I've had soooooo many cracked shimmer powders. It just looked like a lot because this shimmer powder is HUGE.

And the bigger they are..... umm.. that doesn't quite sound right but anyway...

So there's my mystery dust.

Moving on.... to the epic.....

OMG OMG OMG SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

A FULL SET of kickass, super-soft brushes. The full necessities here.. powder and blush and concealer and lip and liquid foundation and bronzer and eyeshadow and eyeliner and blender... and a FAN BRUSH!!!

I HAVE A FAN BRUSH I HAVE A FAN BRUSH!!!!

I was seriously thinking about dropping lotsa $$ at Sephora just on a single fan brush because i can't find any at the drugstore haunts.
That's the fan brush at the right side. it is a feather-light touch, LOVE IT!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!! THANK YOU, MICH, I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!

I used my new brushes to apply my sample of Charlotte's Closer finishing powder.. I'll get to that.

And that one huge shimmer powder was the only powder that cracked.. just FYI.. everything else, the smaller shimmer powder, the eyeshadows (so soft!) and the cream concealer that I'll probably use as a cream eyeshadow cuz that's what it looks like on me, and that adorable little vitamin E oil... totally undamaged.
Burt's Bees is the bee's knees.
Ok bad joke.. bad rhyme... but it wouldn't get out of my head.

The Goblin goodie bag came in a too-cute little green paper mini-lunchbox thing. Simply adorable. You can barely see the corner of the Goblin box beside my new brushes above.
My fairy light is pink. I checked my Soul Bottle immediately because mine must be empty. it opened easy and now it's closed and empty. The Locust Man is an asshole! So I had this thing where I had to open it... I'm weird.There's two different Goblin Market currencies (remember how the goblins paid in so many different ways?)

And my personal fave.. those teeny stars. One gold and one blue, just like Thomas and Jayne's.

Here's a super-close-up of the stars and the Soul Bottle, which has got to be the sweetest little bottle i have ever seen.


I adore small things. So cuuute. I still have my old Polly Pocket playsets.. back when she really was pocket-sized!

And I'm loving the detail that went into these. They seriously are little folded ribbons or something.

Oh almost forgot.. the Ronson Closer powder.. yes I'm thinking about getting it. It's not a highlighter.. what it does is do something to how the light hits your face so it always looks as flattering as possible.

For example.. I've got these little creases between my eyebrows, from frowning, and depending on the light those creases can range from barely visible to zomg-get-Botox.
Well the Closer does something with diffusing the light so those creases are always barely visible no matter how the light source is hitting my face.
And that's what it's supposed to do. So yea, I'm strongly tempted. i don't much like the dispenser brush it comes in but i know how to open it and dump it in a sifter jar or something.
And most importantly... Closer does not make my face itch!

Ofc I'm totally ignoring how I'm broke. So between blogging and reading gossip sites i have avoided buying anything thus far.
And now uncle is smoking downstairs again and it's coming up through the floorboards and making my eyes burn.
Nearling midnight.. I have class and work tomorrow. Maybe i'll place an order then... IF I am good and don't shop drugstore crap.
Or I might break down and do it tonight.. I can use my JCP card at sephora.com and i need to check the JCP card anyway... make sure they know i got my new one and check the due date since i put that Ronson sweater on the JCP account.

I'm so bad. But on the very bright side.. I have all the makeup brushes i will ever need ^_^  ^_^  ^_^
Deleting the fan brush from the shopping list now. *small squeeeee*

Ana Regzig posted again!!

I'm stuck at work so this is it til late.
Rock on!

Quick note:
In my opinion Jack Link's beef jerky is far superior to Steakhouse beef jerky.
If I'm stuck with Steakhouse tho... the teriyaki beef jerky tastes better than the original.
Not likely to buy this again.

just a quickie cuz i really need to try to get some sleep.. as i can't miss class again and i also work tomorrow after class.
I got my Mich goodie bag SQUEEEEEEE and am soooo loving it. And I hope to take pics of the coolness.
Did meet up with that old friend the other day, and while nothing sexual happened for various reasons, she did end up doing a few facepalms at just how naive I am, especially about lesbian culture. I may be "gold star" in the no sex with men sense but seems i live in a cave. i do not have an account on afterellen. Do I need one? eh.. I guess I'll get one soon. I know who the big names are.. Ellen and Portia, God bless them both. I know about Jodie Foster and she clearly wants to live her life privately so I let her. I don't stalk her.
Ofc we all should know about my Ronson stalking. If you didn't know about my Ronson obsession then you must have been reading my blog with your brain turned off ^_^

It's true I don't try to find every detail of a woman's life. I have pics of women i find hot and that is it. I would want privacy if i were in their situation. I'm guilty of collecting pics and i feel bad enough over that!
And i don't really do fanfiction much. I mean I have a Buffy outline that i dashed off years ago but most of my "fanfiction" actually tends to spring from video games, not movies or shows.

For example.. sometime back in my teens, when Ocarina of Time was first releasted, i did start a fanfiction. And I do still have it. I even still work on it occasionally. Ofc now i realize I'll never publish it, too many licensing things, but it's like one of my security blankets or something. And it's special to me as it's the first story I ever really tried to do. I also have an old notebook somewhere that contains the beginnings of a Sonic fanfic.

Anyway back to the friendship "date".. she introduced me to this move D*E*B*S and i'll admit I found it funny as hell. Gotta own it. it's campy and sweet and the coolest thing ever is how the lesbian relationship isn't a problem because they're both girls.. the problem is the girls are on the opposite sides of the law! Orientation isn't even an issue.. and it has a happy ending!! It is sooo fucking RARE for a lesbian-centered film to be happy and fun and have a happy ending.

So there's something for the amazon wishlist ^_^

I'm still hoping to bed this girl... she's even hotter now. still tightly muscled, but some of her experiences have definitely scarred her a bit, I'm far more naive than her now.. which is interesting... but yea i still want her.

bed now.

Guess what started halfway thru work, and without warning?

FUCKING WOMANLIES!!!

i was not prepared! So i got to carefully walk around with toilet paper in my pants for six fucking hours *growls at uterus*

What happened? Did I miss the signs? What the binge monster my body's way of warning me? "hey dumbass! I'm gonna start bleeding here soon!"

Cuz I can go Piggy McBingey without the help, thanks!

Ugh.. I had no idea. Ugh and blah and BLECH!!!

And the chocolate is still in the car. Oh well. I'll eat it some other day. I'll be bleeding for a few days.
Damn it.. and there's still a chance of seeing that little hottie on tues.. oh well I already know i didn't have a chance of seducing her already anyway... but ugh I want to at least be good company!
Right.. pain pills and Buzz Bites (aka caffeine) to the rescue.
And I gotta work a full 8hr tomorrow.
Sigh.
more pain pills, more Buzz Bites.
I should probably make a Thinkgeek order. yay t shirts!!

At least I'll be dropping the bloatage pounds. yay for that.. maybe it'll jump-start my old joy at seeing the numbers fall.

And I am STILL thinking about that Ronson sweaterdress. I'm more attached to the dress than I am the pants! Tho that culd be because I know I'm not supposed to be a 14 and I don't want to buy clothes that will only fit the fatter me.
And the denim is kinda thinner than the boy jeans I usually wear.
yes i wear boy jeans, I'm a gayelle so i get to ignore gender clothing rules :p

