retail sucks!

Just wanted to drop by before I get lost in retail xmas sales again. Ugh I hate this. Too many hours. I fell asleep with the lights on last night. Barely remembered to eat, which is probably why I stuffed my face today. So glad Mom made food, cuz I didn't have the energy. Huge hour jump. I'm basically full time til after new years, but not always full 8hr shifts. So I have more days. Am so tired.
Pissed at myself too. Didn't write my Ronson fanletters and that was a 2012 end of world goal. Wtf, self? Another notch on my failure record.
Damn, I'm tired. Sometimes too tired to sleep. It sucks. Gonna try to sleep some.

I finally do my questions!

I've been bad. Because of course. Being borderline obese is fun!
It'd be more fun if the fat was in my bra.
anyway...

I have Liebster awards! I know i was nominated once for sure cuz she left a comment. (Thank you, loveylou!) I think Sam Lupin picked me too... there's no comment and she spelled the name "Honour" and left off the Regzig part but i think she meant me since she has commented on my blog before. Plus we both drool over women so yea. And her questions are amusingly oversexed so hell yea.

Lovelou's questions first:

1. What do you love most about yourself? I have my Mom's smile. (Now I just need to bleach the damn teeth!)

2. Describe a memory that makes you proud. A teacher (one that I don't hugely like) actually asked me for a copy of a paper I wrote to keep in her files.

3. If you could change one moment in your life, that you think would be pivotal, and could change the course of your entire life, would you? What moment would you change, what would be different?

I would keep the stepmother from meeting my dad OR she would have simply said "You need medication and to stop being an ass to your wife and kids."

Cuz stepmom could have done that but instead she was a regular Grima Wormtongue sucking up to daddie dearest and paternal grandfather paid for her law school then she married daddie dearest and THEN she got his oeasily angered abusive ass on some meds.

4. What would you do if your family and friends found out about your eating disorder and/or blog?

The ones I care about.. I'd reassure. i don't want to die, remember. I want to live at least long enough to have many moments of perfect happiness. but to daddie dearest i'd tell him it's his fault. He and stepdad made me so unhappy i actually tried to make myself small enough to disappear. Ah, the magical thinking kids are capable of.

5. If you could be anyone, who would you be and why? I don't understand this question. I kinda like being myself. I wouldn't mind being Samantha Ronson's wife ^_^ does that count?

6. What is your relationship with your parents like? Love my Mom, must keep her alive! I've never doubted her love for me but I have often doubted her intelligence! But daddie dearest can suck my polterwang.

7. What's your favourite 'safe food'? my Chobanis and my protein shakes are foods i never feel bad about eating.

8. What are you doing when you feel the most happy and joyful? Writing funny scenes. Or writing funny stuff in general, whether scenes or comic ideas or blog entries that i hope will make someone laugh. Too much sadness in the world.

9. If you could be any animal what would you be? Animal? Pffft. Bird i guess. i want to be a fairy! Fern Gully forever! Or Neverland would work too.

10. What is your favourite fashion statement or 'look'? A mix of the Ronson twins. I first noticed them because I was attracted to Charlotte's fashion line. I just really like her aesthetic. Tho lately even she has been sending more dayglo colors down the runway. WTF? Even my dear Charlotte? NOOOOO!

11. If you could make one wish, what would you wish for? (can't be body related in any way)

That daddie dearest had stayed the guy Mom claims he was when they married. I will probably never get over the shit he pulled.

I need cheering up now.

That pic makes me giggle. They seriously look like they're having some sort of half-argument: "Oh no you didn't!" "Oh yes I did!!"

This one also makes me giggle. Naughty Samantha! Though i'd stare too.

I seriously need a girlfriend. Or a friend-with-benefits?

I'm finishing up this month's edition of Uteruspunch from hell. Seriously it hasn't been that bad for almost a year. I thought i had outgrown the evil painful ones. Seems not.

But it being over also means the sex hormones are rebounding. I am sooooo gonna have a one track mine in about 2 days. And i'm gonna be stuck in that gutter for about 4 or 5 days. That's my usual pattern. Womanlies and then the hormone rebound. I'll try to spare you allthe more-than-usual endless drooling.

Anyway... Sam lupin's questions!

1. who did you have sex with and why where were you on the night of yesterday

On the night of yesterday i was in bed with pain pills in my bloodstream.

2. describe your sexual orientation 

Total lesbian.

3. what turns you on and no light switch jokes guise im onto you

What doesn't? I've been single for damn near 8 years. Women turn me on. Big boobs, small boobs, doesn't seem to matter so long as they're real boobs. Though i am curious about how implants feel. And i guess if an implant was done well I wouldn't be grossed out. i just haven't seen a well done implant that i knew was an implant. Celebrity crushes include (but are not limited to): Kate Winslet, Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Christina Hendricks, Jolene Blalock (T'Pol), the pretty lady who played Inara on Firefly, all the women on Firefly for different reasons, Allison Hannigan, Amber Benson, Samantha Ronson, Charlotte Ronson (yep I like both twins so I'm pretty sure that makes me a pervert), the hottie who played Seven of Nine (Jeri but can't remember last name and there were two Jeris in Star Trek) and yes I even had a crush on Kate Mulgrew... what? She was feminine yet still in command! i loved that!

I seem most attracted to women who are obviously women but still have a tomboy streak.

4. same thing; what turns you off

maleness. even a lesbian can turn me off if she's really butch. and don't get me started on the tranny thing. Gross! No surgery can create the exquisite beauty that is a woman, so guys don't bother. And why the hell would a woman want to be male?? I can understand dumping the damn uterus, since it's useless unless you want to pop out some kids, but why why WHY destroy the lovely breasts and delicate genitals? And don't give me the "born the wrong sex" because that's bullshit. If you don't like how society expects you to act cuz you have a dick or not, then expand the definition of masculine/feminine. Cuz when a guy claims to be a woman, he's really just reinforcing the sexist bullshit about how being a woman is all about appearance. He is defining "woman" in a way that gives him what he wants without regard for how real women are affected. That is actually a textbook example of male privilege.

Also... pheremones don't lie :)

Or something... cuz somehow i can tell if a fake "chick" is hitting on me. My biology/anthropology friend says i'm probably reacting to subconcious pheremone signals, since sexual orientation really is a matter of my brain being wired differently.

Fun tidbit: perfume companies were among the first to notice stuff like this while trying to target their products (profit!). They saw certain scents hit straight female brains and gay male brains the same way. They're still working on figuring out what lesbians like ^_^

6. wat r ur views on incest.

Eehh...mostly eww.. But if the relation is like 2nd cousins or farther apart then it's less eww. Go back far enough and we're probably all related somehow. But doesn't inbreeding make bad genes come out more? So maybe the eww reaction is good.

7. coffee?

I like the smell but not the taste. I'm trying to come around.. got some instant vanilla latte that i like.

8. you are injected with something  that makes you so hypersexual you are attracted to every gender and need to have sex like right now; what do yo do

WTF don't make me do a guy! I slap you!

i would rather pull out my vibrator than do a guy, although if for some reason i ever get curious i know i can trust R to not hurt me. But I'm really not interested. I've never even had a strap-on used on me, tho I once wore one for another girl. That was... kinda strange. But it's nice to have both my arms around a girl when she hits orgasm. I should probably start building my own toy chest. That way the strap-on strap will hopefully FIT!

9.  what would you do if your Father was Satan

you mean he isn't?

10. did you once think your nipples were weird or is it just me

Sometimes i wonder if my nips are a bit big for my breast size (barely a B cup) but i kinda like them. I like the color. Why can't I find a pretty pink lipstick in the same color? I read somewhere that Benetint was created to give nipples a pretty pink flush. I have Benetint... it looked nice on my lips for about 2 hours then gone. Maybe it would last longer on my nipples? It doesn't taste very good though. You know what does? Charlotte Ronson lipgloss. Kinda minty... and now I'm wondering how that would feel on my nips.

Sam lupin is a bad influence :p

11. how many times have you worn the same bra/underwear/boxers whatever for more than one day

um.... well since i don't think I need to shower daily in the winter (and i hate stripping in my cold bathroom) I've probably worn the same undies for 2 days in a row... too many times to count. i wear pantiliners that i change often so I sometimes forget to change the undies too. And I hate wearing bras. I'll probably wear a bra some 12 or 13 times... untill it starts to smell, basically. Since i don't wear bras often (maybe once a week?) I honestly don't know how long a bra will go without washing. So long as it doesn't smell or feel gross, i figure it's fine. i prefer men's A-shirts anyway.

I do hope I've teased any gay or bi readers *hides devil horns*
And now that I've done this I'm thinking... did Sam forget to write a question 5? Or does question 1 count as two questions since one's crossed out? Naughty Sam ;)

And thinking about perfumes foc has me thinking of Ronson. i vaguely remember reading that she liked Clinique happy (or so said a damn tabloid) and i think Samantha herself mentioned something called Dreabilly by Agatha. I think it's this: http://www.carnivalwaxstore.com/products/Dreabilly-Perfume-Oil.html
That looks interesting..orange blossom and sugar with smoke and wood?  and very expensive. It looks like her kind of thing though. Skulls everywhere. Looks like for $15 I can try one itty bitty Dreabilly and 2 other itty bittys. Maybe if the world doesn't end I will. ^_^

Lord help me...i've discovered Pocky.

