Quickie since I'm at work. I'm quitting the atkins/ketosis thing. I hate it. I'm bored with it. I get emotional for no reason. It makes my heart feel weird. I have no energy. My muscles are getting weaker. I shake when I weightlift. And to be honest i'd rather feel hungry than nauseous.

Also... it's f*cking expensive. My wallet can't keep this up. Meats and cheeses and eggs etc just cost more than veggies and grains.

I may keep the low carb dinner tho. It seems to help me sleep.

And ya know... I dropped 10lbs on the basic calorie-slashing and working out. Since trying the atkins thing I've gained 3. I think that's a sign. Back to my fiber. Back to strong weightlifting. Back to my piles of veggies. Back to my applesauce. back to grains. My organic Mesa Sunrise. Back to sense!

At the gym yesterday I was dying earlier, long before my reps were up. Had to cut the amount of weight I lifted. Done with that.

Home now....

Thanks for the tip, K. I'll keep the ketosis idea on the back burner. I have read good things about it, including a preliminary study that it might slow the growth of cancerous tumors
I just need to do a bit more research and come up with a better and more varied meal plan.m
Meanwhile I'm going back to what I did last time... the calorie cycling.

Today was a bit spastic tho, being the day I dropped the diet plan. I overslept this morning so "breakfast" was the last of the beef jerky while going to work. At work I was draaaaaggggingg... at lunchtime I said "fuck it".
Work was redoing the Diet section and a few food bars were on clearance. Anya from the Buffy series would call them processed food bricks. The term describes them well but I do like some food bricks ie my luna bars. I got some soyjoy, 2 zoneperfect, and a lonely atkins that had been mixed in with something else. I ate just one bar, a 130cal soyjoy, for lunch. And the 17g carbs jumpstarted everything. I was flying. Got a lot done, was focused, customers were easily helped without making me forget what I was doing....it was a huge improvement.

Got home and had the atkins. It was an atkins advantage peanut fudge granola, and it was actually very good. I was surprised. Also tried the zoneperfect... dark zoneperfect dark chocolate cookies 'n creme... didn't much like it. Also had a few real cookies. Was soo happy to have carbs again I went overboard. The atkins + zoneperfect (yuck) + cookies was about 710. Oops. Today's total is still below 2000 tho so I'm not freaking out.

Funny thing about my binge foods... so long as they don't need to be refridgerated, meaning so long as I can keep them squirreled away in my room, and I know that no one else will eat them.. I can resist them. As long as I know I can have them anytime I don't go food-crazy. In fact I actually do better when I have food and sweets hidden. I don't know why.
Rigt now I have 2 unopened bags of lindt white chocolate truffles (loooove) 9 single-serve packs of coconut m&ms, 5 unopened bags turkey jerky, 2 canister cashews (only 1 opened) 18 lil applesauce singles, a full size box of cheerios (unopened) 3 lil boxes of quaker honey graham Oh's (2 unopened) an opned andes creme de menthe cookies that's only 1/4 gone... my lipton cup a soups, about 5 Green Envys, and a half-gone bag of york peppermint pieces that I got like 2 weeks ago.
And there's other stuff that isn't binge food ie my protein powder and go greens.
Oh! And 4 unopened pastillines tins. The 5th is almost gone.

It's like the more food I have squirrelled away, the better I can resist. Maybe cuz for a few years, when mom was actively in the courts divorcing daddie dearest and fighting so hard to get custody of us kids.. food was in short supply. Things got better once the lawyer fees went away but mom never did have enough money to keep daddie dearest from stealing furniture that the courts awarded to mom. She decided to let the furniture go so she could buy a bit more food. I haven't had a real table since I was about 10 cuz daddie dearest took it and mom couldn't afford another. We ate on tv trays and sometimes the ironing board. We had a kitchen table when stepdaddie dearest came, but never a proper dining room table again. And now, in our current house, the "table" is so small we use it as the computer desk. Ha!

And I'm writing a damn book again... long story..less long.. when I am surrounded by food I can relax and restrict better. And I think it's weird, even tho I kinda understand why I'm like this.

Night :)

But I will pay more attention to the protein I get.