Guy clothes rock. They cover everything, the siing is consistent across the brands.. and i swear guy clothes are more durable. Just compare sock sometime... guy socks vs girl socks.. guy socks are thicker!!
Same with jeans. And dress pants. And shoes. When I bought my lovely Ronson sweater I also checked out the warm winter hats, A guy one was thick and warm for $10 and a girl $10 one was a very loose and dressy weave in a thinner yarn. Seriously?
Ronson makes good sweaters tho. I'm in love with mine and that sweaterdress was seriously warm.
And it also fit my lumps at a Medium. So I could order the dress now even tho it doesn't fit yet.. and I'm still confident that it's the right size because of how it fit across the shoulders.
FUCK I'm talking myself into it! I don't even wear dresses that often! Whyyyyy do I WANT that dress so bad? And why am I thinking of one of each? Or possibly 2 gray and one brown? WTF Honor? Or just the gray? I keep seeing the gray dress with the soft pink shirt underneath, and black leggings with boots. How would a color combo like that look with red hair tho? Don't red and pink clash with each other?
Or does it not count when it's hair?
i also have other turtlenecks i could put under the dress. And a green longsleeved boatneck shirt i could put under the brown dress.
And this is my problem... I keep thinking up ways to wear those sweaterdresses.
The brown dress with green longsleeves under it and black leggings with boots.. that would look ok with red hair, right?
Altho the gray could probably also carry off the green sleeves....
Greensleeves is all my joyyy...
ahem.
Clearly I want the sweaterdress, preferably more than one. But which ones.. and why??
I don't wear dresses!
Tho these dresses do look better with leggings.. they're sweaters so are winter clothes and winter dresses with bare legs looks like you forgot what season it is.
And i hate pantyhose. Don't even ask. I hate them hate them hate them. they are pointless. They're too thin to keep you warm and they snag at the slightest thing and they're just plain uncomfortable. What the flying fuck.
Not a huge fan of tights either, tho they're a bit warmer. But I hate having tightness around my toes. My slippers are labeled saying they fit up to a size 12 cuz i wanted big slippers. I keep buying my shoes a bit too big, which leads to arch and heel problems. But I hate hate HATE having my toes scrunched!!
I'd never be a ballerina. I am interested in tap dancing though. I admit that ballet is extremely pretty but I'm not willing to do the toeshoes. I'd be happy playing the guy parts tho. Ballerinas are tiny.. I bet i could lift the smaller ones.

oh btw.. according to her booking sheet, Samantha is 5'7 and 102 lbs O_O
DAMN GIRL! Please don't die!!!!
I mean on one hand I am a bit jealous... plus I could totally aim to carry her at that weight... but DAMN that's tiny. Rheumatoid arthritis really fucking SUCKS!!!

I'm told the booking sheet just copies off the driver's license.. and I think she got her Cali license shortly after the lilo bullshit. So maybe she's gained a little? Gossip is that Erin is a good cook. Maybe? But the arthritis.. the less she weighs the less pain and less stress on her joints. That poor girl...
i need to think about something else...

Got Madonna's "Sorry" playing. I love this song. I actually tend to interpret it in terms of that "church" that voted to never accept a gay pastor or perform same-sex unions.
They're not half the church they think they are...
and how they lie about them being welcoming? I've heard it all before...and don't you love it when some homophobe starts his anti-gay spiel with "i'm sorry, but..."
Yea, whatev. I've seen it all before, and I can't take it anymore.

And it's such a bouncy song too! TRY to not at least bounce in your chair! This is a dancing song. This is a workout song. and a get-emotionally-better song when some jackass, or a group of them, have been shitting on you.

Ok I need either sleep or sugar.. and sleep is the far smarter option.

late nights are bad, mmkay?

Sleeping is good. Sleeping is our friend cuz it keeps our naughty hands away from junk food and super caloric drinks late at night.
The "go to bed" alarm doesn't do much good if i keep turning it off and staying on the computer. Bad Honor! *slaps self*

I'm one of the lucky people who responds to melatonin pills. I should be taking one of those every damn night.. which also means i must go to bed at a time that would actually give me a full 8 hours of sleep.

The binge monster has been kicking my ass for the past few days. How was this so easy when i was young? Was I just that damn unhappy? (possibly) or was there just not that much food around? A bit of both... blagh!!!
Willpower is lacking.. i need SYSTEMS!!!
I need a system to carry me when willpower is down the toilet.
Logic logic logic.....
I've had the beginnings of a plan.. so simple a plan.. protein shake, cup a soup, milk, tea. And gum? Even tho my key lime pie is getting harder to find.. I also still love good ol Bazooka Joe gum. yes i even read the comics :p
Why am I not following it? Why so hard to stick to the plan?
Plans are not systems.. plans are blueprints for systems...

I bought chocolate today. Then later mom took me shopping w her and bought me a king size pack of Hershey drops (now gone) and bag of Doritoes (half gone.. am slapping self away from chips now)
She also got me more tv dinners... quick review for one.. a kiddie one that was all fingerfood... turns out it was 5 tiny chicken nuggets and 6 potato patty things shaped like smiley faces. Insanely cute but NOT satisfying. Not hugely tasty either. Bleh.. not getting again. Haven't tried the bacon cheeseburger things yet.

At least the chocolate i bought is hiding in my car.. now that it's cooler i'm less afraid to do that. Harder to eat if it's outside in the fricking cold!
System!
Blah!
I'm stuffed and yet still craving Doritoes.. nooo! *slaps self* am done for the night dammit!
Fuck 3am and I'm still unshowered. Am i gonna miss church again?
I intended to scrub my hair with my tea tree oil shampoo and try out Charlotte's hair spray on squeaky clean hair. My sample is small so i gotta make it count!

speaking of charlotte, I found an article on her: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/fashion/the-girl-with-the-golden-touch.html?_r=1

my fave quote is probably from page 3 tho: Ms. Royt, who has worked on seven collections with Ms. Ronson, said that she has urged her to make more runway-only “wow” pieces (known as “press dresses”), but she often declines. Stubbornly commercial, Ms. Ronson replies: “I don’t want to put anything on the runway that my customers can’t buy.”

happy sigh... yea she doesn't do weird looks that could not really be worn anywhere.. I do love that.
Heh tho her calling her posing in the Sephora vid "awkward" is also insanely cute. Sephora has that vid in their youtube channel and she does look a wee bit awkward... she's even more shy about the camera than Samantha is.
Both the twins hate being on camera, actually. Samantha's just had a bit more practice. Ok, a lot more practice, between living in LA and being shackled to a crazy mcstalky tabloid princess. anyway i wish i had more pictures of Charlotte. She's very pretty but she's also not stalked by the paparazzi. Sigh. i still want to do a twinpics post.. I'm getting there.

You know, Mich is not only a kickass writer... she's an inspiration. She got published! Self-published but ya know what? Samantha Ronson is self-publishing her album. Self-publishing is the honorable thing to do when you want to keep your creative control. George Lucas financed his Star Wars movies way back when (im talking about the good ones) and he was right to do so! He kept his control over his work and it was risky, but he won.
Self-publishing is probably the only way to avoid the "slight changes" various bigwigs would want you to make to become more mass-market friendly.
Fuck that shit!

I still daydream about having something published. I always just laughed these dreams off as impossibilities. But now someone I know has pulled it off.
Maybe it's possible?
You know.. assuming I can actually write?
Or arrange those songs I've mentioned? (it's hell of a lot harder than i thought eeeks)
Maybe it just feels slightly less impossible.....

rambling grocery shopping post-walmart

Yup...stayed up way too fucking late and overslept and didn't make it to class.
Did I mention I suck?
Still wanted out of the house...walking around walmart right now.
I've never grocery shopped before....hard to believe huh?
Just let Mom handle it.
Just wandering thru walmart's food section.... hard to not pick up all the yummy cookies in the deli.. run away run away!

Is $1.82 a fair price for pork hocks? What are they used for anyway? I've seen Mom put theme in the crock pot but I guess she just boils whatever meat is left & tosses the bones cuz I've seen no hocks on my plate.
$1.76 for neckbones. Average seems about 5 bones per package for hocks & about 7 for neckbones.
Looking at sliced hams.....$3.68 / lb for smithfield...never had it. Cheapest is Tavern boneless half ham $2.87 per lb. Looking at beef.....wow big hunks here. Over $10..... about $5 per lb seems average.
Found a 5lb roll of ground beef (think it's ground chuck..says beef tho) for $10. The 1lb is $3. I could eat the lil 1lb all by myself.
Wtf is beef tripe? It's white stuff.
Some of this stuff looks Halloweeny...blood still in there.
Eeewww a pork stomach!!
Hey some pork neckbones in this section for 1.66 per lb.
Whole chicken $1 per lb. Average price 5.50 so guess that means 5lb chickens huh?
Omg shrimp! 12oz shrimp bags for $5 I may have to come back for those. Don't want them to thaw while I wander. Ha! And more shrimp...these ones still in shell...are $3.98 for 12oz.
Awww these tiny "game hens" over here..barely bigger than my hand. $6.98 for then..expensive for such a tiny thing..but so cuuuute. If it's just me then maybe....and it's the free range minimal processed if I'm reading this right.
Over in the official fish section...I guess shrimp are special to get their own spot. Whoa whole fish, scales and all! Tilapia whatever that is.
I feel a need to say that I'm not mentioning all the meats and stuff walmart has over here...cuz there's more than what I named...just getting a feel for prices....
Cod fillets $3.98 for 16oz bag.
Found some of those bag dinners those "smartpouch" things that you microwave and then open the pouch and plop it on your plate. 2 smartpouch dinners per bag, the pouches must not be very big. $5 per bag on sale. They all have peppers of some sort tho... maybe I'll try the shrimp one. I can take red and yellow peppers I think.
Awww super tiny shrimp 1lb for $5 seems shrimp prices are by weight, not shrimp size.
Oh here's some expensive meats..... wild smoked salmon tomato basil added is $5.87 for 4.5 oz hmm.
Crab cakes over here.cheapest is $5.87 per lb but aren't they like a fattening type dish anyway? Like a non-sweets dessert? Dunno I never had one.