Crap. I'd heard about pocky. R loves it. And i'd seen pictures. And while at Kroger tonight I noticed 3 flavors. Strawberry, chocolate, and something called almond crush, which is chocolate pocky with almond bits in the chocolate.
I like them all. So nom. Think I like the strawberry and the almond crush slightly more than the chocolate. But the pocky binge has filled me up too much to get into the reeses chips ahoy. So yay for that.
Also got more botan rice candy. Like the pocky, the entire box is one serving, but the rice candy is 80 cals. Wait the chocolate pocky was a 2 serving box.
The rice candy is like a soft fruit chewy thing. Not quite jelly like. And it's double wrapped... in plastic and then an edible inner wrapper that melts on the tongue. So if I'm not sure, I stick my tongue on it and since plastic won't dissolve it's easy to avoid eating something inedible. And this inner wrapper acts like a shell around the gummi candy. And the little boxes are cute and each box has a big kiddie sticker inside. And I am a Peter Pan wannabe ^_^
I went total sugarholic anyway tonight. I spent all of yesterday and most of today trying to sleep off a sore throat with occasional headache and general fatigue. Wasn't even remotely hungry yesterday and forced myself to eat some yogurt and Bolthouse Farms smoothies, C-Boost & the chocolate protein. Same deal today. I didn't start feeling hungry til around 8pm. Had a super yum chicken noodle soup at the diner, the weekly fam deal. And it really helped. Had a fun little gabfest w Bro's girlfriend (soooo hoping they tie the knot) and then went to Kroger. And WHAM the sugar cravings and hunger! I got some good stuff. A few yogurts and a big C-Boost bottle (I am gonna be healthy again damnit) but I also found a dozen glazed donuts for $1.49 and a giant cupcake/mini cake for 2.49 and then I got the reeses chips ahoy and the Lays cheddar & sour cream chips & the pocky. Ugh. But I also got sushi. Krogers has a sushi bar and even when it's closed there are little single serving prepacked sushi trays. I got a california roll and had a bite already. Is good! So there's my breakfast. And I need to be good again. I'm halfway thru the 1st month of my 4 month sprint & I've done nothing to crow about. In fact I think I've gained. I know dieting while sick isn't good but at least I could dump the junk! Chips and cookies will not help the immune system!
And I'm feeling tired again. Oh well it's past bedtime anyway.

potential money drain

I know I shouldn't, but I am suck a sucker for orphaned cats. AwesomeBoss says this cat is rescued from abuse & fat coworker says cat is neutered and seems nice. I gave fat coworker my # but no contact grrrr. Fattie is not very bright & neither is her grown kid. Idiot grown kid is keeping this cat outside with sub-20 degrees F temp at night. I can't even find out if this cat has claws... nevermind such important things as worming or feline leukemia exposure or not. Hell I don't even have a gender. Female they think.
This poor cat needs to be rescued from these idiots! But I don't know what to do!
Mom is willing to take the cat in if I handle the vet bills. This doesn't help me make a choice. If the cat & I get along I'll likely adopt it. My current baby will not be pleased tho.
The problem is where am I gonna keep this cat while the standard medicals are done? I know nothing about this cat's health because the current owners are morons! And I don't want to expose my current kitties to anything dangerous.
And omg I'm gonna need money. Vets ain't cheap. Maybe this will get me drawing? It's not like my job pays much. And rumor has it hours will be cut again. One poor coworkker is down to 13 hours a week. So many part-timers. Less than part time. The few full timers get all the hours. If I could get enough hits to make a mere $5 a week from my comic, that's still $20 I would never have had otherwise.
Every penny helps. I got kitties to care for! Time to stop being such a lazy ass!

So Thanksgiving is a week long now....

Yet somehow it's also over before dinner Thurs cuz in some places the damn "Black Friday" sales start at like 8pm thurs night.
So glad I don't work at WalMart.
Presumptions R Us is a store which has delusions of competing with the big stores, but it's just a drugstore with overpriced cheap crap. I think I could also call the place Pretensions R Us but when i hear the word "presumption" i hear Lady Catherine de Berg from the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle Pride & Prejudice in my head, and work's various corporate rules & slogans definitely make me think of Lady Catherine and her snobbery.
So... yea.
Anyway I had chocolate.. I found some on-sale seasonal Lindt truffles and omg so YUM!!! i managed to hide half away for the next womanlies but the other half is opened. At least I'm trying to share it. Let my fave coworkers try some and now at home I got it in the family candy bucket.
But I'm still eating most of it *sigh*

I'm also checking out various Black Friday vids on youtube and crap my fellow Americans are insane. WTF is the deal? Is this like the American version of running with the bulls? Yes I know the sales discounts tend to be big but so is the risk to life and limb!
Work is open Thanksgiving and I'm scheduled to work. Ugh. and the "Black Friday" sales at work start thurs too. Double ugh. Oh well I guess. I may have to drive to work cuz there's talk in my fam of having dinner or just dessert an the aunt's place, and i'd go there from work so i'd have to drive.
i might drive anyway just so I don't have to deal with being a pedestrian in holiday traffic. Yikes.

I stayed up all night again. It was just as dumb as usual. i got on sephora.com and made my little order. While looking thru old orders to make sure i only chose new free samples i noticed the old Charlotte Ronson Masquerade set was still in stock (who knows how long?) and was majorly marked down. So i added one to my Fresh Sugar mini lip balm set. I'm gonna dig out the one i already have and try it again. if I like as much as i think i remember liking.. I'll probably order a few more while they exist. But at least I'll have had 2 no matter what. More would be nice.
What's weird is i couldn't find that old set except by searching thru my past orders. So here's hoping that keeps a few hidden for me ^_^

However, by some sheer luck i'm not scheduled to work Black Friday! i am soooo hoping it stays that way! i don't wanna go ANYWHERE! You kidding? Don't call me.. I'm hibernating! i will stay in my little room and have my Sims throw lots of house parties! or I'll shop online. Safer that way.
And it is dawn again. *slaps slef* i need to stop doing this!

Unfortunatly reading up on scary black friday things also eventually led (doing the link web thing) to various tips for surviving in the wilderness.
Peri once mentioned water purification tablets. Good idea.
Seems iodine tablets will work too. But I've never seen iodine as tablets. oh well... I'll buy another gallon or 2 of distilled water next time I'm at Kroger's and put them in my cupboard. i am curious about those brown bag ready-to-eat things. I did like the funny pale yellow emergency ration things, after all. And I'd like to think our soldiers get fed well, what with being sent out by rich politicians to get shot at. i consider soldiers to be an even more extreme version of the low-level worker. Just trying to survive. Go after the CEOs/politicians if you don't like what's going on. Don't blame the bottom rung people for doing what they have to in order to eat.
You know?

i sooooo need sleep. Bad Honor!

zzzzzz....

So tired. Staying up all last night was so dumb. I'm in my room now. I overslept a bit and went to work without breakfast. But at least I was only 1 minute late. So yay.
Didn't eat anything til after work. Too busy. When I got home I had a green giant thing (yummy) and a slice of bologna and some milk and a Chobani. That should cover my needss. I'm not hungry at all and it was all healthy noms.
Work wasn't so bad. I had lots to do so I didn't ring many people out & that might annoy the higher-ups tho. Some dumb bitch wanted to open a foundation compact & when I said they were sealed for sanitation reasons she went "well how do I find my color?"
Dumb bitch. Couldn't she see the compacts had see-thru lids? Idiot. If she wants to test foundations then go to Sephora. Drugstores are cheaper for a reason. Offering all those free samples gets expensive for the company. Drugstores aare cheap because they have see-thru tops instead. Bah.
I also got tripped up over the damn coffeemaker cord while digging out some toilet paper that was under the "kitchen" sink. Wtf was it doing there? Anyway the coffeepot broke. I'm not hurt, but when the coffeemaker tipped the glass pot broke. The damn cords were caught under the big toilet paper box how does that happen? 1st coffeemaker was easy to move. The 2nd one I was trying to get it out and I slipped onto my butt (was already squatting so not far to go) and damn coffeepot slipped out & broke. It must have hit that hard floor at the right angle cuz I was already low to the ground. That floor is just cheap linoleum on concrete or something. Ouch!

yup, still fat & lazy

Yea.....
It is 6:30 am and i have stayed up all damn night AGAIN!
This is very bad of me.
Especially since I have done NOTHING productive with any of my time this week.
I have no new finished comic. Sketches and outlines DON'T COUNT!
I haven't even done an outline for my shameless Star Trek fanfic.
i did finish one short story that i started years ago.. tho I guess it's only 99% done since there's still this one annoying paragraph I'm not sure if i want.
Ugh... where did i read this quote.. somewhere.. something like Being a writer is spending all morning putting a punctuation mark into a paragraph and the entire afternoon taking it out.
Hehehehe... yea writing can be very nit-picky business. Cuz you want it PERFECT, you know?
But except for that one annoying paragraph.. I am happy with it. It's a short tale, from 1st person perspective, and it's one lady remembering how she met her wife.
My first original finished piece whoohoo! (ok 99% dfinished but nevermind!)
I am sooo happy about that! Maybe that's why i've been so damn lazy? Some semi-concious sense of "I did something already"?
So i stayed up all night looking at stuff on sephora.com and I am soooo buying myself a Clarisonic once i hit 140 or so. After plugging numbers into BMI calculators seems 145 might be too much? i dunno.I'm still more after a certain look.

