Gulp gulp gulp. Why am I so thirsty? Ohwait...cuz that 3.5oz bag of turkey jerky was some 2100 mg of sodium! Duh! So there's a good 280cals and some change. And the jerky was *after* the 7 white chocolate truffles!
Why can't I be one of those peeps who can't eat when I'm stressed? Instead I eat more! Ugh...much as I hate being depressed, at least depression kills my eating rather than making me wanna binge!
At least those were my only caloric mistakes. Everything else was my protein mix, a luna mini at work and a single sausage patty with a slice of cheese. Yea I'm playing with the ketogenic idea again. At least I was until I fucked it up with the chocolate. I'm looking into atkins bars just for the sake of fucking variety. Mom shops for uncles taste. She doesn't even shop for her own tastes much anymore. It's what always infuriated me about her... how she will just quietly give control over to some dude. Most of the "food" is those microwaveable tv dinners. At least she gets me the littler 300cal ones. Michelina's and I do like them. They remind me of my fave school lunches back in elementary. Other food tends to come from church people who are really just cleaning out their own pantries. One lady raised such a hungry brood of sons that over the years she's forgotten how to cook for small groups, so we're always getting leftovers from her. And having grown up so poor and been on the charity of others for so long...we just accept.
The only reason I stick with my job is the small feeling of security that having my own little income brings. I hate my job!
Confession? The top reason I hide my age is because I'm ashamed of not having my driver's license. At my age. *shame* driving terrifies me. I no longer start shaking as soon as I get behind the wheel but left turns still scare me, especially with no stoplight. 4 way stops leave me nearly ready to throw up from fear and construction zones freak me out. Mom made a mistake many years ago by sending me to my (underfunded public) school's driving "class" and the "teacher" was such shit. Everytime I went driving he'd slam on his brake at the worst time.
My very first drive... a left turn, no stoplight, from a one-lane neighborhood street to my hometown's big 4 lan highway (plus turn lane) I still dunno what displeased him, just that he slammed his brake when I was out in this super busy highway and oh look there's a semi bearing down on my passenger side. and on a country intersection with no light and I was the first one there and the only one. Guess I didn't stop long enough. He slammed his break after I was in the intersection and *then* there was a big farmer truck coming down on passenger side. At least he was some distance away.
And every driving lesson was like that. I am trying to get better. Having a car with working brakes does help. And I tell myself if I drive maybe I could make a go of the mary kay thing. Then I remember how many peeps I see at work who are on food stamps. And mary kay is not cheap.. I do think they're worth the price but I've been using the stuff since I was 14. I know genetics means a lot but I still think mary kay can claim partial credit for my young looking face. Anyway
So I hide my age. I'll steal the idea from the hot hot T'Pol... age is an intimate thing I think she only told Tucker. And that was after they had sex...I think. I blank out there cuz I want T'Pol for myself *blush*

And I'm rambling yet again. Let's move on.

I am trying to bring back Hungry for Change! Started it at stillhungryforchange.blogspot.com and I am looking for advice and help!
Should I have the content warning thing up? Should comments require approval or do the captcha thing? (Also.. if I have captcha on my personal blog here lemme know so I can look up how to turn it off!)
And Halp Halp! I can't do this alone! Starving Artist has volunteered and she's totally on this list... as soon as I figure out how to put her there. But if this gets big it's gonna need more than 2 peeps. Plus I'm so techy fail that I'm not sure I count. So maybe need another. I also only found Adeline's one about less than a month before it was deleted. I don't remember how she handled entries. Did you enter in the comments? Does blogger have mail?
I fail at internets.
And I fail at costume design.
And now I'm gonna go try and fail at sleeping.