Ok over at the boxed dinners R tends to get...the Banquet ones which have everything including meat already in box are $3 but what kind of meat is shelf-stable? Most the other boxed stuff is the helper dishes where you get the meat on your own.
I can see that these boxed things are cheaper. Some are, anyway.
A total fatty just went by me on those electric scooters. While I'm in the boxed dinners hmmmm.
Lady giving out small soup samples for marie callender soups, seems they're just under $2 a can. They started selling their chicken pot pie filling as a soup hmmm....
Yummy...also the first thing I've eaten today. I took a can. Just one..they're carby..but yummy and the old lady hawking then was working so hard. Peeps her age should be able to retire. Economy is fucked up.

More frozen meats...bacon!! Wow lots of bacon varieties. Seems cheapest is walmart's brand (ofc) about $4 per lb. They do have little 2oz packages for 2.98 but wtf? Seems shopping for one is expensive...altho the way I love bacon I could go thru a lb a week. And bacon is low carb. High sodium tho..eh... ooo hot dogs are yummy and sooo junky and oscar meyer is $3 a pack and 8 dogs still in a pack...
Oh they have Hebrew National here...hahaha exactly 7 franks per $4 bag. Hmm Hebrew National is by ConAgra Foods? I guess the only point is that it does have the Kosher symbol on it.
Eckrich franks $2 for a pack of 10...but they're smaller franks than oscar meyer.
Awww lunchables are so cute.... expensive for what nibbles you get...but cute.
Here's the prepackaged deli meat..the sandwich stuff. Cheapest is around $3 for 9oz of sliced ham. Or turkey.
Walmart brand block cheese about $5 a lb. Mmmm cold colby... and ofc walmart brand cheapest.
Eggs range from $2 to $4 for a dozen. Awww and little half doz for 90 cents.
Sorry Samantha...I can't find eggs sold in packs of 2 :p ^_^
Battery going down ok dammit to frozen veggies!
Wow the frozen veg section actually isn't very large. Most the frozen aisles are filled w entrees and microwave cheeseburgers etc. They got the basics...mostly walmart brand...$2 for a lb of... whatever. Peas, corn, carrots, cut broccoli, veg mixes. Only the "steams in the bag" ones are over $2 a pound. Many are $1 a lb.
Well seems even poor peeps can get veggies. And I'll have to brb cuz battery going.
Yet must note my salisbury steak tv dinners are here 1.08 ea.
Milk still from 2.50 to $5 per gallon and that's the not organic stuff. You want organic it's over $6 a gal. Same with soymilk, almond milk and the new lactose-free milk (wow!?!?)

Ok home now.... after i put phone away there was a lady working a sample counter for these new milk granola bars that need refridgeration and are very very yummy, like cookie dough texture. I didn't buy any but she was near the end of her shift and did NOT want to throw the last 3 boxes of samples away sooo I ate quite a few and i got other customers over to eat some too.
And then she gave me 2 bars.. (not 2 boxes, 2 bars) along with some coupons cuz turns out she was made to throw those away too.
Retail is fucking wasteful.

Anyway bought a pound of frozen broccoli, half a dozen eggs, a can of the soup i mentioned earlier, 2 Buddy Fruits (yay! i love those) and the shrimp steam dinner thing i mentioned. oh and 2 lil cans of the french vanilla latte instant coffee I like.
Total was just under $16. If I'd behaved tho and not gotten the carby shit... it could have been as low as $4. Cuz the broccoli, eggs, and Buddy Fruits were all $1 each (or less). My coffee was $3 each. Then the soup and the dinner? Bad Honor.. oh well I'll do better next time.
I'm very pleased that i did not buy junk food. No candy no chocolate.

Got home and suggested to Mom that she start giving me a list and her Kroger card and i'd do the shopping for her. Cuz i kinda like it and while kroger isn't walmart the grocery sections are still groceries. not that big a diff.

Super brief food review.... I just had the shrimp dinner.. wow too spicy for me. Can't taste the shrimp or the broccoli.. the pasta has no taste.. ALL i taste are whatever spices they used! Eeks! I only had one pouch, I'll get a pic of the wrapper before it gets tossed. Also the serving is smaller than the pouch would have you think.

Next up will probably be kroger.. hopefully with Mom's money ^_^
Walmart does have these lil cheeseburger things made by my fave tv dinner brand: Michelina's so I'll probably be going there again soon anyway.
Also they have the HUGE bags of my turkey jerky.
Damn why do i feel so tired? Carb crash most likely.
Mom's got scary stuff on tv again.. why does she like that realistic crime drama stuff?
Guess i go play Sims until i sleep.

Blogger is still doing fuckery on my phone. But I can sometimes post on my phone. Which is better than nothing if I really need to vent or record something.
But mostly I seem limited to actual computer time tho. Blahhh..
Oh well.... where's that newest Ronster pic... Samantha did a short cameo at her buddy Edski's gig and i think I saw Erin in the back of the DJ booth.
Grrr.. and ofc now i totally can't find it in this mess of a picture folder. I've been saying for MONTHS that i need to organize my files.
Snoooreeeee at me.
Well suffice to say atm that I'm certain Samantha and Erin are at least dating. Or at the very least are on very very friendly terms.
But I think they're still together. And that has me happy.

Oh! i should get on AIM! Cuz it's 4:30 in the fucking morning and I have class later today and I'm fucking off that class AGAIN. I keep forgetting there's an online portion! Especially since the class website doesn't work on my phone either.

Grrr... what's the point of mobile web access if the damn websites i wanna visit don't fucking work?!?!?

Oh well.. while here I'll throw up a new (old) pic. The first pic i ever saw of the twins...

Back in 2007 or so is when i found Charlotte.. i was bopping around fashion sites looking up female designers and i just liked her aesthetic. She seems girly and also somehow dignified. Like she respected a girl's self-respect. I liked that she didn't show a lot of skin and have asses and boobs everywhere (see kanye for examples of NO respect of women!)
And then I saw a pic of Charlotte with her sis Annabelle and Annabelle had a big happy smile.. and my brain flahsed back to another pic I'd seen of Charlotte, Annabelle with that same happy smile, and another girl whose name i couldn't remember. Only that Charlotte had a twin, and the twin had a red coat with rainbow trim.
Well that there is the pic my brain was remembering.. and when i finally found it i saw that it was from the August 2003 issue of Glamour magazine, which I'd originally kept for the article on women being murdered by ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends.

That pic showed me two things... 1 I have always thought Samantha is cute. 2 I have always coveted her coats.
Seriously.. I want her coats. ALL of them!

Today I reconnected with an old friend I haven't seen in years. Seems since i saw her last she has accepted that she's not exactly straight.. unfortunatly she's also had a string of very bad relationships, the most recent ended last week, so there's no hope for romance there. At least not yet.
So i'm gonna do the Bestie thing and try to help her relax and have fun as a single girl
Sigh.
Did i mention she's hot? Rides a motorcycle? And HOT? Is very active, tightly bound lil muscles.
HOT.
We're tentatively meeting next tues sometime... and I'm wanting to drop a few before that happens. Hoo boy.
Why are the hot girls never available to me?

oh well.. back to drooling over the twins i guess.
And I'm sooooo going to Hell for thinking the both of them are doable. Not supposed to go after sisters.
FUCK I should try to get some sleep.. or do the online class shit ... which i really don't want to do because I've been gone so long it feels like showing back up will just remind everyone that I was gone a long time and then i'll feel even worse and did I mention that i make no fucking sense at all?