I'm already older than she is here........ but I've taken very good care of my skin. Skin cancer scares do that to me ^_^
And i am small-boobed like her.. i think I could pull this off.. or similar since my eyesight sucks and i do wear glasses.
But my build is similar.
And she's so pretty.. I'd love to look like she does here. Such a glorious mix of feminine and masculine.
Ofc there's a chance my face skin is gonna sag once the fat rolls aren't in there anymore. I'm more worried about facial skin than anywhere else. Below the neck can be hidden.. but what will I do with low-hanger cheeks? Wear a veil? Time to dig out the anti-ager serums methinks.

I am still being good about no chocolate. But still eating everything else.
I successfully was liquids-only while Mom was out, but she got home early so my day was still piggy eating. NORMAL eating would look like restricting if compared to the way i've been stuffing my face lately.
Fortunatly, there just isn't a lot of junk in the house. I'm still having too many tootsie rolls and tootsie pops, but no candy corn today, and i can't take much candy corn anyway before my stomach complains. Mom did bring home some cookies, but very few, like 3 types of 4 or 5 each and she helped eat them. Bad of me but could have been worse. i can eat half a bag of Oreos by myself.

I work later today... sigh... (too bad i don't hate that job enough to DO something about it!)
I found some old One a Day water additives that are basically powdered multivitamins. Seems they don't make them anymore so I'll enjoy these while they last. i admit they taste kinda ick, but drinking my vitamins is soooo nice. i can do drinkable vitamins on an empty stomach with no problem. Sigh.
oh wow.. I see sunrise.
pretty.
6:56.
Oops.

I'm also being lazy in other ways.. I know where my gym card is now but I still haven't dug it out. Cuz i'm too lazy to dig. Still haven't found most my winter gear (found my boots & that's it) and this is my birthday month (sooo not saying my age) so I need to either make a sephora.com order or get my butt to Sephora to pick up my present in person.
Sephora does that, you know. Little minis of a product or two on your birthday. Last year i got a small bottle of Philosophy body wash.. and it smells just like birthday cake! This year I'm hoping hoping they still have some of the Fresh Sugar lip balm sets left. i love those balms almost as much as i love Charlotte Ronson's lip glosses. The balms aren't flavored but they go on very smooth and have spf. The CR glosses don't have spf, but they have a slight minty taste (supposed to be lemon mint but i don't taste the lemon) and are sooooo moisturizing.  And feel almost cooling, like water. And i swear my lips drink them up like water. i still haven't tried the red one.. I've still never worn red. Uuhhh.... dunno if i could do red. And i need to bleach my teeth anyway :p

And ofc now that the sun is up I feel sleepy. WTF? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
i have got to get off this damn vampire schedule. it shoots my productivity down the toilet.

yup. still a pig.

Ugh... I'm still eating way too much. I'm successfully staying away from chocolate thus far but I'm pigging out on *everything* else.
Off the top of my head today.... 2 eggs. Finished the liver sausage. Bologna on pumpernickel bread. 2 bags of popcorn. Too many tootsie rolls. Tootsie roll pops. Corn flakes and milk. Candy corn. Green Goodness. Carrots.
I've certainly done worse. I've also done better. I'm glad to be fighting against the chocolate addiction, but I'm not losing any weight. I was actually up today *cries*.
My humble goal for tomorrow, in addition to no chocolate, is to be liquids only when I'm home alone. Mom is just as busy now as she was before she retired, so she is gone most of the day. Hmm I don't wanna stuff my obese face at night tho either. So I guess my goal is liquids only and just eat with Mom. Hope she's not watching something depressing.
I'm upping my water tho so I'm happy about that. I'm really leaning on the flavored carbonated waters Kroger makes. It's like soda pop without the calories or caffeine. Thus far I like the Strawberry and the Strawberry Kiwi. They're super carbonated so I usually crack on open and let it sit half-unscrewed so it can go just a little bit flat. I'm weird that way.
Kroger also had some $10 scar cream. Much better deal than work. So I got that. My hope is that since I just noticed the marks and I stare at my potbelly in disgust fairly often.....I'm fairly sure these marks are less than 2 months old. And the Kroger scar cream has inion bulb extract which I think I read is useful on scars. Just gotta remember to put the stuff on 4x a day. Here's hoping!

Been reading Regzig again. It's kinda become a normal thing because my phone doesn't crash right away on her blog. I'm trying to trace what her great 34 day fast plan was. Her plan doesn't have nearly enough protein for my liking but I'm still curious. And I'm still inspired by her willpower and her faith.
Somewhere I read a comment by a blogger who still sometimes posts...how she'd once done a 34day fast. I wish I could remember who posted that...where did I read that comment? Cuz I wonder if it was Regzig's big group fast.
My bad memory drives me crazy.

the race is on

Haven't had any chocolate since mon night, when work stress got to me again & I binged. Sigh.
My BMI is 29.7 only .3 away from obese!! :( I tried to take some starting weight pics but the lighting is terrible and my mirror isn't quite big enough. I guess I could borrow walmart's fitting rooms but I don't want to drive way out there just for that. If I go see R at his work then I will already be out near walmart fri night. I doubt I'll lose much in 3 days.
I am slowly restricting. After months of overeating I gotta go slow. This week's rule is simply No Chocolate. I am addicted to chocolate. I must be. Because I can't have just one piece to "quell the cravings". The more I eat the more I crave more more more. So I can't have any at all. Yesterday I had a massive salad that used up the rest of the iceburg lettuce and tomatoes and shredded chicken. It filled me up for nearly 7 hours. I also had a few Tootsie rolls. Not technically chocolate but they shut the craving up. Also a Chobani.
Today I massively overslept. Time to hook up the Sonic Bomb alarm again. I'll just have to plug my heated mattress pad across the room. The cord should be long enough. My room is small. Gonna suck not being able to adjust the heat while still in bed though. But I need the Sonic Bomb's bedshaker unit under my mattress. Cuz audio alarms have to be deafening and I want to keep my hearing ^_^
Thus far today I've had 2 eggs, baby carrots, oscar mayer liver sausage (Mom called it gooseliver when I was little and the nickname stuck) and some Green Goodness.. need to finish that Green Goodness up. Maybe I shouldn't buy it in the biggest jug? I just need to have some everyday. But even everyday...what about my other Bolthouse Farms yummies? Ok maybe get the big Green Goodness jug only every other week or even every 3rd week. Or something like that. Cuz I also want my C-Boost and Chocolate Protein Plus & I'm gonna try a new flavor...Vanilla Chai. Empty C-Boost bottles also make great water bottles ^_^ yum.
I finally have liter bottles! Kroger sells carbonated flavored water and they're 1 liter bottles! Whoohooo! Becuae I want to reserve my blenderbottles for protein shakes. So I can use my 0cal water flavorings with these liter bottles instead of blenderbottles. Cuz the flavors are too strong for less than 20oz.
And I think I mentioned these before because I'm putting 2 refilled liter bottles in my Panic Stash.
Obama getting reelected does have me feeling a bit more hopeful but if I'm still awake at like 3am then I start freaking out again. Somethinng about the dark & quiet that puts scary thoughts in my head. I guess because by 3am it's been dark for awhile and the stone age part of the brain is going "why can't I sleep now" and starts inventing crazy scarey scenarios and there's nothing to distract me. I need to be asleep by 2am at least. And get up early enough to have more than 3 hours of daylight. Ugh it's only 5:30 and the sun has nearly set. It feels like 9pm and it's not even 6.
Ok I need to do something productive. Tonight is diner night w the fam so not eating again til then. No snacking! Need to wash some dishes and hunt down my gym stuff & my winter waterproof overpants. And my pretty winter coat and my thick bedspread/blanket. And where the hell are all my gloves?
It's stuff like this that I hate myself over. I have no organization whatsoever and it's so frustrating. I keep trying & failing. Trying&failing. Losing weight is easier for me than being organized is. Ugh.
And finding some weird pink marks on the potbelly's underside is just more piled on. Thy look like a belt pushed into my skin for days or like the lines made back when I had those potential skin cancers taken out. But I've had no surgeries and haven't worn a belt in a month. The marks used to be a bit more purpleish and are now more pink. Stretch marks? Great. Cue Epic Freakout.
Sidenote: I think my digestive system isn't used to eggs. I feel vaguely weird. Like last day period light cramping but I shouldn't be having those. Or too much liver. That could do it too.
I am so just babbling now. I go away now.

i should be happy...

And I kinda am. But this new development also just reminds me what an ass daddie dearest is.
My dear Bro has found a girl. And they really get on well. Even I am hoping that they'll marry and give me nieces & nephews to spoil rotten.
But guess what.... daddie dearest asked Bro if Bro would like to give Mom's old ring to his girl as engagement ring. Supposedly daddie dearest "just found" my Mom's ring in all his oodles of (stolen) stuff. Riiiiiight.
But at least now we know he has it. And ofc Bro said he'd love to give Mom's ring to Girlfriend. Mom's thrilled about it. But ofc daddie dearest hasn't given the ring up yet. Bro isn't engaged yet. But given that he's already done some verbal slips like calling her "wife" and mentioning marriage without saying "hypothetically" first.
So here's hoping.... hoping Bro gets the girl *and* the ring.

I think that's all for right now.

there's more?!

There is a full bigass jar of. Stew still unopened behind the half-jar I'm been eating from. And the half-jar was the 2nd jar! So Mom brought home 3 big jars! These things look like they hold 2 gallons each! And there's still 2 chobanis I gotta eat up before they go bad (the others are dated the 27th) and the Green Goodness and a few smaller Bolthouse Farms smoothies and oh crap the eggs.... I've been so busy eating the stew I forgot about everything else I had in the fridge! And in addition to the stew Mom also brought home shredded chicken and oyster crackers and grapes (nearly gone) and. Salad. And also pumpkin spice cupcakes (so nom) and Edwards Singles chocolate brownie a la mode and candy candy candy! I did stuff the freezer with my Green Giant veggie meals tho... turns out that lovely $1 price tag was a sale that ends tomorrow, so I stuffed my freezer with as much as it could hold. After tomorrow they go back to 2.39 each. So back to my cup a soups with egg. The bagged frozen veggies don't have the same variety as the Green Giant steam-in-the-bag things. Oh well.
And I got baby carrotes and bologna and oscar meyer liver sausage and pumpernickel bread to put it on.
Too much food in this house. When the stew is gone I just might do a brief fast. My weight is climbing. I can feel it and see it. This is not good. My arches hurt. I think I'm getting heel spurs... or I already have them. Too much weight on this small-boned frame. I hope to begin my weightloss race tues, when the bleeding should be completely over. Good news is I have 4 old bc packs.... bad news is my weight has climbed to where I need to drop 50lbs in that 4 month span. Ugh.

I have a heartwarming story tho.
My fave manager (everyone's fave actually) is as big a sneaker freak as Samantha Ronson. She has a LOT of shoes. And she get's bought sneakers as gifts. Well someone, her mom I think, bought her some sneakers and she doesn't like the color scheme. So she asked me my shoe size and it's same as hers so she gave me the sneakers!!!
This is such a big deal. I haven't had quality shoes in over 12 years. My walking shoes are 14 years old. I bought some cheapie dress shoes a few years ago. Everything else is hand medowns. My work shoes are 3 yrs old and were a charity gift to my Mom, who couldn't wear them. I've been stuffing bubble wrap in my work shoes for months. Cheap shoes!
The shoes sweet manager gave me are not cheap. They're like $70 or something. I'm on cloud 9. If I ever get rich & famous she's sooooooo on my list of peeps to spoil a bit! These shoes are comfy even before they're broken in. They cup my heel spurs & push up my fallen arches. Must protect them!
Back when I was a kid I saw daddie dearest have these rubber bootie things that he put *over* his shoes. I want some of those to walk to work in. To protect these kickass new shoes from mud and etc. Anyone know what I'm talking about? Any idea where these rubber bootie things are? If they're even made?

feck.

Early Monday morning, shortly before I had to go work, the womanlies hit. At least it wasn't a heavy month. Still tiring though, so work was even less fun than usual.
And ofc I wanted to sleep all day tues but I was good and voted instead.
Then I went to Kroger and got some junk. And eating junk in addition to the stew. At least the stew is healthy.
Also started building a Panic Stash. Even tho I read the wikipedia list of apocalypse predictions Peri gave me and yea there's been a lot, a science/history channel is running some 2012 special on repeat. And it gathers predictions from different religions including Druidism (seems Merlin was from that) and the Mayan and Bible and even some computer program and a Chinese thing that predicted the World Wars? Anyway I'm freaking out again. So I started a small collection of protein bars and energy bars and beef sticks. I also found 1 liter sized bottled water but it's flavored and carbonated so I'm gonna drink the stuff & refill w plain water and then put the bottles in the Panic Stash. I. Need to find an Army Surplus and get those strange yet tastyrations I had back during Y2K (yea I was a bit. Freaked back then too, go ahead and laugh).
The rations are tasty to me. Like a slightly lemony pound cake that got freeze dried or something. So if the world doesn't end, I'll still enjoy eating the Stash.
Must hunt down new phone battery though. Phone works great if it's plugged in but if I lose power.... yea. I have a solar cellphone charger but between the winter daylight and charging thru a window (no way am I putting it outside) I'll only get a charge every 3 or 4 days.
Ofc it's possible I'm freaking out over nothing. For some reason end of the world predictions are freakier to me at the end of the year. The May 2012 thing didn't frighten me at all. Whatever happens I just hope we can stay in our house. My pets will be safe and I'll have my whole Panic Stash.
Really don't want to work on those days. I have nightmares in general about being forced to work during storms. Work's official policy is they don't even close if the power goes out. They just do everything on paper. Gotta calculate the tax by hand and write down credit card #s etc etc and put it thru the computer after power comes back. Is a Level 3 snow emergency the serious one? Would a drugstore be allowed to be open? What sort of conditions need to exist before they couldn't make me go in? A sheet of ice over my doors? Ugh. I should look that up. Getting Presumptions R Us in trouble could be fun.
I need sleep.

what a glitch

Oh dear...got home from work tonight (technically yesterday as it's 2am now) and found that. Mom had brought home 2 big jars of a glorious stew made by the talented cook at her church. This lady is famous locally for her cooking. This stew is corn and beef and carrots and peas and beans crammed into a beef broth. It's thick. It doesn't pour into my bowl, it plops into my bowl. Can't let this nommy stew go to waste. Hope Mom eats her share!
So I'm not sure what to do here. No idea how many calories are in this yummy stew. Maybe do a 2 hour eating window each day until the stew is gone? The Fast-5 people do something similar, only their window is 5 hours long. And fast the remaining 22 hours? And stay out of the damn Halloween candy!! Have a Chobani for dessert. Damn! *slaps self*
I also have about 3/4 a carton of eggs I need to eat up. This week's Kroger visit will be smaller than usual.
The Fast-5 peeps aren't really about weight loss. Though weight loss does sometimes happen. But Fast-5 is more about keeping base insulin levels from going wacky. By fasting for 19 hours at a time the body has a chance to fully digest and then dip into fat stores and let insulin fall to fasting levels. Then 5 consecutive hours are the eating window, and you just eat until satisfied, as often as you want within that window. It's almost exactly what I did last year during the holidays. I'm happy to see that a lot of people like that eating pattern. I find that eating pattern to feel very natural even tho it doesn't usually leadc to weight loss for me.
Ok...gonna try like hell to not eat til after 8pm when I get home from work. But I'll take a little Slim Jim mini stick to work just in case.
And stay out of the candy!!!

bad Honor!

This "restricting til Thanksgiving" would go a lot better if i'd actually restrict.
Ugh.... ALL I have to do is keep my mitts out of the Halloween candy pail!!
Yet I fail.
Breakfast/lunch today was a deviled ham sandwich spread on multigrain french bread that I found shortdated for 99 cents. I ate slowly but until I was quite full. Dinner was one of my Green Giant steamed veggie dishes. It was very yum. And a few. Mini bananas at various points. Had I added some milk and then stopped it would have been ok. But nooooo I got into the candy. Ugh.
Well the sugar crash knocked me out so here I am awake at 4am. I mixed up my protein shake and it's slowly dissolving in the fridge. Hope it's done by 11. I'll just have water thru work, unless I take leftover protein shake, and dinner will be another Green Giant veggie dish. And also milk and mini banana and Chobani and all the Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness I can guzzle. If I'm still hungry. Just stay out of the candy!
Ungh... my stomach is so mad at mee right now.
Also the taste of the mini bananas has changed. I guess as it gets colder they're coming from farther south. It may be time to say byebye to fresh fruitforthe winter.
And these capchas are driving me crazy. Why is the number part so blurry? I give up!

needs title...

I've been reading Regzig again.
When I went downstairs today my knees and ankles clicked the whole time.. my joints hurt. My back hurts. My fatness is not just about looks. So there's no need to worry about me losing weight that I don't need to lose ^_^ I very much need to lose it.
Anywa so I've been reading Regzig again and her great 34 day fast. I wasn't around when she did it so all I have of her plan is what I glean from her blog, but it must have been strict. Not even she could finish it. So there's no way I could. Do you think the ABC diet was inspired by those who saw her plan on her fb group? Anyway...
So there's no way I could do a plan that strict but I am attracted by the idea of having some sort of plan. Been mulling over a sort of "restricting til Thanksgiving" kind of idea. Cuz I'm not gonna deny any of Mom's good cooking. The only time she really cooks is holidays. But I also want to drop a few lbs.
Coming up with ideas isn't easy. I need to be seen eating, get enough nutrition, and have it be easy enough to follow on work days when my willpower is shot. I also need to group my drivving cuz my dear ancient car doesn't like being turned on just for short trips. I walk to & from work all the time now. In fact if it takes less than @ 20mins to walk there then I walk. And sometimes longer. I take over an hour to walk too campus. But I do take bus fare in case it gets dark or I get too tired to walk home.
Anyway so....there's a lot of variables. The weekly confab at that diner too. Oh but while wandering Kroger the other night I found some microwave-steamable veggies in single serve packs (ok more like 1 1/2 servings for whole box) and they were the same price as my usual tvv dinners. So for same price I went much healthier and lower cal! Score! And I also found these adorable baby bananas. They're twice the cost of normal bananas but I don't care. Usually I'm tired of banana taste after just half a banana. So these little finger sized bananas are perfect for me. Many days my breakfast will be a yogurt and a baby banana. So yum and so sub-200 too. Most of thosecalories are from my yummy Chobani yogurts, but they tend to have like 14g of protein so yea.
I just keep rambling. Gotta get back to the gym. Gotta find my blasted membership card! I'm concerned that if I walk to gym I'll be spotted by coworkers and might get caught on how I didn't enroll this term. I intended to at first, but everyone was busy and once the first 2 weeks of class are over the window is gone. I could drive to the gym if I went on the days i'd be driving anyway. Like maybe I could hit the gym for a few hours before the family dinner at that diner.
And I'm just so much more productive when I'm not eating. Dunno why that is. I'm sure fewer sugar crashes have something to do with it. Maybe while restricting I'll finally start writing again. I've got a comic to make, and maybe someday I'll do the various fanfictions in my head and post those on the comic's website too. I've got an old Legend of Zelda one I started as a teen (or younger? Don't remember) and I've got the small idea for an NCIS fanfic and a shameless Star Trek ffanfic that tries to tie together all the series (except the reboot. Planet Vulcan still exists, damnit!)
And mustn't forget adapting Samantha's songs to my viola and posting them on youtube....assuming I figure out a way to record.... the point is still that I'm more productive when I don't eat tho :p
I'm signing up for my own Kroger card. I feel kinda guilty about it. But it's hard to redeem the points without a physical card, and I don't have one! Mom threw away the ones she didn't need so I have no card unless I borrow hers. Altho judging from the # of points on her card, she doesn't redeem them either. Sigh.