I need to go somewhere tomorrow. Anywhere. Walmart. Kroger. The mall. Somewhere that is not school or work. Although school is worlds better than work.

Grrr.. this is bad.. I feel serious need to SHOP and I know damn well I am poor! Better stay away from the mall then. Walmart or Kroger is better.. within budget and i can get those veggies and maybe some peanut butter. And Walmart has clothes to look at.
oh.. finally starting to feel tired...

Why does she make me think so much?!?

Some random stuff since I'm not being a good restricter. Have a laugh at my lack of willpower and read my sad attempts at humor.
No, really, it's ok. I'm laughing and rolling my eyes at my total lack of willpower too.
I intended to hit the gym but woke up with a rock where my back muscles should be. It wasn't hugely painful but I was stiff and basically napped on my Dr Scholl's back massager pillow most of the day.
And then stuffed my face with more peanut butter and M&M covered matzo.
And then some oreos.. and more oreos.

But how can I be mad, sad, annoyed, or anything but amused when i got Kerli's Tea Party vid up and am constantly hitting Play?  Music is my drug.

Was going thru Samantha's Twitter, since it rarely loads on my phone since the update.. and i found this slightly old gem: http://sronson.tumblr.com/post/11431797913/in-between

Once again I find myself adoring this girl. Who here likes their toys??! ME ME ME!!!
it's kinda short, most of her posts are short, probably from the ADD again, so i'll just quote the whole thing like I did last time I referenced her Tumblr.

in between

haven’t posted a blog in a while, not sure if it’s because i’m uninspired or because i watch too much tv… or maybe i watch too much tv because i’m uninspired. i’d like to think that the fact that all the new shows have started is a legitimate excuse- but when i’m watching re-runs of re-runs of chopped that i’ve already watched on the food network i can only assume that either i need to up my meds or i need a new hobby.

the food network has me thinking i’d like to learn how to cook, but what for? the thought of cooking in my own kitchen jumps straight to clean up….. no thank you. also, i never think about food until i’m so damn hungry, mcdonalds seems like the best (fastest) option- i feel like i won’t ever feel like a grown up until i cook for myself, but where do i begin? stouffer’s french bread pizza has been my go to since i moved out of my mother’s house. how does one even go about shopping for one? do they sell single chicken cutlets? yup, breaded chicken and salad dressing is all i’m capable of throwing together. do they sell 2 eggs? buying half a dozen just means 4 will sit in my fridge until i have to throw them away. an expense i don’t need… do they have a class at some school that teaches people how to be grown ups?

i’m 34 years old and i spent a stupid amount of money at a toy store today buying stuff for me. yup. me. sure the toy store was kidrobot and not toys r us, i’m not a total creep… but i like toys, i like video games, i buy bubblicious gum not trident, i bought a bmx not a beach cruiser- my idea of a fancy outfit is a clean t shirt and new converse sneakers- at the same time i listen to pop music and know that the songs aren’t for me, and the tv commercials during “old people” tv shows appeal to me…. yup- vitamins that soothe arthritis pain make me listen a little bit closer and household cleaning items interest me.

i guess i’m trying to figure out where i fit in. i’m too old to be a kid but most of my interests fall within the 12-20 demographic…. i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one- anyone else still collect stickers?
------------------------------ (end quote)

Hmm... shopping for one? Did Erin and Samantha break up already? Sadness. Tho it could also just be that Erin doesn't live at Samantha's house, and just spends the night sometimes. So Samantha would just order takeout when Erin was over.. and Erin of course cooked at her place when Samantha stayed over.
i don't know... I do try to give my fav DJ her privacy. But I couldn't help but notice her phrase there.
Also how she doesn't think of food often has me jealous....but she might not intend it that way since she does admit that she eats once she gets hungry enough.
i also noticed her arthritis joke... poor dear girl.

Besides it's the toy shopping that most amuses me. I don't collect stickers, i collect hair accessories.. and I don't do my hair ^_^
So my small hoard of hair stuff, a mini-hoard, mostly just sits there.
I'm also amused at how bad Samantha is at capitalizing pretty much anything. Not the I's, not the first word of each sentence. Maybe her Shift key doesn't work?
Or she's just that lazy ^_^
And yes... I still adore her.
Sigh.

(Eta: also by her twitter seems she's stopping her usual weekly gig at the Brig in Venice...the last time she left a weekly gig it was because she moved. Is the dear girl moving? Has she found a nice place that'll let her keep Cadillac while also giving her distance from stalker mcstalky lohan? I hope!)

I don't cook either.. can't even make breaded chicken.. she's got me beat there! I'm about at the same level as Charlie Brown. Sad huh? I can make instant mashed potatoes but that's about it. Sometimes i watch the Food swagvids, see if i can learn anything. And the trouble is as soon as I'm not watching the vid the info flows right out of my brain.
Slow learner = Me.
So i also identify with this Samblog... (i wonder how annoyed she'd be at my way of labeling her blogs and pictures etc.. Sampics... Samblogs.... I'm so immature! I don't do "Samsongs" tho.. that just sounds to weird for me... again i'm just that childish)
And who here truly knows where she fits in? Not me! i feel much less awkward here than in the Real World, true enough.. but still not the same as knowing where i fit in the World At Large....
And i'm also getting old. I'm not as old as she is... but I'm close... and I do sometimes feel like I'm wasting my life.. but what would not be a waste of my life?
What the hell does that even mean?
I'm mostly happy... granted I'm poor but I'm also able to find joy in simple things. So long as i stay the fuck away from rich people (including daddie dearest) then i can forget how much i don't have... and be happy.
Granted I don't like my job.. but it's retail. Who likes working ground-level retail? I get along with my co-workers.Most customers like me. I get to let my inner silliness loose during certain times of the year; some customers even look forward to seeing my Halloween getups!
I just hate being on my feet for hours on hard floors, hurts my back, and some "customers" really make me homicidal.. and the retail rules and corporate sales training is often utter bullshit. Those corporate office-dwellers think I'm happy to be a slave for them, working hours they refuse to (you know they don't work holidays) and at really fucking low wages.
So yea.. shit happens and i'd like to at least have a job I enjoy.. but I'm not dodging bullets or anything.
pity those in the armed forces or scraping to survive in Darfur. I'm fine.
So why am I basically encouraged to think I somehow fail at Life?
What is this Goal I'm supposed to aim for?
I must have missed that day in school.

I also found this report on the soon-to-rise price of peanut butter. Cuz the peanut harvest was just that damn awful. Told Mom, but should probably get my own damn ass over to Kroger, and possibly Walmart as well, and get me some peanut butter. It keeps for a good while, doesn't even need refrigeration.
http://money.cnn.com/2011/10/14/markets/peanut_butter_prices/index.htm?hpt=hp_t2

Fave quote is at the very end tho.. heh heh heh....
"Sales may not be so smooth during the looming price crunch. In any case, though, a shift in peanut butter consumption shouldn't make a huge difference to the nutritional quality of most Americans' diets, said Marion Nestle, a nutrition professor at New York University.
"For the average person in America," she said, "it would be a good idea to eat less of almost everything."
---
Yea.. ya think? *pinching my fat buddha belly*

Following links from that story I also found this quote:
The typical American uses 150 gallons of water a day, vs. 23 gallons for someone in China. (source)
Wow... I know America is a damn wasteful nation but hollleeee FUCK that's a huge difference.
Why the hell would a smart person want to imitate us?
Well now i got a reason for reusing my old clothes as much as possible... and for hoarding anything that might be useful.
Why use up all that water making a new item when an old item works just fine?

Hoarding is pro-environment in sooo many ways! :D

Ok.. maybe that's a slight exaggeration. But still a good argument can be made for not throwing away a perfectly functional item just because a newer one has come along.
And that's where technology is the biggest fuckup... these "upgrades" roll out at a pace and in forms that make buying new equipment a requirement. All new gaming systems that are bigger and faster than the old ones. Computers with motherboards that have the CPUs built in such a way that you can't switch stuff out. You have to buy new. And rather than getting a phone upgrade, you buy a whole new phone. And what happens to the old stuff? Landfill? Or worse... thrown directly in a waterway in some "industrial accident" bullshit?
Has anyone noticed how cars don't last as long as they used to?
How the "professionals" reccommend getting new running shoes every 3 months or something? When did that start? When i was young we wore our shoes until they fell apart or we outgrew them.
And as much as i love fashion.. i gotta point the blame there too.
Getting new shoes and handbags simply because The Look has changed yet again. More jewelry, more clothes, more more more.