Such fail. Sunday night was fail (like 8 cookies) and Monday ohhh.....
Monday was stress stress stress. A girl had quit like a week before but dumbass store manager didn't bother to get her shifts covered. I worked 9 hours of high stress cuz of the short staffing. So glad he couldn't force me to work 10. When I finally got home I was stressed and in pain.
Talk about a binge. 3 pizza slices and more maple cookies... and then I finished the chocolate coated ones completely. Was like half the box. And some whatchamacallit bars. And ofc milk. And that was after having a protein shake thru work. Oh hell I didn't scrub my bottle out. It's gona stinkkkkk.....
And tonight was fail cuz of the big spaghetti dinner that Mom got free tickets to.
And now I've been awake in the dark all night cuz for some dumb reason my dumbass brain keeps freaking out about dec 2012 "end of the world" and wondering how I'm gonna save all my pets and my Mom if there's some huge flood or something. Floods scare me....my animals can't swim forever and they wouldn't deal with life jackets even if there were life jackets for pets. And the closest I have to inflatables is some air matresses and how can all my family fit and what about the dog's nails and how will we all sleep if movement can capsize the mattress so easy?
why won't my brain shut up?
I'm so tired. So very tired. Can't sleep. And if I do I'll probably have a nightmare. Maybe I'll read Dlisted for a bit...
so tired

Wow I failed today (refering to sat, as it's now 3am sun)
I behaved most the day but work had calloffs and we were short all damn day. I was with cool manager and we all tried to keep calm but the stress was there anyway.
I bought some junk. Peppermint cookies (the xmas stuff has arrived) and maple cookies and some chocolate coated shortbread. And whatchamacallit bars. And Mom had bought iced soft cookies already. So I had a tv dinner, 2 iced cookies & an unknown number of the chocolate covered. At least I didn't open the others. Didn't touch the whatchamacallit bars. Ugh. Why can't I behave for more than one day? Back to calorie cycling?
Anyway...plan for Sunday is protein shake either before or during work. Then I'll wait until after work, and when Mom comes home if she brings those godiva chocolate covered strawberries again (from someone in her music group) then I'll eat them. If that's all she brings, my dinner can be egg cup soup then the strawberries.
I got a 5hour energy chilling in the fridge too. I'm guessing i'm gonna need it. And protein shake is also already made so the powder can fully dissolve. I also have ginger powder to add! And adding cinnamon and ginger and just a pinch of cayenne it's. Kinda like. A gingerbread cookie taste w just a hint of kick. The kick helps my energy. A few years ago a girl suggested making hot chocolate w a pinch of cayenne since I didn't like coffee. It did help.
Wow I'm tired.

Today I woke up randomly at 5am, hungry. Had protein shake, went back to sleep. Rest of day was also lazy. Had 2 fiber one brownies (90 ea) and some garlic & herb cheddar cheese on melba toast. Not entirely sure of cal count but only the toast had carbs so 15g carbs. The cheese wasn't labeled well, or the Manager's Choice sticker covered up the serving size. Carbs were 0 tho so I wasn't that worried.
And now I'm hungry again. Waiting for my egg cup a soup combo to set. I boiled the water and am now waiting for the noodles to go soft. I think the egg is done alreay.
I work early tomorrow. I thought I went in at 4 but I'm scheduled for noon. I forgot the senority lady is on vacation. Why is it that when she works I have to close Saturday, but when I supposedly have her hours I'm given the midday shift so there is no closer? If I can do midday then so can she, damnit. I want my saturdays back!
Beeen headachy on and off all day. Tried to draw, got headache right behind the eyes.. gonna try again after eating some. Must get comic running. Have so many ideas! Had myself laughing at some of them. But ugh gotta turn these notebook stick figures into jpg comics so I can share them! Even my ana girl is funny (I said I was gonna kinda exorcise) and I really want to get these stories & jokes out there. Mentioning things, making fun of sexist, using humor to express ideas that might otherwise be painful... I'm happier when I'm brainstorming & jotting down notes. But this turning the notebook into a full comic is headachy!
And ofc phone decided to crash right mid-blogging. It went from fully charging to whining it had no power. Figures....
Soo.... I can tell you that adding an egg to my 45cal spring vegetable cup-a-soup is very tasty and even a bit creamy. I boiled the water in a glass measuring cup and poured it into my fave mug with the soup mix & added the raw egg and then put the rest of the boiling water in. Brought the soup & put it on my radiator until the noodles were soft. I'm not hungry anymore, but I'm not full either. There's room for more. Must resist.
Still headachy. Mild ketosis? Attempts to transition? I dunno. Maybe I'll just take a melatonin and go to bed.

oh hai diabetes.....

Did it again. Why am I so weak? Tues was 2 big bowls of ice cream late at night while watching NCIS on dvd. Maybe cuz before the ice cream i'd only had a yogurt and the rest of the chocolate protein lus & some cheese?
But weds...what fail! I mean I knew there'd be some fail cuz weds seems to be the night Mom & Bro go out after church to a small local "greasy spoon" that is actually very good food at low prices. Everything's nice & fresh & their milkshakes are the best in the city.... but their menu is not remotely diet-friendly. So I had my last Power Crunch bar (still have other brand bars to eat up tho) and that was all I ate til the restaurant. Then I. Had a super yummy & huge sandwich they call. The Dagwood (if you'd ever read that comic strip the joke will click. Otherwise google the Dagwood character) and a bigh milkshake... and then lots wonderful talk. My Bro is soooo supportivve of me. If I can't motivate myself to comic for my own enjoyment... maybe I can add on how he wants to see me happy. I need to organize my time just a bit... get into a routine where I do a little comicing every day. My eyes can't take staring at that screen for long. Even when blogging I put the phone down and look elsewhere every couple minutes.
Anyway after dinner I went shopping. Groceries. Got milk and eggs and cheese and bologna, the oscar mayer pre-sliced stuff so i'd have something instantly available that was low carb when I need to stuff face.
Also got some more tiny bolthouse farms c-boost & chocolate protein plus. They don't expire til nov so that can be next womanlies.
Also got a little single serve 3pack of miso soup. It was insanely expensive for only 3 servings but I didn't want to buy a large amount of something I don't know if I'll like. Miso is also very salty it seems.
And I got a pack of glazed donut holes. It was $1 and I love glazed donut holes/donut balls. And yea the donut holes were inhaled with milk while watching Muppet Show dvds. So I've had 2 days of fail in a row. And mon wasn't so great either.
And this is why I'm so sadly overweight.
I kinda want to make some blogger cartoons... cuz I'm dealing with the mess in my head by dramatizing a fight between me & a red skeleton. Cuz yea.... there's a part of me that wants to stop eating altogether. And then the logical side says "you need to take in some nourishment or your muscles will be eaten up and that will wreck your metabolism!"
Right now I'm thinking a protein shake for late breakfast/brunch/lunch and an egg drop-cup a soup combo for dinner. I also got more chobani yogurts. My fave, strawberry, is 20g carbs but 14g protein which is better than I usually see in yogurt.
And I stayed up all night again. Not sure what all to do today (thurs) guess if Mom's here when I go for food I'll have yogurt. Otherwise I'll fix a protein shake and bring it to my room and try to draw a bit while I drink it.
Neeeed to figure out a gym schedule. See work is right between my house & my gym & I'm nervous about being seen & being caught thaat I'm not a student right now. Could I really disguise myself enough? I'd still be recognized from up close but maybe a different coat and I could hide if I'm only seen from a distance? I'm not sure.
I don't wanna carry all my shower stuff tho. And driving such a short distance is bad for my car. Guess I won't shower at the gym so much. It is nice to use my own shower even if it is tiny. It's got all my stuff already set up! Tho I do have shower caps if I change my mind ^_^
Should get at least some sleep....