I share the guilt there.. I do like makeup, and i'm not sure how to recycle the lipstick tubes or eyeshadow pans or any of the cheapie sponge-on-a-stick applicators, my only real effort is that I use quality brushes that should last forever and i try to avoid brands that I think use excessive packaging (see Olay for some prime examples of that).
I may not buy a new wardrobe every 3 months (and even if i could, I doubt i would) but I do sometimes see a clothing article that I just WANT. Do you think my firm commitment to donating functional old clothes to Goodwill etc can balance this out?

And wow I wrote another rambling novel. Think I'll blame it on my fave DJ ^_^

Music is my drug

I can't believe I just finally looked this really fucking talented girl up.

Ok backstory.. Samantha awhile back released a remix of Kerli's Walking On Air and I liked it enough to look up the original.. and I loved that even more.

And now.. tonight.. I finally looked up other Kerli songs.

Holy Shit this girl can SING. She's got a great voice... strong and sure..

And the VISUALS!!! i LOVE her costumes!! Crazy and gorgeous in their craziness.

Remember the tea parties we sometimes do online here?

Kerli's Tea Party well check that out. (obviously am on computer)
Song is bouncy and fun and the repetition doesn't bother me because of all the layering.
and she's got some costumes that I could almost see Mich in.
I also see Geisha hints and even a hint of the Goblin King from Labyrinth. (loved that movie as a kid.. need to hunt it down and rewatch now)

 Love is Dead  
Is another one.. and for some reason Blogger wanted to make this whole paragraph a link so I had to enter a Break. Anyway it's simple visuals, aging CGI stuff, but her voice is showcased and the song's simple beauty is growing on me. it's a depressing one tho.. fair warning.

Of course Walking On Air is also a fave once I found the video.
And can i just say that big walking doll is fucking CREEPY?
i'm gonna have to go thru the whole Kerli VEVO archive now but this'll do for the moment.

I NEED to put Tea party on the Cool Shit page.. cuz that video does just make me smile.

Meanwhile i found other links that could be fun...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2049856/Teach-willpower-Cant-commit-gym-Struggle-stay-diet-The-solution-simpler-think.html

teaching yourself willpower (I got sick of messing with the damn link tool.. sorry)

Still eating too much but reining in the junk food parts. Wanted m&ms soo bad.. and I had them.. but the condition was i had to have them as part of a protein packed matzo and peanut butter sandwich. Matzo is definitely stale but it's ignorable when it's covered in peanut butter and plain M&M goondess.

Yup.. I'm back to where I'm not afraid of peanut butter. The kind I get has 8 grams of protein vs only 7g carbs and that makes it safe to me or something. And milk is nommy for calcium and protein. This is as healthy as I usually eat.. totally gotta go get veggies tho. Why the hell doesn't Mom buy them anymore? She'll only buy "fresh" stuff to make that "fatoosh" of hers.
Umm.... we live kinda far north for any "fresh" veggies to truly be fresh at this time of year. Growing season ended awhile ago. Anything "fresh" now comes from at least a full state south. Probably more like 3 states south.. eeewwwww all that time in a a truck... picked early and sprayed in transit to make it ripen without being attached to the plant EEEWWWWW no way!
Frozen veggies can be flash-frozen right at the picking site.. meaning they can be allowed to ripen right on the vine. And they taste just fine to me. Not as good as the in-season fresh ones I can get when they're available... but frozen tastes just fine and sometimes tastes better than the not-local "fresh" stuff.

Also... Lissy over at http://floralsuicide.blogspot.com/ seriously needs hugs.
It's been years since i had her mindset.. and even now looking back i don't think I ever got that bad.. i was never at Death's door and she truly is.

I think the hardest part of this damn disease is allowing ourselves to believe that we really do have a Right To Live!
So many of us feel like nothing but a burden.
it's hard to just allow yourself to be loved when you fully believe you don't deserve to be loved.
We can't each love ourselves.. we're disordered....but we can love each other. And seems we do. How many blogs have such kind comments! This little community in my experience is totally supportive and concerned.
Now allow ourselves to be loved by each other?
Love DOES live Here.

When you're hurting and feeling alone and possibly suicidal... you need this community.
And if you're one of the few who are blessed with a loving family, and/or perhaps a few extra years of experience and/or medical knowledge...
then the Community needs you.

I really believe that. And it's why I will never leave. Fortunately I'm an adult and functioning well enough that I can't be committed.
Honestly the only thing that threatens my blog is the damn thought police who want to scrub the internet of anything related to our right to Free Speech.

Well well well... one day of illness was followed by 2 days of Piggy McBingey. The perfect thing for weight loss woo hoo. Attempts to apply the brakes failed. I found my teas and gulped down several cups, only to stuff face a few hours later cuz I was unable to stare down the strong cravings. Weak weak weak. After the 2nd bowl of ice cream I remembered peopleofwalmarrt.com and finally managed the brakes.
I also checked jcp.com and they have my sweater on the website now...but it looks gray and it's actually a faded army green.
Am still thinking about those jeans and that sweaterdress...maybe a blouse?
But the sale I caught for my sweater is not an online sale...or maybe it was and is just over now? Perhaps I go shopping again Monday. Maybe....
Work tomorrow...got protein shake chilling and my goal tomorrow is the shake, a cup a soup and some milk and all the tea I want. Finally dug into this Fruit Tea I got long ago...it's not bad. Not my fave tho. So it being discontinued ages ago is fine by me. I now know where 2 tea shops are in my town...one in the mall and another is more a tea boutique in a small standalone store.
The mall one is more affordable and they always have lots of samples...plus the mall also has Sephora and JCPenney. I'll be wandering the mall very often once winter hits...probably at least once a week just to have a walk around. I hate treadmills.
Oh mall tea shop's name is Teavana I think... me like.

I have totally forgotten about the online portion of my class. Bad bad me!. Must do that...and I can do swagvids in another window. My points are slowly adding up. I could get a bracelet and necklace set but it would clean me out. Almost halfway to the perfume. Doing swagvids is a very slow build. I want to get a printer hooked up so I can use the coupons too. Swag sends the coupons directly to the printer so I do need admin privileges to print them.
Sigh.
Must not take wallet to work tomorrow. No no no...i'd only get drugstore crap and junkfood when I need to save up for the good stuff. Any shopping I truly need can at least wait til Saturday when the weekly sales will overlap a bit.
I've been wearing freebies and hand me downs for so long it's hard to think of a style for myself.
Part of the reason I stalk poor Samantha so much....I could be comfortable dressing as she does. I do like dresses sometimes...I do like that sweaterdress...but most the time I wanna wear pants.
I even hate the traditional mary kay dress code. I don't want to wear dresses and skirts all the damn time! And I don't think a woman in a skirt looks more professional than a woman in a well cut suit if anything I'm likely to assume the skirt girl is a secretary. Bosses wear pants and assistants wear skirts.
Unless you're a fashion designer. ^_^ then all bets are off.

Hah I think I open on Saturday...if I do then I'll be gone before the sales overlapp.
Eh oh well.

I should try to sleep..

Blahhhhhhh
I've felt sick to my stomach most the day. Didn't go to class. Feel bad about it and am now hiding upstairs cuz I don't want to face Mom's glare.
Hung out w R and his girl yesterday. Ate nothing but crap the whole time fast food and chips and shit. Not a single veggie and only one glass of milk the whole day.
Uch no wonder I felt so sick today.
She needs more practice. I wasn't comfy letting her take my car on the road. We just drilled manuverability in the same church parking lot I practiced in. She gets left and right confused when in reverse, just like I did. But what really has me freaked is how she keeps shifting into neutral. I think it shows that she doesn't have a feel for my car yet. Until she can go fron Reverse to Drive without hitting Neutral...I'm really not comfy w letting her take my car on the roads.
I'm not being unreasonable, am I?
Meh.... not much of a post...I do have unmoderated comments but I'm gonna use them to get to peeps' blogs.... cuz my phone + Blogger Dashboard = Fuckery.

Moving on... I am really enjoying my Sims 1 game again. This making a super expensive house has added a need to hustle ^_^
Every 3 simdays I owe like 32,727 or someing simoleans and it's FUN. Suddenly everyone has to work except Benton and his real wife ofc. And juggling all the work schedules and the bills is such fun! I'm glad for my collection of fanmade items. This house is expensive cuz of a fanitem that's a pile of gold bricks. It costs like 22K or something. I built a fence out of it heehee.
And I make regular use of a second fanitem called Nuclear Waste. It's a gray barrel that glows green after dark and when you "buy" it you get money. The barrel cost is negative 22K or something. So it's like taking out a loan. And when you sell it back it's possible to go into the red! So I got -15,000 something simoleans right now. So everyone is working and the money goes into shrinking that negative hahahaha! But I take care of my two main Sims. Everyone else just works until they die... this is the Giggles household after all *hides devil horns*
This is the house I play when I get stressed or something... all the doomed Sims are based on someone who's harassed me or on politicians who deny my civil rights or the homophobes who drove me out of that "church"...stuff like that.
Mr and Mrs Benton Giggles... that should tell you everything lmao.
Etherea is the wife and she's the main witch. I have a fanitem, a pink crystal ability rock that's buyable, so she always has the teleport ability. And every Giggles house has a separate apartment where she has to teleport in, and she's got fanitems like Gingerbread House and water coolers and milk and kiwi juice and these fanitems never run out of food. The Gingerbread House is my fave. You can cleary see the lil gingerbread men cookies. And she has a bed and bath and etc everything she needs to wait out the worst of the no-money situations. She also makes and casts the Charms. And casts Get Happy on Benton to keep him alive.

I should probably point out that the other households are played normally. And I do have other households. I have fanmade skins of some of the Buffy characters so Willow and Tara have a house, Buffy and Angel (who is human cuz Sims 1 has no vamps) and Xander and Anya.
I don't have a fanmade skin for Samantha Ronson but I'm trying to do the best I can with what I got. I should also make a Charlotte and an Erin but I haven't yet. Same w Cadillac and Oliver, Sam and Char's dogs, respectively. Char's dog Oliver is so damn cute! I should post a pic sometime.

I drove R's girl to mall and I have my sweater now ^_^.
Also dropped by Sephora and my epic makeup girl there figured a way to make me a sample of Charlotte's hair spray as well as her Closer finishing powder. I have got to find a way to tell the Sephora bigwigs how epic that girl is.

So I get to try Charlotte's new hair spray. I need to give my hair a good hard scrubbing cuz it has a lot of shit in it. Maybe I'll get my ass to the gym? Their showers have great water pressure.
Hmmm...

I'm thinking of trying some milk later...and maybe going to walmart tomorrow, where R and his girl tend to get their food, and seeing what they have in terms of veggies. I know kroger has frozen veggies as well as "fresh" (I don't really trust "fresh produce" during the winter months because it has to be trucked in from so far away. I think frozen might be better sometimes)

I got to have fairly frank talk w R's girl about weight and while she won't tell me her weight I did tell her mine and she said she's over. She was weighed at a doc appt so she knows her weight and poor girl was horrified.

I'm just wondering about the prices of veggies and etc in my area. So I need to go poking around. Cuz they're even poorer than I am. So maybe their crappy over-carby meals are cuz that's all they can afford?
It's food detective time! Hmm and perhaps new label time? Food can be expensive. And maybe I could help peeps if there was food detective label as well as food review? Cuz hunting down info on availability isn't necessarily the same thing as reviewing how a food items tastes...
Why not? I can always change it later.

q for mich and any other law types :)

I woke up today with a mass of pain where part of my spine is supposed to be. Scoliosis truly sucks.
Question for Mich and any other legal eagles here (hi)
I used to date a girl who somehow got FMLA leave to apply to her for herself. Do you think it would be worth my time to hunt down the student legal advice office and see if I could qualify for FMLA due to my scoliosis?
And I have no idea what was wrong with the ex-gf, I just know she'd tell me of days when she'd call off work and tell the person to put it under FMLA.
How was she able to do that and is it possible I could too?

There is a legal office here but I don't know where they are, so I'm asking if it's worth hunting them down? Should I bother or do you think i'd be laughed out of the office?
Maybe call on disabilities office first?
I just want options for those days when I'm in so much pain it hurts to take a deep breath.

Eeeks and pics and laughs

Well i didn't go back to JCPenney. Here's hoping the sweater is still there Monday, assuming I get to go Monday. Guess who is taking R's girlfriend out for driving lessons? Anyone else thinking "bad idea"? I'm a tense driver... still won't even turn the radio on because I find it distracting. But my car will pass the safety inspection, so there's the reason. And she does need to get some practice in the car she'll actually test in. Another reason. But uuuuuughnnn... I don't wanna. I don't want to let go of my car, for starters. But me being there will only make things tense! And anytime someone else drives my car i get scared of my car being wrecked.
hell when I drive my car i get scared of getting my car wrecked! Why else would I go out of my way to avoid wonky intersections, refuse to even turn the radio on, and do everything i can to not drive during busy hours?

The logic is sound, but my emotional response is still Terror.

Anyway... I haz pics! First up... UNDERWOOD!!!

As you can see, I put my glittery heart necklace Mich sent with the Tarot cards around the book, and also my fingers had to hold it in place. I stake my claim to a Goblin Market baggie and I think Mich still has my address? I don't know. My computer is having PMS or something and the Goblin Market page is not loading still. I'm sure it's because of my computer. No one else seems to have this problem.

Anyway, there's Mich's book! She's a published author WHOOHOOO! All us beta-readers shold be proud. We were part of this book's creation! A small part, but still... happy warm feelings!!!
Also my ass needs to get on amazon and write a review.

I just hope this pic counts, I guess i can email one that shows my face. Obviously I'm not brave enough to show my face here. Sorry for my cowardice :/

I also have an old old pic that i mentioned months ago.. here it finally is... my wrist with a quarter on it. i am 173.2 or so in this pic. and yet my wrist and forearm is that small. That's because i'm really small-boned. There is such a thing as big-boned, and i ain't it. Big-boned really shouldn't be used as a euphemism for FAT. Because big-boned people aren't necessarily fat. Curvy shouldn't be a euphemism for fat either.. and for the same reason. It pisses me off when fat lardasses say shit like "i just love my curves" umm flabby flappy stomachs don't count as curves. Big bones don't cause the overhangs seen on People of Walmart.
Also.. the straight girl I have a crush on (still.. she's gorgeous!) really is big-boned and i can tell you she is NOT fat! Her figure is better than mine. she's an hourglass. A perfect hourglass, generous cup size with a tiny waist and flat stomach underneath, then flaring out into childbearing hips. She's also strong, and has a contagious laugh. Amazon warrior figure. Love it.

Fat people need to stop trying to force their viewpoint on those of us who aren't deluded.

I also have an amusing Sims story.

Ok.. I used the Price of Fame charm to get Benton to Celebrity status.... and off he went to Studio Town to make music videos. He was doing well, giving the director what the director wanted but his skill set wasn't quite at the usual Celebrity level... and he had no celebrity friends. Maybe that's why he lost Star Levels even though he'd had perfect scores with the director? After the second performance, which was perfect, he had this weird fit.. sat down and cried and 3 of his Needs suddenly dropped all the way to Red. Don't remember which ones tho.
What's weird is i tried to recreate this with another Sim who had no Skills whatsoever, used the Charm to make her Celebrity, and for some reason she did not lose any Star Levels at all.. in fact she got paid for the music vids. So i have no idea why this happened.

Here's the real fun part..... after i'd left the Fame track far far FAR behind.... i got a Studio Insider that had THAT in it when you had a Sim read it.  I've never had that before. And i only got it the one time, sooo glad i had a cameraphone! Had to snap that!

What to talk about....am running swagvids in between bloggings... if I can get nearly 3,500 sb I can get a free Jessica McClintock perfume. Ofc for far less sb i can get another $5 off an amazon.com order. Sigh.. what to do? And if I read the discussion boards correctly.... if i load giftcards to my amazon account beforehand, and not during an order, then the combined value of the giftcards will be applied to an order. So in that way i could combine giftcards. Which would be sweeeeet.
Did i mention i really want that perfume?
There are also sweet things like webcams and hardwood floor steamers and video game stuff. And they tend to cost in the area of 9,000 to 10,000 sb each. Umm... better get watching!
Ofc there are also nice things like makeup and hair products that usually run about 2,080 to 6,499 each. And more perfumes even higher. sigh... so many things I'd like. Back to watching.
Too bad i can't afford to buy some of these things outright. BVLGARI fragrance? HA! Sooo out of my budget.  It's bad enough that I'm shopping out of my budget for the sephora and jcpenney stuff! Bad me! But I do draw the line if the item is more than my college textbooks.