blugh

Blugh. Major fail today.
Maybe because my willpower was shot after 3 days of fucking retail. The mean tall manager got transferred and the cool one got his old position. But there was still a slot open and a girl I thought would be cool got that slot. And her tiny promotion has totally gone to her head and she's kissing up store manager's ass and trying to get the cool junior managers in trouble and just generally badmouthing everyone. And this brat doesn't have the authority to discipline anyone. The newly-promoted coll manager (now 2nd in command!) Made sure we all knew the brat couldn't write us up or send us home or any of that.
I also got to fight will another horrid reset, this time was tampons/pads section. Wholes shelves were moved and even removed. And this brat decided to "helpp" me for like 10 mins then I had to waste 20mins figuring out what the hell she had done. She put products on half of 2 shelves but didn't finish either shelf. And she didn't place any price tags so I had to check bar codes to see if the right product was in that spot. She was good for moving some shelving & that was it.
So yea... between bratty coworkers & bitchy, stupid customers, my willpower was drained and I binged on cookes and 6 candy bars. Plus milk & I finished the ham and had some chocolate protein plus too. My poor body is angry at me. It's suffering again. I've got that awful sickly feeling I always get when I've had too much sugar. And my stomach is complaining about being overstuffed.
I need eggs. Could also use some more milk, but must get eggs. I'm thinking of adding an egg to my cup a soups. Mom thinks a cup-a-soup is not enough but an egg would make it enough.
I also need to hunt down some batteries for my body fat analyzer. It's just a small handheld and I think it was kinda cheap too but it'll be another tool to add to my waist measurement and the scale numbers. And it's very similar to the heavier handheld my gym uses. Eggs and batteries could be had at walmart, but I prefer kroger's milk over walmart's. My fave milk brand is called Country Fresh tho. Haven't seen it in a while.
Soon my race starts. Sucks that I'm not preparing very well.
Ugh....feel so sick. Why do I keep eating so much junk? My body clearly hates it. Yet I keep doing it. Want to buy willpower.....anyone selling willpower?
Trying to come up with weight goal rewards that are not food related. Am thinking for the first 10lb loss I'll go to a salon in the mall and get my Pride & Prejudice bangs. I've tried cutting them myself & can't get it right. And something special for every 10lbs after that... or as I get closer to 140-145 and weight loss slows, maybe ever 5lbs would be good? I dunno... just that there will be shopping involved ^_^ so long as food is not the reward. With Mom randomly bringing home food, more junk is not what I need.
I'm taking it easy today (tues 4am where I am) and letting my poor body rest after the retail abuse. But I've got to start kicking my own ass here.
I should try to sleep now ^_^

The pain of womanlies is over but the grossness and the fatigue is still annoying me
I'm thinking that 3 month run to drop aas much fat as possible is coming. The idea is to use up my last birth control pills in hopes that they'll encourage my body to burn the belly fat and leave the already-small boobs as they are. I like my current size there. I've taken a few starting stats but and super tired from work today and I want sleep.
Breakfast today was ham (church leftovers, very yummy and keto-friendly so I'm stuffing my face) and half a small bolthouse farms c-boost smoothie.
Didn't get lunch at work.
Dinner was more ham, 3 olive garden breadsticks (leftover from gramps party) the rest of the c-boost smoothie and I cracked open the bigger bolthouse farms chocolate protein plus smoothie. This bigger bottle is like 33oz so it's gonna take a few days.
I'm happy that I had no big junk foods. The breadsticks were kinda non nutrition but sooo good. And my chocolate protein plus is really helping my chocolate cravings.
I think a mouse is trying to build a nest on my air conditioner. I hope he finds a better spot. I won't disturb him ofc... but that spot is far too exposed to harsh winter winds.

terrible way to spend an evening(rant/vent)

Fucking hell! I get blackmailed into showing up at grandp's b day dinner and I love my gramps but guess who all was there?
The homophobic uber baptist cousins, the worst one was bragging about his new girlfriend...
And stepdaddie dearest.
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!?
At least I didn't have to sit next to him. Mom was next to him & I was next to Mom. But my bro & his sweet girlfriend (we're hoping she's The One!) Were at the other end! As was Gramps. I was stuck next to the homophobes. Ugh. What a waste of an evvening.
After dessert Mom got up to go pee. Everyone was getting up & suddenly it was just him & me in that corner and he just started talking as he stood up. Fortunately there was room on the other side of the table so I could get out without having to go past him but still unnerving.
I don't like that guy. I would be very happy if he dropped off the earth. And now my keyboard has died so good night Cuzco doing this w touchscreen is annoying damn autocorrecr.

grrr! f*cking phone!

My phone is being a sweaty stinky dick! So annoying! I used to love this thing and I want to love it again. I had to delete my history folder one item at a time because trying to delete the whole folder crashed my browser and sometimes crashed my entire phone.
Just now my phone crashed and when I restarted it, it said battery was empty and crashed again. So I came in here (bedroom) and plugged it in and it rebooted and said battery was at 70%.
WHAT THE FLYING &%*$#@!!!
Can a battery be so wonky it loses track of its charge? A fast-draining battery surely needs replacing but this time the battery claimed to be emtpy when it wasn't. What the hell causes that?

Moving on... womanlies have started. They suck as usual. And my eating really sucks. Thus far I had a small box of oreos and a bag of peanut butter m&ms and lots of yummy food Mom brought home. Including good stuff like chicken and ham, but also cake and brownies. I hate to go out and buy more milk. I also bought more peanutbutter m&ms. But in an attempt to be somewhat good, I got another box of my squash soup, more Chobani, and ginger to add to my shakes. I already had the cinnamon & cayenne. I just need to start making up my shakes again.
That reminds me... remember that Alive powder I tried? I'm not a huge fan. It doesn't have high protein but it has extra vitamins and probiotics and powdered veggies instead... and it doesn't taste all that great. It's not very filling either. I'll finish this can but I still haven't picked up more. Someone else bought a can so there was only 1 left last I checked. I dunno.... maybe if it's still there when my can is half gone..... we'll see. It does taste better than the go greens powder.
I also discovered something.... at work a few days ago I redid the perfume case and the 2 cool managers were both there and they were both ok with letting us take discontinued tester bottles home. The fragrances were not gonna be sold anymore and testers were just going to be thrown away so when we asked if we could take them home the managers didn't care. No money was being lost.
Well turns out official policy is to consider that stealing. WHAT THE HELL?!? they're discontinued and headed for the trash bin! Presumptions R Us is not losing any money. And you know I'll search for a place that recycles perfume bottles. They're made of glass so it should be possible.
Anyway....so that day we were ALL playing at the makeup counter because I am very firm about everyone on duty that day getting a chance at the goodies. I believe in sharing. Seems Presumptions R Us does not. So everyone on duty that day got a chance and no one took anything until everyone working that day had a sniff. Most of the fragrances were old ladyish, and in the end only me and one other girl wanted anything. on that day anyway. A month or so earlier I cleaned under the counter and that was when I found all that hair tester stuff. I made sure everyone got a crack at those too, and lots of my coworkers did dig in. Again those were testers and could not be sold. Ugh. If work really wants to fire us "thieves" they'll have to restaff over half the store.
Ohhhh I hate that corporation so much. They are SUCH hypocrites, such LIARS! They claim to be "green" but they use paper ads and won't recycle the leftovers and they. They throw away shameful amounts of food instead of marking the food down like Kroger... and here's something awful: when you check expiration dates you have to pull even as far as 3 months in the future... that means they deliberately throw away items that won't expire for another 3 months. Meanwhile Kroger would just slap a Manager's Choice sticker barcode on it and leave it there, and peeps see the sticker and grab it! Kroger's method is much better for the environment. I wish I had a place to send pics of all the food thrown away. Maybe if public outrage would get up, wasteful businesses would behave better for the sake of keeping their customers. A place where whistleblowers can show how much food and medicine is deliberately thrown away.
they also repeatedly throw plastic & shit into the baler, in spite of the "paper and cardboard only" sign... and guess I'm the only one who ever noticed the "paper" part of that sign. It's possible to recycle the old ads... put them in a cardboard box and put that in the baler. Wtf is so hard about that?!
Ugh. I stayed up all damn night again. I need sleep. Then I need to either start my 4th comic or start writing out a Samantha song. My bro has offered to convert anything I need so I can put it into Movie Maker. Although with my phone crashing so often, especially when recording..... well maybe I can make that old keychain camera work. I can't tell when it's on but it did record with decent quality sound. Just that inability to tell when it's recording kinda sucks.....

oops, I did it again! (long, with pics too!)

Ha! Sorry for the obvious Britney Spears reference. I kinda grew up with her. i remember when she first became big.... before the evil of Lufti! I wasn't a big fan of that damn k-fed either. But moving on.

Yep, i slept all damn day AGAIN. So here I am at 5am and Mom's gonna be madddd... but i'm on computer! Found my flash drive and transfered my various pics.. now i'm digging up my comic hosting site info.

Also found a fellow lez on here.. who's seriously too young for me (I'm getting used to that.. back to crushing on Ronson) and this babydyke is also a muslim.. which means my fledgling pro-gay theology will be totally useless for her.
Someone find me some pro-gay Muslims i can send little babydykes too.
I also need some pro-gay resources for Jewish babydykes, though since Jews and Christians share the Old Testament (ok so technically my people STOLE the Old Testament and rewrote it but nevermind!) I might be able to figure out something. Maybe.

Still want to meet a Jewish person. Probably because i've seen way too much Big Bang Theory. Bwahahah i wanna see if Howard's mom has any real-life equivalents. Cuz the whole gayboy queen thing does have some basis in reality. Some stereotypes begin with people who fit those behavior patterns.

This is not doing my comic!
Ok.. still have no idea how to set up my comic's mailbox. Wow i suck at computer stuff. Waaa i want a Sheldon! Except he'd drive me crazy and his special brand of crazy is not worth the small help he'd be. My needs are simple. He might lock me out just to prove his superiority!

Oh hell, I've forgotten how to do this. No wonder.. my last update was... JUNE?!?!?!?!? Feck!

oh dear.. and this is comic 3.. so for the first time i will have a middle comic.. so i gotta figure out how to make two links on the same line.. but on opposite sides of that line..
Gah! it's been too long!
And I forgot about getting a paypal tipjar.. me be DUMB.

ok I'm not dumb.. but i'm definitely feeling my newb-ness. i got both links up but um... how come they're not on the same line? Why is one higher? Uh.... what i do wrong here? Feck.
Have a distraction while i whump my  head on my keyboard..