This is for Mich and for anyone else annoyed by Twilight series: http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

and i think anyone familiar with Jesus christ's ethnic heritage will get a laugh out of the "church" building pic in this blog.. http://theoatmeal.com/blog/bus
the rest of the blog has funnies too.


for cat lovers :D   http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cat_know

Cuz the pic made me laugh that hard: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/literally

and this one made me laugh both because i've been in that sort of situation and because for some reason i heard this one in Samantha's most dryly sarcastic voice, the one she uses to talk down to really annoying paps (as opposed to the only semi-annoying paps who will ask her about Wendy's cheeseburgers and songs she likes.. nonpersonal stuff)
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/moving

and this is a random from Samantha's twitter cuz wow she actually has a pool table that's pink and black.. and OOOO  that's Cadillac over on the right in that lil beanbag by the wall!!! Yay it's been so long since I've seen Caddy and i was hearing internet rumors that Samantha had gotten rid of Caddy for Erin's sake. WTF???
Tho I'm sure Caddy doesn't get to sleep on the bed anymore. Also: hi big pic of Charlotte that came from her Sephora makeup launch..
http://www.whosay.com/SamanthaRonson/photos/75760

Whoa Mich your town is like 95% Jewish? Now I gotta find a way to visit! Or perhaps move in :p

So I went shopping yesterday...hit up Halloween City which basically only exists during Halloween. And they didn't have any long curly bleach blonde wigs but I did get a long straight blonde wig for that ghost orchestra idea. I also got colored hair sprays, I'm gonna combine the yellow and the white, cuz the patchy quality would actually help, since my costume inspiration often has two tone hair. I also got the orange cream foundation and I need to start experimenting with mixing orange and normal foundation. I'll have to have my hair in a bun but this is a for-work costume so not having the wig probably worked in my favor. So two-tone patchy light blone and orangy skin...guess my work costume? ^_^

After my Halloween I went across street to the mall and checked out Charlotte's new makeup at Sephora and her fall line at JCPenney. I didn't buy anything yet cuz I like shopping online when possible. I know it's still sealed, at least I've never yet gotten a mail product that was unsealed and tampered with. And also it means less for me to carry, a big consideration in a mall.
Sadly the sweater I want isn't on the website sooooo I need to go back. Sigh. Maybe while there i'l drop by Sephora again and see if I can get a sample of Charlotte's hair spray. The reviews are pretty positive...lots of yay-ing over how it doesn't weigh fine hair down, but regular complaints about the strong flowery scent. I have not yet tried the spray, so a sample would be goo. I did get a lip gloss and the bronzer sampled last time....I love the glosses. Smooth and soft and pleasant scent. Not sticky. I'm still making my mind up on the bronzer. A very little goes a long long way. I'm glad that it is pale enough for my skin but it seems a bit shimmery. Am also curious about the Closer finishing powder. If Charlotte ever gets into skin care tho I'm gonna have tto respectfully decline. I do love the marykay skincare I use (when I'm not being lazy and sleeping with a dirty face)
But makeup is a fun toy and I'll try anything I can.
There is still no replacement for the old Pink Pout but maybe I don't need to copy that shade exactly. Cuz the CR shades and the current marykay glosses are all very pretty.

Clothes wise I do want want WANT that sweater...it's got a slanted zipper and an extra flap that snaps behind the zipper so the efect is two layers right over the bony part of my chest, where I get chilled first, but a single layer everywhere else. I love it. I got the replacement jcp card headed to my house but it could be 2 weeks before it arrives. My sweater could be gone by then! Nooooooo! Must get that sweater! Who cares that it's $60!! Want!
The other items I tried were the jeans and a sweaterdress. Ummmm... I am truly fat. The 12 jeans closed but were super tight. The 14s were comfy but gapped at the back and my ass looked huge. Probably because my ass is huge! I need to be a 12 or less!
Sweaterdress was a chunky disaster... my fatness was way obvious. I tried the XL first and it was too wide across the shoulders but fit my fat belly. And was almost at my knee, with the pockets well below my hips. The L was a similar story.. but less wide across the shoulders.
The M was the proper fit across the shoulders...and obvious fatness everywhere else.
And it's my fault...the clothes are perfect. That's not my ana-brain either. Charlotte's mediums are not absurdly small. The JCP site claims her line runs small but that's just catering to an increasingly overweight population. I can get into her clothes even tho I'm currently too big. Charlotte's designs are flexible and forgiving, probably because the easy fit is a huge part of the laid-back over all design. When someone's clothes are tailored within an inch of her life...the overall effect isn't "laid back" is it?
Charlotte's clothes do assume that you are fit and in good shape. Her clothes scale up by ehight and assumes a weight proportionate to that height. I lined the sweaterdresses up and they scaled perfectly.

My eating was crap all day weds. I was good mon and tues tho...500cal or less both days. Still don't know how many cals of matzo I ate but I'm sure I didn't break 500. Should have gone shopping earlier weds...cuz seeing what I looked like in those clothes was big motivation. Haven't eaten anything yet today and am walking home...got my folding cane just in case. Will need to eat something before I drive, cuz I don't want to be a danger to others on the road.

I also took my weight last night....granted it was after the all-day piggy mcbingey but it was still a shock seeing 174.0 blink up at me...a new high weight. Hope at least some of it was still being digested and will be quickly gone.
Feel very hungry, and tired, and sometimes a lil nauseous. Sometimes just a wee bit dizzy, in between the tired.
And I should probably start heading home here soon....well within a half hour...isn't 5pm a rush hour? So i'd rather not drive til after that. And it takes me about an hour and a half to walk home. Another busy time seems around 7. So ideally I think driving to mall at 6 and driving home after 8 would hopefully avoid the worst of the traffic.
Fuck I forgot my mp3 player again.
I fail.
Subway smells good right now. I brought no money. Otherwise i'd be eating. Strategy! I need to spend my short supply of money on stuff that I can enjoy for a long while...like clothes and makeup and hair stuff...not food which is gone in an instant. Especially not junk food, which is gone in an instant and leaves fatness and clogged arteries behind! Totally ok to buy good foods like veggies and protein powders. Hell even Taco Bell is better than a bag of chips. There are diced tomatoes and some protein in chalupas.
Ok I'm gonna check the weather forecast since I forgot my rain gear..and if forecast is clear I'm walking home. No mp3s is just too bad for me.

I know exactly when the catshit trouble started...when uncle moved in!
And it got worse when he installed a door in the basement!
Yet another reason I want his ass out.
So he smokes inside, turns his music up so loud the house shakes and neighbors complain, and the cats aren't all going to the litterboxes.
I have one in my bathroom (ewww) and it'll have been used once by my cat and the other cat will refuse and go shit on the stairs.

Moving on....I forgot to weigh and post it for the halloween contest. Maybe it's for the best since a lower starting weight means harder work to make a big drop for the finish. Eating seems back on traack. Today, meaning Monday, had a protein shake and some pieces of matzo. I met w a lady who went to a messianic jewish congregation for awhile. She can't read Hebrew tho so I think she's really a christian who, like me, is fascinated with all things Jewish. She was put on atkins diet by her doc and so she's worried her huge stockpile of matzo will go stale before she eats it all so she gave me a stack in a ziploc bag. Meaning no calorie count on the box.
Internet says about 111-120 cals per serving but I can't figure what the serving size is. Are all matzo made as big as the one I have? It's basically a really big cracker. Is a whole cracker considered a serving or does only a part of it count? It's bigger than my hand. And it does taste a wee bit stale...no surprise since they're only available once a year.
At midnight going into tues I had a 220cal serving of tuna salad...meaning those cans from my tuna salad snackboxes. Let my cat lick out the can. So cute.

Today, now meaning tues as it's 5am, my protein shake is gonna be very important as I work after school. I'll try to remember to weigh and also record it here, I'm all cozy in my heated bed w my cat so I'm not gonna go anywhere until sunrise at least. ^_^

Still having blogger issues... but the "updated interface" is worse. Old interface the dashboard won't scroll but everything else does so I can still read comments and post from my phone.
New interface I can't do anything at all.

Sooooo hungry. Crunched a bit more matzo. Still haven't eaten a whole sheet. Got 1/4 of it left. Ah hahaha my cat likes it too. I wonder if Jewish pets eat kosher too? I mean if there were yeast in you dog's food wouldn't it have to go during Passover? Or something?

K I'm gonna use my comments to go read a couple blogs. Then another nap before class. Nigh night.

Oooooo a friendly fun lil contest....http://skeletonstrong.blogspot.com/p/halloween-weight-loss-contest.html?zx=88729f26d92edfe8

I'm on my phone so if that addy doesn't work.... I dunno. I can copy-past urls in my browser but not much else.
Anyway I'm thinking about joining. It could create some outside accountability, which I clearly need.
But I also feel like i'd be cheating cuz the most weight loss wins and I'm super fat so if I behave the lbs could really fall off.
I dunno....but I do like the group support and friendly competition.
Must remember to post tomorrow's weight.

Well the womanlies are over. Today was last hurrah for the month. I actually intended to behave, mixed a protein shake and everything but didn't drink it so it's gonna be a bit iceboxy tomorrow. My church celebrated their 100th anniversary so I ate w them. Then I helped clean up and set up heavy rods for an event tomorrow that I can't go to.
So Monday is my start day. Which does fit in w the contest well.

I also shampooed my hallway by hand and cat shit there again anyway. Grrrr. Must find strong citrus smell. Or just coat the floor in pepper. Whichever *growls at cats*

Tireddddd I keep staying up playing Sims...gotta get in that uber expensive mansion! Almost ready!
Tomorroww...zzz

whining and drooling and i suck at AIM

Typing on the new blogger interface... thus far not so sure I like. It's all white on my screen... can't even see the text boxes and what's more.. the links are smaller. I think doing my blog on my phone might be damn near impossible now. Sigh...
Ok let's try the full-toys Compose method.... not much better.But eh...

And I still get the random hit-Enter-and-watch-cursor-go-random-rows-up problem. Grrr..

Ok... so i am on AIM now, or more correctly AIM express... and I think I found Mich but got no response at all and i have a sneaking suspicion that the lack of response is due to my ancient computer or my internet ineptitude. So my comp is showing that I said hi at 12:24 am.. and nothing since then.
Did I mention I'm inept at this sort of thing?

In any case... my AIM name is Evil Cat and the aim username itself is evilwhtecatsmash which is a reference to Ronson's video Pull My Hair Out, the evil white cat that smashed her records. And took a shit in her shoe. Ask me why i feel a love for that ancient vid right now? *glares at cats*
I guess i should be glad that my cats are only shitting on the stairs.. tho they've puked in my shoes before. Grrr.
I have a shoe rack now but my big steel-toe shoes don't fit on it. Sigh.

I wanted to use evilwhitecat but it was taken. So I dropped the i and tagged smash on the end. Cuz the substitutes AIM was suggesting were ugh ugh nooooo.

Anyway the womanlies are drawing to a close (yay!) my eating is still suck (boo!) and the chocoholism is still kinda in effect. Been gulping down gallons of hot cocoa with just a hint of milk to add the creamy factor. And it's so damn cold here that even tho i boil the water and only add maybe a teaspoon of milk the cocoa still cools down fast. I'm glad i got the 2 cases of spring vegtable cup a soup, 45 cals each packet. But even those can up the carb count if i gulp them down quickly. I gotta find my tea! I found my rubber duckie strainer.. mom had it in the cupboard up with the insulated car-ready coffee mugs. How did she reach way up there? Anyway i got it again.. now what the hell did I do with my tea???
What really bites is how my protein shakes need to be cold in order to taste good. Even lukewarm is yuck yuck.. and they smell weird if i use warm water. So drinking my shakes makes me coooooold! Not that I've had any shakes for the past few days anyway. Pizza and soup and chocolate and hot cocoa and milk has been my foodstuffs for the whole damn week. Figures I'd get the womanlies during my vacation. Combine that with the constant fucking RAIN all week and i didn't even go to the park!!
Yes, I know that shivering burns calories. Shivering also sends my crooked spin into painful spasms, so I really want to avoid being cold. Got 3 shirts on right now and just finished my 3rd cup of hot cocoa. My fingernails are purple. Even tho I'm overweight my fingernails are purple because of how cold I am.

Fuck it I NEED to get back into ketosis. i burn hot when in ketosis, i don't feel cold. My hands are even almost warm. heh.. almost warm. Even in summer my hands are kinda cool. I just have bad circulation or something I guess. mom says her grandma was the same way. i also have a normal temp of 96.8 instead of 98.6 hee hee. So i generally run cool anyway.
Gotta get ketosis back gotta get ketosis back.
Helps with weight loss.
Helps with my sleeping.
helps with energy by keeping energy levels constant rather than spikes and drops.

Helps me not freeze in the cold.
That's a big one right now.

Ok let's test the pic-posting... with my fave pic of Samantha in a bikini at her recent trip w pal Nicole Richie to Cabo!

mmm I do like how the light rests so gently on her perfect dainty boobs. My size! Both the size I have and also my fave size on a skinny girl. I am not a fan of implants. That up there is perfection.
also i love that bikini top. Oh Hai little rainbow! (and I think I see a nipple on the non-rainbow side)

I also noticed the weird way the light hits her knee there. Given what I've heard about her arthritis... maybe an old surgery scar? One of the swagvids I saw was about knee cartilage replacement.

It would make sense then the way she seems to have gained just a little bit but that tiny gain doesn't show below the waist. I'm glad she looks like she put a bit of weight on. I want her to live. Looks like Erin is feeding her well. YAY!!!
Her legs are almost like stilts under her sanely slender frame. And I can't find the pic that really showed the obvious difference between her super-skinny legs and the sanely-slender rest of her.

But I've showed the insanely large thigh-gap before. Maybe she's just built that way?

Hey wow... can i really put text between 2 pics? Let's try it!!! Sam in jeans should be on the left and an old bikini pic should be on the right of this paragraph!

Well this one gives an idea what i mean. She's bending over and still has that gap and her legs are like just straight down.
 Hey looks like she's wearing the same bikini bottom from the older pic. Heee I like seeing people reuse their clothes. Makes her more real in some weird way.

I'm still meh on the hair. I do like longer hair on a girl, it doesn't have to be really long but i don't like buzz cuts. And it looks like the back of her head is a buzz cut tho after her drunken party haircut by Perla, maybe that's the best poor Andy LeCompte could do  xD
I like a girl to have hair long enough for me to run my fingers through. And it's a bonus if her hair is long enough for me to play with. To me there is something very sensual about a woman brushing her hair. I keep my own hair long for that reason... I like taking it down and brushing it out. i really like someone else gently brushing my hair.
But i always have my hair pinned in a bun or something. So I keep getting asked "Why not just cut it? You don't do anything with it!"

yes I DO do something with my hair. i enjoy my hair! I get shivers sometimes when my hair slips against my bare back. I get all tingly when i get a scalp massage. I like how my hair feels like silk. I choose my shampoos based on how they smell. i pamper my hair, spoil it even. i lost my hot rollers. i have only a mini curling iron i sometimes use for Pride and Prejudice type tendrils, but i want to do pin curls and i'm still practicing.  i use a hair dryer maybe twice a month.
i am a long hair girl.

This is a huge fav for how i like Samantha's hair. Her natural color, a rich brown (I'm jealous!) and long enough to play with and sweep aside, and it seriously looks like silk here. And I don't think this length is long enough to really get caught in anything. It looks like it just brushes her neck, which i really find sensual. I admit i haven't found a behind-shot of her from whatever pic set this is from, so maybe she's got a small bun back there. But i don't think so.
And her natural color doesn't detract from her eyes at all.
Damn, she looks good here.

And it's 3am here and AIM is still saying i have no response. So I dunno what the deal is. I'm a computer moron.

Think I'll go huddle in my blankets. Maybe while playing Sims 1 upstairs. I'm experimenting with a bunch of fanmade items to see just how expensive a house i can make. I'm at over 1,000,000 simoleans right now >:D
No family has that much cash yet but I can cheat.. cuz i want someone in there to see how high the bills get!

Also going bonkers with Sims is a great way to deal with my shopping urge while sparing my aching wallet. And i have a lot of old fanmade items I burned on CDs long ago. Several items i've totally forgotten about, and many others i've never even tried!