Oh my, those eyes....

She's got to be the absolute smallest girl I've ever had a crush on. My other crushes are Adele, Kate Winslet, Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta-Jones... but Samantha just has some dreamboat eyes. I've always been the smaller girl in my relationships. But for her.. I'd be the bigger girl. No problem. I want to be strong enough to pick her tiny self up and carry her away.

And there's a chance that she's attracted to different sized women, not just super tiny girls. (lilrednyc is Samantha, it's an olddddd nickname she's had for YEARS)

I would never call Christina fat. Not remotely fat! But she's not bony skinny, is she? Girl is hot! A bit girly for me.. but I can't deny she has a lovely figure.

 

A ha.. each new div counts as its own line no matter what.. well feck now what?

I'll put another row in! Rather than have the links share the comic's cell!

YES! Got it to look right! Happy me!

Wow this is simple coding. i checked out the source code for EGS and derrrrr... i have no clue what is going on there. Maybe someday i'll understand php. Probably not.

like my comic's Tip Jar? i thought it was funny...... :p

Here's that cute embarassed pic i mentioned...

 Awwwww..... so cute!
I probably shouldn't use the cartoons tag here but since I do mention my comic... it kind of applies. Also.. I ended up not changing Trixie's shoes.
Oh hey.. the girlfriend!

Bwahahaha when this pic was posted.. on Annabelle's twitter I think (Annabelle is on far right)... there were soo many "wtf?!?" comments from Samantha's friends! Heeehehehehe!!!!
More cuteness!

Awwww

She's a very pale-skinned girl, like me, and pale skin reflects camera flashes waaayyy too easily. Kinda hard to see how cute she is in this pic. i think that's Jessica Alba on the far right. Lauren is Jessica's friends & makeup artist.

That one's a bit better. She's really quite cute, but most pics of her have Alba in them and well... i'm biased and while Alba is very pretty, i prefer the slightly tomboyish types. So excuse me for only posting pics with Samantha ^_^
Oh!

Here's a pic that Charlotte Ronson posted... she playfully complained about finding Samantha crashing on her office's couch. Ha! Samantha and her socks!

This is a pic that Lauren herself posted. She titled it "Sprinkles!" and wow talk about bed hair! Just what were you and Samantha doing before you took this picture, Lauren? ;)
Hee! Samantha is actually lactose-intolerant. Girl should buy stock in Lactaid the way she loves her ice cream. I also found some cute pics of Samantha in girly clothes! She took them before her Live with Kelly performance I think.

I do love it when she decides to surprise everyone. That tiny waist.... i wanna wrap my arms around that tiny waist!
*slaps self* ok Ok.. Samantha might well be taken now. Must behave..... who am i kidding?
That's Annabelle in the upper pic w Samantha, btw.

And posting these adorable pics keeps me distracted from my total diet fail today. Ack! mom brought home pizza again! And i had beef & cheese stick duos, and I got into the cookie dough again!

Oh hai, Diabetes! How are you today? What's that? You wanna kill me? yea.. I need to run away from you! But i'm not doing that by eating crap, am i? *sigh* Bad Honor! Need more healthy noms! Ugh.. stupid pizza. Stupid cookie dough! Good thing i shoved my chocolate stash in an out of the way drawer. I'm gonna try like hell to drink up my bigger bottle of Chocolate Protein Plus when the womanlies hit... and i'm due for that early next week. Ugh... I can haz menopause?
 Wow I'm starting to feel tired.... ugh still haven't looked into getting adsense started. or paypal. But i have a headache from staring at coding!Waaaaa! Can i please do tomorrow? or next week? or something? i'm still working out the coding.. not even sure how to place the ads yet....
And yes.. I'm making excuses.. but i seriously do have a headache after staring at the code and racking my brain until i got it mostly looking how i want.
So i bedtime. But by comic number 4 i should have enough of a grip to at least try to play ads. And definitely by number 5. Number 5 is alive!
Ok.. I go now.

i swear technology hates me

My phone is being a dick.
Crashes randomly and claims its battery is dead.
How the hell can it go from 73% battery left to none in five seconds?
So about the only time I can do much on it is when it's plugged in.
Guess I need a new battery. Cuz I don't want to buy a new phone.

Sims is. Also being a dick.
I've deleted and remade families so many times. The problem is no longer tied to one lot or family. I deleted the fam & house both and still had the problem. I think the term is rendering problem? I don't see what I should see on the screen. The graphics are fecked. I think I managed to get a pic last time..before my phone crashed as well.
And my phone browser just crashed. Yay for blogger's autosave. Only lost like a sentence.

Frustration is being vented via the usual... I'm at about 610cals for the day and I may stay there... depends if Mom brings food home.
I had 2 candy bars yesterday but everything else was healthy noms. And over 1000cals worth too. Finished the butternut squash soup and the chocolate almondmilk and a BF green goodness smoothie and fiber one brownies. Oh and jack links beef & cheese snack stick duos. And a chobani yogurt. I wanted to have a campbells soup at hand but the damn thing blew up & spilled all over after only 20seconds in microwave. The directions said to heat for a full minute. Grrrrr.
Today was a BF berry boost smoothie and a buzz bite for caffeine. Seems caffeine alone doesn't do much for me. I added a b12 lozenge before I woke up much. Think I won't get the buzzbites anymore. The foosh mints worked better... probably because strong mint also wakes me up. By making me sneeze. Plus I can get 12 mints or 6 bites for the same price, and the mints are only 5cal vs 25cal. Anyway...
Then I messed up by trying the cookie dough Mom brought home yesterday. And I wasn't the first one to try it either ^_^
Poor Mom. She has even less willpower than I do.
I still have 3 yogurts, a 15ish oz C-Boost smoothie(this flavor is only in this size), a bigger bottle of the Chocolate Protein Plus, a bigger jug of Green Goodness, and a small 15ish oz bottle of Chocolate Protein Plus.
Plus half a brick of colby cheese and tomato juice that technically hasn't expired but the bottle says use within 10 days of opening. Umm..... guess I need to find smaller bottles. I love tomato juice but it makes my stomach acidic so I can't take much more than a cup a day. Oops. I opened it a good 20 or 25 days ago.
All that food was about $40... ok the tomato juice & 2 other things had been bought on another trip but minus the tomato juice and fiber one brownies and the colby cheese.... $40 for the healthy noms. So I figure if I spend more than $40 a week for food then I'm probably eating something I shouldn't.
Actually... I still have lots of cup a soup boxes... so I should be ok with shopping $40 every other week for awhile.

Ok I'm back. It's now 11pm and Mom brought Rotary food and I stuffed myself with meatballs & egg noodles and then a bit of what she called waldorf salad. Is salad really salad when there's no lettuce, or veggies of any kind? It was diced apples, grapes, dried cranberries & marshmallows in a sweet syrup. I'm not a marshmallow fan but I picked out apples & some grapes. Good dessert. Wow my tummy is sooo full. Back. In my room now with my water bottle. Once I can move again I'll do my teeth.
I'm quite sure I hit the 2000cal mark. Ugh.
I dug out the 2 magnesium citrate bottles I have, basically a store bought saltwater flush, because I felt uncomfortably stopped up. That feeling of a rock in the backend.... but I think I'll wait. Perhaps tonight's feast will push things through.
The last time I used these things I was a child and only took like 1/3 the bottle or something. Directions on it say for children 12yrs & over & adults... 1/2 to full bottle. Drink 8oz water with each dose. But is my dose half the bottle or the full bottle? And if it's the full bottle is 8oz water really enough? The cool thing is bottle says dose can be divided throughout the day. No gulping a quart in 30 mins. It also only needs like an 8 to 12 hr fast beforehand. So I guess if tonight's total pigout doesn't fix things... yea. I don't fully remember how the flush felt. I don't think I was ever in pain, and I'm pretty sure the red cherry one was the one I was given back then. I was forever having issues like that as a kid. My bro was too. We were two small children constantly under stress and it was just a side effect I guess..... we were holding our emotions in so hard we held everything else in too. Wow is that tmi or what? Moving on...

I put a sign by my computer. It says "what have you done today to make Presumptions R Us unnecessary?" and it seems to help a bit. After like a month...or more... the 3rd comic is awaiting transfer. I might make a quick change to Trixie's shoes but that's it. Granted I'm still not 100% happy with it but my drawing skills suck so I think 80% happy is the best I can hope for. Now if only I could find my flash drive....
And oooo once I'm on the computer I also need to post some cute pics of Samantha that I've had for a bit. Especially that really cute one where she's all embarassed at the bikini girls behind her! And the supercute pics of her with a possible girlfriend! So adorable! The girl's name is Lauren and she's Jessica Alba's friend & makeup artist. She has such a cute smile!
I also need to check out my adsense account. I think I read that adsense can use my blog to generate content-based ads until I have enough comic content. I think? It'd be cool to start playing with the layout now.
Ok I think I'm gonna go cuddle my cat. Night all ^_^

why cant i sleeeeep?

Waaaaaa............. this sucks. So damn tired I actually got a hesdache and took a motrin.
And I'm crashing off yet another sugar binge. Forgot how addicting the Whatchamacallit bars are mmmmmmmmmm.
On the good noms side... I really love squash soup! I liked the discontinued acorn squash & mango soup, and I really like the butternut squash soup. Mom says I liked squash as a baby too. I was always happy to eat more, to where I turned my diapers orange haha. And been lovving the chocolate almondmilk.... alongside actual chocolate *sigh*
My poor body is very annoyed at me. My knees and ankles hurt. I've been walking to work, sometimes get a ride home from a very sweet coworker who was hired around same time I was. She's such a doll, always willing to help anyone who needs it.
Anyway...
This has to stop. I weigh too much and this sugar addiction is making me sick. I also need to stop buying shit. Yea my totals have been getting smaller... only $3 spent today (technically yesterday) but it was all chocolate. And my left ankle is threatening to cramp up.
I have about 2 maybe 3 months' worth of birth control pills. They're kinda old but I'm gay so preventing pregnancy wouldn't be a worry even if I was sexually active. What I'm hoping is the bc pills will encourage my body to not shrink the boobs, to burn off the belly instead. I'm barely a b cup as it is. I don't want to get even smaller!
Think I can lose 40lbs in 3 months?
Mom would definitely notice... especially if she brings home pizza. Eeks.
I found a case & a half of spring vegetable cup a soups I forgot I had. At 45cals and 8g carbs per serving... I could stuff the cupboard with them and just focus on eating those until gone. Think she'd notice? So long as I'm eating something.... ??
Could try the ketosis again... i'd still have to dodge pizza and various leftovers but I coould eat other stuff.
I bought one of the game hens from walmart. How do I cook the thing? I thought I could microwave it cuz it's so small..... but the only directions on it are for oven. Ovens tend to dry meat out. Can't I boil it or something? Or cover it in a big waterfilled pot in the oven? I dunno.... sigh.
40lbs in 3 months... I suck at math.... what is that, like 3lbs a week or something? It should be doable. I just gotta get some self control, damnit!
Why can't I sleeeep?

want to buy self-control

Ugh... let's not talk about how the piggy mcbingey is still going on. How I have once again bought crap at work. Work launched its customer loyalty card and I wanted candy so I got the candy that also put points on my card. For 3 days in a row. Ugh. Plus more clearance stuff. The only thing even slightly healthy is this protein & vitamin powder called Alive superfood powder. It also claims to have probiotics and greens yadda yadda. I tried it mixed w my vanilla aria since Alive says vanilla flavor too. Didn't like. Not sure if the Alive or the Aria is the bad taste so today at work it'll be just Alive in my bottle. If I can get myself to like it I'll snap up whatever cans are left. Cuz if the label isn't lying, it's decent nutrition. Got a few bells & whistles I don't need but eh.
Work also has a setup for customers to do stuff like walking and add points to their cards. Manager said we workers can do that too so I signed up. We'll see. When I walk to campus it's about 2 miles one way... plus walking home & around campus I bet I could hit 5 or even 6 miles on those days. Just gotta get off my ass. The points from walking add up very very slowly but they're free so what can anyone expect? Here's hoping it helps motivate me.... especially since only buying certain items get points, rather than something like 1 point per dollar spent(which is how Sephora and Kroger both seem to work).
So buy certain items... or walk the fat off. The logical choice is certainly clear. Can I be logical please?
Moving on....
I still have lots of healthy noms which I've been eating right alongside the bad noms! Bad Honor! I should be having my protein shake, a bowl of soup, some milk and/or tomato juice (assuming the juice hasn't spoiled yet) and my chocolate almondmilk as dessert. Also chobani yogurt and nommy bolthouse farms smoothies and colby cheese squares. That is a lot of food! So why can't I limit myself to that?
Well I dug out both my pedometers for motivation. The freebie work gave me measures every step, even the stops and starts that happen at work, while my omron pedometer might miss those steps cuz they're not continuous. But.... the omron let's me program my weight in so the calorie estimate will probably be more accurate for the steps it does count.
Ah hell, I'll wear both. Just for curiosity.
Off to read Ana Regzig's old posts until I'm ready to sleep.

oh the shame....

I was gonna blog while grocery shopping but my phone kept dicking around and restarting.
Anyway... oh the shame... another week of sitting on my spreading ass and stuffing my face. Two bags of peanut butter m&ms and 2 boxes of Quaker Chewy Dips bars and 3 boxes of these kiddie fruit snack jellie things. Shame shame shame. They should have gone into the womanlies stash with the 3 unopened coconut m&ms bags. Not in my mouth! Shame shame shame.
For all my 2 weeks of Piggy McBingey... I've only gained 2 lbs.... which tells me my metabolism is still in good shape. My body was very pissed at me yesterday. It didn't like th sugar overload at all and rushed it right through me. Really wish my bathroom had a window x_x
One item in particular didn't just rush through me but also makes me nauseous... and I should have blogged this on computer so I could use tags. Anyway....
Mondo Fruit Squeezers in primo punch flavor. They were 50 cents clearanced at work.. they're lil 6pack of disposable plastic squeezy bottles aimed at kits and I was curious.
Big big mistake.
These Mondo things are awful. They taste soooo bad and make my stomach rebel. They're completely fruit-free! Blech! I usually like fruit punch flavors. I love Hawaiian Punch Red. But this Mondo stuff is awful! Very unhealthy too. Water, high fructose corn syrup, coloring and fake sweeteners blech!. Where was my brain when I bought this? Even at 50 cents it's a ripoff. I managed one bottle yesterday, poured half the 2nd down the drain today. Guess I'll have to dump the other bottles down the drain too. Maybe I could dilute them in my wate bottles? Ugh..... I think my body would punish me again.
I have slowly been switching to healthier, albeit pricier foods. The Bolthouse Farms smoothies were a big step. Then I added the organic boxed soup from Imagine. Sooo sad the Acorn Squash & Mango was discontinued! Waaaaa! Will have to find it somewhere else. Meanwhile I'll try the broccoli soup & the butternut squash.
But it's like my switchover.... my body knows what actual nutrition is now, and it's demanding nothing less! Junk food still tastes very good to me... but a few hours later I'm stuck in that closet bathroom. But I was good at Kroger tonight. No junk. My treats are kinda carby, but still healthy. I got the bigger bottles of BF Green Goodness and the BF Chocolate Protein Plus, another C-Boost smoothie, the Silk dark chocolate almondmilk, and I'm trying a bolthouse farms (BF) strawberry parfait breakfast smoothie since they had one there marked half off. Also got 4 singleserve Chobani strawberry greek yogurts. I still have half the big colby cheese brick from last trip. So lots of healthy noms. I'm still disgustingly fat, but healthy noms are helpful even to fatties. Clearly I just need to get off my lazy, fat ass and WORK OUT!!

Can I just vent for a second? I love Mom dearly but..... Mom brought home pizza *again* pizza twice in only 3 nights? No wonder we're both fat! I am pizza-ed out!
Gah... all I want is a week of clean eating! I want to try my soup! I want my smoothies! And water water water! Where the hell is my gym membership card?
At least I still haven't opened the chocolate. I had a jolly rancher cherry stick when the sweet tooth got too hard to ignore. Small victories.
*pinches potbelly and sighs*

Well crap... there's still yummy Rotary foods! Seems Mom's taking the fruit salad, which is good cuz there's way too many pineapples & marshmallows for my liking. She also claimed the rhubarb pie, cool. But the apple pie is all me and there's still a small tub of sour cream. I already ate the leftover shredded cheese.
Ok how to make this work....
I guess the keto thing will have to wait a bit. But all is not lost. I have a box soup, acorn squash & mango, that I've been wanting to try. The soup box actually suggests to add sour cream to it. And the soup is organic and only 70cals a cup. And I can also finish up my carby food bars. And that yummy C-boost smoothie that I opened a day or so ago. Focus on keeping the noms as healthy as possible. Ok apple pie not so yay but I'm not about to throw it out. But I will ignore the 3 bags of coconut m&ms that I bought for the womanlies & never opened. They can wait until next month. Small victories.
I also need to get back to the gym. My membership fees are still being taken so my card should work. Weightlifting is my friend. Besides...I have a goal now. One of the meaner stalkers found Samantha's booking sheet for that insanely low DUI. (Side note..how come she had to pay some $2000 for a .08 but blohan only had to pay $300 for 2 DUIs within a month of each other? I swear blohan is blackmailing someone. Anyway...)
According to her booking sheet Samantha is 5'7 and 102lbs.
Wow... and yikes.
Well, I did post about my suspicions about her before. And she does have quite the thigh gap. I suck at math... what's the BMI on stats like that? Can't be healthy... poor girl.
Poor girl. I'm gonna aim to lift 112lbs. Because I'm hoping she'll at least get up to there. 120 would be better. Poor girl. I don't want her to die... :(
I think we all here get how the disordered mind works. There was talk about a weight-loss competition going on between blohan & Samantha..... I don't think such a competition was entirely voluntary though.... disordered minds will often freak out over being "the heavier one" in a relationship. Erin also looked like she got skinnier when with Samantha... and I'm not blaming anyone. We know how our minds work. I'm only ok with being the heavier one if I'm with a girl that I can tell is a smaller build. I'm ok with outweighing Samantha. Makes it easier to carry her to my den on iniquity ^_^. But i'd completely flip out if I outweighed a female wrestler or athlete or someone like Khloe Kardashian (the only kartrashian I can tolerate) and I am a little unnerved when I meet a boy that weighs less... even if he does have a small build. I was damn skinny back when I still dated boys.
Ugh....
But I've talked myself into being ok with outweighing some girls. That has to be worth something.
Ok... I work today... and tomorrow... and the day after that and there's a C-boost smoothie calling my name.